Monthly Faves: Bondage & Besties

July of last year was an out-of-control amazeballs month for me sexually. This July was nice too, in different ways. Here’s some of what I got up to…

Sex toys

• This month I was sent the Zumio, an oscillating clitoral stimulator similar to the Eroscillator but way more pinpoint (full review forthcoming!). I honestly was expecting to hate it, but… I don’t. It’s so intense that I usually only use it on the first setting and through panties – which also means it lends itself well to “forced orgasm” kink scenarios. At one point this month, my boyfriend held the Zumio on my clit while fucking me with the S-Curve, and I practically died of pleasure…

• Speaking of cool shit my boyfriend did to me: he surprised me one day by putting my collar on me and then chaining it to my under-the-bed restraints so I couldn’t move. Then he jammed my Liberator Jaz under my hips and went down on me until I came. Woof.

Fantasy fodder

• A couple times this month, my partner alluded to cunnilingus as an endurance-based endeavor – “I wanna go down on you for a long time,” “I’m not gonna stop until you come,” and so on – and it reminded me of how soothing (and hot) these kinds of reminders can be. One of my number-one sexual anxieties is “taking too long” to come, so it’s enormously helpful when a partner pre-empts those worries by essentially telling me they want me to take a while.

• I did two things this month that are typically associated with “femdom” – pegging and facesitting – but because I did them with my mega-dominant boyf, I did not feel dominant at all. I felt like I was being his servicey little good girl, or like I was being served to him on a proverbial silver platter. Friendly reminder: dominance and submission are not baked into any particular sexual act; they’re attitudes you can bring (or not bring) to any act you choose!

• Here’s a good sentence that came up in my fantasies a lot this month: “I wanna feel you come on my cock, little one.” Oof. ‘Nuff said.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: Kinkly asked me to write about the significance of collars for me as a submissive. For my friend Taryn’s blog, I wrote a guest post about things to consider before entering a DD/lg relationship. I detailed some surprisingly common sexual fantasies for Ignite and wrote some beginner G-spot tips for Peepshow.. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about polyamory, penises, and edgeplay, and we interviewed our friend Taylor J Mace.

• Orgasm statz: I had 33 orgasms this month (go me!), bringing my total for the year up to 195 thus far. 14 of those orgasms (42.4%) were from partners, including one from a partner who had never made me come before this month (yay!).

Femme stuff

• I got some new tattoos toward the start of the month: “THIS TOO” + “SHALL PASS” on the insides of my wrists. This felt impulsive – I went for a walk-in appointment at my tattoo shop early one Wednesday morning – but actually it wasn’t that impulsive: I’d been thinking about getting these tattoos for months, and decided it was finally time. They serve as an important reminder for times when I’m feeling anxious, depressed, or otherwise out-of-sorts. So far I’m finding them very helpful!

• After making a Lush trip this month, I’ve gotten back into an old fave, the Mask of Magnaminty, and been swoonin’ over a new acquisition, Miranda soap. Oh Lush, you always do me right.

• I’m so smitten with my new clitoris necklace from Animal Hair. They also make dick earrings and a necklace covered in legs, among other things. Cuuute!

Little things

Learning about sex surrogacy and sexological bodywork from Caitlin. Longform improv. Queer femme babes. Getting super stoned (and sunburned) in Trinity Bellwoods. The Adventure Zone. Telling my boyfriend “I love you” for the first time (aww). Sexting while high. My brother’s band’s new music video. “Never really knew if I did something wrong; all I ever heard was it wasn’t my fault.” Feminist children’s theatre. My boyfriend making us coffee to thoughtfully sip while we have goofy conversations in the morning. Angels in America. Writing with fancy pencils. Creativity during hypomania. Bite marks. “Babe, can I put my passport and butt plugs in your bag?” Diner breakfasts with Bex. Weed breaks on an Airbnb stoop. Nerdy income stats. Sexy jazz.

