10 Ways Vibrators Can Be Therapeutic (+ a Giveaway!)

Photo via Bellesa

It would be easy to think, comparing my work to that of my journalism-school colleagues now reporting on business and politics, that what I do is comparatively frivolous. Sex writing is, after all, largely about fun and pleasure – or at least, that’s how it’s often perceived from the outside. In reality, many people writing about sex today delve into hugely important sub-topics of that realm, like health justice, trauma, education policy, and gender inequality. Sex is no small thing, and it never has been.

That’s why today I wanted to highlight for you 10 ways that people use vibrators therapeutically. As with all medical suggestions you read online, you should run these by your doctor and/or therapist before trying them – and if you do, I hope you find them helpful!

Toning the pelvic floor

Pelvic muscle contractions, the likes of which are experienced during orgasm and high levels of arousal, strengthen the muscles they employ. These muscles’ fitness is responsible for longer and stronger orgasms, yes, but also for preventing pelvic health issues like urinary incontinence.

Healing from trauma

My friend Sarah Brynn Holliday has written about how sex toys can be instrumental in rediscovering pleasure after sexual trauma. A sex toy you know well is controllable in a way that human partners are not, so when you need or want to control your sexual experience to avoid triggering or re-traumatizing yourself as best as you can, sex toys can be helpful.

Alleviating menopause symptoms

For some people, menopause causes the onset of “vulvovaginal atrophy,” wherein decreased estrogen levels in vaginal tissue cause the vagina to become dry, irritated, and sore. The vaginal walls may become thinner, leading to painful sex, especially sans lube. Gynecology professor Dr. Mary Jane Minkin told the Huffington Post in 2013 that vibrators stimulate increased pelvic blood flow, potentially alleviating these symptoms. Some of the menopausal women in my life have also found it psychologically helpful to masturbate more as they age, since our culture tends to harmfully frame older women as unsexual and unsexy (boooo!).

Managing depression

This is a big one for me. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes administering an orgasm through the use of a vibrator can kickstart the production of some happy neurotransmitters and thereby lift my mood. This is especially helpful given that, in the throes of a depressive episode, I often find my own genitals unsettling to touch – so it’s a godsend to be able to hold a vibrator against my pajama pants and get off without grossing myself out or upsetting myself further.

Massaging muscles

We all know about this one – especially since the famous Magic Wand Original (née Hitachi Magic Wand) was developed for sore muscles. This way of using vibrators has become particularly important to me since I developed chronic pain, and I’m so glad it’s an available option.

Increasing desire

There seems to be a “horniness begets horniness” effect at work in many people’s sex lives. It’s what sex researcher Emily Nagoski refers to as “responsive desire,” which she affirms is a normal way of experiencing your sexual appetite, despite the medical community’s historical insistence on misdiagnosing this as “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” or straight-up “frigidity.” In any case, if your sex drive is lower than you would like it to be, regular usage of vibrators is recommended by some doctors to boost your libido. Worth a shot!

Pleasure after injury

Several studies, for example, have noted vibrators’ ability to provoke sexual response even in people who have sustained spinal cord injuries that otherwise inhibit their sensitivity and functioning. This seems to be discussed most often in the context of obtaining semen from disabled men so they can father children, rather than in the context of pleasure or satisfaction, but its implications are encouraging nonetheless.

Combating vaginismus

Vaginismus is a vaginal pain condition in which involuntary pelvic muscle spasms make penetrative sex extremely painful or outright impossible. Vaginal dilators of steadily increasing size are one oft-recommended intervention for vaginismus, and these pair well with vibrators, both because vibration helps muscles relax and because pleasure can gradually overwrite the patient’s mental associations between sex and pain.

