12 Days of Girly Juice 2016: 9 Best New Sex Toys

img_5260

I am a lucky, lucky babe: companies are always sending me new sex toys and sexual products to try. However, my genitals are picky as hell, so it’s rare for me to deviate from my tried-and-true favorites and fall in love with something new. However, here are 9 toys I received this year that I liked a lot.

9. I don’t really consider myself a “size queen.” True, some of my favorite toys are big – most notably the Double Trouble and Eleven – but I like those more for their curve than their size. So I’m a bit surprised that the Tantus Sam snuck onto this list. It’s pure girth, and doesn’t really bring much else to the table. But gosh, sometimes I just want something thick and meaty inside me and nothing less will do. And when that craving hits, all I can do is sigh, roll my eyes, pull out the Sam, slather it in lube, and get ready for a good solid fuckin’. Available at SheVibe, PinkCherry U.S., PinkCherry CA, and Peepshow Toys.

8. Dammit, Lelo; I can’t believe I kind of like your Mona Wave. Its come-hither motion is still just as torturously slow as it was when I wrote my review, but I must admit that sometimes I’m in the mood to be edged like that. (God knows I’d never have the self-control to stroke my own G-spot as languorously as the Mona Wave strokes it.) Though I’m hesitant to support Lelo anymore because they’re the worst, admittedly I don’t have any other toys quite like the Mona Wave. Available at SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Peepshow Toys.

7. I bought my hot pink California Exotics mini clit pump impulsively, while taking a friend shopping for sex toys, and I’m so glad I did. Previous shitty cheap pumps had failed me, but this one – while still affordable – actually does what a pump is supposed to do. I find it pairs especially well with weed; when I’m high, the intense suction on my clit feels like almost enough to get me off. And it’s certainly enough to get me extremely wet and turned on. Available at Come As You Are.

img_52396. I’ve owned an Aslan Jaguar harness for a while, but this year I traded my black one for a pink one. Still haven’t had occasion to actually use a harness, despite owning three of them (what am I even doing with my life?!) but my raspberry Jag makes me extremely happy nonetheless. One day I’ll fuck someone while wearing this, I promise. Available at SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Early to Bed.

5. During our road trip to Minneapolis in April, my best pal Bex visited kink-themed coffee shop Leather & Latte without me and came back to our Airbnb with a brand new stone lollipop crop. I tried it out on my arm and then on my thigh, and before too long, decided I needed to pay a visit to the café and buy my own crop ASAP. I’m so glad I snapped it up while I had the chance! It’s the stingiest, bruisiest impact play toy I own, and was an oft-requested hit at our spanking partyAvailable… fuckin’ nowhere except in-person at Leather & Latte, apparently. Sorry!

img_52464. Speaking of impact play toys… My KinkMachineWorks Lexan paddle is my favorite one of all time (at least so far). I bought it after eying it on Etsy for quite some time. The first night I got it, I brought it over to Georgia‘s house and she left some impressive bruises on me. What I like about this thing is that it’s bruisey and pleasantly thuddy without being overly painful. Yeah, it hurts, but it’s rarely too much for me to take. Not to mention, there’s something to be said for a see-through paddle, especially if (like me) you like to look at beautiful butts as you smack ’em… Available on Etsy.

3. I don’t have much to say about the Doxy Wand, ’cause it’s just a good vibrator that does its fuckin’ job. You would be surprised how few vibes I can actually say that about. This thing is rumbly and dependable; it was an easy choice for this list, even though I still favor my Magic Wand RechargeableAvailable at SheVibe, Tantus, and Early to Bed

img_52322. I knew the Liberator Jaz would upgrade my sex life, but I didn’t realize quite how much! I’ve used it countless times during sex and masturbation, to boost my hips for a more comfortable and pleasurable angle of penetration. It also works great for spanking, blowjobs, cunnilingus, and all manner of other fun things. I’m glad I made the investment in this firm little workhorse! Available at SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Peepshow Toys

1. Hands down, my favorite new toy I acquired this year is my Eroscillator Top Deluxe. I’ve said it all before and I’ll say it again: it makes me come super hard, super fast. It fits neatly between bodies during sex. It pairs well with dildos, partners’ fingers, and/or partners’ dicks. It’s quiet-ish, well-made, slightly less ugly now than its previous copper iteration, and a definite conversation starter. It’s remained on my nightstand ever since I got it, which is the highest compliment I can give a sex toy, truly. Available at SheVibe, PinkCherry U.S., and PinkCherry CA.

