Monthly Faves: Show-Offs, Blowjobs, Butt Stuff & Balconies


February was a super tough month for me emotionally, but in between cry-a-thons and anxiety attacks, I also managed to have plenty of good sex. Here’s a breakdown of the highlights…


Sex toys

• I have said this to you before… like, many, many times… but I really enjoyed the Eleven this month. It helps that I used it in a porn shoot (more on that in a second), but holy shit, it’s just a classic as far as I’m concerned. Sometimes I’m struggling to reach orgasm and I break out the Eleven as a last resort, and it always, always does the trick, somehow.

• To flagrantly repeat another toy that’s gotten its fair share of mentions in my monthly faves: the Magic Wand Rechargeable really earned its keep this month. I used it in the aforementioned porn shoot, as well as during my first anal sex experience and many solo sexytimes. It’s nice to have a vibe that works so reliably well that I don’t even have to think about it.

• When Bex visited early in the month, we took a trip to Come As You Are and I became fixated on the limited-edition pink version of Aslan Leather’s Jaguar harness. It’s $130, I already owned a Jaguar harness in black, I’m trying to save money for an upcoming trip, and I don’t even have an opportunity on my horizon to use a harness – but nonetheless, I wanted one, because it’s femmey and perfect. So I posted in a local kinky trading group to ask if anyone wanted to buy me a pink Jag in exchange for my black one plus some other toys I’d throw in, and a lovely lady took me up on my offer. I’m soooo happy I own it. It looks gorgeous on me and I’m going to make someone’s fucked-by-a-femme fantasy come true someday.


Fantasy fodder

• If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed it’s been a bit of a blowjobby month for me. My ideal blowjob recipient was in town so I had some mouth cravings to contend with. One of my favorite encounters in February was an impromptu blowjob date, which resulted when I messaged dude to offer him BJ carte blanche. I got to suck off one of my fave dicks in the known universe in a dimly lit room while we listened to R&B slowjams. Twice: once before dinner/drinks and once after. It was pretty much the best. And I continued to think about it a lot through the month, because unf, yes, all the good dicks in my mouth, please.

• My friends, you have not lived until a hot androgyne has rammed the shit out of you with an Eleven at a sex club in front of an audience as part of a live porn shoot. I thought I’d be too nervous to have a real orgasm, and was entirely prepared to fake one (which I know is bad, but it was a performance!) – but then my babely scene partner leaned close to my ear and whispered, “Does it turn you on that all these people are watching you?” That, combined with the well-wielded Eleven and the Hitachi I was pressing to my clit, triggered a very-real orgasm almost instantly. Welp. I didn’t think I was an exhibitionist, but it seems my fantasy landscape has been forever revolutionized by this incident…

• Ugh, there is something so hot to me about the process of teaching someone how to get you off. And especially that moment where they start to get it and do it how you want it without being told. I got to be on both sides of that this month, with regards to spanking, fingering, and blowjobs, and maaaan I was into it. Good sexual communication forever!



• My main sexual adventure this month was losing my anal virginity. It was awesome. I want to do more butt stuff real soon. (I probably won’t get to, though, because it’s something I’d only want to explore with a trusted partner, and I don’t really have access to any of those at the moment. Booooo!)

• The award for weirdest sexual adventure of the month goes to the time I got kissed, fingered and felt up on an Airbnb balcony while slightly stoned, as snow came down around us. Marijuana often impedes my ability to tell whether the situation I’m in is strange or not, because everything feels strange when I’m high. But yeah, even looking back, it was a surreal experience. I don’t think I will ever forget the feeling of his hands sliding up under my bulky winter coat as he backed me up against that cold glass railing. Swoon.

• My friend is developing a party game called Don’t You Dare and I got to play it a few times this month. It’s really fun! I have some feelz about the ways in which games like Truth or Dare can be immensely helpful and world-widening for anxious folks like me… Maybe I’ll blog about that one of these days. (If you wanna help fund the game so it can liven up your parties someday, you can do so at its GoFundMe page!)


