Monthly Faves: Boots, Brits, and BJs

Can it be summer yet?! I’m so tired of this slushy, icy, grey Toronto winter. Ah well, at least I had some good sex this month. Here’s what made my bits ‘n’ brain happy in March…

Sex toys

• I tried a silicone penis extender with a partner this month and it was certainly interesting! Girth isn’t really my jam, so the 2″ diameter on the Traz Rhino Genesis was slightly outside the bounds of what I find comfortable and pleasurable, but we were still both surprised that we didn’t hate it. I could see an extender being a fun solution in future if a partner wants to get me off via PIV but doesn’t have the stamina to do so, or just wants to focus on pleasing me instead of on their own pleasure for a while.

• The folks at Warm sent me their product, an object that looks like a leather clutch but is actually designed to pre-warm your sex toys for you. I have a feeling I’ll use this more with partners than I will alone, because a) my masturbation is usually so wham-bam that the idea of waiting 10-15 minutes for my sex toys to heat up is generally preposterous and b) it’s usually my partners, not me, who express dismay at the coldness of my toys. (“Wow, this is cold; isn’t it gonna hurt?” a fuckbuddy once asked me when I put my Double Trouble in his hands. I laughed, grabbed it back, and shoved it into me.) But it’s a nice thing to have on hand, and makes me feel like the fanciest fucker in the land.

• Umm, we need to talk about the VeDO Bam bullet vibe. Peepshow sent me the Bam along with a whack of other bullets for an upcoming comparison review post, and I tried this one before the others, on the advice of a reader who told me the Bam rivals my beloved Tango. While it’s certainly not perfect (I’ll explain why in my full review), it’s remarkably strong and rumbly for a $29 vibrator. This bodes well for the industry as a whole, methinks!

Fantasy fodder

• In the throes of a Mollena Williams kick, I re-watched the keynote talk she gave with her husband/Master, Georg Friedrich Haas, at the Playground Conference in 2015. I was particularly struck by Mollena’s story about how her Master used to kiss her with waaaay too much tongue (she called him a “horny sex frog”) so she asked him to adjust his technique, and he did. In the keynote, he explains that one of his duties as a Master is to give his slave orgasms, and since slaves are meant to assist and serve their Masters, giving feedback on what turns you on is one way to be a helpful submissive. I love this way of looking at it! And yeah, after pondering that story, I definitely fantasized quite a bit about a future diligent Dom who’ll insist on hearing my sexual feedback, instead of feeling attacked by it.

• My FWB told me, after fingerbanging me to a marvelous orgasm, that he’d been paying attention to when I upped the speed on my Tango and using those moments as cues to intensify and speed up his fingers’ thrusting. Partners’ attentiveness to my body and tastes is pretty much the hottest thing I can imagine. I have been replaying that encounter a lot in my mind mid-wank lately.

• I bought some new boots this month (more on that in the “femme stuff” section!) and – whoops – my sartorial enthusiasm got mixed up in some sex-and-kink stuff, as it often does. While admiring the gorgeous new boots on my feet, I kept thinking about how hot and gratifying it would be to be serviced by a diligent bootblack. I’m almost never in the mood to be an imperious domme, but damn, I want my boots polished and worshipped…

Sexcetera

• On the morning of March 1st, I woke up in a fancy hotel room, with a handsome British man beside me. I’d met him two evenings previous, in a heated outdoor pool, where he charmed me with sweetness and good manners. This whole episode felt like something out of a movie. It reminded me of how sometimes sex is magical not just because of the physical sensations involved but because of the emotional connections and broader empathy it helps you develop.

• March orgasm stats: I had 30 orgasms in March, versus 23 in February and 30 in January. 4 (13%) were from partners, and the other 26 (87%) were solo. That brings my orgasm total for 2017 thus far up to 83, 9 of which (11%) were from partners and 74 of which (89%) were solo. Did you know I’m a nerd?!

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote about erotica and mental health for Glamour, enumerated some high-tech sex toys and different types of lube for Peepshow, explained alternate uses of the Magic Wand and how vibrators can close the orgasm gap for Ignite, processed some feelings about men’s visual consumption of women on my personal Tumblr, and explained on Medium why Nick Jonas’ album Last Year Was Complicated is kinky as fuck. On our podcast, Bex and I interviewed our friend Brent and the amazing Dirty Lola, and also talked about serviceenthusiasm, and the G-spot. I also released a new song, This Bird.