What were your favorite sex toys this year?

Review: Eroscillator Top Deluxe

img_4173

In one of my favorite movies, Kissing Jessica Stein, a character named Helen has three boyfriends. They each fulfill a different-but-important purpose in her life. One is young, clever, and adventurous, but a bit dweeby; she sees him when she’s bored. One is very rich but boring and possessive; she sees him when she’s hungry. And the third is sexually ravenous and skilled, but not especially smart or interesting; she sees him, of course, when she’s horny.

I thought about Helen’s trifuckta a lot while testing the Eroscillator Top Deluxe, because it’s made its way instantly and easily into my core team of go-to vibrators. I grab the Magic Wand Rechargeable when I want my whole vulva shaken into joy, the We-Vibe Tango when I crave more pinpointed rumbling, and the lovely Eroscillator when I need a vibrator that feels less like a vibrator and more like a human is touching me.

That’s the advantage the Eroscillator has over any other vibrator I’ve tried: its oscillation movement is, in some way my scientifically unschooled brain doesn’t understand, fundamentally different from standard vibration. It gets deeper into my clitoral network, while at the same time feeling gentler and less abrasive to the outer portion of my clit. The sensation is closer to a lover’s fingers than it is to vibration, and sometimes it almost feels like a ghost is stimulating me; the sensation is that unique and ethereal. This effect is hard to explain in words, but it makes my Eroscillator indispensable to me.

Longer-term readers might know that the Eroscillator 2 Plus has been a diehard favorite of mine since the early, early days of my blog. When I started reviewing for Sex Toys Canada, only the second-ever company to agree to send me stuff to review, the Eroscillator was the very first thing I requested. It’s been my right-hand man ever since, never leaving my bedside table in the 4.5 years since I got it… That is, until Eroscillator sent me this fancier model, the Top Deluxe.

If you’re curious about how the two models compare, Epiphora’s post on the subject is more thorough than I will be here. I’ll say this: I can get off easily with both models, and while the Top Deluxe feels noticeably stronger, the 2 Plus still thrills me to the very core of my clitoral crura. I’d only recommend the Top Deluxe if you have the extra money to throw around and/or you know you need quite a bit of power to get off. If neither of those is the case, you’ll do just fine with the basic model.

img_4172That said, do make sure to get the fingertip attachment (lovingly nicknamed “the marshmallow” by Betty Dodson and many a sex toy blogger). It comes with the 2 Plus Soft Finger Combo and Top Deluxe Soft Finger Combo and that’s probably the most cost-efficient way of getting it, ’cause it’s $40 on its own. This attachment is the magic ingredient that, for me, takes the Eroscillator from “Hmm, that feels pretty good” to “Jesus fuck, is my clit being serviced by an extraterrestrial who’s evolved past their corporeal form and is aiming a pure pleasure beam at my junk?!” It softens the oscillations without dulling their impact on my internal clitoral structures, which, in layman’s terms, feels preeeetty fuckin’ good.

My orgasms with the Eroscillator are categorically different than my orgasms with any other toy. They feel simultaneously deeper and floatier. Instead of wrestling an orgasm from my body, like I do with other vibrators, with the Eroscillator I can sweetly and gently push myself over the edge into an orgasm that bursts open, blooms like a flower, shakes and quakes my whole being. This shit is fucking meditative.

The other reason I love the Eroscillator: its size and shape are ideal for use during penetrative sex. It fits between bodies perfectly, and its ribbed slider lets me flick between the toy’s 3 speeds quickly and intuitively. Some of the best orgasms of my life have happened with the Eroscillator on my clit and a partner’s dick buried inside me. (Welp. Gettin’ wet just thinking about it, frankly.)

My Eroscillator came with several attachments, but the marshmallow is the one I stick with, 95% of the time. It’s the perfect balance between pinpointed and broad, hard and soft, for my particular clit‘s preferences. If I’m having trouble getting off even at the highest speed, sometimes I’ll switch to the “grapes and cockscomb” for some extra sensation to help me get there, but for the most part, the squishy fingertip does the trick.

If I have any complaints about the Eroscillator, they’re as follows: the super-long power cord, while convenient for use at a distance from a power outlet, gets tangled far too easily. And I sometimes don’t love that the oscillations weaken the more that I press the toy into my body. However, I’ve learned to work around this, such that it’s now second nature to me – I just press the toy against myself to start and then ease up the pressure as I get closer to orgasm, so the sensation gets more intense. This issue makes the Eroscillator a poor choice for anyone who needs clitoral pressure, but for me, it’s no big deal.

