Everyone I’ve Ever Fucked Is a Taurus

Do you ever make lists of all the unifying qualities of the people you’ve romanced and banged? Or am I the only resident of that particular neighborhood in Nerd-town?

I don’t know why it took me so long, given my penchant for list-making, to realize that both of the people I’ve had sex with are astrological Taureans. I’m a Taurus myself, so it really should have clicked sooner.

Whether or not you believe in astrology (and I’m certainly not sure about it, myself), what I know for certain is that both of those partners embodied all the classic Taurean traits, as do I. We’re fiercely loyal and trustworthy. We’re reliable; you can count on us. We’re creative, passionate, and hellbent on the finer things in life. On the other hand, we’re known to be stubborn, self-indulgent, lazy, and sometimes closed-minded.

How does this translate to the bedroom? Lots of different ways, I’m sure – Taureans aren’t a hive-mind. In my experience, though, Taurus-on-Taurus fucking is consistently and dependably good, but it can veer into the land of routines and ruts a little too easily.

You know those times when you’re trying to decide where to go for dinner, and you and your friend or partner keep asking each other, “Where do you want to go?” “Well, where do you want to go?” Neither one of you wants to rock the boat by suggesting something out-there or new. It may very well be that you’d both love to try that quirky Scandinavian bistro that just opened up down the road, but unless someone actually comes out and says that, it ain’t gonna happen.

That’s sort of what it’s been like when I’ve slept with other Taureans. I knew what I liked, I knew what my partner liked, we knew what had worked for us in the past and would continue to work for us – but we rarely went out on a limb and suggested something new.

I could happily eat steak and fries for dinner every night and not get sick of it. And I do mean every night, like, for at least a year. That’s also how I feel about certain sexual acts, like receiving oral and then getting fucked doggie-style. I could easily do that every time I have sex and it would take me a damn long time to start feeling bored. I know that’s true because I’ve lived it. When us Taureans found the routine that worked for us, we stuck to it pretty closely. And we liked it – that’s why it became a routine in the first place, after all – but we might’ve also liked other, different things, if we’d bothered to try them.

My best friend is a Sagittarius. Her sign is known to be adventurous, sometimes to the point of recklessness. That quality is one of my favorite things about her, and one of the reasons we’re so drawn to each other as friends. If she needs some Taurean comfort, she can come to me, and we’ll go to our favorite sushi restaurant and then maybe watch a movie we’ve seen 50 times before, and laugh at all the same jokes. But when I need a Sagittarian shake-up, she can help me with that. We’ll go explore a random ravine, or check out art galleries downtown, or get on a bus to Montreal.

I guess what I’m saying is… As much as I love other Taureans, and as familiar and comforting they feel to the very core of me, I don’t know if I want to fuck them anymore. At least, not the very Taurus-y Taureans like me. The sex is fantastic but it’s not an adventure. And I think it’s time I had some goddamn sexual adventures.

What are your thoughts on sexual astrology? Is there a particular sign with whom you tend to have amazing sex, or terrible sex? Is there a sign you tend to adore, or can’t stand?

  • Come Heather

    I love astrology. I’m a Libra and for some reason, I have never gotten along with a male Libra sexually. I think it maybe has something to do with the fact that we both want all the attention directed towards us.