Monthly Faves: Pink Dildos, Pink Lips, & Pink Butts

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This was my sluttiest month to date, if you use “number of different sexual partners” as your metric for sluttiness, and I’m having a lot of complicated feelz about that. Cultural messages tell us promiscuity is the domain of the love-starved, fucked-up, and emotionally empty. Vindictive slut-shamers tell us promiscuity is unethical, hurtful, and harmful. It’s hard not to take those messages to heart.

But when I get real quiet and listen to my own feelings, I get a glimpse of the truth. Sure, sometimes my sluttiness is a ruse to bolster my self-esteem and fill my oft-depressed days… but mostly, it’s not. Mostly, my pursuit of sex is a joyful one, rooted in self-love, excitement, and freedom. I’m always safe, I’m not reckless, and I maintain my emotional integrity in sexual encounters as much as I can – so it’s a happy part of my life, generally. It’s easy to forget that, but writing my Monthly Faves post at the end of each month is a way of reminding myself just how much delight is brought into my life by sex, in all its many forms. Gratitude rewires your brain and I think it’s good for your sex life, too. So here are some of the sexy things I treasured most in August…

Sex toys

Eroscillator sent me their Top Deluxe model and my clit is smitten. (“Clitten,” you might say.) I’ve loved my standard-model Eroscillator for over four years (!!) so it feels good and right to have finally upgraded to the fancier, more powerful version. I’m going to review it soon, but suffice it to say: holy hot damn, this thing makes me come like a mofo.

• I special-ordered Godemiche‘s new Ambit dildo in glittery pink silicone, and it makes me deliriously happy. It’s my dream femme cock. I can’t wait for the day I get to slide it through the O-ring of my pink leather harness and fuck someone cute with my sparkly dick.

• All of us bloggers got plenty of freebies at Woodhull. One of the treats I went home with is a little bottle of Sliquid Soul, a natural lube that’s primarily made of coconut oil. It’ll never be a go-to lube for my partnered encounters because I usually use latex barriers (and oil breaks down latex), but for solo fun or non-penetrative pleasures, it’s soooo sensuous and lovely. I love oiling up a glass or steel dildo so it’ll slide into me frictionlessly, and I love how moisturized and happy my vulva feels afterward!

Fantasy fodder

• I am an all-purpose spanking enthusiast. Whether I’m topping or bottoming, there is just something electrically hot and exciting to me about the impact of hands or implements on gorgeous butts. Sometimes there’s not even a particularly sexual element; I can spank or be spanked by totally platonic friends and I still get some kind of emotional satisfaction out of it. I try not to question it too much – who can tell why we like what we like? Spanking’s just something I enjoy, for whatever reason, and I’m glad I get so many opportunities to participate in it. (Check out the bruises I gave Suz. Yeesh. That lady is a champ.)

• You know, I don’t think of myself as much of an exhibitionist or sexual thrill-seeker, but I had two different sexual encounters in public places this month and enjoyed ’em both a lot. On one occasion, I got kissed, held down, and slapped around by a dom-y partner in an alley after a drinks date. Just a couple days later, I was out with another partner at night, and we walked through a deserted parkette and got a little handsy… and then a little more-than-handsy, naw’m sayin’? I’m not into involving spectators nonconsensually in my sexytimes, so I would only ever do this if I was pretty certain no one would see – but with that caveat, public fucktimes can be a rare treat!

• My kinks have shifted and changed a lot over the years, but one of the things that consistently and abundantly turns me on is when a partner knows my body really well. Maybe it’s my sex-as-a-service kink, but fuck, I love it when someone knows exactly how to get me off. My current longest-running sexual relationship is with an FWB who I’ve known for a year, and his expert grasp of my body’s erogenous zones and rhythms is so hot in and of itself.

Sexcetera

• It was so much fun attending my first Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit this year! I got to commune with several of my blogger pals, soak up sex-nerdy knowledge from smart folks galore, and feel like a renowned and respected maven. It feels so, so good to have a community of fellow sex bloggers to rely on for emotional support, professional advice, and commiseration. I’m so grateful that the internet has enabled me to connect with like-minded folks and build these friendships that matter so much to me. 💖

• I got to do a lot of sex-related writing on other websites this month! I wrote about introducing sex toys to a partner, alternative uses for sex toys, and buzzy vs. rumbly vibrations for Ignite, and I expounded on A-spot toys for Peepshow. (Did you know I’m always available for writing projects? Click here for more info!)

• I bit the bullet and launched a Patreon! Now you can support my work financially if you want to. Each reward level comes with perks – for example, for $1/month, you get to read regular behind-the-scenes journal entries about what’s going on in my life; for $5/month, you get to read each new blog post a day before it launches; and for $10/month, you get access to my Snapchat. Patreon is a lovely way for fans to support creators directly, so if my work is meaningful to you and you’ve got some money to chip in, I’d love for you to come join my crew!

Femme stuff

• Hot pink lipstick is a signature of sorts for me, and I’m always looking for that next life-changing pink. I recently bought Bourjois liquid lipstick in the shade “Pink Pong” (ugh, quelle terrible pun!) and it’s the exact type of cool-toned bright pink that gives me femme heart-eyes. Plus it smells good (sort of like pink grapefruit?) and the texture is smooth. Just don’t expect to be able to make out with someone or give a blowjob in this lipstick; whenever I try, I inevitably leave a pink residue all over my beau. (Luckily, I mostly date the kind of person who just finds this cute.)

