5 Beauty Products (& 1 Pair of Earrings) I’m Absolutely Loving Right Now

Hi friends! Normally at this time of year, I’d be writing my 12 Days of Girly Juice series – but I just don’t have it in me this year. I’m burned out, I need a vacation, and so I’m taking one. Hooray!

That being said, talking about femme stuff like makeup and clothing (almost) never feels like work to me – so I want to tell you about some products that are making me feel a lot prettier lately.

 

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Mineral One Daily Cream SPF50+

My sweetheart picked this out for me when we were in Montreal together recently, because I’d forgotten to bring any sun protection, and I ended up really liking it, even though it’s not the kind of thing I normally use.

This is what you might call a tinted moisturizer with SPF, or a BB/CC cream – it moisturizes the skin, and offers some sun protection, but is also tinted like a foundation. I never used to see the point of this type of product, because if I was going to bother to put foundation on, I wanted full coverage or nothin’. But makeup trends have shifted substantially since I first learned to do my face circa 2013, and a fresher, more authentically skin-like finish is more in vogue now. That’s exactly what I get with this product.

Sometimes I apply it with a damp Beautyblender, sometimes with a flat kabuki brush, and sometimes just with my (clean) fingers, depending on my mood. I’ll usually do concealer and powder too, for a slightly more pulled-together look, but this product also looks pretty nice as-is once it’s blended into your skin. It feels a lot lighter than most foundations and doesn’t seem to bother my skin as much. Yay!

 

Selfmade Secure Attachment Comfort Serum

This was sent to me as part of a press package because Selfmade also makes an oil-based lube they wanted me to try (which I also enjoy, for external genital massage), but I ended up loving this face serum more.

I’ve been applying it as the last step of my skincare routine (when I have the energy to do a full routine), after my cleanser, toner, moisturizer, and eye cream. It contains ingredients that calm redness and irritation, and it significantly boosts my skin’s hydration, leaving my face feeling soft. It also doubles as a primer for foundation (or tinted moisturizer; see above), creating a smooth surface for makeup to adhere to. It has a lovely smell, too – like aloe, cucumber, and lavender. It’s like a spa experience in a bottle!

 

Maybelline SuperStay Vinyl Ink in “Royal”

This was a recommendation from a beauty YouTuber I follow but I can’t remember who! The formula is fantastic – it’s really hard to take this off without an oil-based makeup remover, so it lasts easily through meals, drinks, and assorted adventures.

I own a lot of red lipsticks, but not many that are on the darker side. It can be intimidating to wear a lipstick this much darker than your typical shade(s), but “Royal” really caught my eye, and I’ve been loving it. It feels very winter-appropriate and has a lot of… gravitas? Is that a weird thing to say about a lipstick?!

 

Maybelline Color Sensational lipstick in “Pink For Me”

I recently had a bizarre urge to revisit a seriously dated makeup trend – the brownish-pinkish-nude lip that Kylie Jenner loved to rock, about a decade ago. In many ways it’s an even older look; it has a very ’90s feel to it.

I already have MAC lip liner in “Whirl,” famously one of Kylie’s favorite shades, but don’t own many lipsticks that go with it, because, well – usually if I’m gonna wear lipstick, I want it BRIGHT. But I picked up a few subtler shades this year for when I want a more minimalistic look, and this one might be my fave of the bunch.

It’s just a really flattering shade (which makes sense – Maybelline claims to have tested this lipstick with 50 different skin tones to make sure it would look good on everyone), and the formula is matte but not drying at all. Maybelline does the best matte drugstore lipsticks, IMO, and this one is a prime example.

 

Tom Ford “Tobacco Vanille” eau de parfum

This was an anniversary gift from my spouse, who knows me very well. I’ve had a few sample vials of this scent over the years, and always liked the androgynous sexiness of it. It’s warm, bold, spicy, sweet, and comforting, all at once. An ideal wintertime scent, if you ask me – I think it would feel oppressively heavy in summer, but it’s the perfect fragrance to spritz onto your throat before wrapping it in a cozy scarf and heading out into the cold.