Monthly Faves: Cakes, Collars, & Analog Orgasms

Are you having a nice summer so far? I sure am! Here were some of my favorite sexy things in June…

Sex toys

• I will be real with you: the majority of my orgasms this month were the doing of my boyfriend’s mouth and/or fingers, not a toy. In fact, I have felt somewhat lukewarm toward vibrators recently. I’m sure it’ll pass; they’re just a different kind of pleasure, one I’m not especially feelin’ right now. It’s like how sometimes you get obsessed with sushi for a few weeks and eat so much of it that eventually you feel like you never want to lay eyes on another dynamite roll ever again… but then you’re back at the sushi place the following month. Everything is cyclical, naw’m sayin’?

• When I did use vibrators this month, I was particularly partial to the ScreamingO Charged Vooom, which I reviewed back in April. It’s got a lovely level of rumbliness for such a tiny vibe. The raspberry-pink color makes me happy, too.

• I bought a Weal & Breech wooden paddle at the Pink Market T.O. and it is soooo fancy and beautiful! All of this company’s stuff is painstakingly handmade by folks who clearly know what they’re doing, both wood-wise and kink-wise. This paddle is thuddy with a bit of sting, and feels luxurious in the hand (and on the butt). Swoooon!

Fantasy fodder

• At one point this month, my boyf fucked me and then went down on me while fingerfucking me, and I was a bit stoned so I started having a weird fantasy: I imagined there were two of him, one fucking me and one licking my clit, and the one going down on me was intermittently saying filthy shit like “I’m gonna make you come all over his cock, little one.” Uhhh. Can this type of threesome be an actual reality in my life sometime?! I’m not sure about position logistics, but I bet we could figure it out.

• Speaking of threesomes… Lately I keep picturing a scenario in which my very dommy boyfriend sits on the sidelines issuing orders while me and another subby femme (*cough*) get it on. Specifically, I want him to tell a lady to go down on me and then instruct her on exactly how to make me come. And then he can boss me into going down on her too. HELP, I’M DEAD, this fantasy is too hot.

• (Content warning for consensual non-consent and “rape” porn.) I watched some “stalker porn” this month, i.e. porn based around the contrivance that a (male) stalker has broken into the home of his (female) unrequited love and essentially rapes her (but, as is par for the course in a lot of kinky porn, she eventually gets into it). While I still often feel icky about my “con non-con” kinks, I can’t deny that this scenario definitely makes me Feel Some Ways…

Sexcetera

• I got to be the demo bottom for an impact play workshop my friend Taylor J Mace taught at The Nookie this month. It was fun to get spanked in front of spectators! (Later that night, my boyfriend gave me a more thorough spanking, and we joked that the workshop had been a “slappetizer.”)

• On our podcast this month, Bex and I talked about fanfiction, Daddy doms, and sex-positivity, and we interviewed Andre Shakti about polyamory and fisting.

• Nerdy orgasm statz: I had 28 orgasms in June, which is about average for me. 17 of those (61%) were with a partner, and the other 11 (39%) were from masturbation. That brings my total for the year so far up to 162.

Femme stuff

• Back in April, I bought some tiny black shorts from H&M for about $15, and they’ve gotten a shocking amount of wear in recent weeks. They are very small but I feel super cute in them. Score!

• I wrote a piece about collars this month so I was pondering/lusting over them even more than usual. Peep these beauts: a simple black leather heart collar from NerdyPixie, a glorious padlocked day collar from LiquidNymph, the sexy deep purple Prince collar by Aslan Leather, and this ridiculously over-the-top heart necklace from Tarina Tarantino that would make an ideal day collar for, like, a rambunctious leather queen. *fans self* *sighs dramatically*

Little things

My new dayjob doing social media for some adult-industry companies. Friends who feel comfortable enough with me to confide in me. Nathan Stocker’s solo project (I never realized, before listening to his song “Little Rabbit,” how much I’d love for a domly partner to call me that…!). Spanakopita. Writing at a picnic table in a park. Improv dorks. Attending a cake-sitting party (OMG!). My boyf laundering my panties for me so I wouldn’t have to walk home in wet, day-old underwear (or, worse, commando). Getting to watch my little brother graduate. Combining perfumes. Sending pitches like a badass. Being dommed into making better decisions for my health (like taking my iron supplements and drinking more water). Grapefruit radlers in the park with Anais. Having my mind blown by Reid Mihalko’s jealousy workshop. Bite marks and bruises. A Tinder guy I found who had a cupcake recipe in his bio.

