Lube-Savvy Lovers and Slick Sexcapades

It’s 2011, I am at a sex shop buying lube for the first time with my first love, and I have no idea what I am even looking at. “Can I help you find anything?” asks the sweetheart of a sales associate. My boyfriend and I both jump at her approach; we’re nervous to even be inside a sex shop, let alone actually buy something. (Yes, kiddos, I am unabashedly sexual today, but in 2011, not so much.)

“Umm, we’re looking for a lube that’ll feel natural and won’t give me an infection,” I manage to squeak, through layers of debilitating shyness.

The shopkeep reaches for a bottle of Blossom Organics and hands it to me, rattling off a shpiel about its natural ingredients and vagina-friendly formulation. Then she leaves me and my boyf to peruse.

We test a little of this mysterious new substance on our hands, and exchange silent, confused glances. At last, my darling murmurs, “I like this one. It feels like your actual vag juices.” I blush, but this time it’s with glee; this soft-hearted moment between us is the most comfortable and least distressed I’ve felt since setting foot in the shop. Because I know that regardless of how much shame I might be feeling, none of it is coming from my boyfriend, and that is what really matters.

We walk up to the cash counter, bottle of lube in hand. “We’ll take this one,” I say, not quite proudly but getting there.

For years, I think of lube as a product for my comfort and pleasure alone, and therefore something I have to specifically request if I want it used. Boyfriends and hookups slide fingers, toys, and cocks into me at my behest, and lube must be applied at my behest too. One partner learns what my “Ouch, I need a little more lube” face looks like, and begins to take it upon himself – but aside from that one perceptive outlier, everyone I bang requires me to be assertive about my own lubrication needs.

I continue thinking of lube this way until, in the winter of 2016, my fave fuckbuddy becomes my fave fuckbuddy, and flips my whole concept of lube on its head with a single comment.

“I want your fingers inside me,” I purr contentedly as he strokes my clit, mid-makeouts, in my big cozy bed.

“You got it,” he replies. “Think you need any lube?”

“Nah, I’m good,” I say. It’s sometimes difficult for me to determine my juiciness level without physically checking, but based on the situation I’m in and the person I’m in it with, it seems likely that I’m soaked.

He kneels between my legs for leverage and pushes two thick fingers into me, finding my A-spot quickly and with ease. I’ve already floated halfway to the heavens when he pauses and says, “Actually, can we use some lube? I want a little more room to move around in here.”

I laugh, having never encountered this request before, and hand him a bottle of Slippery Stuff. The seconds stretch out languidly as I watch him squeeze it onto his fingers and spread it around, coating their full surface. It’s the first time I’ve ever thought of lube as sexy.

He slips his fingers back into me, and I immediately understand what he was talking about. It does feel like he has more room to move around. The slicker environment gives him more freedom for fine movements, fingers building speed in minuscule motions over the exact right spot. He is a manual maestro, a vaginal virtuoso. The sensation reminds me of how much more sensual your own skin feels in a hot bath: the damp granularity of arm hairs, the shiny squeak of wet legs tangling underwater.

I come so hard, I soak his fingers, rendering the lube superfluous. But it was the tool that got us there. The lube he asked for, and the fact that he asked for it.

I regard teaching straight men about lube as a public service I perform. It imbues my sluttiness with noble purpose. Sometimes I daydream that I school all the men of earth on the evils of glycerin and parabens, and in doing so, eradicate a broad percentage of vaginal infections worldwide.

I’ll never forget the crush who, upon getting me naked in his king-size hotel bed, pulled a bottle of lube from his suitcase and said, “It’s no Squillid, but…” Naturally, his mispronunciation of “Sliquid” made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off the bed. The lube he then handed me was chock full of glycerin and propylene glycol, so I passed it back to him and said, “I’m not putting this in my vagina, but I appreciate the gesture.” We spent longer on warm-up before delving into penetration, and it was fine. Perhaps he’s upgraded his lube of choice by now.

I’ll also never forget the night last summer when I told Bex my new boyfriend didn’t own any lube. “WHAT?!” Bex shouted. “We should bring him some! Like, right now!!” They were high, and were therefore perhaps more emphatic about this subject than they would be while sober, but not by much. I brought the boyf a bottle of Sliquid Sassy the next time I saw him, and he put it to good use immediately.