Mending relationships

Granted, a vibrator alone is not going to solve your relationship problems – interpersonal connections have too many complex layers for “quick fixes” to do any good. But if, for example, one partner has trouble relaxing into pleasurable sex due to stress in their life, or someone’s inability to orgasm has become a point of friction in the relationship, or your sexual connection has simply grown stale and rote, the addition of a vibrator could help. There will be other mental/psychological/interpersonal work to do, too, but you’ve gotta start somewhere. (Just please don’t buy a vibrator out of the blue for a partner who has never expressed any interest in owning one. This is coercive, presumptuous, and weird!)

Post-breakup self-care

For me, the saddest part of a breakup is always the idea that not only have I lost the love/companionship/pleasure I achieved with my ex, but also that I might never find those things again with anyone else. This is obviously bullshit, but it’s a very persuasive idea to a grieving brain. Vibrators have always helped me at this time: I know that even if my latest paramour has fucked off, I can still make myself come, and that’s powerful. It’s sometimes the first step toward rediscovering my own strength, resilience, and potential.


If, after reading all that, you’re thinking, “I’ve gotta get me a vibrator,” you’re in luck – the fine folks at Bellesa are offering up a Nirvana wand vibrator for one lucky reader in North America! Bellesa focuses on making sex toys for women, but of course, anyone of any gender and body type can use a vibrator, especially one as versatile as the Nirvana. It’s a rechargeable, waterproof, silicone wand vibe, and you can use it on any external erogenous zone that enjoys vibration. Yay!

Here’s how to enter: 1) follow @BellesaCo on Instagram, 2) follow me (@Girly_Juice) on Instagram, and 3) leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What’s one way you think vibrators can be therapeutic?” and tagging a friend. The giveaway will run for a week, and then I’ll pick a random winner. Please note that you must be over 18 and must live in North America to win. Good luck!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Salacious Sightseeing & Titillating Tourism

I’ve been lucky enough to travel quite a bit in my time. My parents did a lot of work-related travel when I was a kid (crisis management sojourns to foreign countries for my dad, press junkets in New York and Los Angeles for my mom), which instilled in me the sense that travel was freedom, adventure, excitement. They would always bring back presents from their far-flung visits – and now, when I travel, I sometimes bring back presents for them! Ah, the circle of (#jetsetter) life.

Today I want to talk about 5 sexy attractions or date spots I’ve been to in 5 excellent cities. There are more exotic sexual locales – you could, for example, visit the Red Light District in Amsterdam, get the best escorts for all tastes in Melbourne, or go hang out with horny moms on the Twilight tour in Italy – but these are some I’ve personally enjoyed. Check ’em out if you’re ever in the neighborhood!

Kink Shoppe (Philadelphia)

I secretly think most of the best sex shops have a heavy focus on kink. It’s not that “vanilla” sex toys aren’t important – they are – but I find that if a shop is run and frequented by kinksters, it tends to have a better and more thought-out selection of products, both kinky and not. After all, kinksters do love to be overanalytical and nerdy about their sex lives! Kink Shoppe in Philly is no exception: it has a wide array of toys ranging from mild (cute vibrators, colorful dildos) to wild (ball crushers, gas masks). My partner bought a pair of vampire gloves there and they have served us well! P.S. If you want dessert after your sex-shop date, walk a block west to the Franklin Fountain for ice cream. Yummm.

Drink (Boston)

This is supposedly the #1 cocktail bar in Boston and I believe it. The bartenders are brilliant and worth the wait. (There was about a 45-minute-long line when my partner and I went; we played Scrabble on my phone and people-watched while we waited.) They have no cocktail menu, so you just tell them what kinds of things you like and dislike in a drink and they’ll make you something great. And then, if you’re me, you go back to your hotel and do a watersports scene. *shrug*

Spartacus (Portland)

This is maybe the best sex shop I’ve ever been to, and I don’t say that lightly! I’d heard of the Spartacus brand of sex products before, but didn’t know they had an actual retail location – and OMG, it is amazing. You could easily spend a good 2-3 hours picking through the massive selection of stuff. My partner and I walked out with a bottle of Sliquid lube and a pair of scandalous fishnet underwear, but honestly, there were like 12 other things I could’ve bought. Plus the cashier didn’t unnecessarily gender us. Score.