I really am a bit of a perfume hound at this point… Right now there are 3 full-size bottles on my dresser (this one, Paradise Edition, and Aimanté), plus about a zillion little sample vials strewn about. Some of my other favorite wintry ones are John Varvatos and Noël au Balcon. Funnily enough, despite owning so many perfumes and loving them so much, I mostly just wear them around the house. I don’t want to bother people in the outside world who might be fragrance-sensitive, and few things feel as glamorous to me as swanning around the house in nothing but a silk robe and a spritz of something, anyway.

 

Magic Wand earrings by FUELifestyle

Not a beauty product, but they sure are beautiful! I’ve been wanting a pair of Magic Wand earrings for a while, but a lot of the handmade ones available on Etsy have cutesy cartoonish proportions. That’s all well and good for people who dig that, but I wanted earrings that looked as much like an actual Magic Wand as possible, from the color to the shape to the little blue buttons. These are 3D-printed, and are pretty damn accurate!

As a socially anxious person, I don’t always want to wear such a lewd conversation piece on my person, but I’ve rocked these on a few dates (and even while interviewing a few people about the Magic Wand, lol!) and they always get a good reaction. They make me feel like I’m flagging my sex-nerdery to the world.

 

Any beauty products you’re loving lately? Let me know in the comments!

5 Summery Fashion & Beauty Products I’m Loving Lately

Yay, summertime! Here are some hot-weather-appropriate fashion & beauty items I’ve been enjoying recently.

 

 

Image via Amazon

American Crew pomade

I bought this because I’ve been stylistically very influenced by the character Roman Roy of Succession lately (more on that in the recent Dildorks episode about my evolving gender presentation), and his hair is one of the most striking elements of his signature look – it’s usually slicked back or combed to the side and very shiny with product, in a cool 1950s-throwback sort of way. I have this great asymmetrical short haircut now that I can do a bunch of different things with (shout-out to my long-time hairdresser Paul Taylor of Avalon Hair Design!), so I thought it would be fun to experiment with pomade, since I’d never really tried it before – I’ve used, at most, some gel or hairspray for certain elaborate styles, but more often just stick with a curl cream.

There are basically infinite ways to use this pomade, but my favorite lately is to smooth some through my towel-dried hair after a shower and neatly comb it all back with a tail comb. Sometimes I’ll add a little height in the front by pinning it into a pompadour shape with a bobby pin while it dries. This feels like a very summery look to me because it keeps my hair off my face (ideal in the heat) and the shine makes my hair look slightly wet, as if I perpetually just stepped out of a swimming pool. I also love the gender-weirdness of incorporating elements traditionally associated with men’s hairstyling into my otherwise femme-leaning look.

 

 

Image via Amazon

Clinique Chubby Stick Intense in “Mightiest Maraschino”

This is an old-school favorite of mine – I think I first bought it around 2015 and wore it a lot when I was in journalism school (largely because I was so busy and stressed all the time and often wanted to wear low-maintenance makeup, if any), and then in 2021 I remembered this lipstick existed, bought a new tube, and hopped wholeheartedly back onto the Mightiest Maraschino train.

I love red lipsticks of basically any kind, but in the summer, I tend to gravitate more toward reds that are glossy, sheer, and/or very quick and easy to apply – as opposed to the heavier, fussier, matte reds I’ll carefully paint onto my lips in the fall and winter. This Clinique lipstick feels as light and moisturizing as a tinted lip balm, but it’s a nearly-opaque bright red that looks good with pretty much everything. It doesn’t have the greatest staying power, but applying it takes so little time and effort that I don’t mind reapplying after drinks or meals as needed.

 

 

Image via Amazon

Coola face sunscreen in cucumber scent

I know this won’t be to everyone’s taste because a lot of people are sensitive to fragranced products, but I recently bought this solely because the standard non-scented version was sold out, and I’ve been surprised by how much I’m enjoying it.

Coola’s face sunscreen is the best formula I’ve ever tried, and I’ve tried a bunch. Way too many sunscreens are heavy, oily, and/or shiny, necessitating that I pat a lot of setting powder on top if I want to feel presentable. But this one dries to a reasonable level of dewiness, doesn’t make me feel oily and gross, and is a good consistency to apply quickly on my way out the door.

The cucumber scent is calming and cooling – ideal for summer – but it also only lasts maybe a minute or two, after which I can’t smell it anymore. Probably a good thing.

