12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 11 Favorite Articles

I wrote upwards of 150 articles this year, on this blog and elsewhere. And while I would love to be able to say that all of them were equally creatively fulfilling, and that I was equally happy with both the process and the product of all of them, that’s just not the case.

But fortunately, my articles aren’t like children – I don’t have to pretend to like them all the same amount. I’m allowed to have my favorites. And I do! Here are my 11 favorite pieces of prose I produced this year…

 

For this blog

  • Let’s Talk About Jeans Bondage: In February, a reader paid me to write a blog post about their favorite fetish, one that combined the thrilling constriction of bondage with the iconic aesthetic of jeans. I’ve never done a piece of writing like this before, one where my entire task was to interview someone about their unique fetish, which I had never heard of before, and then explain it in writing as if to a layperson. Really interesting project and I think the post (and accompanying photos) came out well!
  • Polyamory & Trauma Are a Tricky Combination, But These Resources Can Help“: I always love compressing a bunch of big lessons I’ve learned into a compact, easily digestible form for my readers/listeners. In this post, I wrote about my struggles with polyamory as a result of being a trauma survivor, and listed many of the tools which have helped me in this regard, from books to workshops to therapity modalities. I hope it helps lots of folks!
  • How to Squirt“: I’m not sure why I never wrote an in-depth squirting guide before this one, but I was glad to finally put down in writing every single piece of advice I have for hopeful squirters and their partners. It contains a squirting FAQ as well as tips, techniques, and toy recommendations that’ll give you a better shot at learning to squirt.

 

For the now-defunct MEL Magazine (RIP)

  • The most delicious edible lubes, according to a renowned pastry chef“: When my editor at MEL told me she wanted me to interview a Michelin-starred chef about flavored lubes, I immediately wondered if I’d even be able to find such a person who’d be willing to go on the record about such a tawdry subject. I managed to get an interview with the wonderful Eric See, an acclaimed pastry chef, and he was happy to answer my various weird questions about lubes with flavors like “white chocolate raspberry truffle” and “strawberry pomegranate.” The piece was amusing to work on and also functions as a good introduction to flavored lubes in general.
  • The best sex games, for when you want to play in more ways than one“: My editor allowed me to take a very liberal approach to defining “sex games” for the purposes of this article, so I wrote about sex-related video games, board games, dice games, discussion-based games and more. I also wrote more generally about the benefits of playing games with sexual partners (or potential/hopeful sexual partners), and how to do so in a way that respects the boundaries of everyone involved.
  • The ins and outs of Christina Aguilera’s humongous Pride dildo“: I was so excited when I received an email from my MEL editor one Monday morning asking me if I could write an article about a sparkly strap-on that Christina Aguilera had worn at a Pride performance over the weekend. Initially I was just going to write about the cultural implications of an out-as-queer female pop star wearing a strap-on in public and theorize on what kind of dildo and harness she might’ve been wearing, but after some sleuthing, I was actually able to briefly interview (via Instagram DM) someone at the small boutique company that bedazzled the dildo. Being a journalist is so fun sometimes!
  • The Slubb is a power tool you put on your penis“: The Slubb is one of the loudest, heaviest, strongest and strangest sex toys I’ve ever tried. For this article, I wrote about how two German brothers had the idea to make a sex toy out of a power tool – and, of course, I tested it out myself on my partner, who is a very good sport.
  • Spit or swallow? My journey through the cum cocktail recipes in Semenology“: One of the many reasons I was so thrilled to work for MEL was that they let me pitch my wackiest ideas for sex stories and then usually let me write those stories. For this one, I read Semenology, Paul Photenhauer’s semen-based cocktail recipe book, and interviewed cocktail bartender Greg Hyatt about the recipes contained therein. And then, naturally, I made a whiskey sour containing semen and drank it, for science.

 

For my paid weekly newsletter, Sub Missives

  • What happens when hot, horny singles do chastity play, on an island, in front of a camera crew?“: A significant portion of my media consumption during the pandemic has focused on cheesy Netflix dating reality shows like Love is BlindAre You the One? and Too Hot to Handle, the latter of which inspired this essay on chastity, humiliation, demisexuality, and how all three can be blended together into one show.
  • I just turned 30; here are 30 things I’ve learned about dating“: I thought turning 30 would be scarier than it actually turned out to be. I thought I’d just feel old (and let’s be real, sometimes I do, especially when I scroll through TikTok), but more than that, I just feel wiser, braver, and stronger. In this piece I distilled 30 of my most important dating-related lessons into a pithy list. I wish I could show this piece to a younger version of me, but I think many of these things can only be learned “the hard way.”
  • 5 vintage sexual fantasies for nostalgic moments“: Sometimes I like imagining the secret sex lives of stars from decades gone by, like Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Frank Sinatra and Elvis. This piece contains 5 erotically-charged vignettes set in the 1950s, some of which feature celebrities from that era and some of which focus on regular people (or at least, my movie-sanitized notion of what regular people were like in the ’50s). It was fun to write and even more fun to imagine while writing!

