I Talked About Orgasms & Fanfiction on Public Radio

Last week, Jon Pressick invited me to be his guest on Sex City Radio on CIUT 89.5 FM. The sum total of my previous radio experience was a 15-minute highlights reel CBC broadcast of the podcast I co-hosted when I was 12, so… it had been a while. And I was a bit nervous. But very excited nonetheless.

I’d been tearing through Jon’s book and could tell from his editing and writing that he’s thoughtful, open-minded, and well-informed, so I knew it’d be a good interview – and it was!

The CIUT radio studio is located in beautiful Hart House, up a zillion winding flights of stairs. I felt like I was being interviewed in the Gryffindor common room! (Can you imagine the sexy games of Truth or Dare that take place there when Gryffindors are supposed to be sleeping?! BRB, visiting Hart House again to glean some fanfic inspiration…)

You can listen to our chat on Souncloud by clicking here. Some of the topics we touched on: how and why I started this blog, the elements of a good sex toy review, toxic toy materials, Brooklyn Nine-Nine fanfiction, the physical and mental effects of daily orgasms, and how my improv training helps me sexually. (More on that in future blog posts!)

I had such a good time chatting with Jon over the airwaves, and people were very sweet about it on Twitter. Epiphora even told me she wants to steal my brain in my sleep because I have ideassssss. My site needs a testimonials section just so that can go in there!

Thanks so much to Jon and Sex City for giving me this rad opportunity! I got to feel very damn important, and my mom got to brag about me to all her friends. Success!

Monthly Favorites: Glass, Daddies, & Ganja

April was such a busy month, what with Feminist Porn Week and my semester at school coming to an end. I’m surprised I even had time to masturbate at all! (Okay, I’m not that surprised.) Here are some things I loved in my solo sexytimes this month…

Toys

• I finally got my hands on the new version of the We-Vibe Tango and it was everything I wanted it to be: almost identical to the old Tango but with a far less finicky battery/charger situation. Its exquisite vibrations rumbled my clit into a frenzy all month – and when I used it with the Dusk attachment, it was even able to induce hands-free orgasms! (More on that in a later post, I’d imagine…)

• I’ve been on a bit of a glass kick recently. This month I pulled out my Amethyst, which I got waaaay back in the day, and it got cozy with my G-spot plenty of times before the month was out. This dildo not only feels lovely but also looks great. I can’t resist blue glass!

• I’m still in love with my Fleshjack dildo. And duly impressed with my vagina for being able to handle it. You go, vagina!

Fantasy fodder

• Yep, still feelin’ Sherlock fanfiction. This month I enjoyed “At the Silken Altar” (Lestrade proving his gentlemanliness by letting Molly ride his face), “The School of the Seven Bells” (Sherlock and Molly and psychological bondage, oh my), and “Is He a Friend of Yours” (John roleplaying as Sherlock’s daddy). I also read some truly weird shit involving tentacles and alphas and omegas but I’m not sure how I feel about that yet…

• I saw this Heavenly Spire scene at one of the Feminist Porn Week screenings and it led to lots of fantasies about rough, anonymous gay male sex. Fuuuuck yesssss.

• (TW for weird age-play, incest, and dubious-consent stuff!) I’m thinking a lot about age-play lately, and specifically, Daddy/little-girl scenarios. Many of my orgasms this month were the result of fantasies involving phrases like, “Come on daddy’s cock now, sweetheart,” and “Is that your sweet spot, princess? Do you want daddy to touch it again?” This still feels very fucked up and guilt-infused for me, because of internalized kink-shaming and general weird feelings about my relationship with my actual dad, but I’m trying to be okay with it. Your fantasy life is just your fantasy life – can I get an amen?!

Et cetera

• This month was 4/20, the international weed holiday. I am by no means a pothead but I have dabbled in marijuana-aided masturbation from time to time. Normally I find it more weird than pleasurable, but sometimes you want weird, y’know? I gave it a couple more tries this month and it was definitely enjoyable, though I still feel it’s a bit overrated: I have friends who get hypersensitive when high, but I just tend to get spacey and hallucinatory.

• I tried to focus on self-seduction this month, because it was a stressful, busy time and I needed all the relaxation and pampering I could get. Scented candles, pink wine, and slow jams all helped me chillax for my self-love time. All I need now is satin sheets scattered with rose petals and maybe an on-call masseuse…

What were your faves this month?

Monthly Favorites: Sasha, Siri, & Sherlock

Here are some of the things that got my rocks off most regularly in March… (Can you believe the springtime months are upon us at last?!)

Toys

• While cleaning my room, I stumbled upon my Sasha Grey black glass wand, which I’d totally forgotten about. It remained by my bedside for the rest of the month and I used it a lot. Glass toys are so easy to just “grab and go” – I rarely need to use lube with them, which I love. This one feels really good but isn’t mega-intense like some G-spot toys are, so it’s been a go-to for my casual/lazy masturbation sessions lately.

• Another old favorite I rediscovered this month: the NobEssence Fling. Just, ugh, fuck, this toy feels so damn good on my G-spot, and it has finger holes for easier thrusting, and it’s handmade out of gorgeous burgundy wood. Marry me, Fling.