 

Image via MeUndies

MeUndies eggplant-print modal shorts (use this link to get 20% off)

MeUndies had a sale a little while ago, and I basically live in modal loungewear when I’m at home, so I had to at least take a look. Imagine my delight when I saw that they are currently making their super-comfy modal shorts in a print emblazoned with the most notoriously phallic emoji.

I haven’t worn these out of the house, and probably won’t – they’re a bit of a statement, to say the least – but I’ve adored lounging around in them at home, writing in them, sleeping in them, etc. They’re as comfy as boxers, but they have POCKETS, so I can keep my phone with me while I walk around, or whatever. Plus, naturally, I love what the print represents (that being: dicks).

 

 

Image via 3Delightfulshop

3Delightfulshop rainbow earrings

I’ve bought stuff from this Etsy store before and was happy with it, so I decided to get some gay-ass earrings to rock at Pride events. I’ve ended up wearing them a lot – they’re huge, and loud, and they seem to encourage people to see me as the queer weirdo that I am, which is always great.

 

What fashion/beauty stuff are you loving lately?

My Everyday Makeup + Skincare Essentials

As much as I love to try new beauty products, a lot of times I just come back to the same ones over and over again. Here are the skincare and makeup items that are in heavy rotation for me right now – some of them I use every single day, and some of them I use closer to once or twice a week, but all of them get used more than anything else in my collection.

 

Skincare

Cleanser: I love the soothing scent and light chemical exfoliation of Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel. I also often use Cetaphil and/or CeraVe cleansers when I travel, because they can be found in most drugstores in Canada and the U.S.

Moisturizer: CeraVe moisturizing cream is just the best. So hydrating, so simple, so non-irritating, so affordable (considering that you get a giant tub of it).

Night cream: Mario Badescu seaweed night cream is my favorite for nights when my skin is feeling especially dry and needs some love.

Eye cream: I’m using Biossance eye gel at the moment but am not really in love with it. Still looking for the eye cream of my dreams.

Sunscreen: Coola face sunscreen dries down better than any other one I’ve tried, so I can wear makeup over top if I give it just a few minutes to soak in.

Lip balm: The LaNeige lip sleeping mask is divine.

 

A pretty standard “everyday” makeup look for me

Makeup

Eyebrows: Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow Pomade in “Dark Brown” is one of my all-time favorite makeup products. I’ve been using it for about 9 years, and it is the product that makes me feel more like myself when I apply it. I like the pomade formula rather than an eyebrow pencil because it holds your brows’ shape better and seems to stay put better. (Make sure you get an angled brow brush with a spoolie if you want to try this stuff; use the spoolie to shape your brows and then apply Dipbrow in short strokes with the angled brush.)

Concealer: Maybelline Fit Me liquid concealer has a blendable consistency and buildable medium coverage. I actually prefer it over the pricier NARS concealer I was using before.

Powder: Most days I use either Laura Mercier translucent loose setting powder or Make Up For Ever Ultra HD pressed powder; they both work really well for setting concealer/foundation in place and getting rid of shine.

Blush: I have tried several but Tarte blush in “Natural Beauty” is my favorite one ever. It’s super pigmented but easy to blend, and the color goes well with both red and pink lipsticks. When I want something a bit more subdued, usually I go with MAC Sheertone blush in “Blushbaby,” which a MAC salesperson introduced me to many years ago when I started wearing blush for the very first time.

Eyeliner: MAC Liquidlast liner in “Point Black” is the only one I’ve found that stands up to all the sweating and crying I do. The gloopy texture is a little weird at first but you get used to it.

Lipstick: I have about a zillion of them, but some ride-or-die faves that I wear pretty often are:

 

What are your everyday skincare and/or makeup essentials?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2022: 12 Femme Essentials

Today marks the start of my annual year-end feature, 12 Days of Girly Juice! In the coming weeks, I’ll be writing about my favorite songs, sex toys, books, articles, selfies, events, and sexual encounters of the year – among other things. It’s how I process the events of my year, and the ways I’ve changed over the course of these twelve months.

As is tradition, the first 12 Days of Girly Juice post is about my femme essentials this year – the twelve fashion and beauty items which brightened my days, inspired me aesthetically, and helped me express my inner self to the outer world. In no particular order, here they are.

 

Elemis Pro-Collagen Cleansing Balm. I bought this on the recommendation of a beauty YouTuber named Spencer, who knows his stuff. It’s a slippery, viscous product that you massage into your skin to dissolve all the day’s makeup so it can then be removed. I usually rub this balm into my skin while it’s dry and then add water, which makes its consistency thinner so it can then be gently wiped off with a washcloth or tissue.

