Girly Juice

Review: Doc Johnson Thinny Minnie

Tue, 21 May 2013 13:09:29 -0400

Every once in a while, a giant, cheap-ass sex toy maker like Doc Johnson comes out with something that catches my eye, and I wonder, Will this be the thing that changes my mind about this company?

The answer, at least in regards to the Thinny Minnie dildo, is a resounding nope.

I thought I would dig the Minnie because its shape reminds me slightly of the Lelo Ella, an elegant and effective G-spot dildo. But Ella stays firm, while Minnie flops. My G-spot needs firmness or girth or both, but the Minnie has neither.

It has an insertable length of 5”, which really isn’t that long but feels like an eternity because of how boring the toy’s shaft is: straight, smooth, and skinny.

My G-spot can detect the Thinny Minnie, but just barely. If you want a good silicone G-spot dildo, go for the Acute, Tsunami, Adam, Ella, or Comet Wand instead. Anything but Doc Johnson!

(I know this review is super short, but can you blame me? Look at how boring this dildo is!)

Review: Lelo Large Smart Wand

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:45:29 -0400

For a long time, reviewers have been complaining that Lelo vibrators just aren’t strong enough. They’re beautiful, elegant, ergonomic, rechargeable, and high-quality, but many clits-o’-steel have been unimpressed with their strength.

Well, no more. Because the large Smart Wand is one of the strongest vibrators I’ve ever tried, and also one of the best.

For all you Hitachi enthusiasts, take a moment to imagine how your sex life would change if your beloved wand didn’t need to be plugged into the wall in order to work, and if you could actually take it in the bath with you. Mindblowing and life-changing, right? In that case, you probably need a large Smart Wand, pronto.

Before I start sounding too much like an infomercial, let’s get some gripes out of the way. Yes, the toy is 100% waterproof, but the charging port is just an open hole on the end of the toy’s handle. It can be really anxiety-producing to watch bathwater slowly flow into an open orifice on your $135 sex toy. The hole is just as waterproof as the rest of the toy, but I still think Lelo should have at least put a little peel-back silicone plug in that spot, to set bath-bound consumers’ minds at ease.

As for the color… I must admit, I did not order the white wand and it wouldn’t have been my first choice; the one I chose was black but I ended up with the white one nonetheless. The white tends to show every speck of dirt or dust that makes its way onto the toy. However, I do think it would make a lovely bridal/wedding gift, what with being ivory-colored and luxurious.

Most of the toy is covered in satiny-smooth silicone, while the inner edge of the gently curving handle is made of metallic gold plastic that makes it easier to grip the toy. The Lelo logo is embossed into the handle, but it’s high enough on the toy that it would be difficult to accidentally get any lube or natural juices into the grooves of the letters, which is an improvement on some previous Lelo designs.

The head of the massager has a bit of flex to it, like most other wand-style vibes, but it’s minimal. If you like a lot of firm pressure along with your vibrations, this toy can provide it.

Like most massager-style vibes, the part of the Smart Wand that will be touching your genitals is very big and broad. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because usually I like something a little more focused, but it didn’t bother me in the end.

Can I just say how much it annoys me that Lelo steadfastly markets this toy as a body massager? Granted, it does work great for body massage, but let’s be real here – Lelo makes sex toys, and has always been upfront about doing so, so why suddenly change the game and act like this vibrator is meant for solely G-rated usage? There is literally no mention of genitals, sex, or masturbation in the Smart Wand instruction manual. This annoys me on principle, but luckily, doesn’t change the awesomeness of the toy itself.

And let me tell you, it is awesome. This massager has crazy strong vibrations. Though the Smart Wand has multiple speeds like all Lelo vibes, I usually only use the third and fourth ones, because the toy is that strong.

The first three speeds are rumbly, causing the toy to visibly tremble back and forth, while the rest are buzzier – but all feel great. Like the Hitachi, this toy may need to be muffled with underwear or a towel for some users to enjoy it, but it’s worth it.

Much fuss was made about the Smart Wand’s “SenseTouch” mode, in which the vibrations will stay on a low level until they touch your skin, at which point they will ramp up suddenly to a much higher level. This is supposed to feel like the gradual pressure that a masseuse’s hands can provide. I didn’t think much of this mode and won’t be using it, but I can see how it could be useful for someone who plans to use the wand primarily for actual massage.

It’s worth noting that my Smart Wand is the large one; other reviewers have found that the medium version is not nearly as strong. So if power’s what you’re after, get the large.

My final issue with the Smart Wand, which might just be a glitch in my particular toy, is that the buttons are very sensitive. Sometimes I press the “plus” button once, to move up to the next speed, and it skips a few speeds randomly, moving up to a much stronger one than I’m ready for. This can be remedied quickly by pressing the “minus” button until it goes back to a speed I’m comfortable with, but it might be worth considering if you’re very sensitive and would be horrified by sudden earthshattering vibrations on your clit.

But overall? Fuck, man, I love my Smart Wand. It’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s stronger than almost any other vibe in my collection, it can be used anywhere I want (including the bath), and it serves up some crazy intense orgasms. Hallelujah, Lelo!

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada! You’re the best!

