Review: Magic Wand Micro

I keep showing the brand-new Magic Wand Micro to everyone in my life, like, “Look at it!! Isn’t it so cute?!?”

And it is cute, but it’s also a pretty fucking great vibrator. Let’s discuss.

L to R: the Magic Wand Rechargeable, Magic Wand Mini, and Magic Wand Micro

How the Micro fits into the existing Magic Wand lineup

There are currently five toys in the Magic Wand lineup, and they are as follows:

  • The Magic Wand Original ($70) is the one that’s been around the longest, and the one you’ve probably seen in porn. It’s a full-size wand (12″ long by 2.25″ wide) and it plugs into the wall. It’s very powerful, but you only get 2 vibration speeds (sometimes affectionately referred to by sex toy reviewers as “fuck” and “holy fuck”) and no vibration patterns. It’s also got a porous head (all the other Magic Wands have a body-safe silicone head), so I wouldn’t recommend it, because the porosity means it’ll cling onto bacteria and get discolored over time.
  • The Magic Wand Rechargeable ($133) is, if you ask me, the best toy in the lineup, and the one likeliest to work well for most people. Like the Original, it’s full-size, but unlike the original, you don’t need to plug it into the wall, as it’s, well, rechargeable. That being said, you can use it while it’s charging, meaning that if it dies mid-session, you can just plug it in and keep using it. It has 4 speeds: the two high ones from the Original and two additional lower ones, which makes it a better pick for people who are more sensitive, more easily overstimulated, etc. It also has 4 vibration patterns.
  • The Magic Wand Plus ($80) is basically a hybrid between the Original and the Rechargeable. It’s a full-size wand with the same 4 speeds as the Rechargeable but no vibration patterns. It plugs into the wall and can’t be used wirelessly. If you’ve got a limited budget and can’t afford the Rechargeable, I’d suggest the Plus over the Original, because the silicone head and additional speeds make it well worth the extra ten bucks. That being said, I’ve found that it’s a bit louder than the Rechargeable.
  • The Magic Wand Mini ($76) is, of course, smaller (9.6″ long by 1.9″ wide) and lighter, which can be attractive qualities if you want to use your wand during penetrative sex and/or if you have difficulties with muscle strength, dexterity, etc. The Mini is rechargeable and it cannot be used while it’s charging. It has 3 speeds and no patterns. Despite its motor offering comparable RPMs (revolutions per minute) to the larger wands, the Mini feels less strong and less rumbly than its larger siblings, although it’s still plenty powerful for a wand of its size.
  • Finally, the Magic Wand Micro ($65) is indeed quite small, at 4.5″ long by 1.3″ wide, so it’ll fit between bodies during penetrative sex more easily than any other Magic Wand. It’s rechargeable and it can’t be used while charging. It has 3 speeds and 4 patterns to choose from. Its vibrations are less strong than those of the larger wands, but it still packs a punch for its size and is surprisingly rumbly. It’s not waterproof (none of the Magic Wands are). It also comes with an optional/removable wrist strap for added dexterity/grip during use.
L to R: the Magic Wand Micro, We-Vibe Tango X, Lelo Lily 3, and Lovense Exomoon

How the Micro compares to other small vibrators you might know

  • The We-Vibe Tango X ($79) doesn’t have quite as much power as the Magic Wand Micro, but it is rumblier for most of its speeds, so it can effectively feel stronger at times because it reaches deeper clitoral tissues and doesn’t cause temporary numbness as easily/quickly as buzzier vibes. The Tango X also has more speeds to choose from (8 vs. 3), is waterproof, and is quieter than any Magic Wand even on its highest speed.
  • The Lelo Lily 3 ($79) is of comparable rumbliness to the Magic Wand Micro, but is not as strong. The Lily 3 is waterproof, has more speeds, and is noticeably quieter than the wand, but it also vibrates your hand a lot more because it’s smaller/slimmer, and the buttons are harder to press in the heat of the moment.
  • The Lovense Exomoon ($79) is rumbly, quiet, and waterproof, but doesn’t get near the Magic Wand Micro in terms of vibration strength.