There are a couple reasons I love this product, aside from the simple fact that it works. Firstly, it smells so good that it makes me feel like I’ve been transported to a spa – it’s fragranced with eucalyptus, lavender, rose, and chamomile – but there’s also a fragrance-free version for folks who prefer that. Secondly, as someone living with a chronic illness that routinely saps my energy, I appreciate having a super low-effort way to remove my makeup at the end of the day when I’ve already used up most of my spoons and don’t have enough fortitude left in me to wash my face properly. Lazy skincare is valid!!

 

“Love Shack” heart-shaped bag by Kate Spade. I love Kate Spade bags and they’ve showed up on this list before, but this bag is really special. I wanted a small clutch or crossbody bag I could take with me to Matt’s sister’s wedding in September, and as soon as I saw this, I wanted it bad. Fortunately, it was on sale.

It’s definitely not the roomiest bag – it can fit my wallet, phone, keys, gum, and a couple other small things, but can’t handle my Kindle or any notebook larger than pocket-sized. But it gets so many compliments, and brightens up my outfits so much, that I’m okay with it.

 

Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. This is basically just a really great lip balm. I’m including it because, in another year of Zoom calls and intermittent isolation and working from home – not to mention chronic illness and fatigue – I didn’t always have the wherewithal to put together a flashy look, but fancy skincare products helped me feel beautiful nonetheless.

I got this one as part of my Sephora birthday gift last year but used it way more this year. The subtle berry scent and shea butter-based formula are luxurious and lovely. I’m a fan.

 

Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Microfinishing Pressed Powder. This stuff is aggravatingly expensive, so I only ever buy the mini size – but it’s a must-have for me when I travel. Normally at home, I use a loose setting powder to set my concealer and take care of any shininess in my T-zone, but loose powder just isn’t practical when you’re doing your face in airport bathrooms or on trains or planes!

While it doesn’t come with an applicator (bummer), there is a little mirror inside the compact, which makes it convenient for applying on-the-go. I usually put it on with a Real Techniques brush that I’ve had for years.

 

GXVE matte lipstick in “Original Recipe.” Annoyingly, I discovered this lipstick via a targeted ad on Instagram. What can I say; the algorithm knows my soul.

Gwen Stefani founded makeup company GXVE (pronounced “give”), and as anyone who’s ever seen a No Doubt video can tell you, she knows her way around a red lip. I bought this lipstick thinking it’d become just another red in my collection, but it was actually my favorite lipstick of the entire year! The formula is matte without being drying, and lasts a long time, fading minimally and evenly through meals. The “Original Recipe” shade is a perfect, old-fashioned-yet-totally-timeless true red. I’m pretty picky about my lipsticks, especially red ones, and this one has exceeded my expectations.

 

MAC lip pencil in “Cherry.” Who knows why, but there were long periods of time this year when nothing made me feel more confident and put-together than a precisely-executed red lip. When I bought this lip liner, my lip application process became ritualistic: I would dab on a bit of lipstick in the center of my lips, carefully outline their edges with this just-sharpened pencil, fill in the rest of my lip with the pencil, and then apply more lipstick over top. This method is finicky and may seem excessive, but I’ve found that it helps my lips retain their hue much better for much longer, even if I’m going out for dinner or sipping coffee at my desk all day.

There are times when I prefer a more casual approach to lipstick, quickly slicking on a tinted lip balm before I dash out the door. But for the times when I want to be almost painfully precise about my lip, like Marilyn Monroe prepping for a magazine photoshoot, I always reach for this liner.

 

MAC matte lipstick in “De Vil in the Details.” This lipstick is from the limited-edition line that MAC did in collaboration with the movie Cruella, starring Emma Stone, and I bought it while I was watching that movie, because the beauty looks in it were so fucking good that I felt inspired in a way that felt immediate and urgent.

While there are smart internet commentators out there who have their issues with Cruella for various valid reasons, one thing I know for sure is that its approach to costumes and makeup was bold, playful and glamorous. This lipstick, one of a handful of shades MAC released as an homage to the film, is an orange-leaning red – not my usual jam (I prefer a cool-toned red), but high-quality and surprisingly wearable. There were many times this year when I had to get on a Zoom call or record a podcast and didn’t feel put-together enough to be seen, and quickly applying this lipstick was often enough to change that.

