Monthly Faves: Rainbow Glitter & Nipple Clamps

It wasn’t my most libidinous month, on account of mental and physical illness, but I managed to squeeze in some good experiences nonetheless! Here were some of my fave things in September…

Sex toys

• The Standard Glass S-Curve has been my favorite dildo all year and this month was no different. It’s just… so… good.

• I moved out of my parents’ place earlier this month, taking with me all the toys I actually use regularly and leaving behind the rejects and redundancies. I’m glad, however, that one toy I left behind is the original Doxy wand (I took the slicker, rumblier Doxy Die Cast with me to my new place). With a Doxy at each house, I’m guaranteed giant, thrumming orgasms whether I’m at home or staying at my family’s for a night. Perfection.

• You might know Weal & Breech for their amazing handmade wooden paddles (and if you don’t, you SHOULD), but did you know they also make wooden nipple clamps now? I bought a pair of purpleheart ones this month and they are very pretty (and highly effective).

Fantasy fodder

• Sensory deprivation orgasms (like in this porn scene) are carnally intriguing to me! Now I want some cute domly person to strap me down, blindfold me, put noise-canceling headphones on me, and “torture” me with a wand vibe… I mentioned this to a new beau and he said he’s interested in trying it, though I think I’d reeeally need to trust someone before I’d feel comfortable letting them do that to me.

• There is so much filthy Brooklyn Nine-Nine fanfiction out there, y’all. This one is a recent fave. Brief “plot” summary: Jake quizzes Amy on historical facts and police trivia as part of a teasing foreplay game. (Send me your dirty Jake Peralta and/or Rosa Diaz fanfic links + headcanons, please. They nourish my soul.)

• I sexted with a Twitter crush this month, and mid-cyber-fingerbang, he noted that good sex is a blend between pleasure and tension. (See also: TEASING IS GREAT.) Sometimes a good tease turns me on more than the part that actually gets me off, y’know?

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I consulted and reported on the Sex Toy Awards story in the new print edition of Glamour. I wrote about gags and muzzles for Stockroom. I was interviewed about ageplay and communication for the Off the Cuffs podcast. Pedro Marques interviewed me about my career. I reviewed one of the new Fun Factory Battery+ vibes for Peepshow. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about platonic kink, exhibitionism, orgasms, and interviewed Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg.

• Orgasm stats: this month I had 24 orgasms, an uncommonly low number for me, due to the aforementioned depression and sickness. Two of them (8.3%) were from a partner. That brings my total for the year up to 247 so far.

Femme stuff

• I ran out of my perennial favorite pink lipstick, Bourjois Pink Pong, so I’ve been wearing Sugarpill lipstick in Girl Crush a lot instead. I don’t like the formula quite as much (it’s a bit drying), but the shade is fantastic and I love the glittery, hyperfemme packaging!

• I’m currently haunted by the new rainbow glitter Doc Martens, which don’t seem to be available in Canada yet but which I desperately need. (Um, send me an email if you’re feeling generous!)

Little things

My new room! Making out with a random guy who recognized me from Instagram at the Horseshoe Tavern (#SlutLyfe). Finding new favorite haunts in my new neighborhood (ya gotta have a café, a bar, a 24-hour grocery store, a bookstore, and a sushi place, at the very least). Listening to the Flop House endlessly. Working on my boundary-setting. Visiting the Condé Nast offices in NYC and having great chats over coffee with my editor at Glamour! Seeing the McElroy brothers do a live show in Brooklyn, making friends with the girl sitting next to me, and drinking a giant, bright green Long Island ice tea-esque cocktail while laughing my ass off. Spanking Bex at their birthday party. Going to the theatre with my mom. Hitting 6,969 Twitter followers. Wine and pizza night with a fellow femme. The woman in front of me at Waiting for Godot who got so offended by how much I was laughing at the play that she left at intermission (!). Catching up with my little brother over coffee. A photoshoot in pink leather on my balcony (oh, just you wait!). Tiny shorts weather.

Monthly Faves: Hearts, Wands, & Tears

It’s been a tough month, but I feel very loved. Here were some of my fave things in August…

Sex toys

• Swoooon: this month I was gifted a red glittery Doxy Die Cast wand vibrator. Beyond just being stunning to look at, it’s also a remarkable wand. The vibrations are rumbly and shockingly strong, and I just love the way this sexy aluminum wand feels in my hands. Full review to come!

