Guest Reviews for Penis-Havers: Fun Factory Manta, Satisfyer Men Vibration, Kink3D X-Lock Cobra

Note from Kate: Here’s some sex toy reviews I asked Matt to write. Enjoy!


One of the benefits of dating (and then marrying) a sex toy reviewer like Kate, is that as her collection grows, so does mine. Sometimes it’s because brands send her toys that are designed for cocks, sometimes I buy them to use with her, and sometimes they’re gifts from my beloved! In this post, I want to highlight 3 toys that I’ve picked up recently that are useful if you’ve got a penis or access to one 😉


The Manta by Fun Factory ($140) is a rechargeable vibrating stroker that’s marketed as “a men’s toy for couples.” Welp, no men to speak of here, but this toy still works plenty well for me and my nonbinary dick.

The Manta has become my go-to vibrator since I purchased it as an upgrade to the Volta, which worked okay but wasn’t shaped quite as well for my particular penis. The Manta fits around the shaft of your dick (3 cm inner diameter), and it works just as well held stationary as it does as a stroker.

It’s a beautiful object and comes in 3 muted colors (I wish the black had been out when I purchased mine). The vibe is cleverly designed with two flexible wings that are ridged for stimulation and to distribute lube as you thrust, though they can take some work to clean.

Some of the most memorable blowjobs of my life have been enhanced by this toy thrumming against the base of my cock while Kate sucked the tip, but you can also use it solo, or to “turn your penis into a vibrator” during penetration. And if you prefer more pinpoint stimulation, you can gently pinch the wing tips around your frenulum for extra intensity.

The handle is looped, so it’s comfy to hold, the motor is powerful and rumbly, the controls are intuitive, the 6 speeds and 6 patterns can always get me off, it’s waterproof, and it’s got a travel lock. You love to see it. This is the perfect toy for someone who’s maybe tried a vibrator designed for clits and liked it, but wants something made with their body (if not gender) in mind.


A very different (but still unnecessarily gendered) take on the penis-vibrator is the Satisfyer Men Vibration ($50), which I won in the Smutathon. Satisfyer claims this enclosed, rechargeable vibrator “feels like a real blowjob,” which it most certainly does not. But that doesn’t mean it’s not pleasurable. The two motors in this toy and the tight black silicone sleeve work together to create powerful suction as the waves of vibration crash over the tip of your penis, occasionally making some hilarious noises in the process.

You can flip between the toy’s 3 speeds and 11 vibration patterns with the “+” and “−” buttons on the body, but as you increase the speed and intensity, you might find yourself wanting to thrust into the sheath as your erection grows. That’ll cause problems if you enjoy deeper stimulation like I do, because this toy only has an insertable length of 7 cm, so you’re limited to vibrating just the first few inches of your penis. Maybe that’s why Satisfyer calls this an “edging tool” rather than an orgasm tool, because that’s definitely what it’s best at.

The inside of the sleeve is wide, so it can easily accommodate a dick whether it’s erect or flaccid, but it also rapidly narrows toward the back to increase the stimulation on the most sensitive spots. With lots of lube, and some experimentation to figure out my preferred patterns, I’ve been able to reliably come with this toy, but the orgasms are never as satisfying as if my whole dick had been stimulated. So I tend to use this vibrator as it was intended: to tease and stimulate the tip of my cock for a while before I’m ready to come in something (or someone) else.

The Satisfyer Men Vibration is a good value if you’re especially into stimulation of the head of your penis, plus it’s waterproof, easy to clean, and carries a 15-year warranty. But if you’re looking for a toy that can quickly and consistently stimulate your entire cock to orgasm, you might not vibe with this one.


Not all the sex toys I own for my penis are about stimulating it; in fact, sometimes they’re about preventing stimulation altogether. Since reviewing the CB-6000 earlier this year, my chastity kink has only gotten bigger, as has my collection of cages. And if you spend even a few hours on chastity twitter, you’ll frequently see the same elegant black cock cage in photos. This cage is the Kink3D X-Lock Cobra ($155–$185), and it was generously sent to me by its maker, who’s an independent creator and active Redditor and Twitter user.