Things I like about the Magic Wand Micro

  • First and foremost, it really is impressively rumbly and powerful for its size. On a sensitive day, I can get off using the first speed of the Micro. For reference, I can also sometimes get off on the lowest speed of the Mini and Rechargeable, largely due to the low pitch (i.e. rumbliness) of their vibrations, which makes the vibrations feel more impactful and pleasurable than buzzy ones (for me and many others, anyway) even at low settings.
  • The aesthetic is really fucking adorable. Like, I know you’ve seen the pictures, so I won’t harp on it about it for too long, but I absolutely adore the miniaturized look of this wand. It makes me smile and giggle with glee. I think many people who are familiar with the full-size Magic Wands – whether as a user, the partner of a user, or even just a fan of porn featuring these wands – would have a similar reaction.
  • Like all the Magic Wands (setting aside the porous head of the Original), the Micro feels really well-made. The quality and construction are beautiful, the mechanics work as they should, and there’s a 1-year limited warranty incase that changes.
  • The addition of a wrist strap is interesting and (I think) wise. Smaller vibrators can indeed be harder to keep a good grip on, especially when your fingers are lubey, and looping the strap around my wrist helps a lot with that.
  • As you might expect, the Micro is decidedly the quietest of all the Magic Wands. It’s certainly not silent, but I never feel like anyone in the next room might overhear what I’m doing, which I can’t say about any other Magic Wand.
  • Like the Mini, Rechargeable, and Plus, the Micro has a silicone head with just the right amount of squish to feel comfortable during use, but not so much as to soften the vibrations significantly. It’s also got that same rounded-squarish shape that I like about the other Magic Wand heads, which means I can narrow the vibrations into a smaller, more focused shape by tilting the vibrator 45° to the right or left, thereby positioning just the corner of the head on my clit. I love this versatility, as someone who usually (but not always) prefers a more pinpointed sensation rather than a broad one.
  • Naturally, because the Micro is so small, it never gets in the way of any dildo or butt plug I might be using at the same time, even ones with quite bulky bases. Likewise, it would fit between bodies during penetrative sex much better than the larger wands (I haven’t gotten to test it this way yet because my partner and I are currently 500 miles apart, but I’m sure it’ll happen at some point).
  • The Micro charges via USB-C. I actually have mixed feelings on this because, while I was originally excited to be able to conveniently charge a vibrator with the same cable I use for my laptop and Kindle, you actually aren’t supposed to use charging cables other than the provided one (which is, annoyingly, VERY short), and I found that the Micro wouldn’t even charge when I briefly connected it to my USB-C laptop charger (probably something to do with the wattage?). But it is good to see more sex toy companies moving toward using common charging systems rather than their own proprietary ones.
  • I like that the Micro is cheaper, at $65, than a lot of its direct competitors, like the other rechargeable clitoral vibes mentioned above. I think you’re getting quite a bit of bang for your buck for that price.
  • This might be a niche point to make, since obviously most people don’t have a zillion different sex toys like I do, but sometimes I really like the Micro as a warm-up for using the Magic Wand Rechargeable. Even on its lowest speed, the Rechargeable can be a bit intense for me to start with, especially if I’m not already aroused, but it feels like a perfect continuation from the Micro if I decide mid-session that I want more power or that I want the vibrations to be spread out across a larger surface area. That being said, as I’ve mentioned, the Micro works perfectly well for me on its own, too.
L to R: the Magic Wand Rechargeable, Magic Wand Mini, and Magic Wand Micro