 

Coola organic sunscreen. I’ve been trying to get better about wearing sunscreen on my face and visible tattoos whenever I go out, since it’s apparently one of the most impactful ways to keep your skin looking great into middle age and beyond. I certainly don’t remember to do it every time, but I do my best. And it helps enormously to have a face sunscreen that is neither greasy nor chalky. This Coola one is easily the best I’ve ever tried.

As a femme, I really can’t deal with sunscreens that make it difficult or impossible for me to apply makeup on top of them. Coola has somehow created one that seems to dry down just as well as a good moisturizer, creating a smooth canvas for whatever I choose to apply next. Incredible.

 

Converse black leather Chuck Taylor All-Stars. I had wanted these for yeeeears before deciding to finally spring for them. I always worried they were too androgynous-looking for my high-femme style, but over the past several years I’ve been leaning into more of a “soft-femme” or “casual-femme” vibe, so they’ve actually been a fantastic fit with my existing wardrobe.

Chuck Taylors are such an iconic shoe, instantly recognizable on anyone who wears them, and I love that Converse created a black leather version. To my eye, it looks a little more polished, grown-up and (yep) kinky than the standard shoe. It’s ideal and goes with pretty much every casual outfit!

 

Zatchels rainbow midi satchel. This little black satchel has a rainbow panel on the front that’s assembled from various brightly-hued pieces of leather. The craftsmanship of it is beautiful, and I love its little magnetic faux-buckle closures.

It’s not very roomy either, barely having enough space in it for my Kindle, wallet, earbuds and phone, but it goes with almost any outfit and works just as well for casual coffee shop jaunts as it does for fancy soirées. I love Zatchels!

 

Custom-color Nike Air Force 1 Low sneakers. Another pair of sneakers?! Who am I becoming?!

Nike lets you customize the colorways of some of their shoes, through a cool customization tool that lets you pick various different shades for the laces, vamp, sole, etc. While obsessing over the “lovecore” aesthetic, which focuses on pink, red, and hearts, I decided I wanted a lovecore-lookin’ pair of casual shoes for running errands, going on walks, and so on, so I customized a pair of these low-tops that is aggressively pink and red. I call them my “high-femme clown shoes”!

They’ve been great for walking around the city, or just for jazzing up otherwise boring outfits.

 

Unique Vintage pink & red heart-print cardigan. Speaking of lovecore… In seeking out cozy items with a romantic aesthetic, I kept coming back to this cardigan. It’s long and oversized, in a cute slouchy way, and has pockets! After staring at it during multiple late-night online window-shopping sessions, I finally bit the bullet and bought it.

Since then, it’s usually lived on the back of my desk chair, ready to be draped around me whenever I get chilly while working. But I’ve also incorporated it into countless cozy outfits. It goes so well with a lot of my wardrobe and always makes me feel adorable. I wish the material was higher-quality – it’s a viscose/polyester/nylon blend – but hey, what can ya do.

 

What fashion and beauty items thrilled you most this year?

“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 9 of 12

Song 36/52: “Red Lipstick”

Lyrics:

Red lips sink ships, and turn a lot of heads
They stare, but who cares? I like wearing reds
Trends say red may scare the average guy
So I pull out the bullet, and proudly reapply

Chorus:
Give me scarlet, russet, crimson, vermilion
Cherry, berry, carnelian, persimmon
Paint it on me, lay it on thick
Paint it on me, my red lipstick

Boys say they won’t kiss my ruby mouth
They don’t really get what it’s about
Boys say they don’t want to make a mess
But if they want me, they’d want me nonetheless

(repeat chorus)

I’ve got so many shades
For all different days
Some are matte, some are glossy
Some are soft, some are bossy
I’ve got pride, I’ve got power
I am bright like a flower
And if you don’t wanna kiss
Then I guess I’m done with this

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I wrote 90% of this song back in May, but set it aside (permanently, I thought) for two reasons. One was that I thought the chorus was too cloying, annoying, and repetitive. The other was that I’d set out to write a song about my love for red lipstick in general, and instead found myself writing about men’s reactions to red lipstick, which felt counter to what I was trying to do with the song.