Onoir (Montreal)

Some relationship psychology theorists say an easy way to “rekindle the spark” is to do something new and/or scary together. Roller coasters and horror movies are the commonly cited examples, but I don’t like jump-scares or loop-de-loops… Onoir served a similar function when my partner and I went there, though! It’s a fine dining experience in a completely dark room, where you’re led around and waited on by blind servers. It’ll certainly make you think differently about food, and maybe about your beau, too!

Museum of Sex (New York)

Periodically a friend of mine will go on vacation to New York and will message me to ask if I think the Museum of Sex is worth a visit. It really depends on what the current exhibitions are – I’ve seen some pretty good ones and some pretty boring ones – but for the most part, I’d say if you’re a sex nerd visiting NYC, you should check it out. The lobby is a sex shop stocked by someone who clearly knows what they’re doing, so you can cap off your visit by buying a luxury thruster, CBD lube, or a vintage copy of Playboy. Ideal.

 

What are your favorite sexy or date-y spots you’ve visited on your travels?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Monthly Faves: Zumio, Ziggy, & Zines

Happy Halloween! Here are some notable highlights from my October…

Sex toys

• I don’t have much new stuff to report here because I’m a curmudgeonly old sex toy reviewer who’s set in her ways (i.e. using the Eroscillator several times a week), BUT: Intimina sent me their Ziggy menstrual cup, supposedly the only reusable cup you can leave in while having sex. I haven’t gotten to try it yet but I am excited to test its capabilities.

• Zumio sent me the newer version of their product, the Zumio S. The original was incredibly intense; this new version is geared toward people who are more sensitive. It’s less strong and has a silicone tip that muffles the oscillation slightly. Still feels plenty strong to me, though! I’ve had a hard time getting off with this toy because the shape is just too pinpoint for my finicky clit, but it feels nice nonetheless.

Fantasy fodder

• Been thinking a lot lately about fractionation, the hypnosis phenomenon whereby a hypnotist moves their subject in and out of trance very quickly several times in a row, to induce a feeling of disorientation. It feels like my brain is getting fucked. Much like drugs or alcohol, it creates an altered state in me very quickly and easily, which is very much within my kinky wheelhouse.

• My partner often reads to me over the phone, and lately we’ve been working our way through Desperate Measures, a fanfic novella where Jafar and Jasmine from Aladdin have a relationship involving consensual non-consent and DD/lg. Weirdly, it has some very Fifty Shades vibes: Jafar is a well-off businessman and Jasmine is a sheltered good girl. The fanfiction medium continues to dazzle and delight.

• Am I into impregnation kink now?? (That is always how it feels when a new-to-me kink shows up in my sex-brain. Like: What?? This?? Really??) I was talking to my partner about this recently and remarked that, for me, it’s pretty hard to separate the terror of real-life pregnancy from the fantasy desire to be impregnated – how can I truly know whether the latter is hot to me while the former is present? – but, even with that arousal-dampening condition in place, I’m still mildly intrigued by this kink. Hmm.

Sexcetera

• I trekked down to New York to see Bex (who was getting his top surgery, OMG!) and Matt (my luv). Some highlights of my trip: Bex’s carrot cake, watching B99 and Claire Saffitz for hours, truffle pasta at The Pool, rum cocktails at Dear Irving, a really hot blue-eyed British nurse in the recovery room, shopping for eyeshadow, and of course, seeing Bex’s resilience and delight post-surgery. What a remarkable friend I have.

• I guested on Trends Like These again this month, stepping in to talk about “woke” comedy, leaked nudes, and video game bankruptcy. Always a pleasure! Brent and I also guested together on the SyFy Every Day Horror podcast, where we discussed the movie Insidious – not my fave, but Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne are very hot in it, so, y’know. (Did you know all my guest podcast appearances are listed on my Press page?)

