james deen

Pocket-Sized Porn Reviews: Matriarchy, Twins, and Dylan Ryan

Kate Sloan

I made a decision a while ago that I wasn’t going to review porn on my blog anymore, because I just don’t feel I’m very good at it. I also think I have pretty specific tastes in pornography, and it’s hard to review something that every single person is going to react differently to.

However, now that I no longer have the stress of feeling obligated to review porn by the companies who used to send it to me for free, I feel like it’s okay for me to talk about porn here from time to time, maybe just a little. You don’t mind, right?

Here are some porn flicks I’ve seen recently that I thought you might want to know about…

Women On Top has a really silly but interesting premise: it’s a story set in a female-dominated world, where women are expected to be promiscuous and brash, and where men are expected to do the housework and please their women.

I thought it would be empowering from a feminist perspective, but it actually just showed the mirror image of a lot of gross stereotypes about both men and women (e.g. that women shame men for their sexual desires, that women only have sex to please their men, etc).

There was also far less cunnilingus and far more blowjobs than I would expect in an actual matriarchal world, though I guess I should’ve seen that coming – it is mainstream porn, after all.

Joined at the Hip is a goofy, badly-acted porn about two ditzy blonde twins trying to get to Vegas.

I was totally prepared to hate this one, but just couldn’t as soon as I realized that James Deen was in it.

He’s only in one scene, but it’s great. He plays a chef and (of course) makes a terrible joke about a “bun on a stick” which is actually his cock wrapped in a hot dog bun. (Ugh. So bad it’s good.)

Additionally, he starts off the scene dressed in full chef’s garb, and the chef’s hat stays on for the whole scene. It falls off at one point, but he puts it back on. Because that’s the kind of sense of humor James Deen has. Dear god, I love him.

This porno surprisingly proved to be a goldmine for threesome inspiration. Since the twins in the movie are actual, real-life sisters, they don’t have sex with each other, but have all sorts of sex with various third parties – so there’s some inventive fucking, sucking, flicking, etc.

Fifty Shades of Dylan Ryan is a kind of meta response to the poorly-written BDSM novel we’re all too familiar with. It’s basically Christian and Ana all over again, but with lesbian sex. Really, really hot lesbian sex.

Dylan Ryan is a stunner as always – she’s like the slightly androgynous girl-next-door – but I was most blown away by Sadie Lune, who plays “Ms. Grey,” the wealthy, dominant lady tycoon. I’d never seen her in anything before and she’s absolutely captivating. Girl knows how to dom the shit out of people.

I actually haven’t watched the whole thing yet (what can I say – I came hard sometime during the third sex scene and fell asleep), but I feel confident in saying that anyone who likes lesbian porn, especially of the feminist variety, and can handle BDSM, will dig this movie. And damn, I really need to see more stuff Madison Young has directed.

What sights and sounds are getting your rocks off lately?

Sharing the Sexy #13

Kate Sloan

• Porn star James Deen answered reader questions on Reddit. Read dat shit.

• There’s a Justin Bieber sex doll now. Ugh!!

• Jimmyjane vibrator designer Ethan Imboden has a prudish and proud mother. Aww, I love a good story about family and sex toys.

• Sarah wrote about how to use Craigslist to get laid.

• HOOK released a handbook for male-bodied sex workers. I don’t know about you, but I find stuff like this so fascinating to read, even if it doesn’t apply to me.

• What are the 30 must-see feminist porn sites?

• Check out this zine on the importance of verbal consent to brush up on your sex-positive etiquette.

Sharing the Sexy #10

Kate Sloan

• Jessica wrote about dating a former pick-up artist. I don’t think I’d ever do this, because those dudes are inherently misogynist and gross, as Jessica’s story corroborates.

• E.L. James, author of Fifty Shades of Grey, has designed her own line of sex toys. Aren’t we tired of this madness yet?

• The Frisky profiled 12 impossible sex positions.

• Ever wondered what the male orgasm feels like?

• This former homophobe decided to pretend to be gay and live as a gay dude for a year.

• This nun became a sex therapist. Fuck yeah, sexual liberation! (Side note: do you remember that scene in The L Word about the lesbian nuns…?)

• Sex toy reviewer extraordinaire Epiphora reviewed the James Deen dildos. She is the best, truly. I turned down an opportunity to review a Deen Peen because I’m pretty sure it physically wouldn’t fit in my vagina, and her review makes me glad I made that decision.

• Aphra Behn wrote about hormones, moods, and “scientific sexism.” This post got me thinking about how, if menstruation were a male phenomenon, PMS would have been cured by now. Extra for experts: feminist writer Gloria Steinem’s excellent essay If Men Could Menstruate.

• I found an Etsy seller who makes aluminum butt plugs. Very curious to know how they stack up.

• This video of Hank Green discussing sex, gender, attractions, and behaviour has been all over the interwebz this week. I went into it thinking, “Great, another straight white cis guy trying to ‘explain’ what life is like for minorities,” but he actually gives a pretty good (and easy-to-understand) summary of these concepts, which I think will be helpful for other straight, white, and/or cis people who can’t quite grasp ’em.