• My other exciting acquisition this month was an Njoy Pure Plug 2.0. It’s massive, and I haven’t been able to get it inside me yet, but I’m holding out hope that someday I will!

Fantasy fodder

• I received a four-hand erotic massage from some local sexological bodywork pros this month and it was fucking divine. This type of massage pings a lot of my kinks about sexual service and partners having intimate knowledge of my preferences, so I found it super hot at the time and continued to find it super hot when I revisited it in subsequent fantasies. (Side note: a hookup asked me how the massage went, and when I said it was so good that I wished I could get one every week, he replied, “Play your cards right and you just might…”!)

• Since I went through a pretty traumatic break-up this month, I’ve had to recalibrate my fantasy life a bit so it doesn’t just constantly make me cry (*sad trombone*). This has meant seeking out new porn, dirty fanfiction, and erotica, as well as cultivating crushes on new people (both celebrities and IRL folks) to ponder in private moments. Masturbation is no longer an emotionally painful process for me, so that’s something!

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: For Kinkly, I wrote about how an erotic massage helped me get over my break-up. I investigated the new at-home HPV test for Glamour. I wrote a Letter to the Editor about female orgasms for the Walrus. I identified some killer sex toy combinations and common “taboo” fantasies for Ignite. Peepshow asked me to chronicle some weird things people have put in their butts. I was interviewed by Coffee & Kink. I hosted Sex City Radio, interviewing sex toy reviewer Epiphora, break-up coach Natalia Juarez, and asexual sex blogger Taryn. On our podcast, Bex and I interviewed our friends Suz and Claire, and talked about conferences, Woodhull, and dominance.

• Orgasm stats: This month I had 27 orgasms, 7 of which (25.9%) were from partners. I’m surprised I still managed to have so many, despite terrible depression wracking me lately!

• Like I said, I went through a devastating break-up a few weeks ago, and while my heart is broken and life has felt very difficult this month, this experience has reminded me that I have lots of people in my corner and my friends are always there for me. I’m very, very lucky.

Femme stuff

• As per usual, I’m experimenting with various perfume samples lately. Though I’ve mostly been sticking with my perennial favorite, John Varvatos, this month I’ve also been enjoying the Tom of Finland fragrance from Etat Libre d’Orange. It’s supposed to be masculine but on me it’s just femmey, warm and comforting. Good stuff!

• My new hot pink Tarina Tarantino heart necklace is giving me life. It’s HUGE and VERY SPARKLY. God bless Tarina and her magpie proclivities!

• I am looooving my new “Submissive” T-shirt from Pen & Kink. I ordered one in the tri-blend material, so it’s suuuper soft and comfy – truly the ideal garment for a lazy babygirl to lounge around in!

Little things

Bex sending me a selfie of them and their Sir. My new Seven-Year PenThe Bold Type. Emotionally cathartic kink with a trusted partner. Doing a live Dildorks recording in front of a crowd at Woodhull! Readers of my blog coming up to me to tell me how much they love my work. Spanking Suz with a bible. Hanging with my blogger babes. Deep sleeps in big comfy hotel beds. Cadence making me a gin and tonic and gently domming me into finishing my work when I was practically too depressed to move. Watching Friends on Netflix with Max for hours on end. Being comforted/supported by my FWB, who then attempted to fuck the sads out of me. A random guy offering me a no-strings-attached footrub at a sex club. Max bringing me Haagen Dazs. Swimming while stoned. Journaling on public transit. Crimson Wave Comedy. Pinegrove’s wonderful album Cardinal. Improv crushes. Making out in an alley with someone who makes me howl with laughter.

Monthly Faves: Bondage & Besties

July of last year was an out-of-control amazeballs month for me sexually. This July was nice too, in different ways. Here’s some of what I got up to…

Sex toys

• This month I was sent the Zumio, an oscillating clitoral stimulator similar to the Eroscillator but way more pinpoint (full review forthcoming!). I honestly was expecting to hate it, but… I don’t. It’s so intense that I usually only use it on the first setting and through panties – which also means it lends itself well to “forced orgasm” kink scenarios. At one point this month, my boyfriend held the Zumio on my clit while fucking me with the S-Curve, and I practically died of pleasure…

• Speaking of cool shit my boyfriend did to me: he surprised me one day by putting my collar on me and then chaining it to my under-the-bed restraints so I couldn’t move. Then he jammed my Liberator Jaz under my hips and went down on me until I came. Woof.