Kink3D cages are individually 3D-printed from hard nylon and nylon composites, so they‘re incredibly strong, light, and smooth. As with all chastity devices, sizing is particularly important, and there’s a detailed sizing guide here. I wear the size S+ cage with a size 2 ring, and it’s the best-fitting and most comfortable cage I own. Because of its open lattice design, it’s easy to wear the X-Lock long-term and maintain hygiene in the shower with just soap and water.

If you’re into tease and denial with your chastity play, the Kink3D cage also makes it easy for your keyholder to see and comment on your locked erections, touch or lick your penis through the cage’s bars, or hold a vibrator against the cage to stimulate you through it, though watch out for potential pinch points which can hurt in a bad way.

I still think the CB-6000 is the best chastity cage for beginners, because tons of sizing options come in a single box. But once you know your sizes and you’re interested in a gorgeous, custom-fit cage you can wear long-term that won’t break the bank, get an X-Lock. It’s been locked on my body for weeks at a time, and I’ve loved every second of it.

Review: Fun Factory Bouncer (+ a giveaway!)

The Fun Factory Bouncer is the type of toy that’s like catnip for seasoned sex toy reviewers like me, because… it actually does something markedly different than other toys in its category. And since the category in this case is “dildo,” that’s even more impressive. When overhauling a vibrator, you can tweak the material, motor strength and quality, motor location, control panel, and shape/size/design… but with dildos, your options for originality are much more limited.

So what did Fun Factory do? They took a fairly standard-looking silicone dildo and created 3 hollow spaces inside it, and in each of those spaces, they placed a weighted ball that rolls around as you move the toy – just like the kind you’d find if you cracked open a set of Kegel beads. Innnteresting!

The result is a dildo that looks unremarkable from the outside (albeit peppy and bright, as most Fun Factory designs do) but feels completely different in your hands – or your vagina or your ass – than any dildo you’ve ever felt before. Unlike Kegel balls, which tend to stay pretty stationary once inserted, a dildo is meant to be thrusted – so even if you’ve experienced this style of Kegel toy before, this dildo is likely to feel quite different. The weighted balls roll around in their little nooks with every thrust, creating a sensation that’s sort of like low-level motion-activated vibration. It also reminds me of that delicious feeling you get when a partner’s fucking you so hard that their balls slap against your vulva/butt/thighs – except in this case, that little extra “oomph” happens inside you instead. Neat!

The rumbling gets a bit muted when my vaginal muscles clamp down on the toy, and I have to admit I found this disappointing at first. The physics of it don’t even really make sense to me. But once I realized this was happening, it became almost like a fun sexual mindfulness game… If I noticed that the toy was feeling less impactful all of a sudden, it usually meant I was clenching my PC muscles, and could function as a nice reminder to relax, let go, and let the sensations wash over me instead of trying to eke out a speedy orgasm. (The late great masturbation expert Betty Dodson – rest in peace, you brilliant problematic fave – often recommended orgasming this way; she called it the “rock ‘n’ roll” method and insisted it produced bigger, better climaxes than most people’s go-to, the “tension” method. Something to think about!)

The Bouncer is well-designed for both solo play and partnered encounters, with its sturdy-but-squishy triangular base that you can grab between your fingers or gently punch with your fist (the internal balls roll around a lot more when you thrust hard and fast, so go wild!). There’s a strong suction cup on the bottom, though I think you’d barely reap the full benefits of the toy’s unique rumbles if you were bouncing up and down on this dildo while it was affixed to the floor or a wall. It can also easily be slipped into a harness for strap-on play, a notion that excited me and my partner from the jump.