Happy Masturbation Month!

Sat, 11 May 2013 17:21:00 -0400

Lovelies, I am so proud to have a platform from which to shout this message from the proverbial internet rooftops: MASTURBATION IS AWESOME AND HEALTHY!

Next week I’m giving a talk to a group of volunteers at a telephone hotline that aims to support youth in a sex-positive, queer-positive way. The talk is about – you guessed it – sex toys.

One of the key takeaways I’m hoping to impart on these volunteers is what I mentioned above: the usefulness and loveliness of masturbation as a regular practice. It’s the reason I got into “sex toy advocacy” in the first place, and it’s the reason I continue to be so passionate about sex toys: people should feel empowered to masturbate as they please.

If you want some fun challenges for Masturbation Month, check out my article from last May for a few ideas. And if you want to buy yourself a treat for the occasion, may I recommend the Eroscillator for the zillionth time? (Still my favorite sex toy ever, a year after getting it!)

I hope you’re having a rad Masturbation Month and that you continue to have tons o’ fun orgasms throughout May. Tell me how you’re celebrating this month! (And with which toys!)

Let's Talk About Terminology: Women

Thu, 09 May 2013 21:33:00 -0400

I’ll keep this post short and sweet, because I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Female adult humans are called women.

Do not call us “girls.” Do not infantilize us. Do not make the mistake of believing someone is “overreacting” if they take issue with being called a child.

Especially do not call us “girls” if you choose to use the word “men” in the same sentence. Do not juxtapose those two things if you do not mean them literally. Talking about female adults? “Women” is the word you are looking for.

Sometimes I like to be snarky in my enforcement of this language rule, so I trawl sex forums looking for threads with titles like, “Do girls like giving blowjobs?” and “How do girls feel about pubic hair?” and I reply (momentarily setting aside the fact that those posts try to generalize all women), “I certainly hope you’re not having sex with girls.” Or, sometimes, “I don’t know about girls, but I know some women who like giving blowjobs.”

As with any challenge to the status quo of misogynist language, there is always pushback. People scream, “You know what I meant!” And yes, I do know what was meant. I also know what was achieved: infantilization of women and the continuation of a verbal system that supports it.

Check your language. Make sure it’s not laced with oppression and archaic assumptions, ‘cause that shit’s gross.

And for those of you who pointed out that the word “girl” is in my blog name… Yep, you got me! It’s being used in a different context there, and there is a difference between “girly” and “girlish,” but yeah, this shitty language convention is extremely widespread, sometimes to the point that even feminists might not notice it!

Happy Clitoral Awareness Week!

Mon, 06 May 2013 10:01:10 -0400

Yes, folks – today marks the start of International Clitoris Awareness Week. It’s time to appreciate the clits in your life! Here are some suggestions for activities this week…

Masturbate clitorally. For some vagina-havers, this is like remedial masturbation, because they’ve moved on to incorporating penetration and other things into their sessions. When was the last time you had a purely clitoral orgasm? Why not revisit them and see how they feel different to you now?

For bonus points, stimulate your clit in a way you haven’t in a long time. For me, that means getting into my bathtub, putting my legs up against the wall, and letting the stream of water fall on my clit. It’s an oldie but a goodie!

Educate someone about the clit. Be a clitoral evangelist! Internet forums are a great place to do this, especially male-dominated sex-focused ones, because so many men (and even women) don’t know how central the clit is to female sexuality. That’s the reason sex forums get zillions of submissions from people who can’t understand why vaginal orgasms aren’t magically happening when they have intercourse. Set someone straight!

If your partner is the one who needs education about your clit, this would be a great week to do it. Explain your clit to your partner if you haven’t been brave enough to do so before.

Look at a diagram of the whole clitoris (see above). Check out the crura (legs) and bulbs. Isn’t it amazing that most people think the clit is just this little nub on the outside of the body? Isn’t it amazing that it’s so much more than that?

If you really want to get creative, try to stimulate your internal clitoris. Some people find rumbly penetrative vibrators work best for this; some think the G-spot is actually part of the internal clit so regular G-spot wands can do the trick. You could also try just using your fingers, or even massaging around your vulva to see if you can access it externally with a good amount of pressure.

Name your clitoris. This feels pretty silly but it can be fun. My ex-girlfriend and I gave names to my clit and her tongue, almost like code words, and it made us feel like cunnilingus spies!

Look at your pussy in a mirror. Preferably one of those magnifying mirrors, with a really good lamp aimed at your ~~junk~~ treasure. Pull back your clit hood and get a good look at what’s underneath. It’s beautiful and it is full of so much astonishing pleasure potential!

Try a clit-focused meditative exercise. When I was a kid, my mom had a book about sexual fantasies that I used to steal and pore over, and it recommended an exercise where you imagine warm honey (or some other viscous substance) slowly filling up your breasts and the various components of your pussy. Sounds weird, but try it with your eyes closed and with utmost focus – it’s great for helping you stay mentally present, whether or not you choose to actually progress to sexual stimulation afterward.

Stimulate your clit in a way that’s new to you. Hot tub jet? Teddy bear’s arm? Heel of your foot, if you’re flexible? Grinding on something firm? Be playful and experiment!