Fantasy fodder

• A couple times this month, my partner alluded to cunnilingus as an endurance-based endeavor – “I wanna go down on you for a long time,” “I’m not gonna stop until you come,” and so on – and it reminded me of how soothing (and hot) these kinds of reminders can be. One of my number-one sexual anxieties is “taking too long” to come, so it’s enormously helpful when a partner pre-empts those worries by essentially telling me they want me to take a while.

• I did two things this month that are typically associated with “femdom” – pegging and facesitting – but because I did them with my mega-dominant boyf, I did not feel dominant at all. I felt like I was being his servicey little good girl, or like I was being served to him on a proverbial silver platter. Friendly reminder: dominance and submission are not baked into any particular sexual act; they’re attitudes you can bring (or not bring) to any act you choose!

• Here’s a good sentence that came up in my fantasies a lot this month: “I wanna feel you come on my cock, little one.” Oof. ‘Nuff said.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: Kinkly asked me to write about the significance of collars for me as a submissive. For my friend Taryn’s blog, I wrote a guest post about things to consider before entering a DD/lg relationship. I detailed some surprisingly common sexual fantasies for Ignite and wrote some beginner G-spot tips for Peepshow.. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about polyamory, penises, and edgeplay, and we interviewed our friend Taylor J Mace.

• Orgasm statz: I had 33 orgasms this month (go me!), bringing my total for the year up to 195 thus far. 14 of those orgasms (42.4%) were from partners, including one from a partner who had never made me come before this month (yay!).

Femme stuff

• I got some new tattoos toward the start of the month: “THIS TOO” + “SHALL PASS” on the insides of my wrists. This felt impulsive – I went for a walk-in appointment at my tattoo shop early one Wednesday morning – but actually it wasn’t that impulsive: I’d been thinking about getting these tattoos for months, and decided it was finally time. They serve as an important reminder for times when I’m feeling anxious, depressed, or otherwise out-of-sorts. So far I’m finding them very helpful!

• After making a Lush trip this month, I’ve gotten back into an old fave, the Mask of Magnaminty, and been swoonin’ over a new acquisition, Miranda soap. Oh Lush, you always do me right.

• I’m so smitten with my new clitoris necklace from Animal Hair. They also make dick earrings and a necklace covered in legs, among other things. Cuuute!

Little things

Learning about sex surrogacy and sexological bodywork from Caitlin. Longform improv. Queer femme babes. Getting super stoned (and sunburned) in Trinity Bellwoods. The Adventure Zone. Telling my boyfriend “I love you” for the first time (aww). Sexting while high. My brother’s band’s new music video. “Never really knew if I did something wrong; all I ever heard was it wasn’t my fault.” Feminist children’s theatre. My boyfriend making us coffee to thoughtfully sip while we have goofy conversations in the morning. Angels in America. Writing with fancy pencils. Creativity during hypomania. Bite marks. “Babe, can I put my passport and butt plugs in your bag?” Diner breakfasts with Bex. Weed breaks on an Airbnb stoop. Nerdy income stats. Sexy jazz.

Monthly Faves: Cakes, Collars, & Analog Orgasms

Are you having a nice summer so far? I sure am! Here were some of my favorite sexy things in June…

Sex toys

• I will be real with you: the majority of my orgasms this month were the doing of my boyfriend’s mouth and/or fingers, not a toy. In fact, I have felt somewhat lukewarm toward vibrators recently. I’m sure it’ll pass; they’re just a different kind of pleasure, one I’m not especially feelin’ right now. It’s like how sometimes you get obsessed with sushi for a few weeks and eat so much of it that eventually you feel like you never want to lay eyes on another dynamite roll ever again… but then you’re back at the sushi place the following month. Everything is cyclical, naw’m sayin’?