Femme stuff

• I’ve been wanting some comfy, durable new shoes I can wear to work, so I bought some Frye 15R engineer boots, which I’ve been lusting over for years. GOD, THEY ARE GOOD. It took about two weeks for me to break them in, during which time they were stiff, tight, and painful, but now they feel perfect and I never want to wear anything else. Oh, Frye, you geniuses, you.

• Not being an athletic person in the least, I had never wanted to own any sports memorabilia before I spotted this Blue Jays shirt which says “I [Heart] BJs.” This probably goes without saying, but please understand that me wearing this shirt is reflective only of my passion for blowjobs and not of any enthusiasm whatsoever for sports. Glad we got that cleared up!

• I’ve been wearing my glass eyeball necklace from a Lincoln City glass studio a lot lately. It feels like a comforting emblem of feminist agency in times of emotional turmoil.

Little things

Being romanced by grown-ass adults who do things like buy you sushi and wine on their company card or wear suit jackets to casual occasions. Dancing to “I Don’t Wanna Dance.” Cool customers. Bex calling me a “magical angel” when I wrote some good ad copy for our podcast. Cordial thank-you emails from hookups (!). Planning future tattoos. My cousin’s Obama impression. Scrabble dates. Painting watercolor genitals. Friends who help me script awkward conversations. Mid-cry selfies. Beardy barista crushes. Jazz-pop. Me and my FWB wearing the same underwear to our sex-date. Smart conversations about political fanfiction over beers. Communities banding together. Bragging about my sexual partners. Slaying my to-do list. Playing tons of Use Your Words at its pre-launch party (BUY IT, it’s so fun!). Beers with weird names (Pinball Wizard, Shenanigans, Barking Squirrel). My FWB calling my blowjobs “legendary.” Mid-sex kazoo breaks that make us laugh so hard we cry. Bonding with fellow femmes over eyebrow maintenance. Narrating bad porn with a cute funny boy. Good kissers with good hair for grabbing onto. Bad blowjob puns (always). Friends who encourage me to flirt with people I’d otherwise be too shy to flirt with.

Monthly Faves: We-Vibes and Teams of Tops

So hey, I’ll get to the sex stuff in a minute, but what’s really exciting me today is my new website design!! It was done by Jessica Mullen and Kelly Cree, some smart and savvy babes I’ve known online for years. They totally understand my brand and my vision, and I feel like my site is so much more aligned with what I want it to look and feel like now! Hope you dig it. (Make sure to click around a bit; there are four different headers that randomize, and they’re all gorgeous.) Now, here are the sexxxy thingz I liked best in February…

Sex toys

• GOD I LOVE THE WE-VIBE NOVA. Bex gifted me one over a year ago, and I’m pretty sure I tried it once before retiring it to the depths of a drawer somewhere. But this month I kept noticing the Nova at the sex shop where I work, and explaining it to curious customers, and a coworker told me Erika Moen had reviewed it well, so I decided to give it another shot. And damn, it is good. My review will be up soonish!

• Speaking of We-Vibe… I’m also loving the Touch lately. (They sent me the Dreamy Desire Collection to review, and the main appeal it held for me was that it contains a limited-edition dark blue Touch.) It hasn’t unseated their Tango as my favorite rechargeable clit vibe, because the Tango’s hard plastic conducts vibration just a leeeeetle better than the Touch’s squishy silicone, but it’s definitely a new “starting lineup” toy for me.

• Shall I give We-Vibe the hat trick and rhapsodize three of their toys in this post?! Yep, looks like it… A We-Vibe rep came to my work to teach us about their toys, and several of us got gifts. Mine was a We-Vibe Sync, the much-anticipated latest version of their flagship couples’ vibe. It’s very fucking excellent. The motor is strong and rumbly, the adjustability rules, and using the We-Connect app to give myself hands-free orgasms using my PHONE makes me feel like a badass sex-spy. My heart’s all aflutter for the Sync!

Fantasy fodder

• When crushing on fellow sex toy nerds, sometimes I fantasize about bringing them to my room, showing them my sex toy collection, and telling them to choose a few toys to use on me. It’s interesting (and hot) to imagine which toys each person would choose, and why – and then what they’d do with them. (Some of my fave toys for partners to fuck me with, FYI: the Double Trouble, Eleven, and S-Curve!)