• The Lelo Siri 2 was my clit’s right-hand man this month. Rumbly, waterproof, portable, and a comfortable shape and size. Yes, yes, yes. (One warning, though: I’m pretty sure the Siri is haunted by ghosts, a.k.a. has mechanical problems. Mine turned on by itself at full power one morning, blasting me awake and rendering me completely confused. Its lights blinked at me for no reason all day after that. But it still works fine when I actually want to use it, soooo…?!)

Fantasy fodder

• One of my favorite fanfiction writers, Kasuchi, posted a new Brooklyn Nine-Nine story with tags that included “porn without plot,” “cunnilingus,” and “Jake Peralta’s talented mouth,” so of course, I was all over that shit. I read it three times in one day and jerked off twice (which is a big deal for me – I’m still not very multi-orgasmic!), and then it continued to haunt my brain for the rest of the month. I’m actually getting kind of turned on just writing about this story right now. Uh, I might have a problem.

• This month I finally got around to watching BBC’s Sherlock, which is fucking brilliant, and I discovered (to my extreme glee, obviously) that the fanfiction culture/community around this show is rabid and highly creative. A Cure For Boredom is my favorite piece I’ve found so far. I stayed up til 3AM reading it the night before an important work-related meeting, so that should give you some indication of how enthralled I was with this story.

• I didn’t watch a whole lot of porn this month, but when I did, it was mostly clips of Heather from IDeepThroat. She’s an old-school favorite of mine, for reasons I really don’t understand (why am I so obsessed with blowjobs in porn but not IRL?! The world may never know!).

Et cetera

• Bathtime masturbation loomed large in my legend this month. Would you guys be into a post about designing your own sexual self-care practice? Because, FYI, mine is definitely a long hot bath with scented Epsom salts, a big glass of wine, and a selection of waterproof sex toys. Blissful sigh.

This Spotify playlist served as the soundtrack for much of my self-lovin’ this month. I particularly love this Alina Baraz song. Amazing how a great slow-jam can get your hips rolling and your mind racing…

What were some of your favorite sex-related things this month? Products, fantasies, helpful accessories, whatever! I wanna hear about ‘em!

4 Skills Erotica Writers Need (That I Totally Don’t Have)

Hey, remember when I told you I was writing sexy fanfiction? Well, I’ve been doing more of it. And it’s making me think a lot about the conventions of the erotica genre: which ones I hate, which ones I love, and which ones I envy and desperately wish I could incorporate better in my own writing.

Here are four erotica-writing skills I totally admire in other writers and want to get better at.

1. Writing erections in a way that isn’t clichéd or porny.

Writers throughout history have come up with zillions of flowery ways to write about female arousal. Glistening petals, hot honeyed centers, engorged pink nubs, blah blah blah. But it seems to me that penises are often described more crassly and minimally, especially hard penises.

The other night I eloquently tweeted “Booooooneeeeerrrrrrs” because I was slightly wine-drunk and didn’t have the brainpower to adequately describe how I felt about this story. CTRL+F your way down to “When the food arrived” and read until Jake gets “very, very hard.” That, to me, is an example of a sweet, almost romantic description of a boner.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know a whole lot about how it actually feels to get a hard-on, and there are very few dudes in my life who I would trust to answer that question for me without things getting awkward in some way. Hmm… (P.S. Dude readers of this blog, please don’t take this as an invitation to send me detailed messages about your wang. Thaaaanks.)

2. Showing, not telling, feelings.

I’ve been a writer since I was a kid. It’s my vocation, career, and favorite hobby. I’ve taken more writing classes in my 22 years of life than most people take in their entire lifetimes. And yet, somehow, I still periodically need to yell at myself: “SHOW, DON’T TELL!” This frustratingly ubiquitous writers’ mantra still hasn’t completely sunk in for me.

I find myself writing stuff like “She felt apprehensive” or “She thought she was going to swoon onto the floor” and then I have to go back and fix those phrases to make them more demonstrative. “She bit her lip and wrinkled her nose.” “Her cheeks warmed and reddened.” Whatever.

“Show, don’t tell” should be taped up over every writer’s workspace. Sometimes I think I should get it tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.

3. Creating tension.

I’m not good at building romantic/sexual tension in my stories, because I haven’t experienced a whole lot of it in my actual life.

Why? Because I’m a candid weirdo who doesn’t know how to flirt and usually ends up saying really on-the-nose things like “I think you’re cute” instead of beating around the bush in any way.

This approach has its advantages, obviously. But it also means that I have very little sense of what genuine flirtation actually looks like. So I find it hard to write that stuff.

It’s infuriating, because when I read great flirty dialogue in other people’s stories, it makes me squirm and giggle and clap and say “AWW!” and that feeling is basically the whole reason I read romantic fiction of any kind. Damn, I wish I could make my readers feel that way.

4. Demonstrating consent without being too heavy-handed.

It’s a sad reality that we live in a culture where demonstrated consent can sometimes be the antithesis of sexiness. At least, to some people.