• When I did use vibrators this month, I was particularly partial to the ScreamingO Charged Vooom, which I reviewed back in April. It’s got a lovely level of rumbliness for such a tiny vibe. The raspberry-pink color makes me happy, too.

• I bought a Weal & Breech wooden paddle at the Pink Market T.O. and it is soooo fancy and beautiful! All of this company’s stuff is painstakingly handmade by folks who clearly know what they’re doing, both wood-wise and kink-wise. This paddle is thuddy with a bit of sting, and feels luxurious in the hand (and on the butt). Swoooon!

Fantasy fodder

• At one point this month, my boyf fucked me and then went down on me while fingerfucking me, and I was a bit stoned so I started having a weird fantasy: I imagined there were two of him, one fucking me and one licking my clit, and the one going down on me was intermittently saying filthy shit like “I’m gonna make you come all over his cock, little one.” Uhhh. Can this type of threesome be an actual reality in my life sometime?! I’m not sure about position logistics, but I bet we could figure it out.

• Speaking of threesomes… Lately I keep picturing a scenario in which my very dommy boyfriend sits on the sidelines issuing orders while me and another subby femme (*cough*) get it on. Specifically, I want him to tell a lady to go down on me and then instruct her on exactly how to make me come. And then he can boss me into going down on her too. HELP, I’M DEAD, this fantasy is too hot.

• (Content warning for consensual non-consent and “rape” porn.) I watched some “stalker porn” this month, i.e. porn based around the contrivance that a (male) stalker has broken into the home of his (female) unrequited love and essentially rapes her (but, as is par for the course in a lot of kinky porn, she eventually gets into it). While I still often feel icky about my “con non-con” kinks, I can’t deny that this scenario definitely makes me Feel Some Ways…

Sexcetera

• I got to be the demo bottom for an impact play workshop my friend Taylor J Mace taught at The Nookie this month. It was fun to get spanked in front of spectators! (Later that night, my boyfriend gave me a more thorough spanking, and we joked that the workshop had been a “slappetizer.”)

• On our podcast this month, Bex and I talked about fanfiction, Daddy doms, and sex-positivity, and we interviewed Andre Shakti about polyamory and fisting.

• Nerdy orgasm statz: I had 28 orgasms in June, which is about average for me. 17 of those (61%) were with a partner, and the other 11 (39%) were from masturbation. That brings my total for the year so far up to 162.

Femme stuff

• Back in April, I bought some tiny black shorts from H&M for about $15, and they’ve gotten a shocking amount of wear in recent weeks. They are very small but I feel super cute in them. Score!

• I wrote a piece about collars this month so I was pondering/lusting over them even more than usual. Peep these beauts: a simple black leather heart collar from NerdyPixie, a glorious padlocked day collar from LiquidNymph, the sexy deep purple Prince collar by Aslan Leather, and this ridiculously over-the-top heart necklace from Tarina Tarantino that would make an ideal day collar for, like, a rambunctious leather queen. *fans self* *sighs dramatically*

Little things

My new dayjob doing social media for some adult-industry companies. Friends who feel comfortable enough with me to confide in me. Nathan Stocker’s solo project (I never realized, before listening to his song “Little Rabbit,” how much I’d love for a domly partner to call me that…!). Spanakopita. Writing at a picnic table in a park. Improv dorks. Attending a cake-sitting party (OMG!). My boyf laundering my panties for me so I wouldn’t have to walk home in wet, day-old underwear (or, worse, commando). Getting to watch my little brother graduate. Combining perfumes. Sending pitches like a badass. Being dommed into making better decisions for my health (like taking my iron supplements and drinking more water). Grapefruit radlers in the park with Anais. Having my mind blown by Reid Mihalko’s jealousy workshop. Bite marks and bruises. A Tinder guy I found who had a cupcake recipe in his bio.

Monthly Faves: Vibrations, Vibrato, & Varvatos

Woof. I had a lot of sex this month. Like, a lot. I have a new partner and he is an insatiable perv comme moi, so, y’know, lots and lots of fucking. I hope this trend continues all summer, because frankly, my vagina deserves it. Here are some of the things I enjoyed most in May…

Sex toys

• Full review coming soon: I am loooving my new-ish Swan Wand. Two rumbly motors in an ergonomically-shaped, hot pink beauty of a toy. Très bien!