I thought I’d hate the colors of the overhauled Eroscillator – it used to be bronze, and I’m a stubborn babe who’s resistant to change – but the purple and silver combo is actually beautiful. This toy’s still never gonna win a “Prettiest Vibrator” competition, but it looks marginally less like a steampunk toothbrush now than it once did, and I’m just the slightest bit prouder to display it on my nightstand as a result.

Writing about the Eroscillator makes me want to use it. Thinking about it makes me want to use it. The orgasms are that good, that addictive. It’s the closest thing I have to a “press here for orgasm” button. I’ve loved this product for four and a half years and I imagine I’ll love it for many, many more.

 

Thank you to Eroscillator for sending me this toy to review!

“Every Feminist’s Ideal Boyfriend…”

image

During the shitstorm of anti-feminist trolls I faced after the publication of my Establishment article, the funniest criticism I received was this: “Every feminist’s ideal boyfriend is a Hitachi Magic Wand.”

A conservative blogger had written about me and my degenerate sex toy collection, and I clicked the link while at a party with a bunch of friends. When a concerned pal saw what I was reading, he cooed, “Aw, don’t look at that,” and tried to take my phone from me so it wouldn’t ruin my night. But I wasn’t sad or angry; I was giggling my ass off.

It struck me (and still strikes me) as so funny that these anti-feminist, anti-woman, anti-pleasure curmudgeons think sex toys are incompatible with the presence of a real-life partner. These people honestly believe that by sheer virtue of owning dozens of vibrators and dildos, I am scaring away anyone who might want to bang me. This couldn’t be further from the truth.


I’m throwing clothes and toiletries into a backpack, getting ready for a weekend at my boyfriend’s place. It’s a rarity: he has the house to himself, with his family being out of town. We are going to fuck on every available surface.

My eyes land on my sex toy drawers and I realize some important decisions need to be made. “What toys should I bring?” I text my love. While waiting for him to respond, I idly graze my fingers over my Tango, Orchid, and Wahl.

The reply comes back: “Your Eroscillator. Duh.”

I should have known. He loves how hard that toy makes me come, while his cock is deep inside me or his fingers probe my G-spot. Sometimes he even hands it to me during sex without me needing to ask – a non-verbal assertion that, yes, he values my pleasure, it’s important to him, it turns him on, and he can’t wait to feel me clenching around him.

I wrap the Eroscillator’s cord carefully around its body and slide it into my bag, then skip off toward the subway station.


27 percent of the people I’ve banged have owned their own Magic Wand (to my knowledge, anyway). That’s no small number. That’s 1.3 in 5. Those odds are pretty good, compared to the world at large. I have excellent taste in partners.

Though self-pleasure is obviously an important ideal to me, I’m especially charmed by cis men who own a Magic Wand purely for the usage of the women they bone.

These are usually men to whom their partners’ pleasure matters a great deal. They’re the type of men who want you to come, but who will back the fuck off if you tell them it’s probably not gonna happen tonight and you’re okay with that. The type of men who will patiently offer up their fingers, mouths, dicks, and talented toy-wielding hands if it means they get to watch you writhe and convulse beneath them. The type of men who will never judge you for getting sweaty, red-faced, breathless, loud, and incoherent during and after your orgasm, because to them, that’s not unattractive – it’s the whole point.

When I’m flirting with someone new and sex toys come up in conversation, sometimes I learn that my flirtee owns their own Hitachi. It’s usually mentioned so casually and offhandedly, I could miss it if I zoned out for just a moment. But it’s info that perks my ears right up, because I know what it’s likely to mean.


“I bought it for an ex-girlfriend, but she didn’t want it,” he says with a shrug as he plugs it in.

“Lucky for me,” I fire back, unwrapping a condom to pull over the thing’s unwieldy, porous head.

I’m already wet from his deft fingers, so he can push them right into me again once the Hitachi is settled on my clit. I turn it on just as he finds my A-spot and have to bite down on my own hand to keep my moans at a reasonable decibel level. The deep vibrations rocking my entire clit combine with his sweetly insistent fingers, and I zoom right into “about to come” territory within seconds.