 

What were your favorite things you created this year?

All the Hardware & Software I Use for Blogging, Journalism, Podcasting & Music

I get questions sometimes about the equipment I use to do the various things I do, so I thought I’d compile it all in one big master post!

 

General hardware

  • My computer is a 2022 M2 MacBook Air. I added more storage space and RAM than the base model offers, so it can keep up with the most taxing tasks I do (usually video or audio editing).
  • When I’m at my desk, my MacBook is hooked up to my 24-inch ViewSonic monitor, which I got because it’s one of the only ones that can connect to a MacBook and charge it at the same time, through just one cable.
  • When at my desk, I switch back and forth between an Apple Magic Keyboard (a gift from my spouse) and a pink and white typewriter-style KnewKey keyboard. The Apple one is quiet and minimalist, and thus good for everyday work, but sometimes I need the dopamine-boosting clicky-keys sound of the KnewKey to get me through difficult tasks.
  • I use an Apple Magic Trackpad (also a gift from my spouse). Have never really been able to go back to using a mouse after getting used to a trackpad.
  • I mostly use my iPad mini 5 for leisure activities (Netflix, Instapaper, etc.) but it’s also what I work on when my chronic pain is flaring up too badly for me to sit at a desk, or when I want to work in a location where bringing a laptop would be inconvenient.
  • My phone is an iPhone 12 Pro. It has a great camera; I take most of my photos and videos on it.
  • For Zoom calls and such, I have a Logitech C920S webcam affixed to my monitor.
  • When I read, either for pleasure or for research, I’m usually doing it on my Kindle Paperwhite. I love that it’s waterproof, because I read in the bath a fair bit, and I also love its highlighting and note-taking features.
  • I have a HomePod mini next to my bed which I use to control music and lighting with my voice, among other things. it’s especially convenient on days when chronic pain and fatigue are making it difficult for me to do things myself.

 

Podcasting & music equipment

 

Analog hardware

 

Software

  • This blog runs on WordPress.
  • I do most of my other writing in Google Docs.
  • I keep track of my income and business expenses in Google Sheets.
  • The Notes app that comes built-in on Apple devices is my best friend, and I use it for the bulk of my digital note-taking and for keeping track of my life overall. It’s where I make my daily to-do list as well.
  • I used Scrivener to write both of my books. It’s the best software for longform projects that I’m aware of.
  • For podcasting, I record in Audacity and edit in Adobe Audition. No particular reason for these choices other than that I know them well/have been using them for a long time (they taught us Audition in journalism school and I used Audacity for my first podcast, when I was 12).
  • Depending on who I’m talking to, I usually do online video or audio calls with either Zoom or FaceTime.
  • When interviewing people on Zoom or similar, either for a podcast or for an article, I record audio with Piezo.
  • When interviewing someone over the phone, I use TapeACall Pro. It’s a bit convoluted and unreliable, though, so I’d like to find a better solution someday.
  • For making rough demo recordings while writing songs, I use Voice Record Pro. This is also how I capture any random melodic ideas that come to me while I’m out and about.
  • During the songwriting process, I often use the Rhymezone, Dictionary.com and Ukulele Tuner apps.
  • I use Descript for automated interview transcriptions when I can’t be bothered (or don’t have time) to transcribe them myself. It is a weirdly complicated and difficult-to-understand app but I know how to do the basic things I need to do in it, so it’s fine.
  • I save and read articles in Instapaper. I save and read book highlights in Readwise.
  • The Dildorks is hosted on Simplecast.
  • I record and produce music in GarageBand and then edit videos in iMovie.
  • I listen to tunes on Apple Music all day long.

Where I’ve Been Lately…

Photo by my spouse

Hello, friends! If you read this blog regularly, maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t been posting at my usual clip lately. I thought I’d update you on why that is, and what I’ve been up to.

