Look, what was the point of keeping a sex spreadsheet and an orgasm spreadsheet all year if not to eventually put together a big, ridiculous post like this?! Here’s a round-up of some relevant stats on my sex life this year. Maybe we’ll learn something from it. Maybe.
• In 2017, I had 333 orgasms. (My Sir wanted me to hit this number because he found the repeating digits satisfying. Smart man.) That works out to an average of 27.75 per month, 6.4 per week, and 0.91 per day.
• 23.1% of my orgasms (77) happened during partnered sex; the remaining 76.9% were the result of masturbation (256).
• I had partnered sex 82 times in 2017. That’s an average of 6.83 times per month, 1.58 per week, and 0.22 per day.
Compared to Last Year…
• I had 64% more sex.
• I had 148% more orgasms from partnered sex.
• I had 8% more partners.
• I had a total of 13 partners this year, 3 of which were romantic partners, 3 of which were ongoing casual bang-buddies, and 5 of which were short-term hook-ups. (The other 2 were a pair of people who gave me an erotic massage, and I’m not entirely sure whether to count them!)
• 12 of my partners this year (92.3%) were new additions to my life this year, bringing my total lifetime partners thus far up to 29 (that’s a 70.6% increase from this time last year).
• The partners who made me come the most were, predictably, romantic partners and longer-term FWBs. My sex life benefits greatly from having partners who know my body and make me feel comfortable.
• My partners this year were, on average, 5.6 years older than me, with my favorites tending to be 8–11 years older than me. The youngest person I banged was 24 and the oldest was 36.
• 76.9% of my partners were cis men, 15.4% were cis women, and 7.7% were nonbinary folks.
• The most common methods by which I met my sexual partners this year were OkCupid (3), Twitter (3), and Tinder (2). (The methods resulting in my highest-quality partners, if “amount of orgasms they gave me” is our only measure of quality, were Twitter and… meeting them at our mutual workplace. Whoops!)
• I had sex in a total of 14 different locations this year.
• The top 5 locations in which I most frequently had sex were my old bedroom at my parents’ place (26 times), my most serious 2017 boyfriend’s new apartment (19) and his old apartment (11), the Oasis Aqualounge sex club (9), and a long-distance beau’s Long Island home (4) – but I also notably had sex in a spooky Long Island City hotel, a fancy Marriott in downtown T.O., and an alley behind a restaurant in the Annex.
• The locations likeliest to result in orgasm for me were my own home (96.4%) and various hotels and apartments where I boned boyfriends and long-term bang-buddies (100%–300%) because those are places I felt comfortable and able to relax.
• The locations least likely to result in orgasm for me were Oasis (55.6%), the aforementioned alley, and the apartments of people I didn’t know well, because – hey, wouldja look at that! – it turns out I need to feel comfortable and relaxed someplace in order to reach orgasm there.
Highs and Lows
• My least sexually active month was January (1 time), because I was trying to take a conscious break from dating/hookups at that time. I made a concession for a hotel sex-date with my long-term fuckbuddy because of course I did.
• I had the most orgasms in October (32) and the fewest in November (21). The whims of my libido are a mystery to me.
• The most orgasms I had in one day was 3, which happened on January 23rd, March 12th, March 31st, May 15th, July 21st, August 7th, August 24th, and October 1st. Whoops, I’m a horndog.
• The most orgasms I had in one partnered-sex session was 3, when me and a highly sexually skilled FWB holed up in a New York hotel room in January and fucked for several hours with excellent toys. Multiple orgasms are pretty rare for me but there were 9 other occasions throughout the year when someone managed to give me more than one in a session.
• The partnered sexual acts most highly correlated with orgasm for me were receiving oral sex (22 times – all with the same person), a vibe on my clit + a partner’s fingers inside me (21), my own fingers on my clit + a partner’s fingers inside me (18), and my own fingers on my clit + a partner’s dick inside me (4).
• The factors likeliest to lead to me not coming were moderate-to-heavy alcohol consumption (it stunts sensitivity and, for me, often indicates I’m not comfortable), a location where I couldn’t relax, and a partner I didn’t know well enough (I have a ton of anxiety around “taking too long”!). Less of these in 2018, please.
• I notice that my most memorable encounters of the year tended to involve bondage (rope and under-the-bed restraints especially), good sex toys, extensive oral sex (giving and/or receiving), spanking, and PIV. This tells me power exchange and pain are pretty important to my enjoyment of sex (understatement of the year!) and in 2018 I should get even better at a) asking for what I want and b) bringing toys with me when I think I might be having sex.
• I noticed in years previous that sometimes my highly sexually active months would also be my highest-income months. That didn’t seem to hold true this year, with my horniest month (May) being my second-lowest income month, and my far-and-away most profitable month (November) being my least horny month. It’s almost like my brain can focus on making lots of money or having lots of sex but not both at once. Gulp.
• My most-used dildos overall were the Standard Glass S-Curve (65 times), Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (26), and Fucking Sculptures Corkscrew (14). Interesting that they’re all glass! I guess I know what I like.
• The sexual acts I most often fantasized about during masturbation were PIV (47 times), fingerbanging (42), and receiving oral sex (38). Preeetty predictable.
• The dirty-talk phrases I most often fantasized about were variations on “come all over my cock” (we discuss the whys of this in a recent Dildorks episode), being called a “little girl” or a “good girl,” “I’m not gonna stop until you come,” and thinking of partners as “Daddy.” (No surprise there.)
• The types of porn I most commonly jerked off to were blowjob porn (51 times), specifically Heather Harmon blowjob porn (25), cunnilingus porn (28), and PIV porn (16). I favored a lot of amateur stuff this year. Gloryholes and forced/”involuntary” orgasms were also big themes.
• The real-life people I fantasized about most often were people I’d been in love with or could see myself falling in love with, and local theatre actors. Whoops.
I hope you have an amazing New Year’s Eve and an even more amazing 2018, babes! Are you going to track your sex life in a nerdy way next year comme moi? Let me know in the comments!