Some potential issues to keep in mind

  • Most importantly: while Vibratex clearly has worked very hard to make the Micro a true Magic Wand, in that it’s good-quality and quite powerful for its size, it won’t satisfy true power queens/kings/monarchs. Its highest speed is about as strong as the 2nd speed of both the Magic Wand Mini (which has 3 speeds total) and the Magic Wand Rechargeable (which has 4). It’s about as rumbly as the Mini but definitely not as rumbly as the full-size Magic Wands.
  • Notably, the Micro also gets buzzier as you turn it up. For me, it never gets so buzzy as to cause the annoying itching or irritation that some super-buzzy vibes can cause, but it can lead to some of the temporary desensitization I associate with buzzier vibes, so sometimes I have to move the Micro up and down or in circles during use to get enough stimulation to reach orgasm. 3 steady speeds also just isn’t very many, and I wish there was even one more.
  • Because the Micro is so small, its vibrations are transmitted into your hand more than they would be with larger Magic Wands. I don’t personally find this too annoying/distracting (and it’s certainly not as bad as the vibration transfer on, say, the original We-Vibe Tango) but it might annoy some people.
  • There are only two buttons on the Micro’s control panel: a power button to turn the toy on or off, and a “Mode” button that cycles through its 3 speeds and 4 patterns. This means that if you reach the top steady speed (for example) and want to go back to the first steady speed, you either have to press the Mode button an additional 5 times to get back to the beginning, or hit the power button twice to turn the toy off and then on again, which brings it back to the first speed. Again, this isn’t something that annoys me too much personally (which might be because I used to constantly use the aforementioned original We-Vibe Tango, which had the same issue), but if you like to move up and down through speed settings a lot – or if you hate vibration patterns and never want to encounter them – then you’d probably prefer one of the Magic Wands that has “+” and “–” buttons (the Mini and Plus) or a wand where the patterns are accessed through a separate patterns button (the Rechargeable).
  • The neck of the Micro is very bendy, which could be a pro or a con, depending on how you like to use vibrators. If you like to apply a lot of pressure, you’re better off with a wand that has less give, like the Rechargeable.
  • Although I haven’t gotten to try it this way yet, I have a feeling the Micro wouldn’t work as well on penises as, say, the Rechargeable does, because it just covers less real estate. But who knows. Maybe I’ll update this review when I have an opportunity to put the Micro on my partner’s dick and ask them what they think. (Also, I recently spoke to the dominatrix Lady Pim about this and she pointed out that the Micro might be the ideal toy for penis-possessing folks who like small penis humiliation, so there’s that…!)

 

Final thoughts

I’m delighted with the Magic Wand Micro. It’s tiny, portable, and adorable. It serves up rumbly vibrations worthy of the Magic Wand name (although true power hounds should still spring for a bigger wand). It makes me smile every time I look at it, and makes me come every time I use it. I have a feeling it’ll become a bedside staple of mine, just like its larger siblings have been for years.

 

You can currently preorder the Magic Wand Micro from SheVibe and it’ll ship to you once it’s available. The expected release date is October 31st, 2023 (happy Halloween, lol!). I would recommend ordering it this way, rather than on Amazon, because there are a lot of Magic Wand knockoffs on there.

 

Full disclosure: Vibratex sent me this product for free, and I am also currently working with them on a Magic Wand-related project (which will be announced at some point!), but as always, I only write stuff I actually believe. This review is as accurate and unbiased as I know how to make it, because I believe my readers deserve my honest opinions, and I know you only trust me because of my consistent honesty about products, including this one.

My New Favorite Menstrual Cup Might Be the Best One I’ve Ever Tried

All images via DivaCup

I’ve been using menstrual cups for nearly a decade and a half. With a few exceptions – like times when my period randomly arrives while I’m traveling and don’t have a cup with me, or times when my vagina is too sore for insertion so I temporarily switch back to pads or free-bleedin’ – I have never gone back.

Cups are just too good. They’re more convenient, better for your body than pads and tampons, more cost-effective, more environmentally friendly, and (once you get the hang of them) they can even be less messy.

My go-to cup for many years was a large Yuuki cup, which I liked because of its high capacity and how seldom it spilled or leaked. But back in October I received a press release from the people at DivaCup about their new Diva Disc and my interest was piqued.

Like Kleenex or Band-Aid, DivaCup is a brand so closely associated with their product category that some people use their brand name even when talking about other products by other brands. My very first menstrual cup was a DivaCup, way back in 2009 (I subsequently moved on because I found that the soft silicone they use was causing leaks/spillage for my particular body). They know what they’re doing when it comes to menstrual cups.