Monthly Faves: Vibrations, Vibrato, & Varvatos

Woof. I had a lot of sex this month. Like, a lot. I have a new partner and he is an insatiable perv comme moi, so, y’know, lots and lots of fucking. I hope this trend continues all summer, because frankly, my vagina deserves it. Here are some of the things I enjoyed most in May…

Sex toys

• Full review coming soon: I am loooving my new-ish Swan Wand. Two rumbly motors in an ergonomically-shaped, hot pink beauty of a toy. Très bien!

• Like I told you on Monday, I’m really digging my Sportsheets under-the-bed restraints lately. Nothin’ quite like getting securely immobilized during sex at a moment’s notice. *swoon*

• My boyf rescued an old telephone table and we repurposed it as a spanking bench, obviously. I love the resourcefulness of kinksters.

Fantasy fodder

• Here’s some exciting news: it’s been almost two years since I first realized Daddy Dom/little girl dynamics turn me on, and now I’m dating someone who is into that dynamic too, and I am FEELING SOME WAYS about it. Let’s just say that the “fantasy fodder” column of my orgasm spreadsheet is even more rife with instances of “princess” and “little one” and “good girl” than usual lately.

• In exploring kink stuff with my new boyf, I’ve noticed that a lot of the kink activities I previously thought I didn’t like, I actually just didn’t like with previous partners. Many of the doms I’ve banged before have turned out to be assholes – or, in some cases, abusive assholes – which obviously colored my perception of the things we did together. With my new darlin’, there are some things I’ve always thought I’d hate forever, like being choked, facefucked, and slapped across the face, that actually feel fine (and even hot) because I’m doing them with someone I care about and trust. Kink is fascinating!

• As I’ve told you before, getting fisted is one of my major sexual goals. I’ve known for a long time that I wanted my First Fister to be a dominant person I feel emotionally connected to, who ideally has small hands, and I finally feel like that person has actually come along. This month, me and my beau went for coffee with my friend Taylor to talk fisting logistics (lofistics?!) since Taylor is a fisting expert of sorts. We learned a lot, and now I can’t stop thinking about my bossy boyfriend wearing a black nitrile glove, three knuckles deep inside me, telling me sternly to take a little more for him…

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I tried the teddy bear vibrator for Glamour (spoiler alert: I did not like it). I detailed the best and worst parts of being a sex toy reviewer for Daily Xtra. I wrote about realistic dildos, friendships with benefits, and iconic sex toys for Ignite, and powerful vibrators for Peepshow. I had some feelings about my favorite boy band and how they relate to pleasure under patriarchy. On our podcast, Bex and I discussed the porn festival, aftercaresexual astrology, and kissing, and we interviewed my mom.

• In May, I had 25 orgasms, an uncommonly high (for me) 64% of which were from a partner, with the other 36% being from masturbation. I wasn’t too keen on solo sex this month, in part because I’m so hyped on my new partner and in part because I’ve been intermittently depressed and have therefore lacked the libido and motivation to masturbate as often as I otherwise might.

Femme stuff

• I had so much sex this month that I didn’t spend much time wearing clothes, honestly. But MeUndies are still doin’ me right. They make a real good backdrop for spanking bruises.

• Gawd, I love Yo Sox. They have a brick-and-mortar shop here in Toronto the very sight of which fills me with glee. Ever wanted to adorn your feet with unicorns, hearts, or whales? I certainly fucking have. And now I can. Eee!

• I’ve been catching up on The Dry Down and, as always, it’s making me want to buy/try new perfume samples. Right now I’m really into dark, smoky, “masculine” scents with notes like sandalwood, balsam, and rum. (État Libre d’Orange’s “True Lust” and John Varvatos’ self-titled fragrance are two current faves.) I also like layering leather cologne over whatever I wear, for an extra kinky kick.