While we both enjoyed the Bouncer a lot whether they were fucking me with it by hand or strapped into our RodeoH harness, my partner observed that in both situations, this dildo takes more energy, strength, and stamina to thrust for an entire session than a standard dildo would – at least, if you want to actually feel the signature rumbling it produces. Slower, more sensual thrusting tends to produce minimal – if any – ball-rolling inside the toy, so you really have to put some elbow grease into your thrusts if you want to experience the full range of sensations this toy has to offer. While this was perfectly doable in 10-to-20-minute bursts for my able-bodied partner, I think this might be a tricky toy for you to use to its full potential if you have chronic pain, muscle strength issues, fatigue, etc. This is the main reason I probably won’t reach for this toy very often during solo play, but will likely still hand to my partner once in a while for a thorough, resounding fuck.

It helps that the shape and size of this dildo are pretty perf for my body. It has 7″ of insertable length and a solid 1.57″ diameter – big enough to feel satisfyingly full but not so big as to require lots of warm-up. The gentle undulation of the shaft shape feels really good when thrusted in and out, swelling against my spots on every stroke. This dildo can target the G-spot and feels great that way, but that spot tends to crave a hard, fast pounding that’s difficult to achieve with a draggy silicone toy like this, even when it’s slathered in lots of lube – so I prefer to use it deeper, on my A-spot, where slower and more purposeful thrusts are appreciated. I do sometimes wish it were a little longer, particularly during strap-on play when it loses about an inch to the harness, but with careful angling, it can hit any spot inside me that a longer toy can.

I appreciate that Fun Factory knew this toy was already quirky AF inside and didn’t need to look quirky, too. They enclosed those show-stopping weighted balls inside a fairly basic, uncontroversial dildo that many people should be able to enjoy, which I think was the right call. As long as you can handle the size, this dildo will likely feel good-but-not-great in your vag or your butt (and yes, it is anal-safe!). Being mouth-fucked with it would also be an interesting sensation…

The Fun Factory Bouncer is a bit of a diva, in that it works best when you’re thrusting hard, relaxing your pelvic muscles, and maintaining rhythmic momentum – which is a lot to be aware of at once. But if you’re up for that amount of labor, by yourself or with a partner, I think this is a really fun and special toy that is truly unmatched on the current market. It has bounced, jiggled, rumbled, and rocked-‘n’-rolled its way right into my heart (and my vagina)!

 

Thanks to the good folks at SXY.co.uk for providing me with this toy and sponsoring this review! (As always, all writing and opinions are my own.) They have also offered up a Bouncer for one lucky reader in the UK or Ireland – here’s how to enter:

  1. Follow @sxy_uk on Instagram
  2. Follow me (@girly_juice) on Instagram
  3. Leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What would your dream dildo be like?” and tagging a friend

Please note that you must be 18+ and live in the UK or Ireland to win. I’ll pick a winner after one week. Good luck, babes!

Mini Reviews: BeOne, Carter, & Star Delight

Time for some short reviews to catch up on my sex toy queue! Here are some toys I’ve been testing recently…


The Fun Factory Be-One caught my attention immediately when I spotted it at ANME, because 1) a new Fun Factory toy! yay! and 2) it looked like it might work well for someone with chronic pain in their hands, like me. So I asked Fun Factory to send me one, and blessedly, they did. It’s a rechargeable vibrator designed such that you can grip it between two fingers without the need for a lot of muscle strength or flexibility. The silicone-covered tip of the toy curves downward, so it can make good contact with my clit even on days when my fingers or wrists aren’t cooperating.

That ease of use on bad pain days is, for me, the major selling point of this toy – but there are others, too. It’s waterproof. It’s small enough to fit between bodies easily during penetrative sex. It’s made of non-porous and hypoallergenic silicone and plastic. It comes with a cute, hard plastic storage case, shaped somewhat like a computer mouse, which (especially paired with the toy’s travel lock function) makes me feel much more confident it won’t thrum to life in my suitcase, if and when we’re ever allowed to fly again. Its one button, which you can use to cycle through the toy’s four steady speeds and one “flirty” pattern mode, protrudes and lights up so it’s easy to both see and feel in the heat of the moment (you would not believe how many vibrators get this very important thing wrong).