How do you plan on celebrating Clitoris Awareness Week?

Review: Topco Rascal El Diablo

Fri, 03 May 2013 13:10:48 -0400

I don’t think I really realized how big the El Diablo was when I ordered it. This is a monster of a dildo, at least compared to the ones I usually use. It has 7 1/2” of length and is 1 3/4” in diameter at its widest point – and by “widest point” I pretty much mean “the entire shaft.” On top of all that, it’s made of very firm silicone that has practically no give. When I received it, all I could do was stare at it in terror.

However, after psyching myself up to get it inside me, it turned out to be not that difficult. I warmed up with some hot porn and a great vibe, and then I started prepping my vag with the Vixen Leo, which is girthy but still comfortable for me. And then I lubed up the Diablo and it actually slid in with minimal effort and minimal pain. I was so impressed with my vaginal prowess!

I guess, though, that I thought a dildo of such a formidable size should actually feel good once inside – and this one doesn’t, at least, not for me. Its curve is subtle and its head isn’t pronounced enough, so my G-spot kind of cries out, “Hey, is there a dildo in here or what?”

On the plus side, it’s loooong – so long that I would never be able to fit its entire length inside me in a million years – so it can hit my A-spot. But even then, it’s not spectacular.

The shaft of the dildo is partially matte and partially glossy, with a cool wavy line separating the two parts. It’s quite a classy-looking dildo, except for the big seam running up the underside. I’m not especially sensitive to seams but this might be a dealbreaker for some.

I really like the base, which is rounded on one side and flat on the other. I find it easier to grip and thrust with than other bases. However, it might make strap-on play tricky if you like to go very fast and very hard.

Surprisingly for Topco, this toy is made of real silicone and it seems to be good quality. I would have no reservations about recommending the Rascal El Diablo to someone who wants a huge silicone strappable cock and doesn’t mind seams, but for me, it just wasn’t a hit.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

Let's Talk About Terminology: Sex, "Sex," and Sex

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 13:26:43 -0400

If I said to you, “I had sex last night,” what would you think I meant?

Intercourse? Oral? Fingering and handjobs? All of the above?

As I am a woman partnered with a man, I think most people would assume I meant intercourse. They might suppose other sex acts were involved, but “intercourse” and “sex” are pretty well equated in the heteronormative world.

It’s frustrating, though, because not only does it shut out queer folks for whom penetrative sex might not be a part of their sexual repertoire, but it also verbally limits those of us who have opposite-sex partners. Are we supposed to believe that the centre and end-goal of sexytimes is always penetration? Because let’s face it: it isn’t!

Like Dan Savage says: “sex” is oral sex’s last name. Same deal with other kinds of sex, like manual sex (fingering and handjobs), anal sex, even intercrural sex. These are all sexual acts and can be just as intimate and fulfilling as penetrative sex – so why separate them out?

In reading my blog, you might have noticed that I do my best to always say “intercourse,” “PIV sex”† or “penetrative sex” when that’s what I mean, rather than using the word “sex” to refer to that particular act. I think it’s more precise and also helps abolish the gross heteronormativity that pops up in so much of our sexual language.

Some people think it’s awkward to use terms like that. If you decide to take up the mission of using specific words for different acts instead of just “sex,” be prepared for people to think you’re weird. There will always be pushback when you challenge established limitations, but be brave and persistent and maybe one day we’ll live in a world where our sexual language is wonderfully inclusive and deliciously accurate!

† “PIV” = “penis-in-vagina.”

Review: Joyful Pleasures Joyful Plant

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 03:55:06 -0400

Hey, it’s a glass dildo shaped like an eggplant! What will they think of next?!

When I took the Joyful Plant out of its packaging and saw how small it was, I thought, “I could probably write this review without even trying the toy.” But of course, that’s a dangerous thought for a reviewer to have.

To my surprise, upon testing it out, I discovered it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Despite being only 1” across at its widest point, the gently bulging shape causes the toy to pull at my G-spot on the outstroke, which feels really nice. It’s not the ideal dildo for when I want to get pounded with something sizeable, of course, but it’s a small, discreet G-spotter that’s easy to hide in my purse, which is what I want sometimes.

The handle is awkward. It’s the “stem” of the eggplant, so it’s thin and short and you have to grasp it with two or three fingers. I got used to this pretty quickly, but if you like marathon masturbation sessions and/or you have mobility issues in your hands, cross this one off your list unless you want to end up with claws for hands.

Joyful Pleasures has some other glass toys that look interesting – for example, the 24K Double Pleasure and the Coiled Pleasure. They even have a dildo shaped like a hot pepper. But for some reason, the eggplant called to me.

Though the Joyful Plant wasn’t as colossal a failure as I thought it would be, I don’t think I can recommend it unless you have a specific and pressing desire to pretend you’re putting vegetables in your orifices. There are way better glass dildos out there, ones that may be less amusing visually but get the job done in a far superior way.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

Review: Zolo Pocket Pool Corner Pocket

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 10:01:27 -0400

Has it always been common for sex toy companies to blatantly steal designs from other sex toy companies, or is it just starting to happen a lot? Because I feel like I’ve seen crap like this everywhere lately.

