Monthly Faves: Good Girls, Pussy Pumps & Sexting Suitors


Hot damn, it’s summer in Toronto! I can already tell that this is going to be a season of fun, flirting, makeouts on sunny hillsides and impulsive late-night fuck-dates. Let’s make it happen! Here are some of the things that made me happy in the early days of this glorious summer…

Sex toys

• On a Come As You Are mission with Lavender, I spotted a hot pink clit pump and had to have it. I’ve experimented with clit suction in the past, but the only pump I owned was terrible-quality and didn’t work for my body. This new one is Serious Business and actually does what it’s supposed to: increases bloodflow and sensitivity with pleasant (though intense) suction. Next I want a partner to use it on me!

Tantus recently ran a sale on some of their long-discontinued products, so I snapped up a lime-green Sherbet in an impulsive fit of dildo materialism. It’s even better than I expected: the bulbous, ridged head does good G-spot things, and the chartreuse shade makes me smile. Tantus sure does know how to make sex toy geeks convulse with glee.

• Forever enamored with the Magic Wand Rechargeable (though not enamored enough, apparently, to call it by its proper name instead of “the Hitachi”). I use it so often that it stays on my bed at all times for easy access. Vibratex, ya done good.

Fantasy fodder

• I’m sick of crushing on people I’d have to buy a plane ticket to have my way with. There are far too many long-distance flames in my life as is, and it can be sheer torture for the heart and/or genitals. And yet I recently found myself sexting with a fellow who lives across the pond. One of my most intense orgasms this month happened when I used the Double Trouble‘s big end inside me, pretending it was his fist – after (and only after) I’d gotten his permission to come. (Y’all, I really need to stop writing about hot beaux while I’m in public. I am a mess at this café right now.)

• Are you tired of hearing me talk about blowjob porn yet?! I’ve discovered a subreddit dedicated to one of my favorite porn subgenres: scenes featuring deepthroat BJs where the receiver comes deep in the giver’s throat. Admittedly, I’m not into the term Reddit has given this act, “throatpie” – I’d rather think of it as advanced-placement swallowing. (If you’re not sure where to start, it’s hard to go wrong with Heather.)

• I often daydream about my ideal poly situation: two or three consistent partners who love me a whole lot and who each bring out different sides of me. This is mostly a whimsical, romantic line of thinking, but naturally, sometimes it takes a turn into sexytown too. This month I pondered that time I accidentally had two sex-dates in one night but imagined it happened with a primary and secondary partner… *sigh* Bring on all the compersion and cuties, please.


• I’m addicted to Nick Jonas’s new album, Last Year Was Complicated. (Man, what a title.) It’s catchy, sexy pop music that makes me want to dance the night away and/or get fucked to a pulp – but, like a lot of modern mainstream music, it’s problematic from a feminist perspective. The song “Good Girls” was the impetus for me writing about my relationship with that phrase, because it felt psychologically painful for me to hear my favorite epithet thrown around so carelessly in Nick Jonas’s mouth. (“When did all these good girls decide to be bad? Dancing up on the table, getting back at your dad. Who’s the asshole that told you that’s what you have to do?”) Hey, Nick: your music makes me wet, but your politics dry me right back up again!

• With minimal fanfare (at least, for my attention-slut M.O.), earlier this month I officially linked this blog to my real-life name and identity. My About page now bears my name (hi! I’m Kate!) and links proudly to my other internet homes (journalism portfolio, music, personal Tumblr). Nothing’s really changed, and you can still call me “GJ” if you want! I was just getting sick of keeping my two identities so separate; it felt like I was hiding part of myself from the world, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m not ashamed of what I write here, and if some conservative rubberneck in my life finds my blog and is offended by it, that’s on them. Thanks to all of you for supporting me through this transition and always being the loveliest, sweetest readers!