• At a party this month, I got spanked by three different people, working in tandem like a relay team. It was hot and cute and I proceeded to ponder it for weeks afterward, sometimes substituting different people into the fantasy and seeing what that felt like. One person pulling my hair and scratching my thighs, one person checking in with me occasionally and bringing me icewater, one smacking my ass, and the three of them periodically rotating roles… Unf.

Sexcetera

• This month I had sex at a sex club for the first time (not counting that time I did so for a porn shoot, because that’s quite different!). It was pretty fun, although I don’t know if my anxiety would ever let me relax enough in that kind of situation to actually have an orgasm.

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I wrote about sexist tropes in pop music for Teen Vogue (!!) and warming up for big penetration for Ignite. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about humor, attraction, romance, and sex toy retail.

• February orgasm stats: I only had 21 orgasms this month, versus 30 in January. My mental health sort of dipped a bit in the middle of the month, which usually results in fewer orgasms for me, plus I worked longer hours over Valentine’s week and didn’t have a lot of spare energy for jerkin’ it. While I did have some partnered sex this month, all the orgasms I had were solo. (Womp womp.)

Femme stuff

• This is boring, maybe, but winter sure makes me appreciate excellent lip balms more than I usually do! My current faves are the Nivea Lip Butters; I have them in a few flavors and they’re delightfully moisturizing.

• I finally did it: I bought a pair of heart-eyes emoji earrings. Mine are from FandomVerse Shoppe and I love ’em.

• Fellow retail workers and other folks who have to stay on their feet for long hours on the regs: I would love to hear your recommendations for cute shoes/boots that will support my feets properly! Currently I’m rocking my ol’ faithful Frye harness boots as per usual, but I’m thinking about maybe getting some Danskos or something. What say you?

Little things

Big tough cis dudes who make good use of their privilege and ability to intimidate other men into better behavior. A work-date with Taylor and Andrew over coffee and pizza. My favorite dancey jams of the month: Do You Love Someone, Talk Too Much, and Mother to a Brother. Coworker crushes. Steak and martinis with my mom. Customers who find my jokes amusing. Bursting into tears unexpectedly at a beautiful story someone told at Body Pride (that link goes to naked pictures, FYI!). Kink-flirting. Fancy cocktails with Anais. The sheer euphoria of palpable attraction. My new “I Heart Blowjobs” embroidery from Crass Stitches. Pre-drinking/femme time with Rosaline. Making out in a heated swimming pool under the stars. Myq Kaplan’s life-ruiningly funny comedy album No Kidding. The folks at Sili Saddle hand-delivering one in my favorite colors to my doorstep. People for whom punning is flirting. A photoshoot with Taylor and Suz at the Ritual Chamber (photos and story coming soon to a blog near you!). Having lots of cool new sex books to read (most notably: Closer by Sarah Barmak and Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz). The zen calm of sweeping and mopping a floor. The Adventure Zone, fucking always (the cliffhanger ending of the latest episode killed me!). Punning and giggling with Brent over Facebook Phone at 2AM after a long, difficult day. Cleaning and reorganizing my entire sex toy collection, as a sex spell of sorts.

Monthly Faves: Gloryholes, Glass, & Giggly Girl Gangs

It feels ridiculous to talk about anything not geopolitical at the moment. But I still believe in goodness in the world, in the form of legal and financial supporters of the cause, brave protesters doing what’s right, or even something as comparatively mundane as good sex. If you need to tear your attention away from the news for a while and read about less pressing matters, like dildos and lipstick, I’m your girl. Let’s dive in and talk about what I loved most in January…

Sex toys

Bex bought me the best gift this month: a Standard Glass S-Curve dildo in my signature shade of turquoise. When they handed it to me, they said, “It’ll hit your A-spot,” but I wasn’t sure – the curve looked too extreme for that. But of course, they are a genius and were totally right. My fuckbuddy pounded me with the S-Curve within 24 hours of me receiving it, and he declared it was “like the Double Trouble on easy mode”: it hits my A-spot just as well but is much lighter, smaller, and easier to manoeuver. I’ll never doubt Bex again!

• I bought myself a kinky Christmas present: an 8-ball Billiard Banger from KinkMachineWorks. It’s soooo thuddy, almost like being punched. As always, I can’t recommend this li’l Etsy shop’s impact toys highly enough. (Look how pretty!!)