Little things

Nathan Stocker’s vibrato fingers and rock-star hair. The way my beau always smells like sandalwood and the scent lingers on my bed/hair/skin after he leaves. Taking friends lube-shopping. Being productivity-dommed. Cuddling with a chill-as-fuck cat. “Apparently I’m a genius!” Sunny park hangz with my darling. Talking about fisting while sipping mint tea in a crowded café. Snapbacks as a way of accessing my tomboy side. That time a barista gave me a spanking so thorough that he bruised his hand and told me he would think of me every time he tamped a shot of espresso until the bruise healed (hnnng). Receiving a “Still thinking about that BJ” text the morning after a hookup. Playing Scrabble with people who are better than me at Scrabble. Honey liqueur. Nutella donuts. Vegan mac and cheese. Tinder boys with good winks. “Dad Squad” jokes at the Victoria Day fireworks with Max. A punny dinner with porn pals. Vanilla cold brew. Good editors.

Monthly Faves: Teddy Bears, Tongues, & Tarina Tarantino

This month I turned 25, spent a lot of time partyin’ and socializin’ with friends, and had plenty of fulfilling sexual experiences! Here’s hoping April was a prescient preview of the sexy spring and summer to come.

Sex toys

SheVibe sent me the Adrien Lastic Caress (full review to come!) and I’m surprised by how much I like it so far. It uses rotation and silicone attachments to stimulate the clit in a cunnilingus-esque manner, sort of like the Sqweel and Sqweel Go – but it also vibrates, which amplifies the sensation. I’m contemplating writing a post comparing various oral sex simulators, because damn, I love them when they’re executed well.

• Speaking of oral sex simulators… I’ve gotten back into the Satisfyer a bit this month. The suction creates a slow build of arousal compared to a vibrator, but sometimes that is exactly what I want.

• Teddy Love sent me their product, an undeniably horrifying teddy bear whose face vibrates. I haven’t been able to bring myself to apply it to my genitals yet, but I have delighted in showing it to partners and watching terror bloom on their faces.

Fantasy fodder

• Receiving oral sex tends to fall by the wayside in my fantasy life until I meet someone who’s really good at it – and then it reenters my sexual awareness at full force. I got good head from a couple o’ cuties this month, so I’ve had tongues on the brain. Unf.

• I went on some dates this month with someone who is a very good kisser… Like, very, very good… Like, “there is usually wetness dripping down my thighs afterward” levels of good. He’s got the actual lip-lock on lock and also does a lot of the peripheral things I love during makeouts, like grabbing my ass and holding me down by my wrists. So I’ve been fantasizing a lot about good kisses since then. Ugh, please tell him to come kiss me some more.

• I think I’m developing a bit of a premature ejaculation kink?! (In porn, anyway. Not so much in real life.) When I’m high and therefore disinhibited, a lot of my porn searches lately are phrases like “she makes him cum quickly,” “he can’t help but cum,” “he tries not to cum,” and so on. I confessed this growing interest to Bex, who knows my kinks super well, and they replied: “Honestly, that makes perfect sense. A dude being surprised by how good something (probs a BJ) feels so he loses control and comes instantly? That’s totes you.” Ah. Yes. That does make perfect sense, now that I think about it.

Sexcetera

• This month I had sex with a straight cis guy who a) didn’t assume I’d be into intercourse, b) was highly skilled at mid-sex verbal check-ins that were both reassuring and hot, and c) said to me at one point, “I want to see you come. How can I make that happen?” Gosh, I love it when partners are attitudinally a good sexual match for me: non-pressure-y, adventurous, unpresumptuous, and more about pleasure and fun than meeting certain culturally prescribed goals. Swoon!

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I enthused about my favorite erogenous zone, the A-spot, for Glamour, and detailed my experiences with a vaguely biphobic doctor for Daily Xtra. I blogged about wooden dildos and the silly realities of sex for Ignite. I made some sex-nerdy confessions on SwingTowns. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about porn and ruining the mood, interviewed Kenton of Funkit Toys, and on 4/20 we got high and laughed a lot.

