Monthly Faves: Temperature Play & Time Loops

It’s been a rocky month for me health-wise (I’m sure many of you can relate), but some things still made me smile and propelled me forward. Here are some faves from July…

 

Media

• I cannot express to you how much the Bad Dog Theatre’s weekly livestream of their dating-focused hit improv show Hookup improves my mood and my life. They are doing some of the most inspired, masterful improv I’ve ever seen – OVER ZOOM! EVERY WEEK! FOR FREE! (Although, you should also donate to the Bad Dog so they can stay in operation.) Also, incidentally, if you are single and would like to be interviewed for the show, they’re always looking for people like you.

• As I’ve mentioned, during the pandemic I’ve fallen back into a long-standing Pokémon preoccupation (I’ve been playing these games since about ’98-’99, YEESH). As a result, I’ve been re-watching Chuggaaconroy’s playthrough of Pokémon Crystal, and marveling at how he manages to be both hilarious and informative in every video. Apparently I am destined to have crushes on nerdy boys for ever and ever.

• The movie Palm Springs is new to Hulu and stars Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti in a Groundhog Day-esque time loop. Interestingly, although it’s a comedy with a lot of laughs, it deals with some of the darker and more haunting aspects of living in an infinite time loop (e.g. feeling suicidal, ceasing to care about your own life) in a way that reminds me of the struggle of living with depression. It’s really been a delight to watch that goofy kid from Lazy Sunday grow up into such a thoughtful and nuanced actor.

• The new edition of The Adventure Zone graphic novel series came out this month, and it happens to be the instalment in which the character named after me is featured! (Details here, if you’re curious.) As per usual for this series, I have to especially congratulate Carey Pietsch for her brilliant and expressive illustrations. I’ve been listening to these characters and their stories for so many years and it’s an oddly emotional experience seeing them translated into visual form!

• One of my favorite YouTubers, as I’ve mentioned before, is Greg of How to Drink, and he’s been doing a lot of Q&A livestreams these past few months. This recent one hit me right in the feels – it’s basically a 90-minute lecture where Greg discusses his mental health and his history in freelancing and odd jobs, and advises viewers on getting out of their shitty employment situations and starting up their passion projects. I could not look away for basically the entire duration of this video. What a charismatic man.

 

Products

• My chronic pain has been pretty much constant lately, and often pretty debilitating, resulting in lessened productivity and efficiency – so I allocated some of my book advance funds toward buying a refurbished iPad mini. I remembered hearing that Esmé Wang apparently wrote her entire last book, The Collected Schizophrenias (which is a literal work of genius), on an iPad, because her chronic illness causes fatigue and weakness that can make it difficult to sit up for long stretches. So far, the iPad, paired with a bright turquoise Adonit Mark stylus, has been a great tool for me for both work and leisure.

• I really need to write a post here about decadent loungewear in the time of COVID-19, because I’ve stepped up my lounge game quite significantly these past few months… My most recent acquisition was a black modal long-sleeved hooded onesie from MeUndies (clicking that link will apparently get you 20% off if you want anything from them). It’s currently a bit too warm here to wear it, but I’m so looking forward to spending cozy autumn days swathed in soft modal from head to toe.

• The vintage-inspired, elegantly simple Coach Rambler bag was on sale recently so I ordered one in the “hibiscus” color. I’m not normally much for small handbags but this one is actually kind of the perfect fashionable vessel for the coronavirus era… It has room enough for my wallet, sunglasses, hand sanitizer, and a book or journal, but doesn’t need to be large enough for my laptop because I’m still not going anywhere outside the home to get work done. (*cries softly into my cup of shitty instant coffee from the pantry*)

• I bought this citrus juicer a while back, solely because it was bright yellow and the other options available were boring, but my cocktail-savvy partner later told me this one is particularly good for people with strength/grip issues in their hands, like me – score! When Matt went home this month after being my live-in bartender (and, y’know, temporarily live-in beloved partner) for 4 months, it felt really empowering and uplifting to be able to make my own cocktails, even relatively complex ones. (If you’re curious about makin’ drankz, this Bartender’s Choice app is Matt’s recommendation and makes it really easy to not only find drink recipes to make but also learn about their histories.)

 

Work & Appearances

• This month on the Dildorks, we discussed conversational skills (twice), how my chronic pain interacts with sex and kink, and how Bex’s ADHD affects his dating life. Did you know next week is our TWO-HUNDREDTH EPISODE?!?

• In my newsletter, I wrote about temperature play involving ice cubes, how long-distance relationships make me feel about my body, why the iPad mini is the best device to watch porn on, being “enough” even when I don’t feel like enough, and slapping my partner’s cock until they came.

