I don’t have time to write a proper post this week, so I thought I’d rant at you about sexy aliens instead. Good? Good.
One of my favorite movies, Kissing Jessica Stein, has a conversation in it that goes like this (transcript via):
Jessica: He just wasn’t funny, you know? That’s always been my problem, I think. Not smart or not funny. Or not smart and not funny. Or funny, but in a totally unappealing way – like funny-stupid or funny-dopey, rather than funny-witty, or funny-ironic or funny-goofy. Or, you think they’re smart, and then you realize that they’re not – and that’s funny. But funny-tragic. And then, if you’re lucky enough to find someone who’s the right kind of smart and the right kind of funny, usually they’re just… kinda…
Jessica: Ugly, exactly. Oh my god, is that awful?
Helen: No, not at all. Ugly doesn’t do it for you. That’s okay. See, me, I’m kinda into ugly… But only if it’s sexy-ugly.
Jessica: Sexy-ugly? Define.
Helen: I was gonna say Mick Jagger. He’s the big one. Oh, Lyle Lovett, um, James Woods, Harvey Keitel, he’s very sexy-ugly.
I have occasionally described someone as “sexy-ugly” since first hearing the term in that movie, but it feels mean. I don’t want to call someone ugly when I actually think they’re attractive, and it seems like the word “ugly” is so often used to mean “conventionally ugly” which I don’t think is a very useful concept.
So, the solution: I’ve been calling these people “sexy aliens” instead, which I think is a) more flattering and b) more accurate.
Right now I’m on a total Sherlock kick, not only because it’s a fucking great show but also because watching Benedict Cumberbatch do his thing is utterly transfixing. He is a total sexy alien. He’s clearly very handsome, with an intriguing face and a body that’s babely in that scrawny-shrimpy-gangly way I’m totally into, but he’s also weird-looking. He looks like he’s not quite of this earth. And I’m into it.
I’ve put some other examples of sexy aliens in the photo above. Lily Cole is a model who looks like a live-action Tim Burton character. Anjelica Huston rocked the shit out of many sexy-alien film roles, like Morticia Addams and Etheline Tenenbaum (and she also dated another notable sexy alien, Jack Nicholson). Tom Hiddleston was recommended to me by a friend when I mentioned I was going to write about this; I don’t know much about him yet but I know his face is equal parts appealing and distinctive, as is the sexy-alien way.
There’s a tendency for people to say they have “unconventional tastes” when they like faces like these – as if these people weren’t, you know, models and movie stars, and therefore obviously pretty damn attractive. But, that said, there is something very empowering about the proliferation of sexy aliens in the media. It makes us unconventionally attractive weirdos feel a little closer to glamor and perfection.
Andy Samberg’s big ol’ schnoz makes me feel better about mine. Christina Ricci’s major fivehead gives me confidence in mine. Adrien Brody’s power-brows make me want to rock mine a little thicker. Jessica Paré’s teeth are just fucking adorable.
Who are your favorite sexy aliens? I wanna hear all about ‘em.