• In April I had 25 orgasms – fewer than average for me, because some depressive spells tanked my libido for a bit. Two of those orgasms (8%) were from partners; the rest were solo.

Femme stuff

• For my birthday, I bought myself an Alice in Wonderland necklace from Tarina Tarantino. It’s big and over-the-top and I love it.

• H&M makes a flattering $15 fit-and-flare dress in multiple different colors and patterns. I own eight of them now. It’s a problem. Except it’s not a problem at all. I think my current faves are the blue gingham and red floral ones. Soooo foxy!

• I got my makeup done for a friend’s wedding, and it was such a fun novelty. I’d never worn false lashes before, and couldn’t stop staring at my cartoonish babeliness in every mirror. My turquoise bridesmaid dress rounded out the look.

Little things

Hippo Campus’ new album (it is all I want to listen to right now!). Coaching/consulting sessions where I feel helpful and useful. Fun cam shows! Having a full plate of writing projects. Spicy salmon sushi and big helpings of edamame. Editing podcasts in a café window seat. Conversations with smart friends about strange psychosexual phenomena. Drinks-dates where our conversation crackles and flows. Twitter crushes. Interviewing hilarious smart people for exciting projects. All-day breakfast. Dancing to Taylor Swift with a bunch of new friends in Hamilton. Listening to the Flop House while soaking in a hotel bathtub at the end of a long day. Beautifully-wrapped presents. Polite and respectful suitors. Bex’s dapperness. Seeing my friends win awards. Good listeners. Learning new things. Sexting as negotiation. Really good coffee.

Monthly Faves: Boots, Brits, and BJs

Can it be summer yet?! I’m so tired of this slushy, icy, grey Toronto winter. Ah well, at least I had some good sex this month. Here’s what made my bits ‘n’ brain happy in March…

Sex toys

• I tried a silicone penis extender with a partner this month and it was certainly interesting! Girth isn’t really my jam, so the 2″ diameter on the Traz Rhino Genesis was slightly outside the bounds of what I find comfortable and pleasurable, but we were still both surprised that we didn’t hate it. I could see an extender being a fun solution in future if a partner wants to get me off via PIV but doesn’t have the stamina to do so, or just wants to focus on pleasing me instead of on their own pleasure for a while.

• The folks at Warm sent me their product, an object that looks like a leather clutch but is actually designed to pre-warm your sex toys for you. I have a feeling I’ll use this more with partners than I will alone, because a) my masturbation is usually so wham-bam that the idea of waiting 10-15 minutes for my sex toys to heat up is generally preposterous and b) it’s usually my partners, not me, who express dismay at the coldness of my toys. (“Wow, this is cold; isn’t it gonna hurt?” a fuckbuddy once asked me when I put my Double Trouble in his hands. I laughed, grabbed it back, and shoved it into me.) But it’s a nice thing to have on hand, and makes me feel like the fanciest fucker in the land.

• Umm, we need to talk about the VeDO Bam bullet vibe. Peepshow sent me the Bam along with a whack of other bullets for an upcoming comparison review post, and I tried this one before the others, on the advice of a reader who told me the Bam rivals my beloved Tango. While it’s certainly not perfect (I’ll explain why in my full review), it’s remarkably strong and rumbly for a $29 vibrator. This bodes well for the industry as a whole, methinks!

Fantasy fodder

• In the throes of a Mollena Williams kick, I re-watched the keynote talk she gave with her husband/Master, Georg Friedrich Haas, at the Playground Conference in 2015. I was particularly struck by Mollena’s story about how her Master used to kiss her with waaaay too much tongue (she called him a “horny sex frog”) so she asked him to adjust his technique, and he did. In the keynote, he explains that one of his duties as a Master is to give his slave orgasms, and since slaves are meant to assist and serve their Masters, giving feedback on what turns you on is one way to be a helpful submissive. I love this way of looking at it! And yeah, after pondering that story, I definitely fantasized quite a bit about a future diligent Dom who’ll insist on hearing my sexual feedback, instead of feeling attacked by it.