The Zolo line of toys caught my eye because it’s all products for men, and there just aren’t that many good toys for boys out there. There’s Tenga and Fleshlight, and there are other companies that dabble in making male masturbators, but the field is pretty limited compared to what’s available for women.

Hoping for something new and innovative, I was kinda pissed when it turned out that Zolo is just a blatant rip-off of Tenga.

The toy I scored for my boyfriend is the Corner Pocket, a single-use masturbator made of a stretchy material. Sound familiar? That’s because it’s a bad knock-off of Tenga Eggs.

My boyfriend wholeheartedly recommends the original Tenga product over this sad Zolo copy, for the following reasons:

1. The Zolo is made of a more rubbery-feeling material that seems cheaper and grosser.

2. The packet of lube that comes with the Zolo lists a whole whack of nasty ingredients, like glycerin, propylene glycol, and parabens. Granted, this lube isn’t intended to go into a vagina, so these pussy-unfriendly chemicals aren’t a huge deal – but Zolo’s lube is still significantly stickier and cheaper-feeling than the lube that comes with Tenga products. My boyfriend was so disgusted by the lubey residue left on him after using the toy that he had to immediately go rinse himself off.

3. The texture inside the Zolo toy isn’t nearly as raised and detectable as the Tenga textures. In fact, it’s so shallow that he could barely feel it. He was able to reach orgasm using the Zolo, but he didn’t find it to be a pleasant experience at all, and said he would’ve preferred to just use his hand.

4. Zolo Pocket Pool toys are $2 more expensive than Tenga Eggs, which feels kind of like paying $500 for a cheap made-in-China derivative of a $400 designer handbag, y’know?

In summary: Tenga rules, Zolo drools.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

Sharing the Sexy #22

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 10:01:20 -0400

• Hey, remember when women were seen as more sex-crazed than men? What the hell happened? Damn you, cultural paradigm…

• This zine about sex with trans women is pretty fantastic. And it taught me a sexual term I’d never heard of before: muffing!

• This teacher taught her high school class about consent. We need more of this in schools, folks.

• Here’s a call for submissions for self-produced artistic renderings of the sexyparts of trans, genderqueer, intersex and gender-fluid people.

• How to teach consent to your kids. See, it’s not that hard – and everyone should be doing it!

• A sex worker weighs in: is it always rape if there’s no enthusiastic consent?

• Carlyle Jansen discusses sexual risktaking in long-term relationships.

• These “Queer Porn Star” harnesses are very limited edition and very sexy.

Big Sex Toy News! + Massager Vibes

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 10:01:15 -0400

Ladies and gents, are you sitting down? Because I’ve got some earthshattering news for you…

The Hitachi Magic Wand is no longer called the Hitachi Magic Wand.

I’m just piecing together tweets from the International Lingerie Show to try to figure out what happened, so forgive me if I’m off the mark, but it seems that the Hitachi brand decided it no longer wanted to be associated with the Magic Wand and almost stopped production, before Vibratex took on the responsibility of continuing the Wand’s legacy.

It has apparently been renamed simply the “Magic Wand” (how hard is that going to be to get used to?!) and the motor has been updated to be smoother and more reliable (but still just as strong, so don’t worry).

I have extremely mixed feelings on the Hitachi – whoops, I mean Magic Wand – but they were mostly negative, I guess, because I gave mine away months ago. It was too buzzy and numbing for my tastes.

My wand-style massager of choice is the Bodywand, which is stronger and more adjustable than the classic it’s modeled after. It also has a cuter aesthetic.

I hear good things about the large Lelo Smart Wand, too, though I haven’t had the pleasure of trying one yet.

My very favorite massager-style vibe, though, is always and forever the Wahl 2-Speed. It’s heavy and awkward to hold, but it makes up for those shortcomings by being stronger and rumblier than the Magic Wand. Amazing.

Are you perplexed by the Hitachi news? Will you buy the new Magic Wand? What are your other favorite massager vibes?

Photo via Laura Anne Stuart.

Obscenity, Authenticity, and Coming Out: My Day at the The Feminist Porn Conference

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 10:01:04 -0400

On Friday night, I attended the Feminist Porn Awards, an annual event held by my local sex shop Good For Her. I hadn’t planned on going, because I’ve been a little strapped for cash lately, but my friend happened to have an extra ticket and invited me along at the last minute. Obviously, I was thrilled.

The awards were really exciting and a lot of well-deserved films took home Crystal Delights butt plug trophies. I was especially pleased that Fifty Shades of Dylan Ryan (which I loved) received the prize for best kink film, and that so many oppressed groups were honored – for example, in Nica Noelle’s awesome trans-positive flick Forbidden Lovers, and Matthew Clark’s short film Krutch, which focuses on disability and sex.

Honestly, though, it was sort of hard to concentrate on the awards because I was surrounded by so many hot porn stars I could hardly breathe. Dylan Ryan was a few seats to my left, Wolf Hudson was to my right, and directly in front of me were James Darling and Jiz Lee. I have watched all of these people fuck, many times, and have gotten off doing it. I’ve met some of my favorite celebrities before, but seeing someone in person who’s actually induced an orgasm in you (however indirectly) is quite a different story. (And yes, I was way too shy to speak to any of them!)

