Monthly Faves: Teddy Bears, Tongues, & Tarina Tarantino

This month I turned 25, spent a lot of time partyin’ and socializin’ with friends, and had plenty of fulfilling sexual experiences! Here’s hoping April was a prescient preview of the sexy spring and summer to come.

Sex toys

SheVibe sent me the Adrien Lastic Caress (full review to come!) and I’m surprised by how much I like it so far. It uses rotation and silicone attachments to stimulate the clit in a cunnilingus-esque manner, sort of like the Sqweel and Sqweel Go – but it also vibrates, which amplifies the sensation. I’m contemplating writing a post comparing various oral sex simulators, because damn, I love them when they’re executed well.

• Speaking of oral sex simulators… I’ve gotten back into the Satisfyer a bit this month. The suction creates a slow build of arousal compared to a vibrator, but sometimes that is exactly what I want.

• Teddy Love sent me their product, an undeniably horrifying teddy bear whose face vibrates. I haven’t been able to bring myself to apply it to my genitals yet, but I have delighted in showing it to partners and watching terror bloom on their faces.

Fantasy fodder

• Receiving oral sex tends to fall by the wayside in my fantasy life until I meet someone who’s really good at it – and then it reenters my sexual awareness at full force. I got good head from a couple o’ cuties this month, so I’ve had tongues on the brain. Unf.

• I went on some dates this month with someone who is a very good kisser… Like, very, very good… Like, “there is usually wetness dripping down my thighs afterward” levels of good. He’s got the actual lip-lock on lock and also does a lot of the peripheral things I love during makeouts, like grabbing my ass and holding me down by my wrists. So I’ve been fantasizing a lot about good kisses since then. Ugh, please tell him to come kiss me some more.

• I think I’m developing a bit of a premature ejaculation kink?! (In porn, anyway. Not so much in real life.) When I’m high and therefore disinhibited, a lot of my porn searches lately are phrases like “she makes him cum quickly,” “he can’t help but cum,” “he tries not to cum,” and so on. I confessed this growing interest to Bex, who knows my kinks super well, and they replied: “Honestly, that makes perfect sense. A dude being surprised by how good something (probs a BJ) feels so he loses control and comes instantly? That’s totes you.” Ah. Yes. That does make perfect sense, now that I think about it.

Sexcetera

• This month I had sex with a straight cis guy who a) didn’t assume I’d be into intercourse, b) was highly skilled at mid-sex verbal check-ins that were both reassuring and hot, and c) said to me at one point, “I want to see you come. How can I make that happen?” Gosh, I love it when partners are attitudinally a good sexual match for me: non-pressure-y, adventurous, unpresumptuous, and more about pleasure and fun than meeting certain culturally prescribed goals. Swoon!

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I enthused about my favorite erogenous zone, the A-spot, for Glamour, and detailed my experiences with a vaguely biphobic doctor for Daily Xtra. I blogged about wooden dildos and the silly realities of sex for Ignite. I made some sex-nerdy confessions on SwingTowns. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about porn and ruining the mood, interviewed Kenton of Funkit Toys, and on 4/20 we got high and laughed a lot.

• In April I had 25 orgasms – fewer than average for me, because some depressive spells tanked my libido for a bit. Two of those orgasms (8%) were from partners; the rest were solo.

Femme stuff

• For my birthday, I bought myself an Alice in Wonderland necklace from Tarina Tarantino. It’s big and over-the-top and I love it.

• H&M makes a flattering $15 fit-and-flare dress in multiple different colors and patterns. I own eight of them now. It’s a problem. Except it’s not a problem at all. I think my current faves are the blue gingham and red floral ones. Soooo foxy!

• I got my makeup done for a friend’s wedding, and it was such a fun novelty. I’d never worn false lashes before, and couldn’t stop staring at my cartoonish babeliness in every mirror. My turquoise bridesmaid dress rounded out the look.