• As mentioned, I really loved the movie Palm Springs – and on one random energetic evening this month, I felt inspired to write a piece of sexy fanfiction about it, which is only the 3rd piece of fic for this movie on the entirety of AO3 as far as I can tell. I hope people write more! I sure might…

• Andy Shauf released a couple of new songs this month that were cut from his concept album The Neon Skyline, which is about a recently-dumped sadsack of a man trying to get over his ex by drinking his troubles away at a Parkdale diner with his pals. One of these B-sides, “Jeremy’s Wedding,” seems to be about the almost universally awkward experience of having to attend a wedding where your most painful ex is also a guest. I learned it on the ukulele and covered it on YouTube.

 

Good Causes

• Immigration has been, as I’m sure you know, a hot-button issue throughout the term of the current fascist and racist American president. An organization doing great work in this area is the Black Alliance for Just Immigration, which, in their own words, “educates and engages African American and Black immigrant communities to organize and advocate for racial, social and economic justice.”

• The Black Legal Action Center provides free legal assistance for low-income Black residents of Ontario, where I live. What with all the protests against police brutality lately – which, as you’ve likely seen, are infuriatingly being literally beaten down with yet more police brutality – tons of folks are getting arrested and jailed on very little basis, if any, so this is a timely cause to contribute to. (But let’s be real: given the disproportionate rates at which the legal system targets Black folks, this is always a timely cause.)

• I am thinking so much about how the pandemic and its fallout will affect the arts industries, and yeesh, y’all – it ain’t lookin’ good. The Black Art Futures Fund gives out grants “promoting the elevation and preservation of Black arts & culture” and runs largely on donations.

• Want to support a burgeoning Black-owned business? Wendy is starting a magical bath biz and could use your dollars and signal-boosts.

• My friend Sugarcunt, a fellow sex writer (and honestly one of the funniest and kindest humans I’ve ever met), is raising rent funds so they can avoid getting evicted.

What I’m Into: Sexy Aliens

I don’t have time to write a proper post this week, so I thought I’d rant at you about sexy aliens instead. Good? Good.

One of my favorite movies, Kissing Jessica Stein, has a conversation in it that goes like this (transcript via):

Jessica: He just wasn’t funny, you know? That’s always been my problem, I think. Not smart or not funny. Or not smart and not funny. Or funny, but in a totally unappealing way – like funny-stupid or funny-dopey, rather than funny-witty, or funny-ironic or funny-goofy. Or, you think they’re smart, and then you realize that they’re not – and that’s funny. But funny-tragic. And then, if you’re lucky enough to find someone who’s the right kind of smart and the right kind of funny, usually they’re just… kinda…
Helen: Ugly?
Jessica: Ugly, exactly. Oh my god, is that awful?
Helen: No, not at all. Ugly doesn’t do it for you. That’s okay. See, me, I’m kinda into ugly… But only if it’s sexy-ugly.
Jessica: Sexy-ugly? Define.
Helen: I was gonna say Mick Jagger. He’s the big one. Oh, Lyle Lovett, um, James Woods, Harvey Keitel, he’s very sexy-ugly.

I have occasionally described someone as “sexy-ugly” since first hearing the term in that movie, but it feels mean. I don’t want to call someone ugly when I actually think they’re attractive, and it seems like the word “ugly” is so often used to mean “conventionally ugly” which I don’t think is a very useful concept.

So, the solution: I’ve been calling these people “sexy aliens” instead, which I think is a) more flattering and b) more accurate.

Right now I’m on a total Sherlock kick, not only because it’s a fucking great show but also because watching Benedict Cumberbatch do his thing is utterly transfixing. He is a total sexy alien. He’s clearly very handsome, with an intriguing face and a body that’s babely in that scrawny-shrimpy-gangly way I’m totally into, but he’s also weird-looking. He looks like he’s not quite of this earth. And I’m into it.

I’ve put some other examples of sexy aliens in the photo above. Lily Cole is a model who looks like a live-action Tim Burton character. Anjelica Huston rocked the shit out of many sexy-alien film roles, like Morticia Addams and Etheline Tenenbaum (and she also dated another notable sexy alien, Jack Nicholson). Tom Hiddleston was recommended to me by a friend when I mentioned I was going to write about this; I don’t know much about him yet but I know his face is equal parts appealing and distinctive, as is the sexy-alien way.

There’s a tendency for people to say they have “unconventional tastes” when they like faces like these – as if these people weren’t, you know, models and movie stars, and therefore obviously pretty damn attractive. But, that said, there is something very empowering about the proliferation of sexy aliens in the media. It makes us unconventionally attractive weirdos feel a little closer to glamor and perfection.

Andy Samberg’s big ol’ schnoz makes me feel better about mine. Christina Ricci’s major fivehead gives me confidence in mine. Adrien Brody’s power-brows make me want to rock mine a little thicker. Jessica Paré’s teeth are just fucking adorable.

Who are your favorite sexy aliens? I wanna hear all about ‘em.