• Like I told you on Monday, I’m really digging my Sportsheets under-the-bed restraints lately. Nothin’ quite like getting securely immobilized during sex at a moment’s notice. *swoon*

• My boyf rescued an old telephone table and we repurposed it as a spanking bench, obviously. I love the resourcefulness of kinksters.

Fantasy fodder

• Here’s some exciting news: it’s been almost two years since I first realized Daddy Dom/little girl dynamics turn me on, and now I’m dating someone who is into that dynamic too, and I am FEELING SOME WAYS about it. Let’s just say that the “fantasy fodder” column of my orgasm spreadsheet is even more rife with instances of “princess” and “little one” and “good girl” than usual lately.

• In exploring kink stuff with my new boyf, I’ve noticed that a lot of the kink activities I previously thought I didn’t like, I actually just didn’t like with previous partners. Many of the doms I’ve banged before have turned out to be assholes – or, in some cases, abusive assholes – which obviously colored my perception of the things we did together. With my new darlin’, there are some things I’ve always thought I’d hate forever, like being choked, facefucked, and slapped across the face, that actually feel fine (and even hot) because I’m doing them with someone I care about and trust. Kink is fascinating!

• As I’ve told you before, getting fisted is one of my major sexual goals. I’ve known for a long time that I wanted my First Fister to be a dominant person I feel emotionally connected to, who ideally has small hands, and I finally feel like that person has actually come along. This month, me and my beau went for coffee with my friend Taylor to talk fisting logistics (lofistics?!) since Taylor is a fisting expert of sorts. We learned a lot, and now I can’t stop thinking about my bossy boyfriend wearing a black nitrile glove, three knuckles deep inside me, telling me sternly to take a little more for him…

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I tried the teddy bear vibrator for Glamour (spoiler alert: I did not like it). I detailed the best and worst parts of being a sex toy reviewer for Daily Xtra. I wrote about realistic dildos, friendships with benefits, and iconic sex toys for Ignite, and powerful vibrators for Peepshow. I had some feelings about my favorite boy band and how they relate to pleasure under patriarchy. On our podcast, Bex and I discussed the porn festival, aftercaresexual astrology, and kissing, and we interviewed my mom.

• In May, I had 25 orgasms, an uncommonly high (for me) 64% of which were from a partner, with the other 36% being from masturbation. I wasn’t too keen on solo sex this month, in part because I’m so hyped on my new partner and in part because I’ve been intermittently depressed and have therefore lacked the libido and motivation to masturbate as often as I otherwise might.

Femme stuff

• I had so much sex this month that I didn’t spend much time wearing clothes, honestly. But MeUndies are still doin’ me right. They make a real good backdrop for spanking bruises.

• Gawd, I love Yo Sox. They have a brick-and-mortar shop here in Toronto the very sight of which fills me with glee. Ever wanted to adorn your feet with unicorns, hearts, or whales? I certainly fucking have. And now I can. Eee!

• I’ve been catching up on The Dry Down and, as always, it’s making me want to buy/try new perfume samples. Right now I’m really into dark, smoky, “masculine” scents with notes like sandalwood, balsam, and rum. (État Libre d’Orange’s “True Lust” and John Varvatos’ self-titled fragrance are two current faves.) I also like layering leather cologne over whatever I wear, for an extra kinky kick.

Little things

Nathan Stocker’s vibrato fingers and rock-star hair. The way my beau always smells like sandalwood and the scent lingers on my bed/hair/skin after he leaves. Taking friends lube-shopping. Being productivity-dommed. Cuddling with a chill-as-fuck cat. “Apparently I’m a genius!” Sunny park hangz with my darling. Talking about fisting while sipping mint tea in a crowded café. Snapbacks as a way of accessing my tomboy side. That time a barista gave me a spanking so thorough that he bruised his hand and told me he would think of me every time he tamped a shot of espresso until the bruise healed (hnnng). Receiving a “Still thinking about that BJ” text the morning after a hookup. Playing Scrabble with people who are better than me at Scrabble. Honey liqueur. Nutella donuts. Vegan mac and cheese. Tinder boys with good winks. “Dad Squad” jokes at the Victoria Day fireworks with Max. A punny dinner with porn pals. Vanilla cold brew. Good editors.