The main thing is that I recently got a new gig reporting on sex for MEL Magazine, one of my all-time favorite publications. I’ve been reading and loving their stuff for at least 6-7 years, so it’s delightful that I get to write for them now! Here’s a highlight reel of some of my favorite pieces I’ve written for them over the past few months (you can peruse my full archives by clicking here):

I’ve also been cohosting The Dildorks podcast as per usual; here are some of my favorite recent episodes we’ve done:

In addition to that, I’m still writing my weekly newsletter containing intimate essays and thoughts on sex and love, Sub Missives, for premium subscribers (it’s 5 bucks a month or 50 bucks a year). Some recent faves:

I’m also still doing my “A Song A Week” challenge, writing and recording one new song every week for the duration of 2022. Here are some of my favorites lately:

  • Dear Professor (a kinky sad love song)
  • The One (a romantic song about my spouse)
  • Difficult Woman (inspired by the hardships faced by Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland)
  • Doll (a song from the perspective of a sex doll hidden in a closet)
  • Bodily Autonomy (an unapologetically pro-abortion rights song)

Finally, I’ve still been doing promotion for my two books, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do and 200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender, both of which you can get at local bookstores or online.

I’ll still be posting on this blog once in a while – I’m definitely not shutting it down or anything! But with all these projects on my plate, the blog is no longer my top priority, so I thought I’d let you know what else I’m up to so you can check out my other work if you’re so inclined.

Love always, and thank you for the support! 💖 -Kate

Come Celebrate This Blog Turning 10 Years Old!

2012 / 2022

I literally cannot believe it, but this blog, Girly Juice, is turning TEN YEARS OLD this coming Sunday!!

Yes, it was nearly 10 years ago to the day that I threw together a simple Tumblr-hosted blog, with the intention of spending the summer – just one summer! – writing anonymously about sex on the internet. Now it’s a decade later and this blog is still one of my greatest creative outlets, my home on the internet, and essentially my main “job.”

There are some people I want to thank, while I’m celebrating this anniversary:

  • My parents, who raised me to explore whatever authentically interested me, and have been nothing but supportive in my journey toward becoming a full-time professional sex writer and podcaster. (They were initially confused when I started receiving big boxes in the mail a couple times a week – I was still living at home back then – but when I eventually explained that the boxes were full of sex toys I was being sent to review, they were chill as hell about it.)
  • My spouse and the love of my life, Matthew, who has been my de facto tech support person for nearly half the lifespan of this blog thus far. They have helped me with innumerable tasks I would have been too daunted or ill-equipped to tackle myself, like updating back-end code and replacing zillions of links when affiliate programs randomly get dismantled. They’ve also been the #1 supporter of my work the entire time we’ve been together, reading almost every new blog post aloud to me over the phone before it comes out, offering feedback and topic suggestions, helping me promote my work, guesting on my podcasts, being interviewed on my blog, and so on. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a kind, generous, thoughtful and brilliant person in my corner, but I’m grateful for them every day.
  • My friend Epiphora, a fellow sex blogger and sex toy reviewer. She was one of my major inspirations when I first began this work, and was also the person who sat me down in year 3 of Girly Juice and said, “We’re getting you a self-hosted website. Your blog is too good to be hosted on Tumblr.” She was right, especially since Tumblr banned all adult content just a few years later. It was Piph who initially installed WordPress on this domain, set everything up for me, and moved everything over. I literally don’t think this blog would have existed in the first place without her, and it certainly would not have lasted this long without her help.
  • My other sex blogger friends – there are too many to name, but many are linked in the “Blogs I Love” section of my sidebar – for all the advice, support, inspiration and laughter we’ve shared over the years.
  • Jessica Mullen and Kelly Cree of the School of Life Design, who designed the blog’s current theme/aesthetic. That was like half a decade ago – I’m overdue for an overhaul, and working on it – but part of why this design has lasted so long is that I really feel like Jessica and Kelly just “got” what I was going for, and what my whole “vibe” is.
  • All the various companies who have advertised on my site, commissioned sponsored content from me, and so on. Despite what critics have to say about “selling out,” the fact is that creative people can make their best work when they have enough time and money to do so, and this blog simply could not have endured all this time if it wasn’t a significant income stream for me. It is truly wonderful to get paid for doing what you love to do!
  • My readers, of course!!! My deepest, wildest dream when starting this blog was that I’d be able to connect with other people who were as passionately nerdy about sex as I was, and that has happened more than I would have ever thought possible. I love you all so much (except the ones who sexually harass me) and am so glad you’re here. Thank you. ❤️

 

To celebrate this momentous occasion, this Sunday at 2pm ET I am doing a livestream on Instagram Live. I’ll play some songs and perhaps read some cringey old blog posts and/or invite my spouse to do so, in their beautiful voice. We’ll raise money for the ACLU in Texas, to hopefully help the trans kids (and their parents) being horribly mistreated there currently; song requests will be welcome in exchange for donations. It’ll be a good time. You can check my Instagram page to join the stream when it starts.