Pocket-Sized Porn Reviews: Anchorman XXX, Sex and Submission

Kate Sloan

The boyfriend and I sat down to watch the first disc of Anchorman XXX together because we’re both huge Anchorman fans. We’re those annoying folks who will quote Anchorman whenever any of its many well-known lines are even slightly relevant. I thought we would find the XXX version highly amusing; my boyfriend thought we would hate it – and we were both right.

Anchorman itself has a mood and voice that translate easily to porn, making this film seem oddly in tune with the original. The actors are porn stars, so even calling them “actors” is generous – but, to their credit, they mostly stay in character (I loved Jack Lawrence’s highly affected moaning as Ron Burgundy, ever sleazy and charismatic even right after ejaculating).

What killed this movie for us was the women. They’re overly bouncy, blonde, and chipper. They’re too young to be playing these roles (Christina Applegate was 33 when she played Veronica Corningstone; Tasha Reign was 22 when portraying the same character). And they don’t seem to have any real orgasms, just letting out never-ending repetitive shrieks and moans. My man and I agreed that we didn’t find the sex scenes arousing at all, just occasionally funny.

Not too long ago, I was scrolling through my porn folder, trying to find something to get me hot so I could test out a dildo to review, and I noticed this episode of Sex and Submission. It stars James Deen and Megan Murray. I’ve actually never seen any Sex and Submission stuff before this, nor have I really seen much super-kinky porn, so it was cool to delve into it with something so high-quality.

Deen is terrific, as always. I’m used to seeing him adoring women, treating them right, and giving them what they want, but he’s just as hot when he’s flogging his “personal whore” and shouting at her to keep her mouth open wide. Despite his reputation as a very female-friendly porn star, he also makes an incredibly convincing and sexy dom.

I’m not terribly into the pain stuff, but the bondage was hot, and so was Megan’s complete and utter submission. I appreciated that there are little interviews, one at the beginning and one at the end, in which James asks Megan questions about what kind of rough sex she likes, what kind of pain she’s up for, and (after the scene) why the flogging made her cry. These interviews added an element of “yes, this is definitely 100% consensual” which set my feminist heart at ease and allowed me to enjoy the action.

What’s Changed Since I Started Reviewing Sex Toys?

Kate Sloan

I’ve been blogging about sex toys for over a month now. I started out writing about toys I already had, moved on to receiving free items to review, and now I’m blogging for Sex Toys Canada and reviewing for a few different sites. I’m surprised at how quickly this project has taken off for me, and how much fun I’ve had so far, even with only a month of work under my belt.

I’ve noticed myself changing already, though – for the better. Here are a few of the differences I’ve spotted in myself since I got started on this road of vibrator-touting.

1. I use lube now. I was always one of those girls who figured my natural lubrication would be enough. It was only when I started reading other reviewers’ work that I realized how many other people insist on always using lube when they masturbate. I’m now a staunch supporter of smearing my beloved Blossom Organics on any toy that’s going into me, and it has improved the experience more than I would’ve thought.

2. I actually like porn now. Prior to reading other sex blogs, I wasn’t terribly aware of the “alt porn” scene. I had no idea who James Deen, Danny Wylde, Belladonna, and Dylan Ryan were. I thought most porn was bound to be gross airbrushed shit, with fake-looking orgasms and tons of female degradation. But then I started watching stuff like Sexing the Transman XXX and Dylan and Danny Extra Credit, and I realized that porn can be real and extremely hot. Now I’m an avid alt porn consumer, and it has changed the way I experience solo sex.

3. I truly enjoy using toys. I used to sort of view sex toys as a means to an end – whatever made me come the fastest was a winner. But reviewing has forced me to step back and enjoy the journey as well, since that’s mainly what I’m reporting on when I write about a toy. I notice little details – textures, intensities, shapes – more than ever. It’s like an exercise in meditative masturbation.

4. I care about what I put into my orifices. I know that jelly toys are evil, so I haven’t used my jelly rabbit at all since I started reviewing, and I plan on replacing it with an elastomer version as soon as I can. I’m also very careful about keeping glycerin-laden lubes away from my junk… not to mention, I stay the fuck away from anal toys that don’t have a flared base.

5. I’m learning what I like. I already knew what I need from a partner; now I’m coming to understand what I need from a toy. I don’t enjoy internal vibrations. I can’t take more than seven inches before bumping into my cervix. I love the way glass feels inside me. My G-spot responds best to firm, rhythmic pressure. I need to rub vibrators against myself in order to get off. I don’t care if a toy is loud as long as it works. And I cherish being able to receive oral sex while a large, firm toy is buried inside me. Being sure of what I want is one of the best gifts I could give to myself, as it helps with every facet of my sexuality.

I’m looking forward to more adventures in the world of sex toy reviewing. For now, I’m just beginning my journey, and it’s been an outrageous amount of fun so far.