Femme stuff

• It was a big lingerie month for me. I am expanding my “porndrobe,” as it were. Some of my fave new sexy acquisitions are a navy and teal lace set by QT Intimates and a pink floral lace set by American Apparel. Now I wanna get more boy briefs and thigh-high socks, but what else is new?

• While searching Redbubble for “heart-eyes emoji” – as you do – I found this zip-up pouch. I had been in the market for a case in which to carry safer sex supplies (condoms, lube sample packs, gloves, dental dams, maybe a small vibrator), and this fit the bill, so I bought it. It’s actually a little bigger than I would prefer for everyday sex-supply totin’, but when I packed a huge bag for my hotel-sex date, it fit a noble quantity of latex barriers and butt plugs. Hooray!

• I bought a black and white skull-print scarf for something like $4 at a vintage shop and it is the ideal thing for tying around my hair when it’s in pincurls. Such glamour!


What were your fave sexy things this month, darlings?

Review: Tantus Silicone O-Ring Set

This is sort of a mini-review, because there’s not a whole lot you can say about something as simple as O-rings. But I thought you’d like to know that Tantus makes O-rings now and they’re great.

They’re significantly stretchier than any others I’ve tried. They come in a huge variety of sizes, ranging from 1.2” to 2.5” in diameter. And they cost only $20 for the whole set of 6 rings. $20 is a pretty reasonable price for never again needing to worry if a particular dildo will fit into your harness.

(If you need a harness that will work with all of these O-rings, I heartily recommend the Aslan Jaguar!)

All in all, these O-rings are a very good buy for anyone who likes strap-on play in any configuration.

Thanks, Tantus!

Harness Showdown: Aslan Jaguar vs. RodeoH Briefs

I have finally acquired the two harnesses of my dreams – two of the best harnesses you could ever hope to find, probably. And while I love them both more than words can say, I am a sex toy reviewer – which means I have to be objective and helpful. So, like a cruel mother, I have to pit my babies against each other and write an exhaustive comparison.

The two harnesses in question: the Aslan Leather Jaguar and the RodeoH brief. (Both are pictured above with the Tantus Acute.) Alright, let’s get this show on the road.


The Jaguar is made of leather, and HOLY FUCKING FUCK, it is the sexiest leather I have ever encountered. I don’t have a leather fetish but this harness just might change my mind on this front. It has that powerful-but-not-overpowering leather smell, and it’s soft and broken-in already when you get it. The pliability of the leather makes it feel like a second skin when you’ve been wearing it for a while.

For vegans and other folks who might have issues with leather, the Jag also comes in a vegan version, often for a slightly higher price.

The RodeoH is made of a cotton-elastane blend, much like your favorite pair of underwear. It’s soft to the touch and feels well-constructed.

Sizing and Fit

The Jag comes in two sizes, small and large. “Small” fits hip sizes from 26 to 44 inches; “large” fits 36 to 56 inches. I went with the small size because my hips are currently around 41 inches and I’m in the process of losing weight, so the small will continue to fit me. The hip and butt straps on the Jag are all super adjustable so you should be able to get a good fit no matter what your dimensions are. I’ve heard of some people needing to punch extra holes in the straps or trim the ends of their straps for sizing reasons, but I don’t think the typical person will need to do that stuff if they buy according to their (accurate) hip measurement.

The RodeoH comes in 9 different sizes: 23-24", 25-26", 27-29", and so on, all the way up to 52-55". While each size seems to allow for only a small range of measurements, the material is actually very stretchy and accommodating; I probably got a size or two smaller than I should have, and my harness still fits nicely, albeit snugly. RodeoH recommends sizing down for more control during thrusting anyway.

If you’re very small and have a hip measurement between 23" and 26", the RodeoH is probably the better choice for you because the Jag won’t get small enough to fit you unless you make some alterations yourself.

