Hi again! Welcome back to Intimate Intercourse, a series where I interview my boyfriend/Sir/daddy, who goes by Super Sleepy Dude, about various topics related to sex and kink. This week we’re discussing Daddy Dom/little girl kink! This is part 2 of a 3-part interview; you can read part 1 here. In this instalment, we discuss protocol, lifestyle domming, negotiating DD/lg exclusivity in polyamory, and kinky headspaces. Enjoy! Content warning for this post: ageplay, mentions of food and fatphobia.
Kate Sloan: Okay. This is kind of veering away from talking about identity, but – I feel like part of how our DD/lg dynamic manifests in the real world for us is you ordering stuff for me at restaurants, and picking my outfits for me sometimes, and helping me with my productivity, and helping me remember to take my iron pill every day, and stuff like that, that’s like, life maintenance stuff – which, I always kinda thought I wouldn’t be able to find someone who was into doing that stuff for me, ‘cause to me, that sounds stressful, to have to manage that stuff for someone else.
Super Sleepy: Yeah, I think, to a lot of people, that sounds stressful, because it’s a lot of responsibility, and if you fuck up, you’re not just fucking up sex or kink; you’re fucking up, potentially, someone’s life. And also, to other people, it just sounds boring. It’s neither of those things to me. It’s not stressful, because the protocols are set up in a way where we can both be successful at them; that’s how we constructed the relationship and the protocols. And it’s not boring, because seeing my little girl succeed and shine and grow is one of the most satisfying things. So yeah, that is definitely a big part of how our DD/lg stuff works. And I think it could work outside of that context – like, if we were just in a different type of D/s dynamic, we could still do all that stuff – but it feels even more like I am nurturing you because it is within that context.
KS: [giggling] Yeah. So, I think when we had been dating for like a month and a half – maybe not even that long – we had a conversation about DD/lg exclusivity.
SS: Ooh, yeah. Mhm.
KS: We decided I wasn’t gonna have any other daddies and you weren’t gonna have any other little girls. That came up ‘cause you were listening to an old podcast of mine.
SS: Yeah. I think I was on a plane, and I was listening to a Dildorks episode where you kind of casually mentioned that you had talked about that with another partner, and I wanted to ask you whether you had thought about that with us.
KS: And I had, but I had not been brave enough to bring it up.
SS: [growly voice] Secrets!!
KS: Well, we’d only been dating for like a month and a half!
SS: [laughing] I know. I know.
KS: And then you did kind of a weird thing – which, I understand in retrospect why you did it, but it freaked me out so much in the moment! You told me about listening to that podcast, and then you were like, “Is that still something that you want?” but you did not indicate at all if you wanted it.
SS: Yeah. I just left the question to you.
KS: So I think I gave a very non-committal response. I think I basically was like, “I mean, yeah, but also, if you didn’t want that, I could live without it, but yeah, I do want that.” And then you were like, “Yeah, I want that too.”
SS: Yeah. I had thought about it a bunch before asking about it, because I figured that if I brought it up, that would be the conversation that we were gonna have. And while I didn’t know exactly what that would look like, when I thought about it, I definitely wanted it.
KS: Why did you want it?
SS: It feels safer to me. Nurturing somebody and being in this kind of parental, guiding role is a lot of effort and emotional work. Even though it doesn’t feel like work, it’s a lot of emotional output. I don’t think I could do it for multiple people at once, and I kind of want to see that commitment mirrored on the other side. I want to know that the person I’m doing it for and with is on the same page, ideally.
KS: I think we are.
SS: Yeah, I think so too. And also, would it be confusing for you to have multiple daddies? Like, how would you deal with conflicts in terms of the guidance you were getting from these different people? Just seems like it might be kind of hard.
KS: Yeah, I don’t know, ‘cause I’ve never really been in that position before. I’ve never even really had more than one dom at a time, so I don’t know. I guess that would have to be negotiated on a case-by-case basis. But I agree with something you said to me a while ago: that if I did have more than one dom, they would probably basically have to be in charge of different things.
SS: Right. Otherwise it just gets to a point where you’re getting conflicting information, and then you’re gonna feel really bad if you’re disappointing somebody.