Little things

Hippo Campus’ new album (it is all I want to listen to right now!). Coaching/consulting sessions where I feel helpful and useful. Fun cam shows! Having a full plate of writing projects. Spicy salmon sushi and big helpings of edamame. Editing podcasts in a café window seat. Conversations with smart friends about strange psychosexual phenomena. Drinks-dates where our conversation crackles and flows. Twitter crushes. Interviewing hilarious smart people for exciting projects. All-day breakfast. Dancing to Taylor Swift with a bunch of new friends in Hamilton. Listening to the Flop House while soaking in a hotel bathtub at the end of a long day. Beautifully-wrapped presents. Polite and respectful suitors. Bex’s dapperness. Seeing my friends win awards. Good listeners. Learning new things. Sexting as negotiation. Really good coffee.

Monthly Faves: Bruises, Tongues & Glitter

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November was possibly the most sexually active month of my year so far, so that’s pretty rad. Here are some of the things that made that possible…

 

Sex toys

• I had loaned out my Pure Wand to a friend, and when she returned it to me mid-month, I sure made up for lost time. I used it on myself during a threesome, and during many a solo sexytime session thereafter. It still provides a more intense sensation than I usually find pleasurable, but when I get into the right mood for it, nothing else will do.

• I bought a Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble this month. (Yes, feel free to “ooh” and “aah” here.) Mine is blue because it was the last remaining toy from the limited-edition “Dreamy Daze” batch Fucking Sculptures made in May. Swooooon. I will review it, eventually, when I can pry myself away from it for long enough to write a review…

• It’s hard to come up with a 3rd item for this list, because I honestly didn’t use a lot of toys this month. But I did have one particularly memorable session with the Tantus Uncut #1 that reminded me how lovely it is. Unf, dat foreskin.

 

Fantasy fodder

• I bought a Bright Desire subscription and I’m so very glad I did. Hot female-gaze-oriented porn filled with cuties. A database easily searchable by keyword. Behind-the-scenes director’s comments available for practically every clip, incase you’re a porn nerd (which I am). Too too too good.

• Please help me: I still have fantasies about a hot guy from my past who turned out to be a total asshole. He’s just… so… attractive. Do you ever struggle with this dilemma? Does it leave you feeling guilty and depleted after you come incredibly hard? ‘Scuse me, I’ll just be over here in the corner, hanging my head in shame.

• Remember that Danny Wylde/Dylan Ryan scene I’ve been obsessed with for literal years? Yep, still in love. I pulled it out a few times when I was having trouble reaching orgasm, and it always helped. How are these two SO HOT? How is that amount of sexual chemistry even legal?!

 

Sexcetera

• After feeling kind of “meh” about cunnilingus for the past year, I got some incredible head from two different guys this month, and remembered how much I love it. I still haven’t come from oral in about a year and a half, but I’m confident that it will happen one of these days…

• At various times this month, I had a bite mark on my neck, a bruise on my breast, and scratches up and down my torso. Only two out of those three were actually sex-related, but, damn, still pretty neat.

• I got spanked a lot this month. Hell yes. Isn’t it fantastic when you find someone who loves to do the things you love to have done to you (or vice versa)?!

 

Femme stuff

• I bought my metallic blue Doc Martens when I was 18. I don’t know when or why they fell out of my regular shoe rotation, but it’s a travesty that they did. I pulled them out again for Playground Prom and now I kinda wanna wear them every day. How can you ever be sad when your feet look like laser beams?

• I’ve been really into sequins lately. As above, this was also kickstarted by Playground Prom, where the theme was “glitter Candyland masquerade.” I went shopping for New Year’s Eve clothes with a femme friend and bought a gold sequinned tube top, because I am a 16-year-old girl from 1984, apparently.

• Very, very enamored with EmMeMa’s lingerie. Also, she’s a total sweetheart. You should buy pretty things from her!

 

What were your November favorites?