Thank you again so much for being here and for joining me on this journey. I hope to continue blogging here for as long as it feels good to do so – and it definitely hasn’t stopped feeling good yet. 💖

“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 1 of 12

At the beginning of 2022, I became acutely aware of how out of touch I’d been with a previous favorite hobby of mine, making music. I’ve always covered other people’s songs a lot but haven’t done nearly as much songwriting in adulthood as I did during my teen years and early twenties, when I would sometimes write multiple songs a month. So I challenged myself to write one song a week in 2022. They don’t have to be great, or even good; they just have to be songs.

As part of the challenge, I’ve been keeping a “songwriting diary” in which I reflect on the process involved in writing each song. Here are January’s songs, including videos, lyrics, and the diary entries I wrote about how they were created. Enjoy!


Song 1/52: “January 1st”

 

Lyrics:

There’s always a sense, on January 1st
That things will get better or things will get worse
A twist in the plot, a fulcrum for change
If you don’t get better, then you’ll only age
At least that’s what they say

Chorus:
Will I ever chill and be content?
Will I live in the moment, as if I knew what that meant?
Wish I knew what that meant

A list of my goals, as long as my arm
Debatable whether they help or they harm
The future is bleak and scary to ponder
I’d solve all its troubles if my mind wouldn’t wander

(repeat chorus)

It’d be easier to breathe
If dread and doubt stopped hounding me
It’d be easier to live
If something finally had to give

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

Hey bitch, some things to remember about this songwriting process:

  1. You wrote the whole thing in less than 30 minutes, after listening to part of an interview with Paul McCartney about songwriting.
  2. The melody and words of the first part came to you organically and you built from there.
  3. There were 2-3 moments when you considered stopping/scrapping it because it wasn’t working, but you pushed through and deliberately finished it anyway.
  4. You’d set out thinking it was a song in E, but you listened to the melodies your voice naturally sang and realized it was in B.
  5. You used Rhymezone.com, Thesaurus.com, and your voice memo app, but otherwise ignored your phone throughout the process.

(Maybe I should do a little postmortem journal entry like this for all this year’s songs…)


Song 2/52: “Bi Enough”

 

Lyrics:

Chorus:
Am I bi enough?
What would it mean to be bi enough?
Do I wear enough rainbows? Did I buy enough?
How else can I prove that I’m bi enough?

I met this cute guy
We were hitting it off – he was good in bed
I said, “Hey, I’m bi”
And watched his eyes pop right out of his head

I’m sick of the stereotypes
I’m sick of the biphobic jokes
Don’t you know that jokes are supposed to be funny, folks?

(repeat chorus)

I met this cute gal
We were hitting it off, til it went awry
I told her “I’m bisexual”
She broke my heart, she thought I’d leave her for a guy

I’m sick of the stigma and shame
I’m so sick of being erased
Being a bigot to bi folks is a fucking waste

(repeat chorus)

There might never come a day
When impostor syndrome goes away
So I guess it’s up to me
To be the best bi I can be

Am I bi enough?
Maybe we don’t ask about the “why” enough
Like why I even wonder if I’m bi enough
By the way, if you are bi, you’re bi enough

 

Songwriting diary:

Had been chatting with my therapist about bisexual impostor syndrome and later had the thought that I should stop doubting my queerness because I am clearly “a gay-ass grown woman,” a phrase that I wrote into a line that actually didn’t even make it into the final song because the different components felt too separate so I wrote a different prechorus instead. (It originally went, “Never cared much about your sex chromosome/ I’m a gay-ass grown woman with impostor syndrome.”)

The melody of the chorus came naturally, like I was hearing it in my head, as these things often do. Verses were similar. I returned to it the day after writing most of it to write the new prechoruses and bridge, which made it much better, I think.


Song 3/52: “Old Friend”

 

Lyrics:

I still love you, my old friend
I know we said we’d call it quits
Said I’d gotten over you again
I guess my heart is on the fritz

Do you miss my kisses?
And being so much closer?
Do I know what this is?
I’m sorry to say no, sir

If we gave it one more shot
I wonder what we’d find
I still think you’re smart and hot
You haven’t changed my mind

Do you ever think of me
When you’re in bed beside your lady?
Or am I not your cup of tea?
Not a yes, but maybe

I wish I had a magic spell
I wish I had a wand of gold
You warm me up, I wish you well
I always left you cold

 

Songwriting diary:

Was thinking about how I used to feel, when I was about 23 and in hopeless unrequited love with a friend of mine, which was awful. (Conjuring up old emotional memories is helpful for songwriting when one’s current emotional situation isn’t quite as dramatic.)

