Monthly Faves: Bondage & Besties

July of last year was an out-of-control amazeballs month for me sexually. This July was nice too, in different ways. Here’s some of what I got up to…

Sex toys

• This month I was sent the Zumio, an oscillating clitoral stimulator similar to the Eroscillator but way more pinpoint (full review forthcoming!). I honestly was expecting to hate it, but… I don’t. It’s so intense that I usually only use it on the first setting and through panties – which also means it lends itself well to “forced orgasm” kink scenarios. At one point this month, my boyfriend held the Zumio on my clit while fucking me with the S-Curve, and I practically died of pleasure…

• Speaking of cool shit my boyfriend did to me: he surprised me one day by putting my collar on me and then chaining it to my under-the-bed restraints so I couldn’t move. Then he jammed my Liberator Jaz under my hips and went down on me until I came. Woof.

Fantasy fodder

• A couple times this month, my partner alluded to cunnilingus as an endurance-based endeavor – “I wanna go down on you for a long time,” “I’m not gonna stop until you come,” and so on – and it reminded me of how soothing (and hot) these kinds of reminders can be. One of my number-one sexual anxieties is “taking too long” to come, so it’s enormously helpful when a partner pre-empts those worries by essentially telling me they want me to take a while.

• I did two things this month that are typically associated with “femdom” – pegging and facesitting – but because I did them with my mega-dominant boyf, I did not feel dominant at all. I felt like I was being his servicey little good girl, or like I was being served to him on a proverbial silver platter. Friendly reminder: dominance and submission are not baked into any particular sexual act; they’re attitudes you can bring (or not bring) to any act you choose!

• Here’s a good sentence that came up in my fantasies a lot this month: “I wanna feel you come on my cock, little one.” Oof. ‘Nuff said.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: Kinkly asked me to write about the significance of collars for me as a submissive. For my friend Taryn’s blog, I wrote a guest post about things to consider before entering a DD/lg relationship. I detailed some surprisingly common sexual fantasies for Ignite and wrote some beginner G-spot tips for Peepshow.. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about polyamory, penises, and edgeplay, and we interviewed our friend Taylor J Mace.

• Orgasm statz: I had 33 orgasms this month (go me!), bringing my total for the year up to 195 thus far. 14 of those orgasms (42.4%) were from partners, including one from a partner who had never made me come before this month (yay!).

Femme stuff

• I got some new tattoos toward the start of the month: “THIS TOO” + “SHALL PASS” on the insides of my wrists. This felt impulsive – I went for a walk-in appointment at my tattoo shop early one Wednesday morning – but actually it wasn’t that impulsive: I’d been thinking about getting these tattoos for months, and decided it was finally time. They serve as an important reminder for times when I’m feeling anxious, depressed, or otherwise out-of-sorts. So far I’m finding them very helpful!

• After making a Lush trip this month, I’ve gotten back into an old fave, the Mask of Magnaminty, and been swoonin’ over a new acquisition, Miranda soap. Oh Lush, you always do me right.

• I’m so smitten with my new clitoris necklace from Animal Hair. They also make dick earrings and a necklace covered in legs, among other things. Cuuute!

Little things

Learning about sex surrogacy and sexological bodywork from Caitlin. Longform improv. Queer femme babes. Getting super stoned (and sunburned) in Trinity Bellwoods. The Adventure Zone. Telling my boyfriend “I love you” for the first time (aww). Sexting while high. My brother’s band’s new music video. “Never really knew if I did something wrong; all I ever heard was it wasn’t my fault.” Feminist children’s theatre. My boyfriend making us coffee to thoughtfully sip while we have goofy conversations in the morning. Angels in America. Writing with fancy pencils. Creativity during hypomania. Bite marks. “Babe, can I put my passport and butt plugs in your bag?” Diner breakfasts with Bex. Weed breaks on an Airbnb stoop. Nerdy income stats. Sexy jazz.

Review: Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraints

I am kinky, and I’m lazy.

These qualities do not conflict as often as you might think. I’m a submissive and a bottom, so as much as I love BJs and facesitting, a lot of what I do in bed basically amounts to “lie back and receive sensation.” My boyfriend is a sadistic, toppy, domly dom, so we’re a good match in that way.

But kink, in general, is not always compatible with laziness. There’s often preparation involved. You have to keep your rope detangled, your leathers shiny, your toys sanitized. This type of ritual is part of the fun for many people. But me? I’m lazy. And impatient. If setup’s gonna take more than a few minutes, I’ll probably pass.