Interview: Sophie Delancey from The Art of Blowjob

Sophie Delancey is one of the awesomest babes I know. As VP of The Art of Blowjob and The Art of Cunnilingus, she makes (and sometimes performs in!) ridiculously hot oral sex porn. She’s also one of the founders and hosts of Tell Me Something Good here in Toronto, and she does burlesque. What a hard-workin’ fox!

I’ve been wanting to profile some of the wonderful sex-positive folks I know, and Sophie’s the first person I’m interviewing for this series. I hope you feel inspired by her hustle and hotness – I know I do!

Girly Juice: What’s your official title?

Sophie Delancey: I’m the Vice President of our group of websites, and I’m specifically functioning as the sex educator for TheArtofBlowjob.com’s new educational series.

GJ: What does your day-to-day work entail?

SD: What doesn’t it entail? I take care of all of our PR, social media, any writing for the sites/blogs/other sources, handle our business-to-business work, direct/edit/perform from time to time, research/write/record the educational updates, spearhead new projects and generally serve as the voice and first line of contact for the sites.

GJ: What makes Art of Blowjob/Art of Cunnilingus notably different from all the other oral sex porn that’s out there?

SD: We just try to focus on the sensuality and simple beauty of the act. Our filming, editing and shooting experience is all about just gently accentuating what’s so awesome about taking your time to focus on oral sex instead of rushing through it like more goal-oriented sexual scripts. Orgasms are awesome, so are other sex acts, but sometimes the joy is really the ride. We want to do one thing and do it well!

GJ: What is it about oral sex in particular that you find so intriguing?

SD: I love both giving and receiving, putting that together or separating the two. I have a huge oral fixation and I love getting up close and personal with my partner’s body and taking it all in. It’s like sensory overload. I love being overwhelmed. Giving oral sex means enjoying the pleasure of giving pleasure in and of itself, devoting yourself to exactly what makes your partner feel amazing, honing your skills and really devoting yourself to the experience. Receiving means being present in your body, losing the shame that a lot of us have around our genitals, giving yourself over to the experience, finding out what works for you, being a bit selfish and just getting in touch with your sensual self.

GJ: What’s the best part of your job?

SD: I’m loving the educational series on The Art of Blowjob, which is also forthcoming on The Art of Cunnilingus in the next month or so. Breaking down every little tip, technique, piece of advice, trick, communication stumbling block… It’s amazing how much there is to oral sex. I have always loved the times I’ve gotten to give advice/sex education, so this is definitely my strong point.

GJ: And what’s the worst part of your job?

SD: Probably when people make all of the sexist assumptions that people make about women who work in porn… Luckily I’ve got so much support in my life for what I do that it makes it a lot easier to shrug it off.

GJ: What would be your advice for someone who wants to do similar work to what you’re doing?

SD: Diversify! Get a whole bunch of skills. If you want to work in porn, you should probably know how to direct, edit, write, update social media, dabble with web/graphic design, talk a good game about sexuality and have new, interesting ideas. It sounds overwhelming, but jobs in porn (and the arts, politics, non-profits… All the weirder industries!) rely on versatility and people who are really passionate/motivated.

Thanks so much to Sophie Delancey for giving us a glimpse into her work life and sex life! Make sure to check out her fine work at The Art of Blowjob and The Art of Cunnilingus.

Let’s Talk About Terminology: Oral Sex For Ladies

(Blogger note: sorry for the dearth of sex toy reviews recently! I am waiting on a bunch of toy shipments at the moment. Don’t worry your pretty little head – I’ll be back to talking about dildos and vibrators on the regs in no time!)

There are so many ways in which misogyny manifests itself in our culture – ugh, so very many! – and language is definitely one of those. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I decided to start this feature: to dissect sexist language conventions.