Femme stuff

• I like to wear my collar when I’m feeling subby and small. It gives me a sense of calm and directedness. But it’s not always appropriate to wear what is clearly a kink accessory, so I’ve been experimenting with necklaces that act as “day collars.” My Tarina Tarantino pavé heart necklace is a current fave. I also own a pearl necklace that’d work well, especially given, y’know, the other meaning of “pearl necklace.”

• This month brought a couple of occasions for me to get all femmed up, rockabilly-style. I’m suuuuper into that look: simple matte eyeshadows, sharp-as-hell winged eyeliner, natural-looking blush, and an impeccable red lip. Every time I do my face this way, I think, “I should do this every day!” but then I remember how much I love other looks, like hot pink lipstick, smoky eyes, and even a bare face from time to time.

Little things

Making a “mental health contingency plan” for days when boys are setting off my mood issues. Iced soy hazelnut lattes. My black rhinestoned shorts. “There will come a day when I just order a BJ and a cuddle from you and put you in an Uber at your earliest convenience…” Smiley selfies your friends send you from bed where they’ve just banged each other silly. Shake, Rattle & Roll. Quoting e e cummings poems to people you’re about to kiss. Cute boys who cover my songs. Life advice from my mentors. Marijuana puns. People who use the word “date” when they ask you on a date. Planning a potential sexy tour of New England. Andy Shauf’s new album. Woodhull dreamin’. Femme-flagging. Exchanging saucy nudes with beautiful Twitter femmes. My new computer. “You can’t stop desire; I’ve tried, but you’re fuel to my fire.” Setting goals. Party-planning with Bex. The Adventure Zone. Writing residency proposals and book proposals. Dan McCoy. Peanut butter chocolate Haagen Daaz. “Touching you with no hands.” A cute boy thanking me for taking him on a “tour of [my] subconscious” and then saying, “I’m gonna go in for the kiss now.”


What were your sexy favorites this month, angelfaces?

A Tale of Three Blowjobs: Getting Over Penis Terror, Continued

My very first post on this blog was about something I termed “penis terror.” Maybe that doesn’t bode especially well as a kick-off to a sex blog… but at the time, it was the main sexual issue occupying my mind.

See, when I was a youngin (by which I mean age 15–18), penises – and men in general – made me very, very nervous. I had a plethora of anxieties and neuroses about male sexuality. I believed men were hard-wired to be sexually aggressive, to put their own sexual desires above women’s, and to judge women’s sexual performance against impossible pornographic standards. And that shit terrified me.

It’s so embarrassing and strange to recount this now, but in my first sexual relationship with a cis guy, I literally cried the first several times his penis was brought up in sexual conversation. I was so fucking nervous and I can’t even explicitly identify, in retrospect, what was making me so nervous. It was just a fear of the unknown, I guess.

I worried I would be bad at pleasing penises, and that my boyfriend would judge me or leave me for it; I worried that touching penises would somehow make me “slutty” or “tainted,” even though I intellectually knew these are bullshit concepts; and, maybe most frighteningly of all, I worried I wouldn’t like penises. I was petrified that I’d turn out to be biromantic but homosexual – because I knew I wanted to date and kiss and cuddle with men most of the time, but I didn’t know if I also wanted to fuck them. And that was a scary, dicey question hanging in the air.


But my feelings about penises have transformed monumentally over the years. I crave them, I appreciate them, I write them love songs and gratitude missives. They’re kind of one of my favorite things.

There’s no clearer barometer of my penis-comfort than my attitude about performing oral sex on them. So, for your amusement: a tale of three blowjobs.



My journal entry for July 5th, 2011 begins: “Today will go down in history as the first time I ever put a penis in my mouth.” A tad dramatic, perhaps, but it really did feel that significant to me.

I was nineteen years old. My very non-scientific Twitter poll indicates that this makes me a relatively late bloomer. What can I say? Willies gave me the willies. But when I did finally get around to it (with some very gentle prompting from my then-boyfriend), it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Granted, he didn’t come in my mouth that first time, which definitely made it easier to handle. But, overall, I considered it a huge step forward and an even huger relief. I had a major fear reference; I felt invincible.