• I felt a particular appreciation for the We-Vibe Tango this month, both because I used it a lot (including for THREE ORGASMS during a hotel sex-date with my hardworkin’ FWB – swoon!) and because I’ve been selling plenty of them in my new job as a sex-shop salesgirl. It’s still the best, rumbliest rechargeable clit vibe on the market – and at only $80, it’s cheaper than a lot of comparable-but-less-good vibes out there.

Fantasy fodder

• I’ve had a thing for gloryhole porn on-and-off for years, and this month it came back with a vengeance. Right now I’m particularly enamored with “TheCarnivore,” who films himself sucking cocks in his home-built gloryhole shed in Florida. His deepthroating skills are a thing to behold!

• I’ve also been enjoying a fella named CumControl101 who makes videos of himself manually edging dudes til they’re whining and begging to come. Men’s pleasure sounds are one of my biggest turn-ons, so I like the ones who make a lot of noise

• An eccentric confession: sometimes, when I am high, I masturbate to makeup tutorials on YouTube. I am not jerking off over the prettiness of the ladies therein, in the way of that creep who probably wanks to your Facebook photos without your knowledge; there is, instead, some connection my high-brain makes between femme glee and carnal joy. When I’m just the right amount of intoxicated on just the right type of weed, my usually chaste excitement about glitter and lipstick can take on a saucy tone. Brains are strange, man.

Sexcetera

• I’ve been keeping a spreadsheet of all my orgasms thus far in 2017, like a fuckin’ nerd. It’s titled “Orgasm Registry” in my Google Drive, and yes, it is a separate document from my partnered-sex spreadsheet. It’s been interesting to track the ebbs and flows of my libido (predictably, it ebbs when I’m tired and overworked, and flows when I’m blazin’ on the regs), the toys I use most often (the Magic Wand Rechargeable, Double Trouble, and Tango), and how many orgasms I had in January (30!). But what interests me most is the “fantasy fodder” column – such a pure and true reflection of my innermost perviness. It sure is humbling to have to write down what you were thinking about right before orgasm!

• Some of my writing elsewhere this month: I wrote about the connection between promiscuity and empathy for the Establishment, and complained about mediocre men and femininity-diminishing anxiety on Medium. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about masturbation, social media flirting, shitty sex toy marketing, and being a publicly sexual person (that last one featured special guest Cooper S. Beckett, who was a dream!). As always, you can pledge to my Patreon for regular updates on what I’m up to.

Femme stuff

• I’ve been really into perfume lately, thanks in large part to the influence of The Dry Down and the ladies who write it. I read Tynan Sinks describe John Varvatos cologne as smelling like “if you spilled a chai latte into an old leather jacket,” so, obviously, I ordered a sample immediately. It’s supposedly a masculine scent, full of balsam, coriander, and vanilla, but it wears so beautifully on feminine little me. It makes me feel like a cupcake wearing a black leather ballgown to a kink soirée. I love it so much that when I lost my sample vial of it, I ordered another one immediately.

• Lipstick-wise, I’ve been oscillating steadily between Rouge d’Armani in “Lucky Red” (which I wrote about in November) and Sugarpill’s “Girl Crush.” A cool-toned red and a hot pink – how predictable pour moi! Sometimes I wish I were more adventurous in this realm, but hey, sometimes you just find what works for you and want to stick with it.

• A beauteous turquoise leather Coach tote (the “turnlock tote in crossgrain leather“) was on sale for half-price, so I snapped it up. I am in love: it’s roomy as hell, has secret pockets galore, and is the most brilliant, aggressively bright color. I brought it with me to New York as my carry-on and it comfortably fit my laptop, charger, journal, headphones, travel documents, makeup bag, wallet, glasses, and a book. Amaze.