It doesn’t take much. I’m just thinking that I wish he would say something nurturing and domly to me to push me over the edge, when he leans in and mutters, “Does that feel good? Yeah? Like that?” And then I’m coming all over his fingers, sinking my teeth even deeper into my own skin. The vibrator rattles noisily against my sudden wetness and I leave it there until I can’t stand it anymore.

“Man, I love that thing,” I breathe. He laughs and says, “Yeah, I could tell.” We curl up to sleep: him spooning me, and me spooning the Hitachi.

image

The way I use sex toys with partners, it’s a way they can prove to me that they trust and respect my authority over my own body.

I rarely just hand a partner a toy and let ’em go wild with it. Usually I’ll hand it to them while listing some very specific instructions. “Push it all the way into me, tilt the tip up toward my belly, and move in and out in small motions. Yeah, like that. A little bit faster, please.”

Or sometimes I’ll just hold the damn thing myself. I’ll press a vibrator against my clit or external G-spot while my partner fucks me with fingers, a toy, or his dick. Since my clit is a total princess, it’s often easier if I handle that part myself, freeing him up to do other things.

I don’t attract the type of person who’d pridefully try to control my toys against my wishes. I wouldn’t want to bang that type of person, anyway. I only want to be with people who respect my autonomy, my knowledge of my own body, my pleasure preferences. And when a partner hands me a vibe without getting butthurt about it, without sulking in disappointment, without seeming to feel devalued or unneeded, it just proves he trusts me to know what’s best for me.

It’s a feminist act, in some ways. It’s a man saying-without-saying, “Your body is yours, you’re smart and experienced, and your pleasure matters. I’d love to be a part of that, if you’ll let me. And if not, that’s fine too.”


He’s got one hand on my chest and the other inside me. My Tango is wedged against my clit, thrumming helpfully, but I’m just not quite getting there.

I see a look come over his face that I can’t decipher, and then he says, “I don’t think this is strong enough. Do you wanna switch to the Hitachi?”

My appreciation for this man, in this moment, is grander than I can translate into words. My heart melts, and so does my vagina. Far from being scared or put off by vibrators, he’s getting annoyed with the one in my hand for being too small, not strong enough, not giving me enough pleasure. He wants more for me, because my enjoyment is paramount to him. And not in some selfless, detached way: me getting off is a direct turn-on for him. And I know that’s why he shuts off my Tango, retrieves my Magic Wand from the bedside table, and places it in my hands.

A few diligent minutes later, I come so hard that I’m babbling, sweating, lost in rumbly reverie. I’m vaguely aware that he takes the vibe from me once I’m totally done coming, and I hear him set it on the table before climbing back into bed with me.

Maybe it’s the orgasmic neurotransmitters talking, but I’ve rarely felt so cared for, respected, safe, and seen during sex as I do now. He knew what I needed and delivered it not with complaints but with extreme enthusiasm. It wasn’t even a big deal to him. He wanted me to come, so, duh, he made sure there was a suitable vibrator in my hands. It was the obvious thing to do, and he did it because he cares about me.

I drift off to sleep in his arms. His hands still smell like me.

Monthly Faves: Pink Dildos, Pink Lips, & Pink Butts

mosaicf943380c0b05bac4d0665c6c1e3518312835233d

This was my sluttiest month to date, if you use “number of different sexual partners” as your metric for sluttiness, and I’m having a lot of complicated feelz about that. Cultural messages tell us promiscuity is the domain of the love-starved, fucked-up, and emotionally empty. Vindictive slut-shamers tell us promiscuity is unethical, hurtful, and harmful. It’s hard not to take those messages to heart.

But when I get real quiet and listen to my own feelings, I get a glimpse of the truth. Sure, sometimes my sluttiness is a ruse to bolster my self-esteem and fill my oft-depressed days… but mostly, it’s not. Mostly, my pursuit of sex is a joyful one, rooted in self-love, excitement, and freedom. I’m always safe, I’m not reckless, and I maintain my emotional integrity in sexual encounters as much as I can – so it’s a happy part of my life, generally. It’s easy to forget that, but writing my Monthly Faves post at the end of each month is a way of reminding myself just how much delight is brought into my life by sex, in all its many forms. Gratitude rewires your brain and I think it’s good for your sex life, too. So here are some of the sexy things I treasured most in August…

Sex toys

Eroscillator sent me their Top Deluxe model and my clit is smitten. (“Clitten,” you might say.) I’ve loved my standard-model Eroscillator for over four years (!!) so it feels good and right to have finally upgraded to the fancier, more powerful version. I’m going to review it soon, but suffice it to say: holy hot damn, this thing makes me come like a mofo.