• On The Dildorks, we chatted about breakups and Bex’s top surgery, and interviewed Aida Manduley about attachment theory. On Question Box, we interrogated incredible guests like Heidi O’Ferrall and SungWon Cho. In my newsletter, I wrote about friend-ghosting, an impromptu watersports scene, an accidental trance, and queer sex.

• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 20 times (!) and phone sex also 20 times, for a combined total of 40 sex sessions. That’s… too many for 31 days, but okay.

Fashion & beauty

• My skin’s been chaotic for months (psoriasis + depression + chronic pain can do that to a person), so this month I bought some new skincare products to try to sort it out. My current routine looks like this: rinse face with water in the morning, moisturize with squalane and CeraVe cream, apply eye cream (haven’t settled on a fave yet but I’m using Origins GinZing and IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye) and sunscreen; in the evening, wash face with Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel and a konjac sponge, apply glycolic acid toner and eye cream, and moisturize with rose hip seed oil and Lush Celestial; twice a week, use a salicylic acid mask. Plus occasional medicated psoriasis creams. My grumpy skin is finally starting to calm down!

• Maybe I “should” be wearing more “autumnal” lipsticks at this point, but instead I’m still stuck on my favorite pink du moment, Sugarpill’s “Girl Crush.” It’s pretty much perfect.

• Since I work from home, loungewear is an important category in my wardrobe. I have a new pair of modal lounge pants from the Gap that are blissfully soft, and comfy enough to wear to bed but (just barely) opaque enough to wear on a coffee run or to the laundry room. A++!

Media

• Tegan and Sara’s new album Hey, I’m Just Like You is all reworked versions of songs they wrote in high school, so it’s full of romantic melodrama and boppy hooks. I’ll probably never love another album of theirs as much as I loved The Con, but this one has certainly been haunting my head lately.

• My award-winning novelist cousin Sean’s new book The Wagers came out this month, and I loved it. It’s a high-stakes heist story about luck and love, set in locales as far-flung as a Montreal grocery store and a desert commune.

• I ordered a bunch of Clementine Morrigan’s zines and they’re soooo good. She writes with profound acuity about love, trauma, kink, sobriety, friendship, and queerness.

Little things

Laundry day. Solo food court dates. Seeing DeAnne Smith do stand-up from front-row centre. Peanut M&Ms (the superior movie theatre snack). Making Brent laugh with my dumb puns. Replacing the ink cartridge in my fancy pen. Bursts of creative energy at odd hours. New sheets. 24 Hours of Improv at the Bad Dog. Giant margaritas. My therapist getting extremely flustered when he accidentally made a suicide joke in front of me (lol). Letting my love borrow my lipstick. Clients who know what they want and communicate it well. Automatically generated word count goals on Scrivener. Seeing two burlesque performers do an anal fisting scene on stage (!!). Exercising my democratic right, in a really cute outfit. Watching the election results come in at the Glad Day. Martinis and theatre with my mom. Talking to a kink-nerd friend about sex research and BDSM psychology for hours. Tinder Tales at the Gladstone. Interviewing my heroes.

My 11 Must-Haves For Chronic Pain

Y’all, it has been a tough month for me with regards to my chronic pain. I’ve spent so many days in bed, asked so many people to help me with basic tasks because my sore body couldn’t accomplish them, cried a few times when painkillers just weren’t cutting it… This shit really sucks sometimes.

But on the plus side, there’s always something I can do to alleviate my symptoms at least a little. Here are some of the products I use on a day-to-day basis that make life with chronic pain more bearable…

A lap desk. Mine is from IKEA but I gather that there are better ones out there. It’s not strictly ergonomic to use a computer in bed – which presents its own host of potential problems in terms of pain – but sometimes, it’s all I can manage. This neat little innovation keeps my computer from overheating on the duvet and creates a sturdy surface that allows for easier typing when I’m too achy to sit at my desk.