Another day, another night shift at the sex shop. I’m new to the retail scene and trying to soak up as much knowledge from my coworkers as possible. I know a lot about vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, floggers… but about selling these things? Not so much.

Keeping a wide berth so as not to freak out the customer, I listen in on my babely coworker giving a lube pitch. “These lubes are the best ones on the market,” he announces with the utmost confidence, and gestures sweepingly at the Sliquid section. “They’re hypoallergenic, organic, tasteless, and fragrance-free. This one is my favorite.” I watch with scarcely-concealed glee as he picks up the Organics Gel, my all-time fave, my right-hand man, my nightstand essential.

If I could go back in time and tell my 18-year-old self that one day she’d swoon over a dude because of his taste in lube, she’d probably laugh in my face. But it makes perfect sense. Caring about lube is caring about partners’ comfort, health, and pleasure. What could possibly be sexier than that?


This post was sponsored by the good folks at Lubezilla, and as always, all writing and opinions are my own!

My Top 5 Favorite Lubes

I don’t write about lubes a whole lot here, because, well, they’re not that interesting, frankly. Much like a pair of scissors or a pair of socks, lube is something you hardly notice unless you’ve got a particularly shitty one.

That said, I do have my lube preferences. Like most sexually well-informed people with vaginas, I am picky about what I will slather all over my sex toys. Here are my top 5 picks, in no particular order.

1. Sliquid Organics Gel is my number-one, tried-and-true, go-to lube. As its name suggests, it has a thick, gel-like consistency, making it ideal for anal play or marathon vaginal sex sessions. It lasts way longer than most other water-based lubes I’ve tried, it’s paraben- and glycerin-free, it’s organic, and its smell and taste are unnoticeable. Truly a perfect lube.

2. Sliquid Sassy feels pretty much identical to the Organics Gel in texture and consistency. As far as I can tell, the only difference is that Sassy isn’t organic, and is usually a bit cheaper, depending on where you shop. I recommend Sassy to everyone, especially for anal play.

3. Sliquid Swirl in “Pink Lemonade.” Another Sliquid lube? Yep. Swirl is the only vagina-safe flavored lube I’ve ever encountered (it’s sweetened with aspartame instead of any kind of sugar), making it a godsend for those of us who like to experiment with nifty flavors during sex. The only one I’ve tried is the Pink Lemonade, though I hear that the other varieties are equally delicious.

4. Pjur Original Bodyglide is silicone-based, so it’s not as versatile as the aforementioned lubes – it can’t be used with most silicone toys. However, it lasts longer than its water-based counterparts, and it feels nicer to the touch. I use Pjur for handjobs, and sometimes on toys made of glass or steel. They don’t call it “Bodyglide” for nothin’.

5. Blossom Organics Natural Moisturizing Lubricant feels almost exactly like my natural vaginal fluids, which is why my boyfriend and I made the mutual decision to buy it after sampling all the lubes at Red Tent Sisters back in the day. Blossom is reasonably long-lasting, water-based, free of gross chemicals, and has a mild sweet taste. It remains my favorite lube for vaginal intercourse, though it is harder to find than the other lubes I’ve mentioned.

What’s your favorite lube and why? Do you use different lubes depending on what activities you’re doing?

Sex Toy Haikus

In lieu of doing individual follow-up posts, I think I’m going to start writing haikus to express how I currently feel about toys that I’ve reviewed before. Because sex toys are worthy of poetry.

Lelo Mia:
Sorry I haven’t
touched you in ages, Mia.
You’re not that special.

California Exotics Waterproof Jack Rabbit:
My first and only
jelly toy. I weep for my
burning vagina.

My clit is in love.
It’s a love that oscillates
from lust to worship.

Lelo Ella:
Warm-up toy supreme.
No one else opens me up
as sweetly as she.

Blossom Organics Natural Moisturizing Lubricant:
All lubes should be as
vag-friendly and simple as
this bedside staple.

My First Giveaway: Blossom Organics and Happy Valley!

I’ve been blogging here at Girly Juice for almost two months so far. I’ve come to really enjoy writing sex toy reviews and retellings of my own silly sexploits. And as a way of thanking those of you who take the time to read what I write, I’ve partnered up with two very generous and sexy companies – Blossom Organics and Happy Valley – to give away some items that I really believe in.