The Diva Disc is a bit different – it has a flat-ish design compared to a regular cup, so it sits horizontally in the vagina rather than vertically, which some people might find more comfortable and intuitive. I certainly find this disc easier to insert than many of the traditional cups I’ve used, largely because there’s no need to twist it around to create a suction seal once it’s inserted – you just fold it in half to make it small enough for insertion, shove it in there, and it unfolds on its own and usually finds the right position without issue.

It’s got a couple of features that set it apart from other menstrual discs I’ve tried. One is its “leakproof shield,” a thin piece of silicone that stretches across the top of the disc near where your vaginal opening will be, which prevents blood from sloshing out of the disc when you pull it out. This is usually a big problem with discs, because their flat design makes them act like a “blood drawer” (as one menstrual-cups blog put it), prone to spilling blood if you’re not super careful about the angle you pull the disk out at. I don’t have to be anywhere near as careful with the Diva Disc because the shield keeps blood mostly contained as I’m transporting the disc from my vag to the sink to rinse it out.

Another key feature the Diva Disc has is a silicone pull-tab, which makes removal much easier. I usually hate the little “stem” at the bottom of a traditional menstrual cup and have cut the stems off most of the cups I’ve owned, because they typically just poke me in the vaginal wall and don’t offer much practical benefit when I can always just grab the base of the cup with my fingers, twist to release the suction seal, and pull the cup out. But I’ve come to really enjoy the convenience of the pull-tab on the Diva Disc; I don’t have to reach as far inside myself to get it out, which ultimately results in less discomfort and less mess.

As for more basic considerations: the Diva Disc leaks less, and is way more comfortable, than most of the cups I’ve owned. My vagina can get sensitive to penetration during my period after a while, but the Diva Disc’s shape and soft silicone are comfy enough that they don’t bother me, even when my vag is throwing a tantrum. The capacity of this disc is great, and it’s supposedly suitable for up to 12 hours of wear (although I try to take mine out and rinse it off every 8 hours, at most, for vaginal flora health reasons). The disc is a dark grey color, which – while it doesn’t especially spark joy for me – would probably make this product feel more welcoming for nonbinary and transmasc menstruators. As is common in the cup world, this disc also comes with a little storage bag, so you can keep it lint-free when you travel with it. Ideal.

I really wasn’t expecting to fall in love with the Diva Disc when the Diva company sent it to me, but it’s quickly become the only menstrual product I want to use when period time comes around. Kudos to the makers for creating a genuinely well-thought-out product that does its job with minimal hassle required. Menstruating is never fun, but it’s made my period tolerable, which is really all I can ask for.

 

This review wasn’t sponsored, I just really like this product.

Review: YoYoLemon Vibrating Pussy Pump with Tongue Licking Motions

I really love oral sex. It’s such a basic-bitch opinion to hold that sometimes I feel vaguely guilty or embarrassed about it. Like, girl, you wrote a whole book on kink and BDSM. Surely your favorite sexual activities are more interesting than “insert genitals into mouth”?! And yet, at the same time, oral sex isn’t boring at all – there can be power dynamics involved, and intricate technique considerations, and a meditative headspace for either giver or receiver. Plus, you know, it feels really fucking good. (Why am I pitching you on the merits of oral sex?! Probably preaching to the choir, huh.)