You can observe this shit in the different terms for oral sex performed on a man and on a woman. The gents have cool nouns like “blowjob,” “hummer,” and “brain.” They have great verb phrases like “sucking cock” and “giving head.” And there are specific terms for individual BJ techniques like “deepthroating” and “teabagging.” (By the way, if any of those look unfamiliar to you, get yo’ ass to Urban Dictionary, stat!)

What do we ladies have? Well, there’s the über-clinical “cunnilingus,” which is a fabulous word but not always practical in casual, heat-of-the-moment situations. There’s “eating pussy,” “eating out,” and “going down,” which are fine but sort of standard and boring (plus I really don’t like the word “eating” being used in sex terms unless there is actual eating involved). There are goofy slang terms that no one takes seriously, like “eating a box lunch” or “dining at the Y.” And as for non-clinical nouns, there isn’t a good one. “Tongue job” is the closest I’ve found, and I think it can be kind of hot in the right context, but mostly it’s still the sort of thing that elicits laughter rather than dirty thoughts.

So how do we remedy this slang situation? I propose a two-part plan…

First, reclaim non-gendered slang. I love the phrase “getting head” (or giving it) as a gender-neutral term for oral sex. There’s no reason why it ought to be gendered; oral sex, after all, involves somebody’s head and somebody’s genitals, regardless of whether those genitals are a penis or a vulva (or something in between!). Some people use “giving face” as the female equivalent of “giving head,” but whatever, bro. I don’t see why a distinction is necessary.

Second, make up your own slang terms and spread ‘em around. That’s what I try to do with “tongue job.” I’d love to hear your ideas for pussy-munchin’ vocabulary. In fact, I’d love to see the whole sex blogosphere agree on a few terms for cunnilingus and start propagating the hell out of them!

Photo credit: I can’t figure out who did the modifying, but it’s an altered version of this image from Comically Vintage!

Review: JeJoue SaSi

Imagine how you would feel about a lover who was totally inept at getting you off, who always seemed to change their technique just as you were getting close to coming, and who approached your genitals with a grimace of apprehension, and you’ll understand how I feel about the JeJoue SaSi.

Several years old and probably discontinued by now (though still available through Sex Toys Canada), the SaSi seemed unbelievably innovative when it first launched. It’s an oral sex simulator consisting of a small ball moving around underneath a silicone covering in various patterns that are meant to be tongue-like. Most notably, you can actually “program” the SaSi using its “skip” and “don’t stop” buttons, so it’ll learn what kind of patterns you like and give you more of those.

In theory? Bravo, JeJoue, you brilliant geniuses! In practice? Ugh, fuck you, SaSi, I hate you.

Problem number one: the motions kind of suck (and not in the “oh, yeah, suck on my clit just like that” way, unfortunately). They’re random, erratic, and weird. My inner labia and the sides of my clit have never gotten so much lovin’ in their life – which is great for them, I guess, but those aren’t the most responsive parts of my pussy. There are only a few patterns that focus on the top-centre of my clit where most of my sensitivity is, and none of them are a steady back-and-forth or up-and-down motion. This makes no sense.

Problem number two: the ball is too damn slow. It has three speeds and even the highest one feels merely like teasing and not like actual competent tonguing.

Problem number three: the SaSi does have vibration in addition to its minuscule movements, and you’d think vibes would improve the sensation, but I actually can’t feel the ball moving when the vibrations are on. I suspect this is because the ball can barely be felt when the vibrations aren’t on.

To the SaSi’s credit, it’s an elegant-looking toy, it feels relatively ergonomic in my hand (like a computer mouse!), and its silicone covering is removable so you can wash and sterilize it without ruining the rest of the toy. These are all good things, but they’re not enough to make SaSi a good or even passable sex toy.

If you want an oral sex simulator that may actually be able to get you off, try the Sqweel 2 or the oscillating mode on the Jimmyjane Form 2. But please, for the love of all things sexy and orgasmic, do not buy the SaSi. It is 100% frustrating and cruel.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!