The next day, I got up bright and early for the Feminist Porn Conference, put together by Tristan Taormino to coincide with the recent release of the Feminist Porn Book (a great read which I highly recommend). My boyfriend, whose career and hobbies have nothing to do with sex, had nonetheless enthusiastically agreed to come with me, so we went together.

The first session we attended was Lesbo Retro: A Dyke Porn Retrospective, hosted by Shar Rednour and Nan Kinney, two totally captivating dykes associated with iconic lesbian porn companies like Fatale Media and On Our Backs. It was an hour of lezzie porn from the ’60s up through the ’00s. A lot of it was silly and strange – voluminous hair (both on performers’ heads and in their pubic regions), stilted dialogue, “dyke drama” screaming matches – but I walked out of it with damp panties anyhow. (What can I say? I love a good cunnilingus scene.)

Shar and Nan recalled when they couldn’t ship media to certain zip codes because of the obscenity laws that existed there. Sexual acts like fisting and female ejaculation were considered too extreme to be legal. They would have been risking jail time by distributing those materials to some areas, mostly in the south. I said a little prayer of gratitude for the internet and its magical powers of distribution, as well as for the trailblazers (like Shar and Nan!) who ushered us into our more sex-positive time.

The second session we attended was To Be Real: Authenticity in Queer & Feminist Porn. It featured Jiz Lee (swoon), Dylan Ryan (also swoon), Shar Rednour again, and Dr. Jill Bakehorn, a sociologist whose research has focused on feminist porn.

The discussion was lively and thought-provoking. Many questions were raised: what is authenticity? How do we know if something is authentic? How can something as performative as porn ever really be authentic? Are we using the word “authentic” when we really mean something else, like sincerity or relatability? And if it gets us off, does it really matter whether or not it’s authentic?

This conversation really hit home for me, because although I’ve often told myself and others that I like “authentic” porn best, sometimes I watch porn that’s probably as genuine as any but just doesn’t do a damn thing for me – like porn where a performer isn’t making any noise, or is making noise but in a way that’s gratingly repetitive and monotonous. Who am I to say that that’s not how those people genuinely react to sexual stimulation? It would be more accurate to say that I simply like porn that suits my tastes, regardless of how genuine it may or may not be.

Next up was a panel called Being Out Now: How Performers Navigate Sexual Morality and Media Representation. It featured Tina Horn and James Darling (both favorites of mine, both pictured above) as well as Arabelle Raphael, Bianca Stone, Jiz Lee, and Quinn Cassidy.

This panel’s contributors were amazingly diverse in experience and identity. All of them do porn, all of them have at least dabbled in other kinds of sex work (most still do it), two identify as genderqueer, one as trans. All come from different sorts of families with different tolerance levels for what they do and who they are.

There was much discussion about whether one is obligated to come out, and how to remain true to oneself even in situations where one chooses not to come out (a choice usually made out of a desire to maintain safety for oneself and/or the people one is close to). For example, Arabelle suggested that sex workers who don’t want to come out can still vocally support sex workers’ rights when talking to people they’re not out to.

It was interesting to hear the perspective of a white cis male, Quinn Cassidy, in this feminist discourse. He pointed out that the parameters of a person’s “closet” can change depending on what environments that person exists in – meaning, for example, that he often has to “come out” as a cis male in queer communities that may assume he is genderqueer.

Moderator Tina Horn asked the audience to participate in an exercise: we were told to raise our hands if we are “out” about our involvement in the sex world, first to parents, then to siblings, extended family, the world at large, and our employers. It was interesting that so many people (including several of the panelists) said they are out to the internet and the world, but not to their aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

The panel concluded with a discussion on how to be a good ally to sex workers, which included advice like “Listen to them” and “Don’t call yourself a sex worker if you’ve only shot one queer porn scene” and “Start a chapter of SWOP in your area.”

The last session we attended was a Q&A with Shine Louise Houston, the creator of Crash Pad Series, a huge presence in today’s feminist queer porn world. I’ve reviewed a few Crash Pad scenes before (here, here, and here) and I’m a huge fan of the site.

Shine screened a video she made in which she “interviews herself” via the magic of post-production. The interview was funny and honest, like Shine herself. One thing she mentioned which struck me as particularly interesting is that she almost never jerks off to her own porn, even though the whole Crash Pad Series is based around her personal fantasies of voyeurism. She also pointed out that porn is “about more than getting off” – when done well, it can be a medium for pushing boundaries, for exercising one’s right to free speech, and for normalizing certain sex acts so people feel they have permission to explore. Hear hear!

The Q&A session after the video ended up being mostly a discussion about coming out as a pornographer, after Shine confessed that she isn’t out to her kids and doesn’t plan on changing that in the foreseeable future. While I appreciated that some of the audience members felt strongly about coming out as a form of political activism (“being militantly out,” as Quinn Cassidy had phrased it earlier in the day), I didn’t like that some of them seemed to be shaming Shine for her choices. I think everyone gets to choose whether or not they want to come out, and to whom, and it isn’t helpful to shame someone for staying in the closet if that’s what they want to do.