An eye mask. I have one from Mad Toto which I like because it has a spiral on each eye (hypnokinksters take note!). Sleep is an important part of my pain management, and since I live in an apartment with gloriously bright wall-to-wall windows, I have to wear an eye mask if I want some quality shut-eye. (More recommendations here.)

A weed vape. It’s funny: in high school I was staunchly anti-drugs, but now, in adulthood, I’ve found that cannabis is one of the only things which can tame both my physical pain and my mental health symptoms. It doesn’t always work, but it sure helps. My current fave thing is the AirVape X, a slick, bright blue vaporizer that comes highly recommended and feels like what would happen if Apple made a vape.

The Notes app. It’s built into iOS and has most of the functions I could want from a note-taking app. I like this one for writing when my body is too sore to use a computer; it syncs to all my various devices so I can later transfer the completed writing wherever it needs to go. (I’ve also been using the Scrivener iOS app sometimes lately because that’s what I’m writing my book in, and it syncs from my computer using Dropbox.)

A heating pad. Mine is an extremely basic microwaveable one I picked up from Shoppers Drug Mart for about $20, but it works a treat. This is sometimes the only thing that can calm down my sore, stiff muscles.

Modal lounge pants. I have several pairs of these now, from Gap and MeUndies, and they’re soooo gooood. During a pain flare-up, it’s important that I have clothes which are comfortable, non-restrictive, and easy to get in and out of, and these totally fit the bill.

Slip dresses (like this). Same deal: these are super comfy for lounging around the house. They’re also, depending on the fabric and the cut, potentially presentable enough to wear outside, particularly if I throw on some leggings underneath and a cardigan on top – always a plus when I barely want to move, let alone change my whole outfit.

Voice recognition software, like Siri on the iPhone. When my pain is really bad, sometimes telling Siri to do my bidding is the best I can manage. With her help, I can write texts, do Google searches, check the weather, etc. without even needing to pick up my phone.

Bath products. Taking a hot bath is one of the most helpful things I can do for my pain. I like Lush bath bombs the most; Epsom salts are also great, especially ones containing essential oils like peppermint and eucalyptus, and now some companies are even making CBD-infused bath products for an extra hit of relaxation.

Lipstick. Silly and frivolous? Yes. Fun and therapeutic? Also yes. Lipstick is (for me, anyway) the easiest cosmetic to apply, so even when I can’t manage eyeliner or foundation, I can still put on a day-brightening coat of lip color and feel cute. Underrated and important!

A vibrator. Okay, as you probably know, I have several. The most helpful one for my chronic pain is the Magic Wand Rechargeable: it’s a stellar muscle massager, and can also readily induce orgasms that ease my symptoms with endorphins. Plus it’s relatively easy to hold even when I’m having a flare-up, unlike heavier wands like the Doxy Die Cast.

 

I asked my fellow chronic pain-afflicted Twitter followers what products they find helpful, and some common recommendations were:

  • A TENS unit. These use pulses of electricity to soothe muscle pain and tension.
  • Electric heating pads and hot water bottles. Basic but useful as hell.
  • Wrist braces, elbow braces, compression gloves, etc. I don’t know quite how well these would work for my particular types of pain but am curious to try!
  • Soothing topicals, including Biofreeze, Tiger Balm, arnica cream, and THC- or CBD-infused coconut oil.
  • Lots of pillows, including firm positioning aids like the Liberator Jaz, for maximizing comfort and propping up sore knees.
  • Ear plugs, for improving sleep quality.
  • A foam roller, for massaging muscles.
  • Ergonomic keyboards, mouses, and desks (especially standing desks) for an easier time at the computer.
  • Food that requires very little prep, like fruits, microwaveable meals, ramen, and oatmeal packets. More suggestions here.

Do you have any favorite products when pain comes a-knockin’?

