Review: Magic Banana

As a sex toy reviewer, one of the questions I get asked all the time is, “What’s the weirdest toy you’ve tried?” Up til now, I’ve typically told people it’s the Eroscillator (ridged bronze god that looks a bit like a medieval torture device) or the Pure Wand (large curved hunk of steel that my mom claims she could do bicep curls with) – but I think I have a new contender in my toybox: the Magic Banana.

This toy consists of a yellow resistance cord wrapped in a curved loop of “smooth, non-toxic, FDA-approved” tubing, and a black handle that seems to be made of hard plastic. I haven’t been able to find any concrete claims about the actual materials used, but the instruction manual only recommends water-based lube, so maybe there’s some silicone in there somewhere.

The Magic Banana is a kegel exerciser. That is its purpose, and it lives up to that label. What bugs me about this product is the incessant claims it makes about its purported other uses, none of which it does well.

For example, the Banana’s manual states repeatedly that it is curved to hit the G-spot. Yes, it’s curved. Yes, it brushes past my G-spot when I thrust it in and out. But it certainly doesn’t feel very stimulating, at least not in an erotic way. If I want to writhe with G-spot pleasure, I’ll use a toy that’s actually designed for it, not a kegel toy that thinks it can be sexy.

The Banana’s instruction manual is full of hilarity, but I particularly like this passage: “The Magic Banana expands your pleasure possibilities and can enable you to experience several types of orgasm at once. With practice, the Magic Banana can also help you experience full-body orgasm.” I take issue with this. There is no proof to back this up. Sure, doing regular kegel exercises will strengthen the PC muscles and make orgasms longer and stronger – but “several types of orgasm at once”? “Full-body orgasm”? I think not.

Continuing to read through the manual, though, I came across this: “The Magic Banana can be a great tool to enhance partner sex – especially when used with oral stimulation.” Yes! This is an idea I can get behind. Mainly because, when my boyfriend’s tongue is on my clit, pretty much anything in my vagina will feel good. We tried it out, and to my amazement, the Magic Banana is actually great for this purpose. It doesn’t slide out at all, unlike literally every other toy I own, and it’s fun to feel its resistance cord being squished by my vaginal muscles during orgasm.

I guess I have to talk about the toy’s primary purpose at some point, huh? As a kegel exerciser, the Magic Banana is decent. It doesn’t provide as much of a challenge as I was expecting, in terms of resistance, but it can certainly be felt when I squeeze around it. I think it would be best suited for someone who hasn’t quite figured out how to isolate their PC muscles yet, or hasn’t done much kegeling before. I have fairly fit vaginal muscles and wished I could upgrade to something harder to squeeze.

I’ve tried to use the Magic Banana to stimulate myself internally while masturbating clitorally, as the manual repeatedly suggests, but it just doesn’t feel that great. The tubing awkwardly pulls and stretches at my vaginal opening, and it’s all too easy to bump into my cervix with it on the way in. I inevitably get frustrated with it and switch it out for something more satisfying at some point.

I think I would’ve liked the Magic Banana a lot more if I hadn’t been told, over and over again, that it would be able to do everything for me. It doesn’t please my G-spot, it doesn’t enable me to have “several types of orgasm at once,” it doesn’t induce deeper sleep with better dreams (yes, the manual actually makes this ridiculous claim). It does, however, provide a small-to-medium amount of resistance for doing kegel exercises, and it stays put inside me during oral sex.

You’ll probably enjoy the Magic Banana if you’re looking for a fun new way to do kegels, or you like having people ask you questions about the strange-looking objects on your bedside table – but don’t expect any more than that from this toy, or you’ll be just as disappointed as me.