• I special-ordered Godemiche‘s new Ambit dildo in glittery pink silicone, and it makes me deliriously happy. It’s my dream femme cock. I can’t wait for the day I get to slide it through the O-ring of my pink leather harness and fuck someone cute with my sparkly dick.

• All of us bloggers got plenty of freebies at Woodhull. One of the treats I went home with is a little bottle of Sliquid Soul, a natural lube that’s primarily made of coconut oil. It’ll never be a go-to lube for my partnered encounters because I usually use latex barriers (and oil breaks down latex), but for solo fun or non-penetrative pleasures, it’s soooo sensuous and lovely. I love oiling up a glass or steel dildo so it’ll slide into me frictionlessly, and I love how moisturized and happy my vulva feels afterward!

Fantasy fodder

• I am an all-purpose spanking enthusiast. Whether I’m topping or bottoming, there is just something electrically hot and exciting to me about the impact of hands or implements on gorgeous butts. Sometimes there’s not even a particularly sexual element; I can spank or be spanked by totally platonic friends and I still get some kind of emotional satisfaction out of it. I try not to question it too much – who can tell why we like what we like? Spanking’s just something I enjoy, for whatever reason, and I’m glad I get so many opportunities to participate in it. (Check out the bruises I gave Suz. Yeesh. That lady is a champ.)

• You know, I don’t think of myself as much of an exhibitionist or sexual thrill-seeker, but I had two different sexual encounters in public places this month and enjoyed ’em both a lot. On one occasion, I got kissed, held down, and slapped around by a dom-y partner in an alley after a drinks date. Just a couple days later, I was out with another partner at night, and we walked through a deserted parkette and got a little handsy… and then a little more-than-handsy, naw’m sayin’? I’m not into involving spectators nonconsensually in my sexytimes, so I would only ever do this if I was pretty certain no one would see – but with that caveat, public fucktimes can be a rare treat!

• My kinks have shifted and changed a lot over the years, but one of the things that consistently and abundantly turns me on is when a partner knows my body really well. Maybe it’s my sex-as-a-service kink, but fuck, I love it when someone knows exactly how to get me off. My current longest-running sexual relationship is with an FWB who I’ve known for a year, and his expert grasp of my body’s erogenous zones and rhythms is so hot in and of itself.

Sexcetera

• It was so much fun attending my first Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit this year! I got to commune with several of my blogger pals, soak up sex-nerdy knowledge from smart folks galore, and feel like a renowned and respected maven. It feels so, so good to have a community of fellow sex bloggers to rely on for emotional support, professional advice, and commiseration. I’m so grateful that the internet has enabled me to connect with like-minded folks and build these friendships that matter so much to me. 💖

• I got to do a lot of sex-related writing on other websites this month! I wrote about introducing sex toys to a partner, alternative uses for sex toys, and buzzy vs. rumbly vibrations for Ignite, and I expounded on A-spot toys for Peepshow. (Did you know I’m always available for writing projects? Click here for more info!)

• I bit the bullet and launched a Patreon! Now you can support my work financially if you want to. Each reward level comes with perks – for example, for $1/month, you get to read regular behind-the-scenes journal entries about what’s going on in my life; for $5/month, you get to read each new blog post a day before it launches; and for $10/month, you get access to my Snapchat. Patreon is a lovely way for fans to support creators directly, so if my work is meaningful to you and you’ve got some money to chip in, I’d love for you to come join my crew!

Femme stuff

• Hot pink lipstick is a signature of sorts for me, and I’m always looking for that next life-changing pink. I recently bought Bourjois liquid lipstick in the shade “Pink Pong” (ugh, quelle terrible pun!) and it’s the exact type of cool-toned bright pink that gives me femme heart-eyes. Plus it smells good (sort of like pink grapefruit?) and the texture is smooth. Just don’t expect to be able to make out with someone or give a blowjob in this lipstick; whenever I try, I inevitably leave a pink residue all over my beau. (Luckily, I mostly date the kind of person who just finds this cute.)

• The beautiful Hedonish gave me an orangey-red Bobbi Brown lip pencil at Woodhull and I wore it obsessively for the rest of the trip (and then the rest of the month). I don’t normally like orangey lip shades on myself, but this one is weirdly flattering.