An Erotic Hypnosis FAQ

Of all the kinks I’ve explored in my diverse and storied sex life, I think hypnokink is one of the ones I get the most questions about. Sometimes people seem flummoxed when I mention it, as if they had never even considered that hypnosis could be perverted into a sex act – and I don’t blame them, because I didn’t really know it was a thing either, before I did it!

I’m no hypno expert – you should look into the work of Mark Wiseman, Sleepingirl, Mr. Dream, Lee Allure, and DJ Pynchon if you want info from more experienced people – but here, nonetheless, are the answers to some of the most common questions I get asked about hypnosis.

Q. What is hypnosis?

A. The way I understand it, hypnosis (or hypnotism) is the process of bringing someone into an altered state (trance).

Q. What is trance?

A. Much like subspace, being drunk/high, or being in “flow state,” trance is an altered state that can change how you speak, how you behave, and how you perceive stimuli. Trance is characterized by hyper-focus, though it may not look like that from the outside. Someone who is in trance is often more suggestible than they would otherwise be, which makes it a useful state for kink games.

Q. What does trance feel like?

A. It’s important to emphasize here that 1) trance feels different for different people and 2) it may not feel like what you’d expect it to feel like. You will have a better hypnosis experience if you’re able to release all preconceived notions about what trance “should” feel like and just remain present and focused on what you are feeling.

That said, for me, trance feels a lot like those calm, still moments between sleep and wakefulness, or like being super stoned but still lucid. My thoughts come more slowly, and there are fewer of them. It’s often hard for me to speak or move when in trance. My eyes fall closed and my body goes slack. I can still perceive and understand what’s happening around me, but am particularly focused on the voice of my hypnotist and have, to some extent, the ability to tune out other stimuli. It’s a warm, pleasant, heavy feeling, like being really sleepy in a big comfy bed.

Q. Afterward, do you remember what happened while you were in trance?

A. For the most part, yes. It can be like subspace in that sometimes my memory will be blurry or will need to be jogged if I’m going to recall the scene. But unless specifically instructed to forget something (a potentially risky practice called hypnotic amnesia), I typically have no problem remembering what happened.

Q. Can anyone be hypnotized?

A. There are some neurological conditions which may make trance difficult or impossible to achieve – usually conditions which affect one’s ability to focus. However, most people can be hypnotized.

Q. Can a hypnotist make you do things you don’t want to do?

A. As Sleepingirl and GleefulAbandon point out in their excellent zine about hypnosis myths, the idea of hypnosis as mind control isn’t right but also isn’t completely wrong. While your trancey brain will often naturally fight against following orders you genuinely don’t want to follow, it is still possible for someone to use hypnosis to sway your behavior in ways that may go against your will. That’s true for lots of kinks: if I trusted a dominant, for example, the intoxication of subspace could make me do things they told me to do during a scene, even if those things hadn’t previously been negotiated or agreed to. As with any kink activity, hypnosis scenes should be thoroughly negotiated beforehand, and you should use your best judgment in selecting partners you think are trustworthy.

Q. How can I learn hypnosis?

A. If you want to be a hypnotist (also known in the community as a top or a ’tist), I would strongly recommend picking up Mark Wiseman’s book Mind Play. It’s a great primer on the whys and hows of erotic hypnosis, and you will be able to at least attempt to hypnotize someone after reading it. There’s also a reading list on Mr. Dream’s FetLife profile that you’ll find helpful.

If you’re only interested in being a hypnotic subject (also known as a bottom or a hypnotee), I still think you should read Mind Play to get a sense for how hypnosis works and what it can be used for. There’s even a section in Mind Play that teaches you how to hypnotize yourself. There are also tons of sex workers and content creators who offer hypnosis videos and audios – Priestess KatherineAlicia Fairclough, Gently Bitten, and Tennfan, for example – though it should be noted that these aren’t a perfect substitute for “the real thing” with a partner, because, like sex, hypnosis works best when all participants involved are present, paying attention, and tailoring their approach to the person or people they’re with.