It was also interesting to hear that people frequently complain to Shine about her site not being diverse enough, but that she also receives complaints when she puts a cis male on the site (some past examples include Ned Mayhem and Mickey Mod). How sad that the queer community, known for diversity and acceptance, would revolt against cis guys even if they’re having sex in deliciously transgressive ways.

Just before leaving, I bought a copy of Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Pegging (which had nabbed Tristan the Smutty Schoolteacher award the night before, yay!). Then I headed home, smiling and feeling wonderfully enlightened.

Photo credits: the Feminist Porn Awards, Wikipedia, Crash Pad Series, and Queer Porn Review.

My First Year as a Sex Blogger

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 10:01:18 -0400

I recently reached a huge milestone: my blog turned 1!

My very first post went up on March 27th, 2012. It’s hard for me to believe it’s been a whole year.

In honor of this landmark date passing, here’s a list of some of my favorite posts I wrote this year. (Remember, you can always have a look through my archive if you want to see ‘em all!)

• The very first toy I reviewed on my blog

• You know you’re a sex nerd when…

• 9 inches? Who gives a fuck?

• Top 10 songs to ironically have sex to

• Review: Eroscillator (still my all-time favorite toy!)

• How I learned to stop worrying and rub my own clit, dammit!

• The charm of cunnilingus

• My sex toy drawers

• Porn review: Tina and Roger

• She died and left me her vibrator

• Review: glass vaginal egg

• Cheap orgasms, anyone?

• GJ’s guide to bacterial vaginosis

• Strong Penis Vibrator Man!

• Silly search terms

• How to introduce your friend to the wonderful world of sex toys

Photo credit: Specialty Cake Creations.

Let's Talk About Terminology: Oral Sex For Ladies

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 10:29:15 -0400

(Blogger note: sorry for the dearth of sex toy reviews recently! I am waiting on a bunch of toy shipments at the moment. Don’t worry your pretty little head – I’ll be back to talking about dildos and vibrators on the regs in no time!)

There are so many ways in which misogyny manifests itself in our culture – ugh, so very many! – and language is definitely one of those. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I decided to start this feature: to dissect sexist language conventions.

You can observe this shit in the different terms for oral sex performed on a man and on a woman. The gents have cool nouns like “blowjob,” “hummer,” and “brain.” They have great verb phrases like “sucking cock” and “giving head.” And there are specific terms for individual BJ techniques like “deepthroating” and “teabagging.” (By the way, if any of those look unfamiliar to you, get yo’ ass to Urban Dictionary, stat!)

What do we ladies have? Well, there’s the über-clinical “cunnilingus,” which is a fabulous word but not always practical in casual, heat-of-the-moment situations. There’s “eating pussy,” “eating out,” and “going down,” which are fine but sort of standard and boring (plus I really don’t like the word “eating” being used in sex terms unless there is actual eating involved). There are goofy slang terms that no one takes seriously, like “eating a box lunch” or “dining at the Y.” And as for non-clinical nouns, there isn’t a good one. “Tongue job” is the closest I’ve found, and I think it can be kind of hot in the right context, but mostly it’s still the sort of thing that elicits laughter rather than dirty thoughts.

So how do we remedy this slang situation? I propose a two part plan…

First, reclaim non-gendered slang. I love the phrase “getting head” (or giving it) as a gender-neutral term for oral sex. There’s no reason why it ought to be gendered; oral sex, after all, involves somebody’s head and somebody’s genitals, regardless of whether those genitals are a penis or a vulva (or something in between!). Some people use “giving face” as the female equivalent of “giving head,” but whatever, bro. I don’t see why a distinction is necessary.

Second, make up your own slang terms and spread ‘em around. That’s what I try to do with “tongue job.” I’d love to hear your ideas for pussy-munchin’ vocabulary. In fact, I’d love to see the whole sex blogosphere agree on a few terms for cunnilingus and start propagating the hell out of them!

Photo credit: I can’t figure out who did the modifying, but it’s an altered version of this image from Comically Vintage!

Hot Tip: Enthusiastic Consent Isn't That Hard

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 16:15:39 -0400

What with the barrage of rape cases flooding through our media outlets at the moment, a lot of people are talking about what it means to consent to sex.

You may have heard of one of the sex-positive responses to the question “How do I avoid raping someone?” – the idea of enthusiastic consent. In short, it means that no always means no, and only yes means yes.

Many of us have signed on to this agreement. I find it really sexy to imagine a world in which everyone “checks in” before progressing sexually. It’s hot to have sexy things done to me, but it’s even hotter (in my humble opinion) to have someone respect me enough to ask for permission first.

But, predictably, there has been a lot of pushback in the wake of this idea. “What, am I supposed to ask every time I do anything sexual?!” these protesters cry. “What if we’re already in a relationship and I know my partner’s body language well enough that I don’t have to ask?” And my favorite: “But asking for consent is so INCONVENIENT and AWKWARD and HARD!”