Crucially, the Be-One has two motors (TWO!) packed into its tiny body, so it’s more powerful than you would expect for a vibe of this size. The dual motor situation also makes the Be-One’s vibrations feel rumblier than Fun Factory’s previous clit vibe offerings; it’s almost like the vibrations are bouncing back and forth from one motor to another at a very high speed. This is no Tango, but I’d pick it over something buzzier like the Lelo Mia or Jimmyjane Form 2 any day. My picky clit can orgasm fairly easily with the Be-One, albeit with a bit of grinding/rubbing/circling added to the mix.

Fun Factory says that with the Be-One, “once it’s in place, you really don’t have to think about it anymore,” and unfortunately that isn’t really true because of where the control button is situated. It’s on top of the toy, a spot I can’t reach when the vibe is positioned between my fingers as advertised. When I want to change the vibration speed, I have to either pause what I’m doing to hit the button with my other hand, or reposition the toy in my hand so I can reach the button – which sort of negates the comfort of its design. However, this is a pretty minor issue (for my particular body, anyway), and overall I think Fun Factory did great with the Be-One. It’s a cute and compact vibrator with two lovely motors, and I think it’ll make a lot of people happy.


The New York Toy Collective Carter was an anniversary gift from my very thoughtful partner. Mine is turquoise and pink, because I love those colors, but it’s also available in various skin tones, a gorgeous teal, and some other shades.

I became interested in this dildo when I read my friend Epiphora’s review of it, in which she says that she squirts every time she uses the Carter. I mean… sounds pretty good to me! Sinclair Sexsmith once called the Carter their “desert-island dildo,” and they know their shit when it comes to strap-ons. I was also curious about this toy because, while the Godemiche Ambit has been my go-to pegging dildo for years, occasionally my partner wants something bigger. With its chunky 2″ diameter and comfortable dual-density silicone, the Carter certainly fits the bill.

However, so far I haven’t used the Carter for pegging purposes, because, y’know, butts are fickle and you can’t rush this stuff. I have, however, gotten fucked with it numerous times, and it’s lovely. Its 7.5″ insertable length allows it to reach my A-spot, and its pronounced coronal ridge can also stroke my G-spot with every thrust. That said, if you’re looking for a dildo to target a specific spot, I don’t think this is the right one; it’s more of a blunt instrument, best for days when you really just wanna be filled up and fucked, rather than having particular internal spots satisfied with the exacting precision of something like a Pure Wand or a Seduction. The Carter, like many New York Toy Collective dildos, has a flexible core that allows you to bend the dildo into a curve that suits you, but I’ve found this feature more useful for visual purposes (e.g. posing for strap-on selfies) than for actual fucking, because my vag tends to straighten out the dildo in short order.

This isn’t the sort of dildo that leaves me breathless or weeping after an orgasm, like the Eleven or Double Trouble can. But it’s squishy enough to be comfortable for longer fucks (assuming you keep the lube flowin’), and it looks fantastic in a strap-on. New York Toy Collective is a fabulous, queer-owned company that makes gorgeous dicks and gender affirmation products; I’m happy to support them in any way I can, especially since doing so involves telling you that you absolutely deserve a stunning and satisfying dildo like the Carter.


I bought myself a Crystal Delights Star Delight dildo in late 2018 and have somehow never gotten around to reviewing it at length here. It’s gotta be one of the prettiest dildos in my collection: clear glass, with an aqua-colored gem set into the base. It can be easy to lose yourself in the quasi-hypnotic act of examining it from all angles.

This, I feel, is a good dildo for a lazy masturbator like me. The bumpy texture all along the shaft ensures you get plenty of stimulation with minimal movement and effort. The girth – 1.4″ at its widest – is slim enough that you may not need to warm up before inserting it, especially if you pair it with a good lube (and being made of glass, it pairs well with any type of lube). I can rest the heel of my hand against the base of the Star Delight and gently rock it against my A-spot without needing to think about it or work too hard. The base is unobtrusive enough that I can easily use a vibe with this dildo, and the firmness of the glass makes orgasms with it extra intense.

