Bigger, Braver, Younger, Older: My Sexual Goals for 2016


The new year is upon us, my loves! Mmm, dat sweet-ass blank-slate feeling. I love it!

This is the time of year when I start new notebooks and calendars, make new income spreadsheets and checklists in Evernote and Google Drive, and deep-clean my desk. #dork

Along with all that, of course, comes one of my favorite activities: GOAL-SETTING! This year is gonna be a big one in lots of areas, including sex. Here are some of my big, delicious, exciting sexual goals for 2016…


1. Get fucked in the ass.

You know, I was gonna write “Have anal sex,” but somehow that phrasing didn’t feel jazzy enough. Plus I would never lean in close to a partner mid-bang and whisper, “Would you have anal sex with me, please?” Nah. It’s much more likely I’d brush my lips against their ear and softly coo, “Would you fuck me in the ass?”

I just got tingles up and down my arms while writing that, which is how I know this is a goal I should pursue.

I’ve done plenty of Butt Stuff over the years. Plugs, dildos, fingers and tongues have all broached my ass, often with ecstatic results. But I have yet to be fucked in the ass, with either a flesh-and-blood cock or a strap-on. And that seems increasingly like something I should do.

For a long time, I had a partner who got squicked out by “gross” sex things like butts and blood, so while I felt comfortable with him, I didn’t feel comfortable asking him to fuck my ass. After that, I had a series of short-term or one-off partners, and didn’t have enough time with any of them to build the trust I’d need for anal stuff to feel okay. But now I have a stable fuckbuddy who I trust enough to let him spank me and restrain me on a regular basis, so this seems like a good time to start planning anal adventures.


2. Get fisted.

Ambitious? Yes. Intimidating? Certainly. Attainable? You bet.

I have had an interest in fisting ever since I first heard what it was. Hell, I’m wearing my Fisting Day shirt right now, as I write this. But despite the erotic intrigue it held for me, I always thought my vag was too small to manage it. It seemed like something I could’ve attempted in another life, under different circumstances, like winning the World Series or performing on Broadway.

While I’m still tight as hell down there (as my bang-buddy seems to remind me every time he fucks me – hnnng, yes, this is a nice thing to hear), I’ve also gained some mastery over my vaginal muscles. They’ve grown more flexible and resilient. Just as you get more range of motion in your hamstrings with every downward-facing dog you do in yoga class, your vagina also gets more versatile the more that you cram giant-ass toys into it. I can take the large end of the Eleven with no lube or warm-up (?!?) so I’m probably ready to work toward being fisted.

The aforementioned fuckbuddy has relatively small hands for a dude. There are ways in which this is less than ideal (my A-spot is pretty deep in there), but it might make him my perfect first fister. We shall seeeee!


3. Bang someone 20 or younger, and 35 or older.

Relative to my own age, the oldest person I’ve boned was 8 years older than me, and the youngest was (wait for it) 4 days younger. My sexual partners have been, on average, a few years older than me – somewhere around 28 to my 23.

That’s fine and good. I like sleeping with people who have more experience than me; I think it appeals to my submissive streak, since they’re generally more confident in asking for what they want and having their way with me (consensually, of course). I’ve also always been mature for my age, so I tend to click with older partners emotionally and mentally as well. That’s why I want to push the envelope a bit and try sleeping with someone who is 12+ years older than me, to observe the differences and broaden my sexual palate.

But… I have a bit of a kink for teaching people how to get me off. Plus there’s something so viscerally hot about those early sexual experiences when everything feels new and fresh. So I want to sleep with someone a few years younger than me, too. I don’t necessarily want to be someone’s first – that seems like a lot of pressure – but maybe their second or third. Hmm…!

Of course, both of these goals require the caveat that I’m looking for compatibility and not just a particular age bracket. I won’t sleep with some random 18-year-old douchebro who I loathe, or some skeezy 40-year-old creep, just to put a checkmark on my to-do list. I want to connect with people who are at different life stages than me but who are nonetheless in sync with me in the ways that count: we should make each other laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and have plenty to talk about.

And if the sex isn’t good, well, at least it’ll be educational.


What are your sexual goals for 2016?

My Big, Exciting, Scary, Sexy Goals for 2015

The new year is upon us! I hope you had a fun New Year’s Eve last night, and that you woke up this morning feeling refreshed and renewed, as opposed to hungover and grumbling!

Come the new year, a lot of people set resolutions for themselves. I think self-improvement is always a good use of time, but something about the vagueness of resolutions just doesn’t work for my brain. I like to set GOALS: specific, actionable tasks or projects whose completion will be immediately and entirely clear to me when it happens.

Here are some of the sex-related goals I’ve set for myself this year… Hopefully, a year from today, they’ll all be checked off my list!

1. Have casual sex.

For a sex blogger, my sexual history sure isn’t very adventurous. I’ve only ever had sex with two people: one a long-term friend with benefits and the other a long-term boyfriend.

