I’m really not a fan of the term “mutual masturbation,” because I feel it’s so often used incorrectly, at least in my view. The word masturbation traditionally refers to manual stimulation performed by oneself on oneself, i.e. self-pleasure. So to say that you and your partner exchanging handjobs is “mutual masturbation” would be a misnomer. Why not just say you exchanged handjobs?
That said, this past week, I participated in some actual mutual masturbation… i.e. my partner and I each masturbated, in each other’s presence, for one another’s entertainment, and for self-gratification. We’d never really done it before and it was pretty awesome.
I’m a pretty pro masturbator, as you might guess from reading my blog. I jerk off a lot, and have done since I was a child. Using fingers, toys, and even the occasional bath faucet, I can usually bring myself off in under ten minutes.
It’s different when someone else is present, though. This is something I’ve never been able to do comfortably. My ex-girlfriend used to ask me to jerk it in front of her, because she thought it’d be hot, but I just never wanted to. My current boyfriend has asked me to do it many times as well, for the same reason, but the only way I’ve been able to do it is if his dick was inside me at the same time and he couldn’t really see what was going on. I don’t know exactly why, but the idea of someone watching me masturbate makes me nervous and self-conscious.
The other night, though, we were both horny and exhausted, so I suggested that we lie next to one another and get ourselves off. All the intimacy of sex without the physical entanglement and obligation. My boyfriend agreed immediately.
He busted out a Tenga Egg from his backpack (I’m so proud), and I handed him my finger bunny vibe, which he likes to use on his balls. Then I grabbed my Tsunami, Eroscillator, and a bottle of lube for each of us, and we got down to business.
It was fun, though I still found myself feeling self-conscious, especially when I heard him re-applying lube or adjusting the vibrator’s settings, since I knew that meant his eyes were probably open and looking at me. It’s so silly that I still feel weird about this, considering how many of my orgasms this man has witnessed (hundreds upon hundreds). Maybe I just still think of masturbation as an entirely private thing, someone for no one’s eyes but my own.
This is a similar feeling to the time that my ex-girlfriend suggested she could use one of my dildos on me while eating me out. At first, I thought that sounded great, but as soon as she slid it in, my mind changed. “Nope. This feels way too private. I don’t feel right doing this with you.” It was absurd, but I couldn’t help it. I felt exposed and weirdly displaced.
Of course, now, I’m perfectly capable of having a partner (albeit a different partner) use toys on me during oral, and at other times. So maybe this mutual masturbation thing is something I just have to work on and slowly acclimatize myself to.