• My FWB told me, after fingerbanging me to a marvelous orgasm, that he’d been paying attention to when I upped the speed on my Tango and using those moments as cues to intensify and speed up his fingers’ thrusting. Partners’ attentiveness to my body and tastes is pretty much the hottest thing I can imagine. I have been replaying that encounter a lot in my mind mid-wank lately.

• I bought some new boots this month (more on that in the “femme stuff” section!) and – whoops – my sartorial enthusiasm got mixed up in some sex-and-kink stuff, as it often does. While admiring the gorgeous new boots on my feet, I kept thinking about how hot and gratifying it would be to be serviced by a diligent bootblack. I’m almost never in the mood to be an imperious domme, but damn, I want my boots polished and worshipped…

Sexcetera

• On the morning of March 1st, I woke up in a fancy hotel room, with a handsome British man beside me. I’d met him two evenings previous, in a heated outdoor pool, where he charmed me with sweetness and good manners. This whole episode felt like something out of a movie. It reminded me of how sometimes sex is magical not just because of the physical sensations involved but because of the emotional connections and broader empathy it helps you develop.

• March orgasm stats: I had 30 orgasms in March, versus 23 in February and 30 in January. 4 (13%) were from partners, and the other 26 (87%) were solo. That brings my orgasm total for 2017 thus far up to 83, 9 of which (11%) were from partners and 74 of which (89%) were solo. Did you know I’m a nerd?!

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote about erotica and mental health for Glamour, enumerated some high-tech sex toys and different types of lube for Peepshow, explained alternate uses of the Magic Wand and how vibrators can close the orgasm gap for Ignite, processed some feelings about men’s visual consumption of women on my personal Tumblr, and explained on Medium why Nick Jonas’ album Last Year Was Complicated is kinky as fuck. On our podcast, Bex and I interviewed our friend Brent and the amazing Dirty Lola, and also talked about serviceenthusiasm, and the G-spot. I also released a new song, This Bird.

Femme stuff

• I’ve been wanting some comfy, durable new shoes I can wear to work, so I bought some Frye 15R engineer boots, which I’ve been lusting over for years. GOD, THEY ARE GOOD. It took about two weeks for me to break them in, during which time they were stiff, tight, and painful, but now they feel perfect and I never want to wear anything else. Oh, Frye, you geniuses, you.

• Not being an athletic person in the least, I had never wanted to own any sports memorabilia before I spotted this Blue Jays shirt which says “I [Heart] BJs.” This probably goes without saying, but please understand that me wearing this shirt is reflective only of my passion for blowjobs and not of any enthusiasm whatsoever for sports. Glad we got that cleared up!

• I’ve been wearing my glass eyeball necklace from a Lincoln City glass studio a lot lately. It feels like a comforting emblem of feminist agency in times of emotional turmoil.

Little things

Being romanced by grown-ass adults who do things like buy you sushi and wine on their company card or wear suit jackets to casual occasions. Dancing to “I Don’t Wanna Dance.” Cool customers. Bex calling me a “magical angel” when I wrote some good ad copy for our podcast. Cordial thank-you emails from hookups (!). Planning future tattoos. My cousin’s Obama impression. Scrabble dates. Painting watercolor genitals. Friends who help me script awkward conversations. Mid-cry selfies. Beardy barista crushes. Jazz-pop. Me and my FWB wearing the same underwear to our sex-date. Smart conversations about political fanfiction over beers. Communities banding together. Bragging about my sexual partners. Slaying my to-do list. Playing tons of Use Your Words at its pre-launch party (BUY IT, it’s so fun!). Beers with weird names (Pinball Wizard, Shenanigans, Barking Squirrel). My FWB calling my blowjobs “legendary.” Mid-sex kazoo breaks that make us laugh so hard we cry. Bonding with fellow femmes over eyebrow maintenance. Narrating bad porn with a cute funny boy. Good kissers with good hair for grabbing onto. Bad blowjob puns (always). Friends who encourage me to flirt with people I’d otherwise be too shy to flirt with.