Getting In and Out

Obviously it’s hard to beat the RodeoH in this category, since you just step into it and pull it up, like underwear. Same dealio when you take it off.

The Jag looks a bit more intimidating to put on, but actually, if you leave one side undone each time you finish using it, it only takes a few seconds to step into it and get it fastened up. Here’s a video of the founder of Aslan Leather demonstrating this technique (it’s SFW – he puts it on over his pants).


I find both of these harnesses very comfortable, though I think the RodeoH wins in this category simply because, well, it’s basically a pair of underwear. Hard to get much comfier than that.

I can imagine that the Jag could get a little hard to deal with if you were wearing it under pants for hours at a time, or if you had to sit on a hard chair for a while, because of the metal D-rings in the ass region.

I also have more slippage with the Jag – the butt straps sometimes give me a wedgie, possibly because of my sizeable booty. I don’t have this issue with the RodeoH because, of course, it doesn’t have straps.

Dildos and O-Rings

Neither my Jag nor my RodeoH came with extra O-rings. That makes sense for the RodeoH, because you can’t switch out the 1.5" O-ring it comes with; it’s sewn right into the harness, and has a little bit of stretch to allow for larger dildos. But you can swap out the O-ring on the Jag, so I was surprised that it didn’t come with any additional rings.

The O-ring that comes with the Jag has a 2" diameter, which is pretty big. I have some smaller rings that came with my Tantus Bend Over Beginner kit, so I put one of those in. Replacing the O-ring is easy: you just have to undo the 3 snaps surrounding the ring area, take out the old one, put in the new one, and do up the snaps again.

The unchangeable O-ring on the RodeoH makes it an unwise choice if you plan on using dildos significantly smaller than 1.5" in diameter. I find that dildos in the 1.25"-or-smaller range flop around a little in the RodeoH, while I can get them to stand at attention better in my Jag if I use an appropriately-sized O-ring. And of course, the fixed size of the RodeoH’s ring also means that it can’t accommodate dildos much larger than its ring’s diameter.

Both harnesses work best with flat-based dildos that don’t have balls, though I imagine you could get a testicled dildo into the Jag with a wide enough O-ring and some gentle jimmying.


Full disclosure: I don’t currently have a willing strap-on partner, so all the testing I did in this department was done in mid-air or in a faux vagina I made by cupping my hand. Sorry!

When my Jag is properly adjusted and tightened all the way around, it’s very stable. I do find I get some slippage in the back D-rings after a while, but that’s easily fixed by quickly tightening ‘em up.

The RodeoH is definitely less stable and there is more flopping around and less control, because of the lack of straps and tightenability (that’s not a word, I know, but I just coined it). As I said above, buying a size or two smaller can help a bit with this, but I think if you need a lot of stability, you’re gonna need an old-fashioned two-strap harness.

Pleasure for the Wearer

The Jag was designed specifically so that the dildo would rest on top of the clit during use, creating more pleasure for the wearer. And damn, it works. Mine doesn’t sit directly on my clit but maybe an inch above, which is actually where I prefer to be stimulated – on the upper shaft of my clit. Even just fucking my hand produces a lot of pleasure for me. I don’t know if I could reach orgasm that way, but it feels pretty awesome.

The dildo sits higher in my RodeoH, on my pubic mound, so there is some pleasure but not as much. However, the RodeoH has something the Jag doesn’t: a little pouch behind the dildo, where you can tuck a bullet vibe if you so desire. That makes up for the less-than-ideal dildo placement, if you ask me.

Should you want to use a double-ended dildo like the Feeldoe, the Jag is your man: there’s no fabric or leather between the dildo and your body, so you’re free to self-penetrate as much as you want. The RodeoH has some fabric behind the dildo so you can’t use double-ended dildos with it, and it’s hard (if not impossible) for the wearer to receive any genital stimulation while wearing it.