That, my friends, is the #1 reason I adore my Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraint System. It takes the prep time out of bondage. Your cuffs are ready to go – literally attached to your bed – at all times. It’s fucking genius.

I first discovered these restraints when a Tinder hookup of mine cuffed me into his after a cute drinks date. What followed was probably the best one-night stand I’ve ever had – I normally hate them, but this one was a gem in the dumpster fire that is Tinder. I experienced a triple whammy of uncommonalities for me: I had an orgasm, during a first hookup, during PIV sex, without using a vibrator. Reason being: he was dominant and toppy in all the ways that turn me on the most, and I was strapped to his bed, helpless and immobile and fucking soaking wet. The dude was hot and dommy and fun, and so were those restraints. Unf.

So obviously, when Adam & Eve asked if I’d like to review something for them, these restraints topped my list.

Here’s how they work. Four cuffs (two for wrists, two for ankles) are attached to long straps that you can slide under your mattress. I am neither strong nor handy and I managed to do this myself, without injuring myself or breaking my bed (hurrah). They are then held in place by the weight of the mattress and whoever’s on top of it, so you can struggle pretty hard against them and still feel hopelessly trapped, you lucky, lucky thing.

The straps are highly adjustable, so they fit just fine on my diminutive double-size bed and supposedly on any size bed (though, if you’re tiny like my friend Sarah, the straps might not reach your limbs on a large bed). The first time my boyfriend smirked at me darkly while tightening the straps attached to my wrists, I may have blushed, giggled, and gotten ridiculously wet all at the same time…

The cuffs that come with this set are cheap black nylon ones that fasten with Velcro. They’re fine, especially for kink novices who don’t intend to struggle much, but I replaced my wrist cuffs with ones from Aslan Leather because I find them more visually appealing and also more comfortable for scenes where I’ll be moving around a lot. The single strip of Velcro on the original cuffs can dig into the skin and become irritating if you pull against them hard.

Additionally, the clips to which the cuffs attach cannot be detached from the under-the-bed straps, so if you want to replace the Velcro cuffs with better ones, you’ll need some kind of clip or connector to link the two together. I picked up some purple metal carabiners at a hardware store for about $2 apiece, and those work fine. Would’ve been nice to not have to buy anything extra, though.

The one plus side to keeping the original Velcro cuffs is that they’re super quick to remove, if need be. If someone starts to have a panic attack or a medical emergency and needs to be out of bondage immediately, Velcro’s gonna be the better choice than a leather cuff that takes multiple steps to undo.

That said, once I get a nice pair of leather ankle cuffs with which to replace the other two Velcro ones still strapped to my bed, I’ll be 100% thrilled with this restraint system. It makes bondage soooo easy and quick, eliminating the barrier of laziness that often kept me from doing kink stuff because it felt like “too much work.” Plus there is something so badass about having bondage devices strapped to your bed at all times. That shit makes me feel like the committed lifestyle kinkster I aspire to be, or maybe already am.

 

Thanks to Adam & Eve for supplying me with this product to review, and sponsoring this post! The discount code “GIRLY” will get you 50% off almost any one item – including this restraint system, if you choose to buy it – as well as free shipping on your entire order in the U.S. and Canada. Rad!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2016: 1 Fantastic Toy Company

Here’s a riddle for you. What’s sexy as fuck, smells wonderful, and makes kinksters swoon?

No, not my vagina. Although: that too.

Nah, I’m talking about products made by Aslan Leather. Like my vag, they are glorious beacons of kinky wonderment, made right here in Toronto, and much-revered by sex-nerdy bondage enthusiasts. And this year I’m profiling Aslan as my favorite sex-products company of the year, because I just love ’em so very much.

I met Carey Gray – Aslan’s fearless leader – at a Tell Me Something Good event back in mid-2015, when we co-judged that night’s storytellers. Uncharacteristically for me, I struck up a conversation, because I just had to tell him how much I admired his beautiful products. He very kindly offered to let me review an item of my choosing from Aslan’s catalogue – truly a kinkster’s dream come true.