Little things

Ringing in the new year with a bunch of sex-positive weirdos. Samantha giving us Alka-Seltzer tablets to take home after a rowdy New Year’s Eve party. Respecting and working with the natural rhythms of my mental health. Empathetic friends. My cozy new bedding and fluffy pillows. Good moisturizer. My mom bringing me Jamaican chickpea soup because wintertime makes me grumpy. The mental health mantra “No moment is unendurable.” Hitting 5,000 Twitter followers! My new phone wallpaper. Writing by candlelight. Shooting new headshots with Cadence, forever my favorite person to be photographed by. Good interviews with sweet sources over coffee. My new job at a sex shop! Giggly bralette-shoppin’ with Suz and Rosaline. Editing podcasts in cafés and train stations and hotel rooms. Recording Dildorks episodes with Brent and Kenton (they’ll be out over the next couple months!). Bex showing up to rescue me from an anxiety attack at a New York subway station, wearing a Batman onesie and a collar and carrying a bright yellow box of Kleenex. The Daily Mail writing about me (!). Excellent editors. My new pipe. When Bex and I tried not to burst out laughing while a waiter served me cacio e pepe from a giant block of cheese. Coffee Crisp bars. A boy telling me he can only wear mesh boxer-briefs for a couple hours at a time because they’re “very taxing on the sac.”

What sexy or sex-adjacent things did you enjoy this month, babes?

Monthly Faves: Handsex, Hot Doms, & a Happenstance Threesome

7366fc28-70e6-4363-8b63-2645f9fc7f43

I was very smitten with November. After coming back from a two-week stint overseas, I felt even more in love with my hometown of Toronto than I normally do – not to mention, extra appreciative of the friends I had left behind here. I spent a lot of this month laughing, talking, and/or having sex with people who are super important to me, and all of it felt cozy and affirming. ❤️ Here are some of the products, ideas, and experiences I loved most this month…

Sex toys

• Kenton from Funkit Toys sent me a prototype of his Signet, a textured ring meant to be worn on the fingers for added stimulation during handsex. I wore it out to some events and several people marveled at my “elegant” ring, which I found hilarious. I was excited to use it with my FWB, since he’s already one of the best fingerbangers I’ve ever encountered – and holy jeez, it was great. As soon as he started fucking me while wearing the Signet, my decibel level rapidly increased, such that he laughed and said, “Oh, you like that, huh?!” Indeed: the texture adds an intensity that makes fingerbanging – already a favorite act of mine – even more delicious. Go buy a Signet; you only have until December 9th to do so!

• I spent the first 8 days of the month in Europe with no sex toys at my disposal except the G-Spoon and Tango I’d impulsively decided to bring. When I’m at home, these are both “second-string” toys for me: I’ll reach for the G-Spoon if I’m not up to the task of accommodating the Double Trouble or Eleven‘s girth, or if I specifically want to fantasize about having my A-spot fingered, and I’ll grab the Tango if I want something more pinpoint than the Magic Wand or that I can take in the bath. But maaan, they sure did the trick. The easiest formula for getting me off is a rumbly clit vibe + an A-spot-focused dildo, and this combo totally wins by those criteria.

• I bought a Hole Punch Fluke in a gorgeous blue ombré colorway. My vagina is deeeeeply enamored. It’s moreso a vaginal plug than a dildo; I like keeping it inside me while I watch porn and hold a Magic Wand to my clit. It’s the laziest possible way to administer G-spot stimulation and I love it.

Fantasy fodder

• When I’m in the mood to watch a dominant lady boss people around and be mean to ’em – a rare craving for me, but a potent one when it does come up – my first choice is always Aiden Starr. She’s one of the best dirty-talkers in the biz and she follows through on her smack-talk. I like this clip of “mad scientist” Aiden studying Daisy Ducati’s ejaculations, and Aiden forcing an orgasm out of Sara Luvv with a clit pump and a wand vibe. Good gawd, lady’s got game.

• I mentioned this in my Double Trouble post, and probably repeatedly on Twitter, but I’m not over my usually-vanilla-but-sometimes-vaguely-dominant FWB telling me, “See what happens when you trust me?” after I took his advice to relax into pleasure and he made me come. He told me later that he keeps his dom-y dirty-talk infrequent, partly because it makes him nervous but partly because the effect is heightened if his quips are few and far between. Um, yup. Very yup.

Sexcetera

• Mid-month, I had some friends over for a get-together, and among them were my favorite fuckpal and a beautiful lady. The day before, Suz had dreamed we had a threesome, so it was on my mind… as was the fact that each of these people had independently told me they’d be down to threesome with the other one. I took them each aside to separately ask if they were feelin’ threesome-y, and they both said yes – so later that night, after my other guests had skedaddled, a magical threesome materialized in my bed. It involved marijuana, a double blowjob, fingerbanging, toy-ramming, ample use of the Magic Wand Rechargeable, and lots of giggly makeouts wherein me and Suz kept squealing “You’re so pretty!” at each other. Overall: fantastic.