I’m not going to tell you how to negotiate consent within your own relationship, because obviously, that’s a personal thing. If your partner is really okay with you never explicitly asking for consent, that’s fine, as long as you still know you have to stop when you’re told to. But let’s get something straight: asking for consent does not have to be awkward or difficult.

You do not have to engineer a wordy question like, “Do you consent to me touching your vulva?” You can literally just say, “Is this okay?” or “Do you want me to stop?” or “Should I keep going?”

Some people have a Dominant/submissive relationship. Most people do not. And if you and your partner are equals in and out of the bedroom, acquiring verbal consent on a case-by-case basis really should not be a big deal. You respect your lover and you want them to feel free to express their feelings, right?

On the flipside, if you want your partner to ask for consent every time, that’s an absolutely fair request to make. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Our culture has a contempt toward consent. If this wasn’t the case, no one would be crying that asking for consent is “too much work.” Respecting your sexual partner’s body and mind is never “too much work,” and if you really feel that it is, you’re not ready to be in a sexual relationship.

Bonus reading:
• Shakesville: Today in Rape Culture
• Yes Means Yes
• Scarleteen discussion: enthusiastic consent
• Persephone Magazine: Why Do People Hate the Concept of Enthusiastic Consent?

Ask Girly Juice: Help! My Partner Hates That I Watch Porn!

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:18:58 -0400

Anonymous asked: I have a problem… I watch porn from time to time and I enjoy it, but it makes my girlfriend really uncomfortable. She says it makes her feel like she’s not good enough. What can I do?

This is a really common problem, and I think it stems mostly from the cultural narrative that tells women we’re only valuable for our appearance and our sexuality. A woman who’s internalized that line of thinking is obviously going to believe that she’s essentially useless if porn is in the picture – because porn provides something sexy to look at, which our culture tells us is a woman’s purpose.

But as you know, women are almost always worth so much more than that to their partners. No one really wants to be in a relationship with a video or a picture. You can’t cuddle with on-screen porn stars, or exchange sentiments of love. Hell, you can’t even feel a porn star’s touch. It’s a completely different and separate experience from actually being with someone; the two fulfill different and separate sets of needs.

A common suggestion for people whose partners are distrustful of porn is that the two of you should watch porn together. I can see many ways this could backfire, though. Some women genuinely find porn distressing to watch, which is an issue best solved with a therapist and not a porn marathon.

She may be in need of validation, and that’s perfectly okay. Make sure you’re telling her often enough just how great she is – how sexy you think she is, how much you enjoy the sex you have with her, how beautiful her body is, and so on. Work to counteract her insecurities.

Ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her feel more loved, appreciated, and attractive. (Aside from “stop watching porn.”)

Take a long, hard look at your porn habits and make sure you’re using it healthily. Neglecting your partner for porn isn’t cool, but I’m sure you know that already. There is a line at which healthy porn consumption turns into unhealthy addiction, but most people don’t get to that point.

Finally – and I know this might be hard to contemplate – it may be that the two of you are just not compatible in this way. No one is obligated to settle for someone whose needs, desires, and dealbreakers conflict with their own. She may be able to find a partner who genuinely doesn’t watch porn, and you certainly will be able to find a partner who doesn’t mind that you watch porn or even thinks of it as a good thing. If this issue is important enough to both of you, it might be worth examining the overall worth of your relationship.

Sorry. I know that sucks. Unfortunately, though, some people are just chronically insecure and believe that the only solution is for other people to stop doing whatever triggers those feelings in them – when the real solution is for them to work on their own insecurity, something these folks are often unwilling to do.

I wish you the best of luck in this sticky situation!

Bonus reading:
• “My Boyfriend is Always Watching Porn and It Makes Me Uncomfortable!”
• Dan Savage on insecure girlfriends of porn-watching boyfriends (and again)

Sharing the Sexy #21

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 10:00:56 -0400

• Female porn stars with and without makeup. Draven Star sans makeup is tooootally the kind of girl I would’ve had a huge crush on in high school. Or, you know, now.

• My mom forwarded me this link: vibrators can be used by actors and singers to warm up their voices. I also hear you can hold a Hitachi to your nose to clear up congestion…?

• Here is a great article for introducing trans men’s health to healthcare providers.

• Stoya writes about heteronormativity and monogamy.

• Um, people are upset because of some mannequins shaped like average women. Our culture’s confusion about the definitions of words like “overweight” and “obese” is really appalling sometimes.

• Arabelle Raphael put together this great list of self-care strategies for sex workers.

• Can a tantric awakening ruin you for other kinds of sex?

• Here is an excellent piece on that horrific Steubenville rape case we’ve been hearing so much about, and the sexism in its media coverage.

• Trans icon Kate Bornstein needs your help to pay for cancer treatment. She’s one of the sassiest, sweetest gender outlaws out there, so I highly encourage you to donate what you can to help her survive.

Review: SSA Glass Royal Adventure

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 10:00:54 -0400

Dear SSA Glass: I love you, I love you, I love you! Sincerely, GJ’s vagina.

Seriously, though – this month I was lucky enough to receive a Royal Adventure dildo, and my ladybits are smitten.

Previously, my favorite SSA Glass toy was the Amethyst, with the Bubbly coming in a close second, but the whimsically-named Royal Adventure has usurped them both.