That low-profile base is also one of the reasons the Star Delight works so well for me during oral sex. It’s become a favorite for my partner to insert while they’re going down on me, because it allows them to stroke my A-spot with the delicious firmness I like, while also attending to my clit. Very few dildos can actually pull this off – most feel awkward for the giver, the receiver, or both – so I’m thrilled to have found one that works reliably well for this purpose. As my partner noted in an earlier blog post, the texture of the dildo is not only stimulating for me but also helps keep the toy anchored in place during oral sex, so they can focus more fully on what their mouth is doing.

My only issue with the Star Delight – aside from the $100+ price tag, about which I can only say, wait for a sale if you can – is that the bumps make it a bit tricky to clean. I usually have to scrub around each bump individually with an old toothbrush or somesuch. But overall this dildo is versatile, useful, and pleasurable – practically everything I want a dildo to be.

Le Wand Keeps Copying Other Companies’ Sex Toy Designs

Top: Le Wand Hoop. Bottom: Njoy Pure Wand.

I know we all have bigger problems right now, but… have you noticed that the “premium” sex toy brand Le Wand has been blatantly stealing designs from other, more established companies in the industry?

Left: the Magic Wand Rechargeable. Right: the original Le Wand.

I’ve been suspicious of Le Wand from the beginning. I reviewed their original wand and noted that it “borrowed” heavily from the design of my beloved Magic Wand Rechargeable, which industry titan Vibratex had launched a couple years earlier. Although Le Wand’s founder Alicia Sinclair boasted in interviews that her new wand was “a stylised, fresh, and sexy approach to an all-time best-selling sex toy,” it appeared (and still, to this day, appears) to be an outright copy of the MWR.

It’s the same shape and size, the buttons are placed in the exact same spot and laid out in the exact same way, and it even uses the same unusual two-pronged charger as the MWR. The only significant things Le Wand actually changed are the aesthetic (and honestly, despite Alicia’s insistence that the Le Wand’s “elegant design” is better, I prefer the look of the original), and the motor, which – compared to any Magic Wand product – is abysmally buzzy and just not up to par, last I checked.

Alicia Sinclair’s next foray into toy plagiarism was the Cowgirl, a rideable vibrator and obvious knockoff of the Sybian. I’ll give her a pass on this one because – as I noted in my review – I do think the Cowgirl actually innovates in some ways, namely: luxe leather casing, all-silicone attachments, and handles on the sides that make the toy easier to carry. Still, though, it’s clear that Alicia Sinclair, or at least the companies she founds, have a habit of claiming to “improve” classic sex toys while mostly just riding the coattails of those toys’ success.

Le Wand’s latest misstep is their new line of stainless steel dildos. Anyone who’s paid attention to the sex toy industry any time within the past ~15 years could tell at a glance that these toys are blatant rip-offs of those made by Njoy. Legendary dildo designs like those of the Pure Wand and Eleven have been shamelessly copied and renamed the Le Wand “Hoop” and “Contour,” while the other 3 toys in the steel line aren’t direct clones but are nonetheless still stylistically derivative of Njoy’s. I happen to know that Njoy toy designer Greg DeLong has a mechanical engineering degree and spent years prototyping and reworking his various designs – only to have other companies remorselessly steal them out from under him.

Top: Le Wand Contour. Bottom: Njoy Eleven.

Yes, other companies besides Le Wand have ripped off Njoy designs before. Of course they have: these toys are hugely successful and famously effective; everyone wants a piece of that action. And notably, Njoy doesn’t seem to have a patent for their designs, so this is stealing in the ethical sense and not the legal sense. But Le Wand’s plagiarism hit me harder when I saw it, because this isn’t some cheap two-bit company appearing out of the woodwork; this is an established sex toy company that positions itself over and over again as both luxurious and innovative. How can you claim to be either of those things in good faith if you’re fully stealing designs from a company that is actually luxurious and innovative?