• Remember earlier this month when I told you all about how weed makes sex better for me? Yeah, I really practiced what I preach this month. At one point, my FWB and I got super high and he did stuff to my nipples with his hands and mouth, and I actually felt like I was sailing out of my body and into the astral plane from the sheer ecstasy of it. “That was hot,” he told me afterward. Yes, it certainly was.

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I enthused about temperature play and ranted about buying partners sex toys for Ignite. I have a column about the decline of PIV in the latest issue of This. And on our podcast, Bex and I talked about handsex, PIV, butt stuff, and sexting. (Are you subscribed to our show yet?!)

Femme stuff

• I wanted to buy something glamorous while in Italy (’cause “When in Rome”!), so I stopped into a Sephora and picked up Armani Rouge d’Armani lipstick in “Lucky Red.” It’s the exact kind of red I like best: classic, cool-toned, and creamy but not glossy. The magnetic-closure tube makes me feel like a futuristic megababe, and the shade itself is a hot pop of confidence. I loooove it.

• When I’m feeling sartorially uninspired, I like dressing with a particular character or occasion in mind. When I went to an Andy Shauf show this month, I dressed like a navel-gazing hipster so I’d fit in with his crowd. When depression made it hard for me to get out of bed on American Thanksgiving weekend, Bex sent me a picture of them in their fancy family dinner outfit and told me to wear what I’d wear if I was going to their dinner with them. Other recent “costumes” include “hot grown-up Wednesday Addams,” witchy goth babe, and “butch greaser.” Hey, whatever works.

• I’ve been wearing my hair very curly lately (see also, and also, and also). My hair is naturally wavy, but a little wizardry with DevaCurl gel and a Turbie Twist can kick it up to eleven. Having giant hair makes me feel powerful, and I dig it.

Little things

This guide to helping a partner who’s having an anxiety meltdown (potential suitors, take note!). Putting lipstick on my five-year-old cousin at her request. The extreme peacefulness of the Ġgantija ruins. Curvy-lady statuettes. Hazelnut gelato, tiramisu, and cacio e pepe. Artistic advice from people I respect. My friend Lilly’s post about the BlogSquad. My SAD lamp. Going clothes shopping with hot friends and gasping dramatically over how gorgeous they look. Dancing to the Elwins in a dim basement with a new friend. Crackin’ jokes with my ex in a blessedly not-awkward way. “I’d die if I saw you; I’d die if I didn’t see you there.” Friends who happily accept my introvert-y proclivities. Making sweet potato risotto while listening to The Adventure Zone. Meeting a guy with swoopy hair at a party and telling him he looked like a Pokémon villain. Intoxicated BJs. Getting sex toys in the mail (always). Touch the Skyrim. Laughin’ it up with Brent and a bunch of nerds at a Use Your Words playtest. Makin’ New Year’s Eve plans with some babes I adore. Telling stories at TMSG (ideally when the people the story’s about are sitting in the front row and giggling at me). Sleeping At Last’s Atlas: Year One and his new Christmas album. My FWB doing a spot-on impression of my sex noises for my amusement.

What were your fave sexy thingz this month, babes?

Monthly Faves: Dick Gifs & Donut Panties

mosaicc44d05d78396e6d440cb242b3cfd290bef814ad5

If I had had a lot of sex this past month, I’d nickname it Cocktober. But alas, that was not the case. My sex life was spooky in a seasonally appropriate way, at least in the sense that my vag remained so barren, it practically developed cobwebs. Zing! Anyway, a lack of partnered sex doesn’t have to mean a lack of sexual developments in one’s life. Here’s what I was into in October…

Sex toys

• My relationship with the Pure Wand is a volatile one. There will be long stretches of time when direct, intense G-spot stimulation just feels painful to me, and I retreat to my favorite A-spot toys for the sweeter pleasure they provide. But lately, my G-spot’s been more receptive to touch than usual, so I’ve been pounding the fuck out of it with my Pure Wand on the regs. To paraphrase Wallis Simpson, “When a Pure Wand is right, there is nothing else to use in its place.”

• My clit was in the mood for pinpoint stimulation this month: it wanted the Tango and Eroscillator far more often than the broad-headed Magic Wand. The whims of my clit are a mystery to me; I just do what it tells me to do.