Sex Appeal

As a femme person, I definitely feel hotter in the Jag. The leather and styling strike me as classically sexy without being particularly gendered. The RodeoH, on the other hand, feels pretty boyish; I can imagine myself loving the look of it if I was doing some kind of boy/butch roleplay, but as my regular girly self, it doesn’t quite gel with my aesthetic and gender identity.

However, RodeoH has a lace panty style which is sexy as hell and very feminine. Options, yay!


You can get the classic RodeoH brief for $45, or the boxer style or panty style for $49. As far as high-quality harnesses go, those are excellent prices.

The Jaguar is anywhere from $95 to $120 depending on where you get it from. The price was a pretty big deterrent to me, honestly, on my student budget. I only ended up buying the Jag because EcoSex was having a Canada Day sale and I was able to get it for $85 including shipping and tax. And even that felt pretty steep to me.

Other Considerations

Aslan Leather products have a lifetime guarantee, so if your harness breaks, they will repair or replace it for free.

My (cis male) boyfriend is able to comfortably wear the RodeoH and fuck me with dildos that way. His average-sized (about 6") penis doesn’t get squished by the harness even when he’s hard. Harnesses specifically for cis dudes do exist, but they’re pretty pricey as far as I’ve ever seen.

Aslan harnesses are handmade here in Canada, while RodeoH harnesses are made in China.

RodeoH harnesses can be worn as makeshift underwear if, say, it’s been too long since you’ve done your laundry. (Naughty!)


…Well, I don’t know if I have a conclusion. I don’t think either of these harnesses necessarily came out on top; it all just depends on what you’re looking for in a harness. I know that both will serve me well in my lifetime, even if I don’t have a strap-on partner at the moment.

Both of these harnesses are gorgeous, well-made, and get the job done. I’m so happy I own them.

What’s the harness of your dreams? Or, what’s your favorite harness you’ve ever tried?

Sharing the Sexy #22

• Hey, remember when women were seen as more sex-crazed than men? What the hell happened? Damn you, cultural paradigm…

• This zine about sex with trans women is pretty fantastic. And it taught me a sexual term I’d never heard of before: muffing!

• This teacher taught her high school class about consent. We need more of this in schools, folks.

• Here’s a call for submissions for self-produced artistic renderings of the sexyparts of trans, genderqueer, intersex and gender-fluid people.

• How to teach consent to your kids. See, it’s not that hard – and everyone should be doing it!

• A sex worker weighs in: is it always rape if there’s no enthusiastic consent?

• Carlyle Jansen discusses sexual risktaking in long-term relationships.

• These “Queer Porn Star” harnesses are very limited edition and very sexy.

Let’s Get Christmasy!

Sometimes I have silly ideas for blog articles, which nonetheless get put into action. This is one of those.

Here are some fun red-and-green sex toy combinations for you to indulge in this Christmas!

SpareParts Tomboi harness + VixSkin Mustang

It’s hard to say whether someone wearing this toy combo would appear masculine, feminine, or just alien-like. Either way, it’s hot.

Tenga Flip Hole + Ripple Triple Silicone Stimulator

Admittedly, the Ripple Triple is supposed to be for G-spots, clits, and female asses… but I’m thinking you could slip the “vaginal” part into your (male) butt, and the so-called clit stimulator would put pleasurable pressure and vibration on the perineum. Combine that with a Tenga masturbator and any gentleman’ll be good to go!

Duncan Charles Pleasure + 10-Speed Vibrating Egg

It’s hard to beat the classic combination of dildo and vibrator. So much the better if you can color-co-ordinate like a BAMF.

Rosebuds Crop + Sex and Mischief rope flogger

Kinky Christmas, y’all! See, impact play doesn’t have to be all about somber black leather equipment – it can be festive, too.

We-Vibe Salsa + Fleshlight Freaks Frankenstein dildo

Here’s a pairing for someone who needs a lot of stimulation. The Salsa is super rumbly, and the Frankenstein has a freakish (literally) amount of texture. Sensory overload!

Do you have any toys that remind you of Christmas?