One of the troubling things about all this (there are many) is that Alicia Sinclair’s other company B-Vibe actually fucking rules. They make – among other things – butt plugs that use rotating beads to create a “rimming” sensation. While other toymakers have used rotating beads before, in rabbit vibes and – yes – butt plugs, the B-Vibe plugs’ sleek designs, excellent motors, and surprisingly good remote-control capabilities set them apart. Could B-Vibe be the one actually good and actually original idea this group of companies ever had? [Edited to add on 4/24/2020: Someone called LadyPseudonymia on the SexToys subreddit has since pointed out to me that B-Vibe’s line of “Snug Plug” weighted butt plugs appears to be lifted almost exactly from the Mr. S Leather “World’s Most Comfortable Butt Plug.” (That link is very NSFW, FYI.) Here’s a comparison image. So I guess I was wrong about the B-Vibe line being the most original of this group of companies’ products.]

Some would say I shouldn’t be so hard on Le Wand because lots of sex toy companies steal designs. (Have you seen Satisfyer’s flagrant copies of Fun Factory toys?) The type of person who makes this argument seems to see plagiarism as par for the course in any creative field. But it really isn’t, or at least, it doesn’t have to be. There are enough genuinely inventive sex toy designers out there making cool new stuff every year that I really don’t buy arguments about how “everything is derivative” and “we all steal from each other.” Sure, every creative person in every field is borrowing slightly from things they’ve seen before – that’s the nature of the human brain – but that doesn’t entail, or require, stealing full designs down to the tiniest details. There is no excuse for that level of dishonesty and exploitation. If you don’t have any new ideas for sex toys, you probably shouldn’t start a sex toy company!

Le Wand as a company doesn’t seem all bad – they’ve sponsored friends and colleagues of mine who do important work, and have hired my brilliant pal Eva as their resident sex researcher (yay!). But if they really want to be an ethically good company, they’ll apologize for stealing toy designs, stop selling those copied toys immediately, and produce only original designs from here on out. But they won’t do that, because their business model is predicated on “innovating upon” – by which I mean, poorly duplicating – successful toys that have come before.

Left: Le Wand Deux. Right: Crave Duet.

Is there anything you can do about this? Absolutely. You can stop supporting companies that steal designs, and tell your friends and partners to follow suit (possibly by sharing this post to your networks!). You can notify these companies, via email and/or social media, that you’ll be boycotting them and telling others to boycott them until or unless they right their wrongs. You can ask your favorite sex toy retailers not to carry brands that steal designs (although, adult-industry retailers need to make money and the small/indie ones usually struggle to do so, so I wouldn’t necessarily push them too hard on this). You can buy toys directly from companies whose original designs have been stolen, like Njoy and Fun Factory. Voting with your dollar has actual, practical effects; we’ve seen sex toy companies slow the production of toxic toys due to consumer outcries, so maybe we can achieve similar ends with regards to design plagiarism.

As for me, I won’t be supporting Le Wand, personally or professionally, until they pull their copycat toys and apologize for their misdeeds. But I’m not exactly holding my breath.

 

[Edited to add on 4/29/2020: I don’t currently have any business affiliations with Le Wand or any of its sister companies, but I should disclose that their company Cowgirl gave me a free press tour of its Museum of Sex exhibit in 2018. All the toys I’ve reviewed from Le Wand/B-Vibe/Cowgirl were either supplied to me by a retailer for review or bought by me/my partner.]

Monthly Faves: Silk Slips & Sex Ed

I spent most of February with my sweetheart in New York so I had a lot of comfy-cozy, dependably good sex this month. Here are some highlights…

Sex toys

• Fun Factory sent me their Stronic G pulsator this month and, as I noted in my review, it’s quite unique and wonderful. My partner did a good job of fucking me with it, and on one occasion, I even fucked them with it! Aww, romantic.

• One of my Valentine’s Day gifts from my very sweet partner was a Carter dildo from New York Toy Collective. I’ve wanted this bendable realistic dildo for a looong time, especially because it comes in a pink and blue colorway that makes me deliriously happy. While I haven’t gotten to try it for pegging yet, I’ve enjoyed getting fucked with it (and walking around with it strapped on!).