A few weeks and back-and-forth emails later, I found myself trotting down an alley to Aslan Leather’s sorta-secret workshop in downtown Toronto. I had requested the Crystal Blue Cuffs, and the craftspeople plucked a pair from their overflowing stock drawers and handed them to me, all nicely wrapped and pretty as hell. On my streetcar ride home, I kept taking the cuffs out of my bag, holding them to my nose, and inhaling deeply. Like many people, I have a visceral reaction to the smell of leather: it’s intoxicating, inviting, and sweetly sexy. Even now, if I open a drawer containing one of my Aslan products, the scent wafts out to greet me, and I feel both comforted and turned on.

Since acquiring those gorgeous cuffs, I’ve picked up a few more Aslan products: two collars (one black and one pink, natch), and a pink harness. All of them are absolutely stunning, well-made, sensuously fragrant, and buttery-soft. I swoon a little every time I touch or see or smell an Aslan item. They are simply top-of-the-line, as far as I’m concerned.

A materialistic kinkster’s heart is never sated, so I have a few more toys on my Aslan Leather wishlist. I’d love to own one of their ballgags (somehow I’ve never used a ballgag!), their pink leather paddle, and the ankle cuffs that match my wrist cuffs. I’m also all starry-eyed for the line of bluish-purple leather toys they released as a posthumous tribute to Prince (SheVibe carries the harness from this line, and it’s a stunner).

In 2017, I hope to widen the variety of companies and craftspeople that comprise my kink-toy collection: I want a ballgag from Oddo Leather, a leather paddle from 6Whips, a Lexan glitter cane from RavenHawk, a chest harness from Mad Elephant, and a torquemada from Creative Kink. But for now, I’m pleased as punch that Aslan Leather items make up most of my kinkwear “wardrobe.” They make me feel like the cutest little subby princess when I wear ’em, and that feeling alone is worth the price of the products.

What was your favorite sex toy company of 2016?

Monthly Faves: Hickeys, Hankies, Collars & Community

mosaicbe63ca747d32b90e5a987199f3b0b969e449424f

Like last month, this was a tough one for me: my mood disorders were all over the place and I found it difficult to function a lot of the time. Luckily, sex stuff (especially certain types of kink) is helpful to me in that regard. Hooray for sexual healing!

 

Sex toys

• I’m never getting over the Double Trouble. It provides the most consistent and fulfilling A-spot stimulation of any toy I’ve ever used. (But, secret confession: it still doesn’t hit the spot quite as well as my partner’s fingers.)

• While I’m still annoyed with the controls scheme of the Shibari Mini Halo Wand, it nonetheless got a lot of love from me this month. Sometimes my clit craves rumbly vibrations in a shape smaller than the Hitachi but bigger than the Tango, and the Shibari Mini is ideal when that’s the mood I’m in.

SheVibe sent me a green and yellow Godemiche Adam and it’s gorgeous. The super-defined coronal ridge doesn’t always agree with my vagina (more detail to come in my review), but I’m pretty into the toy’s dimensions. Plus it looks badass in my harness.

 

Fantasy fodder

• So, this is a new thing for me: I’ve been having fantasies about being collared and owned. Often these aren’t even sexual fantasies; I just take comfort sometimes in imagining myself being a dom person’s good little pet, sitting at their feet and attending to their needs. (Now I just need an Aslan collar… and a dom-y person to put it on me…)

• Currently my favorite thing is getting fucked – with fingers, a toy, or a dick; the tool itself is inconsequential – while being held down. Early this month, I went on a first date with someone who (at my behest) pounded me with my Eleven while putting steady weight on my upper chest with one hand, and, oh my god. Give me that, always, please.

• My new beau has a thing for hickeys. I used to love these back in high school, because they were tangible proof that I was liked; just spotting a hickey on myself in the mirror was enough to put a big goofy grin on my face. Now I wonder if that affection for hickeys was also a sign of my burgeoning kinks, because there is something about feeling “marked” that is so sexy to me now. My boyf likes to leave a purple mark of ownership in the middle of my chest, and I wear it like a badge of honor.

 

Sexcetera

• I bought some blue and pink bondage rope and have been learning some rope basics. This is a fun skill that I hope to explore more!

• I’m in a Facebook group for local kinksters and it’s the best. It’s reminding me of the importance of community, and of being around like-minded people, even just in a digital space. Plus there are a lottttt of hotties on there; holy fuck. Can I smooch all the dom cuties’ faces?!