Right now I’m too damn busy to get into another relationship so soon after ending the last one, plus I’m just not feelin’ the whole commitment/obligation thing right now. I’d rather be free and clear, at least until I find myself so head-over-heels for someone that coupledom looks more attractive than the alternative.

But although I’m relationship-phobic at the moment, I’m certainly not sex-phobic. In fact, it kind of feels like a part of me has shrivelled up and died from how long I’ve gone without sex at this point. (About eight months, I think? Shh, don’t tell anyone!!)

So one of my goals for the year is to figure out how to have casual sex in a way that feels safe, healthy and positive for me, and then do it. I’m defining “casual sex” as “sex with someone I am not, and do not intend to be, in a romantic relationship with.” I am super shy and awkward and don’t even know that many people I’d want to have sex with, so we’ll see how this goes…

(Last night I was having dinner with some friends and we got onto the topic of 2015 goals. I mentioned that this was one of mine, and one of my friends said, “Do you have a particular gender in mind for the person you want to have sex with?” I shrugged and said, “I just need to find them hot. That’s the only criteria.”)

2. Learn to get off in several different positions.

98% of the orgasms I’ve ever had in my life have happened while I was lying on my back with my legs slightly raised. It’s how I initially learned to get off so it’s always worked for me. But it can be inconvenient sometimes.

I’ve managed to come while sitting up (like on a chair while a partner kneels in front of me – oh swoon, I miss that, it was hot) and while sitting on someone’s face (definitely a lot easier if I can lean my weight on something, like the headboard of the bed) but it’s usually a lot of extra effort for me. So I’d like to practice getting off in various different positions until it starts to feel easier and more natural.

(Side note: I was inspired to take on this goal after going to see Canadian playwright Morris Panych’s latest play Sextet a few weeks ago. There is a character whose legs need to be above his penis – like, propped up on a wall – for him to reach orgasm. I won’t spoil it for you, but… comedy ensues. And it made me realize just how silly it is to limit myself to only one position!)

3. Get spanked.

This is one of those wishes I have to kind of release to the universe instead of trying to figure out how to make it happen. I don’t currently have any idea who I want to spank me or how I intend to get into a situation where this can take place. I just know that I want it, somehow, somewhere, some way.

I’ve done a fair bit of spanking play in previous relationships but now I want to try it with someone new. (Oh man. I got sexy chills just typing that.)

Interestingly, spanking also played a role in one of my 2013 goals, so apparently it’s something in which I have a keen interest…

4. Two big blog announcements.

Because I’m the queen of mystery (ha), I’m not going to tell you what they are… yet. But I have two big things planned for this blog in 2015. Both will require a lot of work and preparation, but it’s work that I am very excited about, which is the best kind!

What are your goals for 2015, sex-themed or otherwise? Got any tips for me as I pursue mine?

Sexual Goals for 2013

I’m a big list-maker. I make lists year-round, but especially when a new year is starting. And because my life and work are sex-centric, many of my goals end up being sex-related too. Here are some of the sexy things I hope to accomplish in 2013.

1. Get fucked in the ass with a strap-on.
Though I am interested in having anal sex eventually, it’s not something I think I’ll be emotionally and physically prepared for this year, at least not with my current partner’s average-sized penis. But I do want to explore anal play with him, so I came up with this compromise: he can wear my harness and fuck me with the teensy Tantus Acute. It’ll be much less intimidating than “real” anal sex, on multiple levels, and it’ll allow us both to figure out whether we’re ready to actually take that next step.

2. Enjoy G-spot play more often.
The sensations that emanate from my G-spot are almost scarily intense. They evoke all sorts of frightening thoughts and feelings, from the profound (“Will this open a door in my sex life that I will never be able to close again?”) to the trivial (“Am I going to pee the bed?”). For this reason, I tend to shy away from playing with my G-spot as much as I should, even though it feels awesome. In 2013, I want to step up my sexual exploration and take additional steps toward figuring out my G-spot.

3. Be photographed nude by my partner.
A girl I know has started up a magazine of feminist erotica, filled with hot images and words. I want to take some photos to submit to her, even if they get rejected for being too amateurish (hey, I’m no model). I want my partner to look at my naked body through a camera and take some shots of me playing with toys. This shit will be hot on so many levels.

4. Incorporate more spanking into our sexytimes.
My boyfriend used to spank me on a semi-regular basis, both as foreplay and as an accent to doggie-style sex. We’ve let it dwindle lately, which is silly, especially since I have an awesome paddle. More ass bruises, please!

5. Kiss somebody cute at #CrushTO.
I am an introvert. If I want to kiss someone, I have to put it on a list where I can check it off when it’s done, or it just won’t happen; I won’t have the motivation. So, here it is. I hope 2013 brings another giant game of tipsy Truth or Dare in a dark bar where everyone is sex-positive and in costume, and I hope for sweaty chemistry with some random stranger for a minute or two. Yesss.

What sexual things are you going to do in 2013?