“Throughout all of this penis stuff,” I wrote in my journal, “I have learned that there are two things I need in order to comfortably jump into a fear: a supportive, loving, respectful environment, and a little push.”



After the aforementioned First Penis In My Mouth (and its owner) exited my life, I started to wonder if the same fears would rear their head again when I got another dude into my bed.

I broke a long dry spell by romancing a cute guy from the internet. During the proceedings, he very politely asked if I’d go down on him, and I immediately did, and it was good.

It wasn’t until a couple days later that it occurred to me: Huh. What took me literal months of waffling and wailing with my first serious boyfriend only took one respectful request with a hook-up. I guess I really am over that fear at long last.

The one fellatio-related anxiety that lingered for me, though, was being watched while going down. Maybe it’s linked to my fanaticism over blowjob porn and some shitty internalized ideas about “sluttiness,” or maybe it’s just insecurity about the way I look, but I’ve always hated being watched while giving a BJ.

I explained this to Adorable Internet Hook-up and he seemed to have no problem with it whatsoever. We turned off the light and all was fine and good. But, well, you hear a lot of things about how the visual of a BJ is almost as important for men as the actual sensations. Obviously preferences vary from person to person, but as someone who loves watching, say, Heather Harmon inhale a dick, I totally get the appeal. And I was bummed I still couldn’t be looked at while my mouth was full of cock.



Shortly thereafter, I had sex with a… uh, how do I even put this? A friend who I also now like to kiss and have sex with? (Um, obviously I am new to this whole sex-outside-of-relationships thing, but, semantic difficulties aside, it is fucking great.)

When a blowjob became imminent, he grabbed his glasses off the nightstand where he had set them during our makeouts. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “I want to watch.”

For some reason I didn’t even think twice about this. I guess I was preoccupied by the prospect of a cock in my mouth. (Cocks!!!) As before, it took a day or two for my brain to properly process the magnitude of what had happened. I had let someone watch me blow him! And this had previously been one of my biggest sexual insecurities!

As we were putting our clothes back on afterward and getting ready to leave, the guy even said to me that he thought I’d look hot giving him a beej on my knees, and instead of reacting with terror, I just giggled with delight. Because, yes, this is a thing that I would like to do…


Did you have any anxieties or insecurities to deal with when you first started giving oral sex? How did you overcome them?

Monthly Faves: Size Captains, Blowjob Queens, Squirting Dreams


Oh, June! What a beautiful month it’s been. I had so many sexy adventures and I didn’t even have sex with anyone but myself. Here’s some of the lasciviousness that took up real estate in my brain and my vagina this month…

Sex toys

• I bought a NobEssence Seduction when I was in Portland for #DildoHoliday, and HOLY FUCK, it is a vaginal blessing. I will have a lot more to say in my review, of course, but for now, just know: this thing is a total game-changer. HELLO, G-SPOT.

• Also at DildoHoliday, Piph let me try her Magic Wand Rechargeable (a.k.a. cordless Hitachi). I liked it so much that I immediately emailed my pals at Sex Toys Canada to ask if I could review one for them, and they were very obliging, so now I have a Magic Wand of my very own. It’s a vast improvement on the original Hitachi and I’m looking forward to writing my review!

• As of this month, I think I am officially a size captain. My vagina partied with Piph’s Eleven (2″ wide), the Tantus Splash (1 3/4″), VixSkin Maverick (2″), Jollies Jollet (1 7/8″), and the glass dildo I made at #DildoHoliday (2 1/4″!!!). It’s funny how, when I first started blogging, I thought a 1 1/2″-wide dildo was the outer limit of my vag’s capabilities, and would remain that way – but now, my vaginal proficiency is above and beyond what I ever dreamed. “Believe in your vaginas, people; they can do ANYTHING!”

Fantasy fodder

Audio erotica was my everything this month. Admittedly, though, I still giggle at the sound of a lubed penis being stroked quickly. I mean, it’s kind of a funny sound. Right?!