Like all the toys this company makes, this one is made of glass, but unlike all their other toys, the Royal Adventure is semi-realistic (in layman’s terms: it kinda looks like a penis). It has a defined head, complete with a coronal ridge and a little faux frenulum, and its shape and size are reasonably average. (It has an insertable length of 6” and a diameter of 1 1/4”.)

The not-so-realistic element of this dildo is the corkscrew-like ridgy texture that swirls around its shaft from base to head. These ridges are intense and are spaced closer together than I’m used to, so at first they felt foreign and jarring – but with enough lube and arousal goin’ on, I quickly grew to love this texture.

The Royal Adventure has a curve, but it’s hardly anything at all; this isn’t a G-spot toy. Rather than targeting a particular spot, it stimulates the entire front wall of my vagina, while also being long enough to nudge my A-spot.

Another notable thing about the Royal Adventure is that it’s harness-compatible. This is pretty uncommon for glass toys. I can think of a few people who would look totally foxy with this sapphire beauty strapped to them. It’d work not just for vaginal penetration but also for pegging, if the recipient’s ass is experienced enough to be able to handle the texture and firmness.

In summary, yeah, I absolutely adore the Royal Adventure. It is so good that I can forgive SSA Glass for occasionally making baffling mistakes, like releasing an entirely smooth and straight dildo.

Thanks for the hookup, EdenFantasys!

Let's Talk About Terminology: Vulva vs. Vagina

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:00:58 -0400

I am troubled by people who use words wrong. Especially when they do so in ways that actually impact the way people view the world. That’s why I’m launching this new feature, Let’s Talk About Terminology, to discuss sex-related terms: the right ones, the wrong ones, which is which, and why.

First up: female genitalia. Of course.

Let’s just ponder for a moment the way female genitals are viewed in our culture. They’re seen as a hole, both terrifying and enticing, through which one’s body emerged into the world and into which one wants to stick one’s dick. That’s an oversimplification, but I think it’s basically accurate.

The perception of female parts is focused around that hole – the vagina – and as a result, the entire vulva (a word which means the external female genitalia, including the clitoris, labia, mons pubis, and so on) is lumped into that name.

It may not seem like much, but it’s extremely denigrating to female sexuality. It defines our entire genital region in terms of the one part of it that is perceived as useful or desirable to our male-dominated culture.

You would never see someone use the word “balls” when they meant “penis,” or vice versa. It just doesn’t happen. Those are two specific and separate parts of that whole setup. And it ought to be the same with the female genitalia, but it isn’t.

The clitoris is an important, significant, distinct organ. The sensations it provides are different and separate from the sensations in one’s vagina. It deserves proper identification.

So I implore you: use these words correctly, and teach them to people who don’t know what they mean. Don’t let someone get away with saying they’re going to “shave their vagina” (oh, dear god, I hope not) or “lick your vagina” or whatever, unless that is what they actually, literally mean.

Vulva’s a much prettier word, anyway.

Review: JeJoue SaSi

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:00:47 -0400

Imagine how you would feel about a lover who was totally inept at getting you off, who always seemed to change their technique just as you were getting close to coming, and who approached your genitals with a grimace of apprehension, and you’ll understand how I feel about the JeJoue SaSi.

Several years old and probably discontinued by now (though still available through Sex Toys Canada), the SaSi seemed unbelievably innovative when it first launched. It’s an oral sex simulator consisting of a small ball moving around underneath a silicone covering in various patterns that are meant to be tongue-like. Most notably, you can actually “program” the SaSi using its “skip” and “don’t stop” buttons, so it’ll learn what kind of patterns you like and give you more of those.

In theory? Bravo, JeJoue, you brilliant geniuses! In practice? Ugh, fuck you, SaSi, I hate you.

Problem number one: the motions kind of suck (and not in the “oh, yeah, suck on my clit just like that” way, unfortunately). They’re random, erratic, and weird. My inner labia and the sides of my clit have never gotten so much lovin’ in their life – which is great for them, I guess, but those aren’t the most responsive parts of my pussy. There are only a few patterns that focus on the top-centre of my clit where most of my sensitivity is, and none of them are a steady back-and-forth or up-and-down motion. This makes no sense.

Problem number two: the ball is too damn slow. It has three speeds and even the highest one feels merely like teasing and not like actual competent tonguing.

Problem number three: the SaSi does have vibration in addition to its minuscule movements, and you’d think vibes would improve the sensation, but I actually can’t feel the ball moving when the vibrations are on. I suspect this is because the ball can barely be felt when the vibrations aren’t on.

To the SaSi’s credit, it’s an elegant-looking toy, it feels relatively ergonomic in my hand (like a computer mouse!), and its silicone covering is removable so you can wash and sterilize it without ruining the rest of the toy. These are all good things, but they’re not enough to make SaSi a good or even passable sex toy.

If you want an oral sex simulator that may actually be able to get you off, try the Sqweel 2 or the oscillating mode on the Jimmyjane Form 2. But please, for the love of all things sexy and orgasmic, do not buy the SaSi. It is 100% frustrating and cruel.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!