Fantasy fodder

• I’m oddly entranced by this gif of an animated dick pounding a vag, ejaculating, and pulling out. It’s not so much the creampie fetishism that does it for me; more just the novelty of seeing a somewhat three-dimensional, dynamic illustration of fuckin’. Sigh… I miss getting banged real good.

• I’m fascinated by close-up videos of ladies getting their clits rubbed until they come. That particular view of vaginal contractions is so cool. This one is my original favorite, and I’ve also recently enjoyed this one and this one.

• In a matter of days, I devoured Katie Forsythe‘s epic Sherlock fanfiction novel, All the Best and Brightest Creatures. She writes Sherlock differently from story to story, but this particular Holmes is asexual and homoromantic. The way she writes sex scenes is so beautiful and poignant, and it’s been a useful reminder of how much my sexual responses are tied up in my emotional responses. Everything feels hotter and lovelier to me if it has an emotional context that lights me up (like, for example, Sherlock Holmes’ bottomless, tragic affection for John Watson).

Sexcetera

• By the time you read this, I will be in Malta! My mum and I are traveling across the ocean to attend my beautiful cousin Sacha‘s wedding. After hanging out there for a week, we’ll fly north to Italy and spend an additional five days in Rome. I’m so excited I can hardly think straight!! Supposedly our WiFi will be a bit spotty, so if you notice I’m tweeting and Instagramming less than usual, that’s why – but I’ve got blog content queued up, so even in my absence, I am present. Hi!

• I did a lot of writing this month that I’m super proud of! For Bitch Flicks’ bisexual representation theme week, I wrote about Alex Kelly from The O.C. and why she’s a precious angel who should be protected at all costs. The Establishment published a piece I wrote about how spanking helps my mental health. Herizons magazine published a slightly reworked version of an article I wrote last year about the “is squirting just pee?” debate. I wrote about using coconut oil as lube for Ignite. And if, after all that, you still want more of me (!), you can read this interview that fellow sex blogger Layla did with me; we talked about friendships, mistakes, and rainstorms, among other things.

Femme stuff

• I haven’t had sex in over two months, and I’ve been describing this period as a “dick detox,” because it genuinely does feel like I’m conquering an unhealthy addiction. Not that I pursue sex to the detriment of my health, my relationships, or my life (I don’t), but just that the presence of male romantic interests in my life tends to distort my self-perception somewhat (as I told you last week). So it’s been interesting to watch the ebb and flow of my gender presentation as I figuratively flush the dick from my system. I’m more okay dressing butch, skipping makeup, and wearing what I want to wear instead of trying to appease the Dick Gods. Hallelujah, I’m free! (At least, for now…)

• Aslan Leather makes my favorite kink accoutrements. After owning a pink and black Aslan collar for months, I bought a plain black one to round out my collection. It matches every outfit. I love it to death.

• I was sent a Nudestix concealer pencil in a beauty subscription box, and I adore it. The pencil format makes it super portable and easy to apply, and the formula is decently blendable without sacrificing coverage. This sleepy little femme gives Nudestix two brightened under-eyes out of two!

• Still enamored with MeUndies. They are soooo comfy. And they recently introduced new pairs that are covered in PINK DONUTS. Yyyyyoink! (I also just learned that they sponsored a SlutWalk and created custom slut-positive underwear for participants to wear… Amazing!)

Little things

The utter deliciousness of making a structure chart for a piece of writing. Philosophizin’ about kink with friends. Edamame. My freshly redesigned portfolio. Regina Spektor’s new album. Jake Peralta’s frosted-tips Florida aesthetic. The “Lush Vibes” playlist on Spotify (best music to write to!). Spanakopita from Athens Pastries. Compliments from my therapist. Bex texting me, “I love you. Don’t forget.” My new ukulele case (a necessary purchase because I’m taking my uke overseas to play a song while my cousin walks down the aisle at her wedding!). Learning how to roll joints with flavored rolling papers – and the Seth Rogen tutorial video that taught me! Watching porn on a rooftop with Suz. Dancing my ass off with Steph and Holly at Comedy Bar’s ’90s dance party. Awkward attempts at flirting with improv crushes. Caramilk martinis and goofy selfies with Anais. My brand-new pink European plug adapter. #StonerFemme paraphernalia. Listening to Naive Thieves while high. Brent misremembering Bowtie‘s name as “Squimmy.” Posh British accents. Fictional universes so compelling and comforting, you don’t want to go back to real life. Warm scarves knit by people who love me.