Anyway, today I’m reviewing yet another oral sex simulator, the YoYoLemon Vibrating Pussy Pump with Tongue Licking Motions. It combines suction with up-and-down flicks of a silicone tongue, to provide an experience that theoretically mimics the oral sex technique likeliest to get me off: sucking and licking the clit simultaneously. Is it any good? Let’s talk about it.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The suction is much stronger than I was expecting, and certainly stronger than you’ll find in a lot of toys in this category. It’s much more akin to an actual fucking clit pump than a paltry oral sex simulator, in that I can feel – and see – it drawing more blood into my vulva with each suck, and it stirs up arousal very quickly as a result. Sometimes the suction can get a bit too intense for my tastes (more on that below) but the first suction setting out of three turned out to be the sweet spot for me, and I never used either of the other ones except to briefly test them out for this review.
  • The wide mouth of this toy (2.2″ across) sets it apart from a lot of other clitoral suction toys because (depending on the size and shape of your clit and labia) it will likely suck on not just your clit but some of the flesh surrounding it, which creates a very different sensation. I really liked how it essentially caused my outer labia to be stroked up and down on either side of my clitoral shaft with every rhythmic suck, which gave me a deeper, more full-bodied clitoral sensation than toys that focus more on the clit alone or even just the very tip of the clit. I also think the size of this toy’s mouth might make it suitable for transmasculine people with bottom growth, and since it’s a gorgeous shade of kelly green (rather than pink or purple), it might suit them from a visual gender affirmation standpoint as well.
  • The suction motion is so wide and strong that it ends up physically moving my clit around inside the “mouth,” so that the tongue inside lands on different spots on my clit at different points in the suction cycle. This creates a sensation that’s much more varied and dynamic than a toy is usually able to provide, which makes the stimulation feel a tad more human/realistic.
  • You can control the suction and licking separately from one another; they each have their own button to flip through their modes (3 suction intensities and 9 different licking modes, the first 3 of which are steady speeds), and you can also use only one of them at a time if you feel like it.
  • If you turn off the suction function at just the right moment, you can get it to maintain the exact amount of suction you want, while you continue using the tongue’s various settings. Personally I prefer rhythmic sucking but I think this is a cool feature for people who want more sustained suction.
  • The suction seems to automatically release when the toy is turned off, which is good from a safety standpoint. I also found that (when properly lubed) the toy would easily release from my vulva even when the suction was on, if I just angled it up or down a bit.
  • To some extent you can control the degree of the suction by angling it various different ways. I didn’t always want the full amount of suction the toy was producing, so I could tilt it slightly to prevent it from reaching its full potential in that regard for a subtler sensation, at least until I got turned on enough to handle the more intense suction.
  • This toy is IPX6 water-resistant, which means you can wash it in the sink or shower without fear of ruining it, but shouldn’t submerge it in water.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • For me, the main problem with this toy is that the tongue is not stimulating enough. The suction is awesome, and gets me very turned on, but I need that little somethin’ extra from the tongue to get me over the edge, and it just doesn’t press hard enough (or maintain its rhythm well enough when pressure is applied) to make this a fully enjoyable experience for me. It also vibrates buzzily, which definitely contributes to the sense of nearly-numbing “not quite enough”-ness. I was able to reach orgasm with this toy but it was never quite as satisfying as I was expecting/hoping for. I think this could be fixed by removing the buzzy vibrations from the tongue, making them rumblier, and/or improving the tongue’s motor so its strokes feel more impactful.
  • The 3 suction settings differ only in intensity of suction and not in speed. This was a bit of a disappointment; at a certain point I wanted to be sucked faster, but still couldn’t handle more suction than was being doled out on the first setting.
  • This toy’s pretty big and bulky for its product category. It would be trickier to integrate into penetrative sex than some other clit suckers/lickers I’ve tried, and also didn’t always feel comfortable to hold after a while. I tried using it hands-free by holding it between my thighs but it didn’t tend to sustain a good enough suction seal on my vulva when I did this.
  • There are a couple of tiny holes at the far end of the toy which have something to do with the suction function, and I found that when I accidentally covered them up with a fingertip, the suction would become erratically more intense, sometimes uncomfortably so. These holes are in a place where they’re really easy to cover accidentally, inconveniently enough.
  • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all suction toys should have a manual-release button. If your toy dies or malfunctions mid-suck, you need to be able to release the suction without relying on the toy’s mechanics to do so for you.
  • It’s on the louder side of the spectrum. A lotta mechanical whirring.
  • It has a pretty short battery life – you’ll get 30-60 minutes of use from a 90-minute charge, depending on which settings you’re using.
  • As with most toys of this type, you gotta use a lot of (water-based) lube to keep it feeling good and mouth-like.