Q. How did you get into hypnosis?

A. I was vaguely aware of erotic hypnosis before meeting my current partner Matt (a fuckbuddy once tried to induce an orgasm in me using hypnotic-ish techniques, much to my amusement and chagrin), but I never tried it until I started dating them in 2017. It was a major kink of theirs – which they disclosed to me sometime between our first and second dates – and it immediately piqued my interest because of how it could potentially be combined with D/s. We did our first hypno scene by accident (!) and the rest is history.

Q. Is it hot?

A. There are lots of people for whom the hot thing is the hypnosis itself. Maybe being in trance turns them on, maybe seeing someone else going into trance turns them on, maybe hypnosis tropes in TV and movies turn them on, maybe all of the above! As with many fetishes, hypnokink isn’t always easy to explain to people who don’t have that kink. Either you get it or you don’t.

That said, you don’t have to have a hypno fetish to find erotic hypnosis sexy. I (and many others) find it hot for reasons other than the trance itself: for example, the power dynamics at play, the sensory effects hypnosis can induce, and the way a skilled hypnotist can quiet my anxious mind to allow for greater heights of relaxation and arousal. If you eroticize control – controlling someone, being controlled, or both – then hypno can be a really fun and unique way to play with that.

Q. What kinds of things can you do in a hypno scene?

A. Again, check out Mind Play for a list of ideas, as well as Lee Allure’s list. Some things I’ve done in the past: altering the intensity or location of sensations (e.g. making someone’s thigh feel like their cock; turning up someone’s sensitivity), altering how sensations are perceived (e.g. turning pain into pleasure), inducing a state of “bondage” (through the suggestion that a particular body part, or the whole body, is stuck or stilled), reducing inhibitions, temporarily changing someone’s personality (e.g. making them behave like a child or be more dominant), and pairing a particular verbal trigger with some kind of reaction (e.g. you feel your arousal doubling every time you hear the words “good girl”).

Q. Where can I find hypno porn/erotica?

A. Try the Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive, the hypnotism tag on Archive of Our Own, and the porn on Entrancement.

Q. How can you ensure consent and safety in a hypno scene?

A. My approach to kink is focused on harm reduction and being risk-aware, meaning that I recognize every sexual activity has its risks and it’s up to each person to be aware of those risks and make decisions for themselves accordingly. So, as with any kink activity, you can’t guarantee that nothing will go wrong in a hypno scene. That said, you can mitigate risk by thoroughly pre-negotiating your scenes, having a safeword in place, and (if you’re the hypnotist) always building safety measures into your suggestions (e.g. “you will experience [x effect] only tonight and only with me”; “if you are uncomfortable at any point, you will automatically float back up into wakefulness”).

Q. Is erotic hypnosis anything like hypnotherapy?

A. Hypnosis is used in lots of different ways by lots of different people. It is indeed sometimes used in a therapeutic context, by trained professionals, to help with problems like addiction or trauma. It should not be used in this way by anyone who lacks thorough training in hypnotherapy. That said, as with many kinks, hypnosis may not be therapy but it can be therapeutic, in the sense that it may have positive emotional and psychological effects for various reasons. My partner and I have occasionally used hypnosis to achieve positive and non-sexual effects, such as temporarily reducing my anxiety or my chronic pain, but any therapeutic use more complex than that (especially anything involving memories or age regression) should only be attempted by professionals. (If you’re looking for one, I would recommend Dr. Liz Powell.)

Q. How do I find someone to try/practice hypnosis with?

A. My partner’s earliest hypnokink experiences happened on websites where you can chat with strangers who share your interests, like Omegle, but they don’t recommend that because you don’t know who you’re playing with or whether they’re ethical kinksters. You can look for local hypnokink meetups on FetLife, or consider attending hypno cons like Beguiled or Charmed. You could also hire a sex worker who specializes in hypnosis.

 

Hope that helps, y’all!