A lot of the kinks I love to write about are power-based: bondage, spanking, “ravishment,” and so on. These are things that obviously require explicit consent and negotiation in real life, but in fiction, sometimes seem hotter and more visceral when there’s minimal discussion beforehand.

Though I understand that porn and erotica are meant to be about fantasy and escapism, ethically it doesn’t sit right with me to write this kind of scene without at least some acknowledgment of consent. But how do you do that without draining the hotness out of it? I struggle with this not only in fiction but also in life.

But I have high hopes that good sex writing can lead the charge in demonstrating how consent conversations can be sexy. I think the onus is on us erotic content creators to think up and disseminate blisteringly hot consent negotiations so that the general public learns how to have those chats without losing their boners in the process.

What skills, techniques, tropes and conventions do you admire in erotic writing?

What I’m Into: Explicit Fanfiction

For as long as I can remember being on the internet, I’ve been a fanfiction reader.

It has a reputation as a genre that’s both trivial and terrible, especially now that the Fifty Shades of Grey origin story as a piece of Twilight fanfic is so widely known. But if you’ve spent any time at all in fanfic communities, you know that the stories can sometimes be brilliantly written, absolutely gripping, and – in some cases – smokin’ hot.

Books, movies, TV shows – these things all have limitations, in terms of the level of sexiness they’re allowed to portray. Sure, you’ll occasionally see full-on sex in the more risqué ones, but it’s rare. Romantic storylines in popular media are heavy on chemistry and light on action. And that can sometimes be frustrating.

So we, as fans, turn to each other for support in this regard. We write and/or read fan-generated stories about pairings both “canon” (i.e. sanctioned in the source material) and “non-canon.” When done well, erotic fanfiction picks up the ball right where the original media dropped it, giving closure and satisfaction to fans who just wanted to see those two characters get together, for fuck’s sake.

Here are some of my all-time favorite fanfiction pairings (all of which are heterosexual and most of which are canon, because I’m boring):

Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl. These two had a scintillating on-again-off-again thing on the actual show, complete with screen chemistry out the wazoo. But, being that GG was essentially a show for teenagers, we rarely got to see them fuck. There were constant hints that they experimented with kink and roleplaying, and those few scraps of information fanned the flames of fans’ writing. I’m particularly partial to stories where Chuck plays dom to Blair’s sub (even though these tales just make me even madder that Ed Westwick didn’t get cast as Christian Grey in the Fifty Shades movie). Try these:Rules,” in which Chuck bosses Blair around, spanks her, etc. “Schadenfreude,” which is all about hate-fucking and has adequate anatomical understanding re: stuff like clits and G-spots (very important!). “Dirty Games,” in which Blair is the bossy one.

Jessica Day and Nick Miller from New Girl. These two are such quirky goofballs and yet their chemistry is off the charts. Nick has the personality of a disgruntled old man and Jess is a sunny, bubbly optimist; their mutual attraction initially caught me off guard but now seems like the most natural thing in the world. It’s quite a feat when a fanfic writer can get these characters’ voices just right, but it does happen once in a while and it’s glorious when it does. Try these:The First of Three Conversations,” in which Schmidt helps Jess peg Nick (which sounds weird but is instead weirdly hot). “You’re Gonna Lose Control,” in which Jess discovers her inner domme via her teaching skills. “Mistakes We Knew We Were Making,” which features laundry-room finger-fucking, among other things.

Sheldon Cooper and Penny from The Big Bang Theory. (Penny has no last name…) Okay, I KNOW this is super weird, and I was just as surprised as you probably are when I first noticed how much Sheldon/Penny smut there is to be found online. But… there is something oddly enticing about it. He’s so awkward and inexperienced; she is so, well, the total opposite of that. The power dynamic is interesting, there’s often some sexual instructing in the stories (which totally fucking gets me going), and when the characters’ voices are right, it’s often funny as hell. Try these:The Pickle Jar Experiment,” in which Penny awkwardly tries to teach Sheldon how to jerk off. “The Bathtub Interaction,” in which Penny comforts Sheldon while he’s sick and things get sexy. “The Sweet Vibrations Discovery,” in which Sheldon is “inspired” by the sex toys he finds under Penny’s bed.

Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. My current obsession, y’all. You would think that the “opposites attract” trope would have lost its charm by now, but nope – it still works. Peralta and Santiago are polar opposites: he’s goofy, immature, irresponsible, and rebellious, while she is buttoned-up, reliable, and does everything by the book. What they have in common is that they’re both NYPD detectives, courageous, strong-willed, and attracted to each other. What more do you need? Try these:One Big Cliché,” in which Amy has a sex dream about Jake and it leads to real-life sex. “Clutching Your Pillow and Writhing in a Naked Sweat,” in which Jake and Amy have sneaky sex in the captain’s office. And… drumroll, please… “Jake Peralta, Master Cunnilinguist-Slash-Genius,” which I WROTE (!!) with the help of some Twitter hooligans who contributed language suggestions and moral support while I live-tweeted the writing process.

Who are your favorite fanfiction couples, and what would you like to see them do in a story?