• March 27th was my 4-year blogiversary. I didn’t write a celebratory post like I did last year or the year before, but rest assured: I love you all very very much and I’m grateful every day to have this platform and this community. Four years ago, it was my dream to write about sex for people as nerdy and passionate about sexuality as I am, and that wish has come true many times over. Thanks, babes!

 

Femme stuff

• My boyf gave me one of his flannel button-down shirts to wear. It’s soft, and warm, and wonderfully too-big on me. I love wearing clothes and accessories that were given to me by people who care about me, especially at times of emotional distress, because it reminds me that I’m capable of being adored. I spent many a stressed-out day this month snuggled up in my beau’s cozy shirt, thrown over a nightgown or a T-shirt or nothing at all.

• I was told to wear gold for the Smut in the 6ix promo shoot, so of course I made a trip to American Apparel immediately. (It is the place to find over-the-top, porn-friendly clothes, don’tcha know.) I bought a ridiculous gold lamé halter bodysuit and it’s excellent.

• I recently acquired a light blue handkerchief and have been wearing it on my right wrist, as per the hanky code. Probably very, very few people I encounter even know what this means, but it gives me a private thrill nonetheless.

 

What were your faves this month, cuties?

Review: Aslan Leather Crystal Blue Cuffs

aslan-leather-crystal-blue-cuffs

One of the reasons it’s so exciting to be sex-positive in Toronto is our proximity to Aslan Leather. They make top-quality leather kink goods in their tucked-away downtown hideout. Their stuff is handmade, gorgeous, and all comes with a lifetime guarantee. Ooh, baby, yeah.

They were nice enough to hook me up with some Crystal Blue Cuffs to try. Actually they offered me anything I wanted, but since I already have what is perhaps their best-known and most-lusted-after product – the Jaguar harness – I figured I’d give their bondage goods a shot.

These cuffs are right up my alley: blue (my fave!) and white, classic kinky styling, and androgynous in such a way that they can look super femmey on someone like me but could be boyish in someone else’s aesthetic context. Yuuuum.

aslan-leather-crystal-blue-cuffs-4

The cuffs are 2″ wide and have six holes that the buckle can go into. On my average-sized lady-wrists, the 3rd hole is the one in that sweet spot where comfort meets security. I’ve heard from other folks that Aslan is open to customization requests, so if you have particularly tiny or large wrists that these cuffs can’t accommodate (unlikely), they could probably help you out.

I find these cuffs verrrrry comfortable. They’re lined with vegan (a.k.a. fake) leather, which is softer than real leather and cushions your wrists slightly. The vegan leather is also a great feature for if your wrists get sweaty, because the moisture that could potentially stain real leather has no effect on the fake stuff. Brilliant.

aslan-leather-crystal-blue-cuffs-3As always with Aslan products, the leather of these cuffs feels gorgeously soft and broken-in, and has that classic leather smell that is deeply sexy but not overpowering.

The buckles have a hole in them that enables you to padlock them, if you’re so inclined. Unlike kink products made by companies who don’t know their shit, these are designed with practicality in mind. You can’t wriggle out of them once they’re properly buckled and connected. In fact, during the photoshoot for this review, I kept having to ask my photographer friend to uncuff me so I could get into different positions!

The cuffs don’t come with a connector, but Aslan sells a basic one, as do a lot of sex shops. You can also just tie the D-rings together with string or rope if you’re feeling lo-fi (but make sure you’re able to cut yourself or your partner free in a hurry, incase of an emergency!).

aslan-leather-crystal-blue-cuffs-5The comfort and prettiness of these cuffs makes me inclined to wear them in non-sexual scenarios too, as fashion accessories. They’re just so damn lovely. If you can pull it off, I say, go for it: it’s a kinda-subtle and adorable way to advertise your kinkiness on the streets!

If you, like me, enjoy matching your ensembles, Aslan can fill that need for you: the Crystal Blue color scheme is also available in ankle cuffs, a collar, a Jaguar harness and a Minx harness. You would be the cutest submissive on the block if you had a little ensemble of co-ordinating kink-wear!

You can buy Aslan products on their website; a smaller selection of their pieces is also available through various other shops, like SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Early to Bed. And buy them, you should, because they are stunning, high-quality, and they actually do what they’re supposed to do: make your BDSM fantasies a reality.

Thank you so much to Aslan Leather for these wonderful cuffs!

Also: shout-out to my friend C.P. for taking these awesome photos. She also shot my bio photo and various other photos on my site, and is generally the best.