• I got zapped a whole bunch with the Neon Wand and Power Tripper combo this month, which – if you don’t know – allows the user to conduct electricity through their body so they can zap a partner with just their touch. It’s really a sadomasochist’s wet dream, and has become a fixture on our regular rotation of pain-play items (along with candles for wax play, the weird scratchy thing, and various impact implements).

Fantasy fodder

• Many of my most recurrent fantasies are just convoluted setups for receiving exceptionally good cunnilingus… This month I often found my mind drifting to the idea of an American Idol-esque oral sex competition where I am a discerning judge.

• I enjoyed live-tweeting a new Crash Pad Series scene where a very pregnant Dylan Ryan has raucously queer sex with her real-life partner. Most notably, I loved how good Dylan is at advocating for her own pleasure and comfort. #SexGoals!

• Watching Sex Education on Netflix has made me reflect on how exciting it can be to embark on your first (fumbling, imperfect) sexual adventures… As a result, I’ve been fantasizing a lot about surreptitious “first times” in hushed bedrooms or school supply closets!

Sexcetera

• I recently guested on Trends Like These again to discuss a number of complex issues with my friend Brent, like the cultural legacy of South Park, the ethics of reading your partner’s texts, and the ubiquity of domestic violence. Always a pleasure to get to have such smart conversations with such a smart person!

• In other podcast news: we had amazing guests like Kevin Allison and Dick Wound on Question Box this month, and on the Dildorks we talked about play parties, collars, and photography. My newsletter touched on well-worn kinky relationships, the ways in which hearts and clits are similar, the worst Valentine’s Day of my life, and how damn good it can feel to unfollow people you dislike.

• Sextistics: in February I had in-person sex 20 times and phone sex a scant 5 times, for a total of 25 sessions in 29 days. Pretty great 😎

Fashion & beauty

• After years of occasionally combing eBay for the infamous American Apparel figure skater dress in my size and in colors I didn’t already have, I finally scored one in bright red for a reasonable price and wore it on Valentine’s Day, along with a pink cardigan and pink heart necklace. I am nothing if not festive.

• I bought some new glasses for the first time in ~3 years and I love them all. In the past few months I’ve cut my hair short, gotten new glasses, and amped up my skincare, and I feel like a new woman!

• A couple months ago, I bought a pink and purple hand-dyed vintage nightgown at a vintage shop in Kensington Market, thinking I might later wear it on an anniversary date – but then I ended up wearing something else instead. I was glad, then, to be able to bust out the gown for a fancy-dress house party my partner and I got invited to when I was in New York. I paired it with black tights and my sky-blue Manolos and felt like a stunner all night.

Media

• I’ve been reading all the Oliver Sacks books I can get my hands on lately. If you don’t know, Sacks was a neurologist who documented unusual medical cases in beautifully written anthologies of case histories. I think my favorite ones I’ve read so far are The Mind’s Eye and Seeing Voices (on optical problems and deafness, respectively).

• I finally got around to watching Parasite, and like seemingly most people who’ve seen it, I adored it. What a striking portrait of class and privilege, told in a way that is somehow both hilarious and harrowing.

• Like many others in my field, I’ve been watching and loving Sex Education on Netflix. It’s a charming and sweet show about a sex-nerdy high-schooler and his diverse array of horny friends and classmates. I’m sad I’ve run out of episodes to watch!

Little things

Heart-shaped donuts. Queer bars. Being paid to write erotica. Hilariously bad customs photos. Helping a friend execute a romantic plan for her partner. Perfectly-phrased sentences. Sitting in the front row at improv shows with my love. Reading about psychology in the bath. Getting complimented on our matching outfits. Omakase sushi. Doing shrooms for the first time (!!) with a close pal watching over me. The Producers and Roger Bart. Listening to Andy Shauf on the bus. Lounging around in Matt’s plush floor-length bathrobe. Late-night meals at L’Express. Hypnotizing Bex. Receiving the compliment “That’s a great question!”