 

Final thoughts

At $55 USD, I think the YoYoLemon Vibrating Pussy Pump with Tongue Licking Motions is fairly priced for what it is: a powerful clit pump with added tongue-like stimulation.

For me personally, this is the type of toy I’d reach for if I wanted to get physically aroused fast, since its suction is very effective – but I’d switch to something else when I wanted to actually get off, because I just don’t find its tongue stimulating enough, what with its high-pitched vibrations and insufficiently strong strokes.

If you love having your clit sucked – or think you would – then I think this toy would be a good buy. To me it certainly feels more like a human sucking me than many other such toys have, and while the tongue wasn’t totally my clit’s cup of tea, it might very well be yours.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

I’m Surprised By How Much I Love This Little Lelo Vibe

Please excuse any pinkish stains you may see on the toy in these photos; they are not the toy’s fault, I just let it ride around in a makeup bag that had some red lipstick remnants inside it and I am notorious for liking longwear lipsticks that are difficult to remove, haha.

My very first “luxury” sex toy purchase, back when I was a teenager, was the Lelo Nea. I saved up for it for months and was wildly excited when I finally got to take it home from my local feminist sex shop.

Still to this day, the shape of Nea – which is the exact same shape as some of Lelo’s other clitoral vibes, including the Lily – is one of my favorites for clitoral stimulation. I love the way its tip is narrower than its body but not so narrow as to be pointy or uncomfortable. I love the way it curves over my mons and down onto my clit, seeming to fit seamlessly against my vulva whether I’m using it solo or during penetrative sex. I love that it’s small enough to be thrown into my toiletries bag when I travel but not so small that I’m likely to lose it.

But the original Nea didn’t really deliver in terms of vibration strength or rumbliness, which is why I was so excited to be offered the Lelo Lily 3. It’s everything I loved about the Nea, but with a noticeably better motor. And as I’ve written before, the motor matters more than any other trait of a vibrator, so this makes a huge difference.

When I’m at home and I want to get off, I almost always use the Eroscillator or a wand vibe like the Magic Wand Rechargeable or Fun Factory Vim. All of these are strong and dependable, both in the sense of “being dependably able to make me come” and in the sense of “dependably not dying mid-use” – the Eroscillator plugs into an electrical outlet, the Vim has an impressively long battery life before needing to be recharged, and the MWR can be used while it’s charging, should it come to that.

Now, comparatively, the Lily 3 isn’t that great – it has a battery life of about 2 hours – but I bring this up only to say that it’s hard for me to find a rechargeable, travel-friendly vibe that I trust enough to bring with me on a trip, especially a trip where suitcase space is limited. The We-Vibe Tango X is my favorite one in this category, for many reasons, but the Lily 3 has worked its way onto my list of acceptable options, which is hard to do. In fact, at this point I’ve brought it with me as my only vibe for many overnight stays (e.g. when I go over to my parents’ house to visit them and anticipate having phone sex with my spouse when I go to bed), and it has never once disappointed me or made me wish I’d brought a different vibe.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it’s super-powerful. If you’re used to wands or similar, this almost certainly won’t be enough for you. But what I find enjoyable is its rumbliness, which it maintains throughout its 10 vibration intensities. The smooth ABS plastic translates the vibrations well, which helps, too. I think another thing that makes this vibe so successful for me is one of the few things Lelo has always excelled at: this toy starts at a very low intensity and works its way up to a much higher one. This ultimately results in less desensitization over the course of a session, so that I don’t require as much power to get off and can feel the orgasm more vividly when it does happen. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference.

The Lily 3 is also very quiet, and is waterproof, meaning it’s ideal for surreptitious/discreet play or masturbating in the bath or shower, and is even the kind of thing I’d bring with me to my local sex club if I hoped to get up to some shenanigans in the swimming pool there.

The button layout is easy to understand, a relic from a simpler time in the sex toy industry: the button on the right turns up the vibration intensity if you press or hold it, and the one on the left turns it down. You can switch between its 10 vibration patterns by quickly double-pressing the right-side button, and you can adjust the intensity of any pattern, which is a great feature that always makes me way more likely to actually use patterns instead of just sticking with the steady vibration mode like I normally do. The patterns are good, as far as patterns go – some are too slow for my tastes, but many are steadily rhythmic and can feel really good.