• I continue to be obsessed with Heather Harmon. Her enthusiasm and skill are astounding. Bow down to the blowjob queen. (I also found this article which discusses Heather’s legacy, and it’s kinda fascinating. So are the comments: “You can see her out and about if you frequent gun shops”???)

• I am contemplating writing a Rosa/Amy fanfic, basically just because Rosa Diaz is soooo fucking hot and I want to see her bang everyone.

Et cetera

• I had forgotten how fun it is to masturbate communally. I don’t even really find it hot so much as I find it to be a sweet, comforting feature of the best sex-positive friendships.

• I wrote a magazine article about female ejaculation this month (details to come when I know ’em!) that inspired me to give squirting another shot. I think I might just have one of those bodies that isn’t capable of ejaculating, for whatever reason, but even just trying to make it happen is fun!

• Behold my current favorite song about cunnilingus. “I want to lick your pussy in the afternoon…”

What were your favorite toys/fantasies/sexy thangs this month?

Monthly Favorites: Sasha, Siri, & Sherlock

Here are some of the things that got my rocks off most regularly in March… (Can you believe the springtime months are upon us at last?!)


• While cleaning my room, I stumbled upon my Sasha Grey black glass wand, which I’d totally forgotten about. It remained by my bedside for the rest of the month and I used it a lot. Glass toys are so easy to just “grab and go” – I rarely need to use lube with them, which I love. This one feels really good but isn’t mega-intense like some G-spot toys are, so it’s been a go-to for my casual/lazy masturbation sessions lately.

• Another old favorite I rediscovered this month: the NobEssence Fling. Just, ugh, fuck, this toy feels so damn good on my G-spot, and it has finger holes for easier thrusting, and it’s handmade out of gorgeous burgundy wood. Marry me, Fling.

• The Lelo Siri 2 was my clit’s right-hand man this month. Rumbly, waterproof, portable, and a comfortable shape and size. Yes, yes, yes. (One warning, though: I’m pretty sure the Siri is haunted by ghosts, a.k.a. has mechanical problems. Mine turned on by itself at full power one morning, blasting me awake and rendering me completely confused. Its lights blinked at me for no reason all day after that. But it still works fine when I actually want to use it, soooo…?!)

Fantasy fodder

• One of my favorite fanfiction writers, Kasuchi, posted a new Brooklyn Nine-Nine story with tags that included “porn without plot,” “cunnilingus,” and “Jake Peralta’s talented mouth,” so of course, I was all over that shit. I read it three times in one day and jerked off twice (which is a big deal for me – I’m still not very multi-orgasmic!), and then it continued to haunt my brain for the rest of the month. I’m actually getting kind of turned on just writing about this story right now. Uh, I might have a problem.

• This month I finally got around to watching BBC’s Sherlock, which is fucking brilliant, and I discovered (to my extreme glee, obviously) that the fanfiction culture/community around this show is rabid and highly creative. A Cure For Boredom is my favorite piece I’ve found so far. I stayed up til 3AM reading it the night before an important work-related meeting, so that should give you some indication of how enthralled I was with this story.

• I didn’t watch a whole lot of porn this month, but when I did, it was mostly clips of Heather from IDeepThroat. She’s an old-school favorite of mine, for reasons I really don’t understand (why am I so obsessed with blowjobs in porn but not IRL?! The world may never know!).

Et cetera

• Bathtime masturbation loomed large in my legend this month. Would you guys be into a post about designing your own sexual self-care practice? Because, FYI, mine is definitely a long hot bath with scented Epsom salts, a big glass of wine, and a selection of waterproof sex toys. Blissful sigh.

This Spotify playlist served as the soundtrack for much of my self-lovin’ this month. I particularly love this Alina Baraz song. Amazing how a great slow-jam can get your hips rolling and your mind racing…

What were some of your favorite sex-related things this month? Products, fantasies, helpful accessories, whatever! I wanna hear about ‘em!