KS: Yup. I would be interested to talk to other poly submissives about how they deal with that.
SS: Yeah, for sure.
KS: So, you were calling me diminutive names before we were even playing with DD/lg stuff more explicitly.
SS: [dommy voice] Oh yeah? Was I?
KS: Yeah! What do you get out of calling me names like “little one” and “princess”? Why do you like that?
SS: ‘Cause when I look at you and when I fuck you and when I cuddle you, that’s how you feel to me. You feel little and precious and beautiful and special, and I want the names that I use for you to reflect that.
KS: [giggling] It’s so nice. I feel like you actually see me the way I feel like I am, when I’m in that headspace, which is really affirming.
SS: Yeah.
KS: I have a lot of guilt about that, because I feel like, on some level, it comes from a place of internalized fatphobia – about growing up chubby and wanting to literally be seen as, and called, small. But I think it’s more about the feeling of powerlessness.
SS: Yeah, I don’t think about it in that dimension. I don’t think about your body being thinner, or whatever, than it is. I think about it more in terms of the power differential, but also the knowledge differential, I guess. Like, “daddy’s gonna show you how your body works,” or “daddy’s gonna show you how to eat oysters for the first time,” or…
KS: [giggling]
SS: Like that. Like, I’m gonna show you things about the world and about yourself, and that makes you little, because you haven’t experienced those things yet. Even if that’s not technically true – like if we’re roleplaying that – it’s still really hot to me.
KS: Yeah, me too. How is it different to relate to someone who is in little space versus them just being in subspace?
SS: Oh my god, so interesting. Oh, wow. It’s not dissimilar. There’s the case when somebody is in little space, there’s the case when they’re in subspace, and then there’s the case when they’re in both.
KS: Right.
SS: A subspacey person is still presenting as an adult, and you want to be very clear with them, because they’re spacey, but you don’t need to inhabit a role where you are older and more nurturing towards them. And when they’re in little space but not in subspace, you don’t need to do the things that you would do for somebody who is in subspace, necessarily, but you want to play into the fact that they are small and full of wonder and they want to be shown things and they’re curious and they’re playful, and you’re the adult in the situation, so you still get the final say on everything. They can ask for things, but it’s your scene. And then when they’re in little space and subspace, that’s the most fun, ‘cause they’ve got that childlike wonder and they’re also really spacey and easy to move around and steer where you want them, and it’s such an altered state that it’s really fun to play with.
KS: Do you feel differences between topspace, dom space, and “daddy space”?
SS: Topspace and dom space, to me, are pretty synonymous. I don’t really feel that much of a difference. Maybe I haven’t topped non-dominantly enough to know. Daddy space… The main difference I feel is when they’re not the same thing. So, when I’m in a not-explicitly-sexual scenario with you, like at a restaurant, or holding your hand while we cross the street, or watching you perform from the audience as your daddy, that feels a lot different to me than topspace. I’m not actively topping, I’m not doing a thing, but I still have this pride and this sense of protectiveness and care and carefulness that permeates my whole brain.
KS: Aww. That’s so cute.
SS: Yeah. And, again, when they’re combined, it’s a lot.
KS: Do you think your voice changes?
SS: Do you think so?
KS: [giggling] Well, I’m trying to think about whether your “dom voice” is different from your “daddy voice.” I do think there is a difference, and I think it’s a tenderness.
SS: Yeah, I think so too. I can totally picture me saying things in both of those voices, and I think when I’m doing stuff as your daddy, versus just as your Sir, it’s more condescending and it’s more tender at the same time.
KS: Yep. I like it.
SS: [daddy voice] You do like it, little one, don’t you? I know what you like, babygirl…
KS: [subby giggling] Hey!
SS: Hey!
KS: Heyyy!
SS: Hey! You don’t wanna get little right now?
KS: Well, I only have two more questions.
SS: Okay.
Check back on Friday for the last instalment of this interview, in which we’ll be talking about ethical concerns around DD/lg, advice for burgeoning daddy doms, literal versus non-literal ageplay dynamics, and being a submissive daddy!