However, over the months to come, this song kept coming back to haunt me, more than any other musical fragment I’d left behind. I realized that the traits I’d identified as “annoying” or “repetitive” in the chorus actually made it a bit of an earworm. I’ve never been very good at consistently writing “catchy” songs, and I think a huge part of that is how averse I am to being too repetitive (I think this comes from my parents lightly criticizing me for playing super-repetitive Regina Spektor songs on the piano all the time when I was a teen, lol). It was interesting that the very trait that’d worried me about the song was actually part of what made it great.

As for focusing too much on men’s reactions, I realized I could just lean into that aspect of the song and make it into a song that’s explicitly about men’s reactions to red lipstick, and my own reactions to those reactions. There’s no reason I need to write a magnum opus incorporating all my thoughts and feelings on red lipstick; I’ve referenced it in songs before and no doubt will again. Once I accepted that, I had no problem finishing the bridge and therefore finishing the song. Everything but the bridge is more-or-less unchanged from how I originally wrote it back in May.


Song 37/52: “Notice Me”

Lyrics:

I’ve got a poster of your face in my locker
And a collage of all your interviews
Everyone knows that you’re my favorite rocker
They’re always joking that I’m stalking you

I cut your girlfriend’s face out of a photo
And then I glued myself in perfectly
We’ve never met, and so I know that you don’t know
You’re gonna spend your fuckin’ life with me

I don’t mind waiting
I’ll follow you across state lines
To catch the show in Toledo
And see if I can finally make you mine

Chorus:
Notice me from the stage
Notice my lips, my hips, but not my age
And when the curtain falls and the show is through
Notice me, the way I notice you

Sure, there are boys who I could date with less trouble
They’re always laughing in the gym; they clog the halls
But they’re disasters made of swagger and stubble
They’ve got no class, they’ve got no charm at all

I don’t mind waiting
Until I’m 18, if I must
I’ll catch the show in Chicago
And on the Megabus, I’ll think of us

(repeat chorus)

The night gets dark
I watch the stars
No need to wonder where you are
Tonight it’s Milwaukee
Then off toward the Rockies
I’ll follow you far, I’ll follow you far

The night gets dark
I watch the stars
No need to wonder where you are
Tonight, Minnesota
And then South Dakota
I’ll follow you far, I’ll follow you far, so far

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

One day I walked down to the beach hoping to write some new lyrics, and on my way there, I thought about how much I like songs that start with a vocal line before any instrumentation comes in (the Beatles’ “You’re Gonna Lose That Girl” is an example), and how I hadn’t written a song like that in a while, so maybe I wanted to do that.

Once I found a seat at the beach, I pulled up a random word generator to get 3 words to inspire a song. The words this time were “substitute,” “object,” and “connection,” which made me think about parasocial relationships and how, when I was a teen (and even later), I’d often develop romantic obsessions with actors and musicians because it was easier and less vulnerable than pursuing someone I knew IRL.

I drafted these lyrics, and didn’t decide until about halfway through that it was going to be a song about a girl stalking her celeb crush. When the line about “the show in Toledo” came to me, it seemed right to mention other locations later on in the song, and her stalking him seemed like the most compelling way to do that.

Researching American geography was the most time-consuming part of this songwriting process; I had to figure out a route that made sense but that also included names of regions or cities that rhymed with each other. But it was a fun challenge, and I figured it out eventually!


Song 38/52: “I Could Not Write a Song This Week”

Lyrics:

I could not write a song this week
I could not rhyme, I could not think
I tried and tried to eke one out
But I was overcome with doubt

I could not write a song this week
I could not sing, I could not speak
But that’s just how it goes sometimes
And so I wrote these goofy lines

Some say that writer’s block doesn’t exist; it’s a hoax
And some say it’s par for the course for all creative folks
Whatever the answer, I know a block when I feel one
I’m writing and writing, and nothing I’m writing feels done

I could not write a song this week
My inspiration’s looking bleak
I barely leave the house, then I
Feel stuck, and then I wonder why

I could not write a song this week
I’m wondering if I’ve hit my peak
Should I cut myself some slack
Or just admit that I’m a hack?