• My main femme obsession this month was my new tattoos! They make me so freakin’ happy every time I see them. At the time of writing, they’re still healing and a little itchy and sore, but I can tell they’re going to look incredible once the skin’s done regenerating. I used to be insecure about my chubby thighs, but it’s really hard for me to hate a part of my body that’s emblazoned with adorable pink bows and my favorite kinky term of endearment!

Little things

Lifestyles Tuxedo condoms, “the dressiest condoms on the market.” Woodhull inside jokes, like “Damn, he’s got a dick!” and #Dildough. Smoking weed in the parking lot like a bunch of teenage degenerates. Everything Joanna Thangiah makes. Meeting Nina Hartley. A smart, handsome boy calling me “a cool cute cinnamon roll.” The Adventure Zone, always. Coffee shop work-dates with friends. The feeling of accomplishment when I successfully navigate an airport by myself. Blogging on a plane. Stranger Things. My wonderfully kink-positive and poly-positive new therapist. Beer Doms. “I want to go somewhere quiet with you and just talk for hours.” Allison Moon’s inspirational talk on “self-publishing for radicals.” Tough-but-kind romantic advice from Epiphora and Lilly. Dungeons & Dragons. Carly Rae Jepsen. Goldilocks spankings. Mango smoothies. “Don’t take this the wrong way, because it’s a very good thing: your boobs are the boob equivalent of Mario in Mario Kart. They’re middle-of-the-road; they offer something for everyone.”

Monthly Favorites: Grey Glass & Fingerfucking

mosaic6457db2bd5ef81bbea97f62222248f6b3ff60d60

You guys, August was such a weird/exciting month for me sexually. It was a bit of a whirlwind. Let’s identify some highlights…

Toys

• Surprise, surprise: my most-used toy of the month was the Fucking Sculptures G-Spoon. Or, as Luthvian aptly calls it, the “G-Swoon.” Nothing else feels quite like it, except maybe the fingers of a partner who knows exactly where my A-spot is and how to stimulate it. Holy fuck.

Peepshow Toys sent me the Jimmyjane Iconic Wand this month and I have been diggin’ it. It has its problems (hang tight for my review) but it feels Hitachi-esque without the Hitachi’s excess bulk or noise. A surprise smash!

• The Eroscillator could be on this list for literally any month of my sex toy reviewing career, because I got it when I started my blog and it’s been my right-hand man ever since. But I felt a renewed appreciation for it this month, when I used it in a partnered-sex situation for the first time in a long while. It still works really well in that context. (And, to the immense credit of the dude I was using it with: he already knew what it was, and was interested to feel how oscillations differ from vibrations. ♥)

 

Fantasy fodder

• In mid-August, I got finger-fucked so excellently that the memory proceeded to make me blush and giggle daily for the rest of the month. I had never really thought of finger-fucking as a particularly nuanced skill before, but hooooly shit, some people are ridiculously, brain-warpingly good at it.

• This Jake Peralta/Nick Miller crossover fanfic hasn’t even gotten sexy yet, but the very idea of that pairing entertained me in my carnal moments after reading it. (Let the record show that Bisexual Jake Peralta is canon, now and forever, amen.)

• I experimented this month with jerking off to non-sexual recordings of people who have attractive voices. (Mostly Benedict Cumberbatch reading poetry.) It didn’t really work. My mind got too wrapped up in the subject matter and I couldn’t focus enough to get off. Does this mean I don’t have a voice kink?

 

Sexcetera

• hahahaaaa I got laid for the first time in ~16 months. It was both a totally big deal and not a big deal at all, if you know what I mean, which is nice. (Just in time for my breakupiversary, too!)

• I attempted Tinder this month. It is kind of awful (for me, anyway). I have feelings about it. You will get to read ’em soon.

 

Femme stuff

• I am in talks with an Etsy seller to order a piece of vulva art-jewelry custom-made to look like my actual vulva. Obviously I am going to write all about it when the deal is done and the vulva-ring is on my finger!

• My new signature scent is Elizabeth & James Nirvana White. It is summery, feminine, and a little bit sexy (much like my previous, much-beloved, tragically-discontinued signature scent, Kate by Kate Moss). My bestie says it smells a bit like white wine, which might explain why I’m drawn to it…

NARS Audacious lipstick in “Charlotte” is the ideal cranberry red and you can’t convince me otherwise.

 

What were you obsessed with over the past month, my loves?