Lelo has made a lot of missteps in their time, and one of them is that they tend to overcomplicate things, making vibrators that have a bunch of unnecessary bells and whistles that no one asked for. (I have been trying, and failing, to enjoy the new Lelo Dot Cruise, for example, in large part because of its “Cruise” function which is still inconsistent and terrible, despite the fact that the toy costs fucking $200.)

But the Lelo Lily 3 only costs $76, and it bucks that trend. It’s what Lelo does best: a simple, elegant, ergonomic vibrator with a wide array of settings, a respectable motor, and a luxurious “it factor” that makes you feel fancy and deliciously self-indulgent just for using it. It’s my favorite thing Lelo has put out since the Sila, their wide-mouthed pressure-wave toy that I adore.

It’s not earthshatteringly powerful or terribly unique. It doesn’t attempt to innovate or defy expectations. The Lelo Lily 3 is just a damn good clitoral vibrator, and writing this review has made me want to use it again, which is a good sign in and of itself.

 

Lelo didn’t pay me to write this review, they just sent me the product and I liked it. You know the drill: as always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Velvet Thruster Sammie

Having been in this business for as long as I have, I can usually tell from a mile away if I’m going to love a toy. I’m not always 100% correct in my assessment – because it’s my junk, not my brain, that ultimately determines whether a toy works for me – but my hunches usually lean in the right direction.

So when the folks at Velvet Brands – who make the Velvet Thruster line of toys – asked if they could send me something, I was excited. I’d wanted to try one of these fuckers for years, because I had a strong suspicion that I’d love them. AND I DO, as it turns out!

 

The good

Velvet sent me their Sammie thruster, which is the biggest one they make. It’s got 7″ of insertable length and a hefty 2.25″ diameter. But my vagina’s not a superhero every day, so it’s great that they also sent me the Jackie attachment, which can be swapped for the Sammie attachment when I want to be fucked by something slimmer. This approach, of having a base unit that you can use with multiple different heads, is brilliant; it’s one of the many nice features that elevate Velvet Thrusters from regular self-thrusting toys and make them into something more akin to a fucking machine.

See, fucking machines are the go-to recommendation if you want something strong that can rhythmically pound into you without requiring much effort on your part. (As a frequently lazy masturbator, I understand this desire.) But a good fucking machine can run you upwards of $500, and also tends to take up a massive amount of space. So I love that the Velvet Thruster is relatively compact, and reasonably priced for the amount of power you get ($255 in the USA, $352 up here in Canada).

Because this thing is indeed fucking powerful. When I’ve tested other thrusters before, some (like the Fun Factory Stronic toys) have created a motion so small that it’s more akin to jiggling back and forth than slamming in and out of you. That can still feel plenty good at times, but when you really want to get fucked, it may not be what you reach for. Other thrusters I’ve tried have had such weak motors that they peter out when pressure is applied, and seeing as the vagina muscles (and anal muscles) contract and pulse during arousal and orgasm, it can be hard to get consistent stimulation with that type of toy, which can result in lessened pleasure and a weakened climax.

NOT SO with the Velvet Thruster! This thing’s motor has so much oomph that it doesn’t give a shit what my vagina is doing, it just keeps on truckin’ (and fuckin’). Its six speeds range from a slow-and-steady pace to a much more frantic 140 strokes per minute. The sensations are much stronger and more consistent than those I’ve gotten from any other self-thrusting toy, and it makes me come super hard.  I’ve never used a full-on fucking machine, because I’ve never had the space to spare and don’t often masturbate in the positions necessitated by such a behemoth; this Velvet toy delivers all the chutzpah I’d want from a fucking machine, but suits my needs much better.