I didn’t really like this song that much when I wrote the first draft of it on December 23rd. Set it aside and worked on other stuff instead.

But then on January 13th I had it stuck in my head, listened to it several times, and decided all it needed was for me to 1) rewrite a couple lines of lyrics and 2) nail down the weird-ass melody. I could hear how I wanted it to sound in my head but hadn’t nailed the singing of it. So I practiced the odd interval jumps until I more-or-less had it, and it sounded much better.

Once again, this challenge is teaching me that a big part of writing songs is FINISHING songs – I’ve always been okay at generating initial ideas, but the more difficult and sophisticated process of pushing through doubt, uncertainty, etc. to finish the song is the part I’ve always been less good at, and this challenge is helping me hone that skill especially.


Song 4/52: “Spin the Bottle”

 

Lyrics:

Spin the bottle, going ’round the circle
Shyness is my burden and my hurdle
When it lands on me
I look around and see who I see:
A boy who sparkles, dressed in royal purple

And he’s got a friendly face
He smells like beer and leather
And I’m feeling out of place
We put our lips together
The voice inside my head
Goes quiet as a whisper
And my only thought instead
Is “Wow, what a good kisser”

Spin the Bottle captures my attention
Its magic can defy my comprehension
When it lands on me
I kiss the first lady I see
Her lips are from a lovelier dimension

And I kiss her through a grin
My senses are elated
And I try to take her in
I’m so intoxicated
Am I doing what I’m s’posed to?
I guess it doesn’t matter
‘Cause this goddess I’m so close to
Her kiss can kill the chatter

Spin the Bottle parties make me nervous
But nervousness is nice when it’s on purpose

 

Songwriting diary:

A glance through my Facebook “memories” reminded me about these parties I used to go to in my early twenties, where people would play Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare. It was one of the only instances I’ve ever experienced of “icebreaker games” actually breaking the ice, i.e. functioning as a way for shy wallflowers like me to actually integrate themselves into the social groups present at the party even if we knew absolutely no one when we arrived.

I truly don’t remember how this song was written because I went into a fugue-y flow state as soon as I started. But I came back to it a day or two later to fix up some of the lyrics (“she’s strong, with velvet skin” is on the cutting room floor, among other things, because it sounded awkward in my mouth). Spent a while contemplating whether it needed a bridge, a departure into a totally different mood or style somewhere in the middle, but ultimately I like how it has this plodding rhythm that feels like my hardened heartbeat when my turn is coming up soon in a game of Spin the Bottle.


Song 5/52: “Brave Little Girl”

 

Lyrics:

Everything is scary now – the streets, the heat, the news
We’re all feeling wary now – the fright is like a bruise

When will our cortisol calm back down?
Will we see peace and accord?
When will we stop feeling broken-down?
Don’t we deserve a reward?

Chorus:
Where’s my treat? I have been a brave little girl!
Strong and sweet – aren’t I a peach? Aren’t I a pearl?
Nose to the grindstone, pedal to the metal
I have got a backbone, I will never settle
Where’s my treat? I have been a brave, brave little girl!

Sorry I ignored your text – it’s next, I swear
It’s just that I’m distracted – it’s not that I don’t care

All my excuses are nothing new
I’m not in the mood for flirtation
We’re getting tired of just getting through
Don’t we deserve compensation?

(repeat chorus)

Imagine a sunny day
I know it seems far away
But hold the thought in your head
Without hope, we’re basically dead

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

Wrote this based on the prompt “Where’s my treat? I have been a brave little girl!” which was given to me by one of my Instagram followers (not sure if they want to be identified so I have redacted their username here). I had no idea when I wrote this that the phrase is apparently a TikTok meme, but the song definitely fits the vibe that many TikTokers are giving the phrase so I think it works.

I was looking for the natural musicality of the phrase, listening for its natural rhythm, which is an idea I picked up from Jeff Tweedy’s book How to Write One Song. I made a recording of the very first thing I sang, and it was kind of an ideal melody so I built from there.

Took me about 45 minutes to write the rest of it. I listened very hard to the song in my head, which suggested to me the rhythms before I even wrote words for them, as sometimes happens. The key change in the bridge involved listening to the chords in my mind and just figuring out what they were, which was the most time-consuming part of the process.

I never really consciously decided to write about COVID, the current state of the world, etc.  but a lot of these songs at least allude to it, because how could they not?