Blossom Organics (products provided by Sexy Living) makes a line of lubricants, gels, oils, and creams that are all designed by women and totally vagina-friendly. They are the creators of my all-time favorite lube, which stays on my bedside table at all times. Their products were originally introduced to me by Kim at Red Tent Sisters and I’ve never loved any other lube as much since. Up for grabs from Blossom: Natural Moisturizing Lubricant (best ever – it’s just viscous enough, pH-balanced and won’t give you yeasties or make your ladybits burn!), Warm Sensation Moisturizing Lubricant (same formulation as their original lube, but with some magically tingly ingredients), and Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel (some minty awesomeness to wake up your clit).

Happy Valley makes all their body-safe, silicone toys in their farmhouse in Peterborough, Ontario. Their Pleasure Plug #1 was my very first anal toy, and it’s still my butt’s favorite warm-up playmate to this day. Up for grabs from Happy Valley: two beautiful, vibe-compatible, silicone butt plugs – the Hero (4" long, 1 3/8" wide) and the Whirl (3 ½" long, 1 1/8" wide).

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Ask Girly Juice: Dos and Don’ts of Lube

I volunteer regularly at a sex and relationships hotline. Many of the questions we get are repeats; a lot of people same to have the same worries and inquiries. One thing I’ve been asked on multiple occasions is, “Is it okay to use [insert substance here] as lube?” Since it’s perplexing that so many people don’t know what are and are not suitable lubricant choices, I decided to compile my knowledge on the subject here.

Lube and vaginas:

If you’re planning on having vaginal sex, avoid lubes which contain sugar and/or glycerin. These ingredients can cause nasty yeast infections because of the way they interact with the naturally occurring bacteria in a vagina. You can use flavored lube while going down on your lady, as long as you make sure that it’s free of sugar and glycerin.

This also means that you shouldn’t use chocolate, peanut butter, or any other sweet food or drink in your sexytimes if a vagina will be involved. I know it sounds sexy to dribble chocolate sauce all over your lover’s vulva and lick it off, but she won’t think it’s so sexy when she wakes up a couple days later with a raging case of the yeastie beasties.

It’s also not a great idea to use non-natural oils as lube for vaginal sex, because that kind of oil can trap bacteria in the vagina and cause infections as well. Lightweight, natural oils like coconut and grapeseed are fine, but stay away from heavier options like mineral oil/petroleum jelly. Many silicone-based lubes feel and behave like oil, so they might be a better option if you like that oily consistency.

Lube and condoms:

Condoms cannot be used with oil-based lubes (petroleum jelly, coconut oil, what have you) because oil causes the latex to disintegrate. It can be fun to watch this happen, but you know what’s not fun? Realizing that you might have been exposed to an STI or sperm because the condom dissolved.

Lube and anuses:

Many people prefer to choose a thicker, longer-lasting lube for their anal sex needs, because anuses don’t self-lubricate and so you’ll want something that can last the entire length of the sex act.

Make sure never to use “numbing” products that claim to make anal sex easier, because if you (or your partner) can’t feel the pain, you won’t know if and when you’re seriously injuring yourself.

Lube and toys:

If you’re not sure what material your sex toys are made of, now would be a good time to check. Some silicone toys are incompatible with some silicone-based lubes – the toy may become permanently sticky or tacky in the place where the lube touched it. If you’re not sure, do a spot test on the base of the toy and wait a few minutes to see if anything disastrous happens. In any case, water-based lube is probably a better choice for you if you use silicone toys a lot.

If a toy is made of glass, stainless steel, wood, or plastic, however, then have no fear – just about any kind of lube should work on these toy materials. But again, if ever in doubt, do a spot test.

My lube recommendations:

Water-based: Blossom Organics, a Canadian-made, female-oriented, aloe-heavy lube that’s very soothing and has a realistic texture.

Silicone-based: Pjur Bodyglide, a sexy, smooth lube that is my go-to choice for handjobs especially.

Oil-based: unrefined coconut oil, available at your local health food store. Can conveniently double as a moisturizer, hair conditioner, even deodorant.

If you have a sex-related question for me, please don’t hesitate to ask!