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about the shapes and textures of the attachments I was sent, because they’re both utterly lacking in curve, and have a semi-realistic veiny texture along the shaft. With ample lube (which is required with this toy – more on that below) and enough warm-up/arousal, the texture was a non-issue; if anything, it left me feeling even more thoroughly fucked after a session, in a good way. And as for the shape, well, these heads are long enough to hit my A-spot on each thrust – with a little manual help from me by finding the right angle during initial insertion – and so I’m more than happy with them. The 2.25″ girth of the Sammie can feel too big for me some days, especially with how firm it is, but then I can always swap to the Jackie for a subtler experience.

Velvet sent me an optional suction cup base for this toy (pictured), and I think it’d be a smart thing to throw into your cart if you get one of these. It opens up your positioning options substantially, making it much easier for you to back up against a wall to get fucked, or sit on the dick from above as it thrusts up at you from the floor. These aren’t common positions in my masturbation repertoire at all, but it’s fantastic to have the option, especially since this is the exact type of toy I’d reach for if I wanted to feel like a real human was well-and-truly railing me.

The toy’s “balls” act as a flared base which makes it anal-safe; Velvet sells an anal-specific attachment, but the others work just fine in your butt too. I also like that the toy’s power button is on its balls, which face away from you during use; this makes it almost impossible to accidentally turn the toy off mid-session.

Oh yeah, and it can last 6-8 hours on a charge. Impressive.

 

The bad

My complaints about this toy are mostly the usual ones you’ll hear about almost any thruster. Namely: it makes a loud, mechanical whirring noise during use, and it’s bigger than your typical sex toy so it might not fit in small nightstand drawers. That being said, I find both of those qualities to be forgivable, given this thing’s dazzling power output.

You will need a lot of lube with this toy. You just will. Not only does it help with surface friction – which would be a major issue otherwise, due to the toy’s draggy matte silicone and veiny texture – but it makes the thrusting go more smoothly and makes it less likely that the toy will shimmy its way out of you.

The main logistical issue I face with this thruster – and many other thrusters – is indeed that it tends to work its way out of my vag as it thrusts. You need to anchor the handle against something to prevent this from happening; a firm pillow between your legs could work, and of course, if you’ve suction-cupped the thruster to a wall or floor, those surfaces will provide helpful resistance. But my most common solution to this problem, because I’m lazy, has been to bend one knee so my ankle is braced against the toy’s handle. The toy is long enough that I can do this comfortably, even though my fibro-ridden knees complain if I bend them too much for too long. Having to keep my ankle in one spot during use isn’t ideal, of course, but it’s not all that obtrusive and usually doesn’t bother me, especially since it results in me getting fucked so hard I see stars.

The thruster’s buttons sometimes seem uncomfortably far away from me; I usually have to bend over a bit and look at them in order to change speeds. But this isn’t the type of toy I tend to change speeds on very often, compared to, say, a clitoral vibrator, so it hasn’t been too much of an issue.

I’ll also say that this thruster is very firm. The silicone gives it a tiny bit of squish at the surface, but overall it’s way way harder than any human dick would be. This can be wonderful if you’re craving strong sensations, but less so if you want something realistic-feeling or more forgiving. I always feel thoroughly fucked after using this toy, and I find that cunt-ache kinda hot and fun in most circumstances, but if you’re prone to pain/discomfort from penetration, you’ll probably want to stick with a smaller attachment and, again, use a shit ton of lube.

Notably, it’s not waterproof. This makes me slightly sad as someone who would love to get fucked during a leisurely bathtub wank, but it’s by no means a dealbreaker for me.

 

Final thoughts

I’m really delighted with the Velvet Thruster Sammie. It provides enough force and consistency to fuck me the way I like, and I often have stellar orgasms when I pair it with a clitoral vibe.

It may not be appropriate for all situations – I wouldn’t use it if I was concerned about someone overhearing me, for instance, or if my vag was sore – but it’s the best toy I’ve found for fulfilling the specific craving to get ploughed hard. And since my partner lives 500 miles away from me and I’m not dating/fucking anyone else at the moment, that is indeed a craving I encounter from time to time.

Do I wish the Velvet Thruster was a little squishier, a little quieter, and a little cheaper? Sure. But is it also the best thruster I’ve ever tried? Absolutely. And that, folks, is the thrust of my argument.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.