Perfectionists find it depressing to make art that sucks
And sometimes I wish that I gave a bit less of a fuck
‘Cause judging my output is pointless – the point’s to have fun
The songs never have to be good; they just have to get done

I guess I wrote a song this week

 

Songwriting diary:

I was verrrrry writer’s-blocked this week, in part because I had less time than usual to finish my song because I was leaving on a trip to New York on Friday and wanted to finish it before that. I worked on 2-3 other song ideas but none of them were really coming together.

While scrolling back through my folder of song ideas, I stumbled across the first stanza of these lyrics, which I had written several months previous. I’d tucked this idea away, thinking it would be a good failsafe someday if I was ever feeling uninspired – which was exactly what ended up happening. I built from that initial starting point and it was much easier than trying to come up with something wholly new.

It was actually really cathartic to write this song and I feel good about how it came out. It was a useful reminder that sometimes songwriting is more craft than art, in the sense that having a structured songwriting process can help you crank one out even if you feel you have nothing new to say.


Song 39/52: “Existentialist”

Lyrics:

Do you feel the dread
Seeping through the cracks?
Do you read the news?
Do you know the facts?

They say the world is ending soon
Do you know what you will do
When the smoke fills the sky
And we have to wonder why?

Chorus:
What’s the point? What is this?
Quick, we need an existentialist
Where’s the joy? Where’s the bliss?
Please, we need an existentialist
To get us through this

I read a lot in school
On nihilistic angst
When other kids were cursing fate
I was giving thanks

But I still don’t know just what to do
When the world is ending soon
Do we hide and count the days?
Or do we stride into the blaze?

(repeat chorus)

Jean-Paul Sartre, Kierkegaard
Back then, you were avant-garde
Dostoevsky, Friedrich Nietzsche
Now we’d really love to meet ya
Heidegger and de Beauvoir
How I wonder where you are
Lewis Gordon, Al Camus
There’s so much we can learn from you

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I was feeling uninspired so I returned to my old friend, the random word generator. One of the supplied words was “philosophy,” a subject I studied pretty extensively in high school and university, so I started wracking my brain for philosophical ideas I wanted to explore in a song. Existentialism has always been my favorite area of philosophy, and I’ve found the existentialist paradigm particularly useful and comforting as our world has descended further and further into fascism, chaos and the climate crisis over the past several years.

I started improvising vocals over chords and sang the lines, “It’s at times such as this/ that I think of the existentialists/ and how they taught us to/ see the power in everything we do.” Eventually I figured out a chord progression that felt suitable and built that initial lyrical idea into something more finessed.

The song was originally much more slow and sad-sounding, but once I’d written it, I felt it made more sense to speed it up and give it more of an unnerved, almost angry feeling. From start to finish, the whole song took about half an hour to write.


Song 40/52: “Tinder”

Lyrics:

Why is every girl on Tinder beautiful?
How do they do eyeliner so flawlessly?
How come all their open hearts are bruised and full?
Profiles packed with doubting and apologies

Chorus:
The world’s not fair
You can see it in this app – it’s all right there
All the pain and all the people who don’t care
If they make you smile or make you come or cry
All I do is swipe and wonder why

Why is every guy on Tinder at the gym?
Or fishing up a trout down at the dock?
Guess I’d rather that than to see more of him
Please don’t send me pictures of your… oh, fuck

(repeat chorus)

Don’t say “hey u up?”
Never just say “sup”
It’s impersonal, so why don’t
You just read my fucking bio?
Don’t destroy the mood before we’ve built it up

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I had written the first and second verses of these lyrics several months ago, and found them while I was desperately trawling my music notes folder for something I could salvage into a song. I started singing those lyrics on top of a basic chord progression and then, as sometimes happens, started hearing the next section (the chorus) in my head, as if I was listening to a song rather than writing one. Then I had to write lyrics to fit into the melody and rhythm I was hearing. The bridge was written in the same way.

One of the songwriting books I read this year said that if something was invented within the past ten years, you shouldn’t mention it in a song, because there’s a strong chance it’ll make the song sound dated after not too long. Tinder has been around for just over ten years so I think I’m good 😅 To be honest, I’ve barely used it since I started dating my now-spouse in late 2017, but whenever I check back in on what’s going on over there, I notice similar patterns to how things were when I was a much more frequent Tinder user.

The hardest part of writing this song was figuring out what to say after “Please don’t send me pictures of your…” Some other options I considered were “pet rock,” “Starbucks,” “mohawk,” “dirty sock,” and “Glock.”