• The beautiful Hedonish gave me an orangey-red Bobbi Brown lip pencil at Woodhull and I wore it obsessively for the rest of the trip (and then the rest of the month). I don’t normally like orangey lip shades on myself, but this one is weirdly flattering.

• My main femme obsession this month was my new tattoos! They make me so freakin’ happy every time I see them. At the time of writing, they’re still healing and a little itchy and sore, but I can tell they’re going to look incredible once the skin’s done regenerating. I used to be insecure about my chubby thighs, but it’s really hard for me to hate a part of my body that’s emblazoned with adorable pink bows and my favorite kinky term of endearment!

Little things

Lifestyles Tuxedo condoms, “the dressiest condoms on the market.” Woodhull inside jokes, like “Damn, he’s got a dick!” and #Dildough. Smoking weed in the parking lot like a bunch of teenage degenerates. Everything Joanna Thangiah makes. Meeting Nina Hartley. A smart, handsome boy calling me “a cool cute cinnamon roll.” The Adventure Zone, always. Coffee shop work-dates with friends. The feeling of accomplishment when I successfully navigate an airport by myself. Blogging on a plane. Stranger Things. My wonderfully kink-positive and poly-positive new therapist. Beer Doms. “I want to go somewhere quiet with you and just talk for hours.” Allison Moon’s inspirational talk on “self-publishing for radicals.” Tough-but-kind romantic advice from Epiphora and Lilly. Dungeons & Dragons. Carly Rae Jepsen. Goldilocks spankings. Mango smoothies. “Don’t take this the wrong way, because it’s a very good thing: your boobs are the boob equivalent of Mario in Mario Kart. They’re middle-of-the-road; they offer something for everyone.”

10 Juicy Challenges for Masturbation Month

Yes, it’s finally here! May is Masturbation Month. Pull out your bullets and eggs. Plug in your Hitachi. Lube up your dildo. Get ready to come! And if you feel like mixing up your routine, here are some ways you can challenge yourself to masturbate better, stronger, faster. I’ll certainly be trying these out and I hope you will too! Feel free to report back in the comments section.

1. Switch up your timing. Are you a let’s-get-‘er-done masturbator? If so, take the time to tease yourself up to a long, slow climax. Alternatively, if you’re already slow at jerkin’ it, try to break your personal record. Can you get off in under five minutes? How about one minute?

2. Switch up your stimulus. Whatever you use to “warm yourself up,” whether it be porn, erotica, light teasing touches, or nothing at all, I want you to try out a new method that you’ve barely dabbled in before. See how it affects your sexual response.

3. Switch up your tools. If you are a vibrator-only type of gal, I want you to work at using your fingers to get yourself off this month! Also consider trying out completely new-to-you textures and materials – a ribbed glass dildo, a clit pump, an oscillating massager, whatever works! Never tried a sex toy before? Now is the time!

4. Switch up your location. Get out of bed, ditch your computer chair, and go find a spot that’s a little more challenging. I’m not suggesting you whip it out in front of a crowd of schoolchildren, but maybe you could get busy with yourself on a rooftop, in a friend’s bathroom, in a sketchy porn shop viewing booth, or up in a tree. The possibilities are endless. And hey, if you’ve never masturbated in the bath before, try it, it’s great.

5. Switch up your method. That one technique that works for you and gets you off every time? Throw it out the window for a little while. See if you can find something that works just as well. MyMasturbation.com has zillions of techniques listed, if you’re at a loss!

6. Switch up your thinking. Do you think of masturbation as strictly utilitarian, like I (sometimes) do? Maybe start viewing it as a way of honouring your body for all that it does for you. Or as a way of thanking the universe for giving you the ability to feel pleasure. Or as a way to be self-sufficient and to not need anyone else to turn your crank for you.

7. Switch up your audience. Is your teddy bear the only one who gets to see you jerk off? Maybe you should do something about that. Cam4 and similar sites can feel a bit off-putting at first, because of the hordes of voyeuristic straight guys who will shout commands at you… but if you just ignore them and put on a show (which doesn’t have to feature your face at all), you may find that you enjoy playing to a crowd.

8. Switch up your fantasies. If you’re not sure where to start with this one, I highly recommend picking up a book of kinky erotica – they’re full of fresh ideas. You could also just pick a celebrity you find extremely sexy and imagine them fucking you in a variety of creative ways…

9. Switch up your inhibitions. I want you to talk to at least one person about masturbation this month – one person you’ve never spoken to about this subject before. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and the more we open up about it like it’s nothing, the more it’ll start to feel that way for everyone. Even if you just tell a new friend about a nifty sex toy you saw online, that’s still a step in the right (sex-positive) direction!

10. Switch up your orgasms. Ever tried to have multiple orgasms? How about a G-spot orgasm? Squirting? Prostate play (if you’re a fella)? Ever wondered if you can come from extended nipple stimulation? Or from squeezing your thighs together? Or from thought alone? There are so many ways to orgasm, and most of us limit ourselves to only one or two orgasmic avenues. Branch out!

Readers: How will you be challenging your masturbatory habits this month? Let us know how it goes!