penis

Cyclical Cock Cravings

Kate Sloan

The female hormone cycle is a strange thing. I’m on hormonal birth control, so you’d think I wouldn’t have any of the odd, cyclical mood swings and changes in desire that accompany certain times of the month for many women, and yet, somehow, I do.

Every time I’m on my period, I develop a weeklong craving for realistic dildos.

My current favorite, by far, is the VixSkin Mustang. It’s easily the most realistic toy I own, in both appearance and sensation. And every time my Shark Week comes around, without fail, I end up laying a towel under my hips and going to town on myself with the Mustang. That poor little dildo has bloodstains on it more often than any other toy of mine.

The Tantus Mark O2 and Adam O2 fulfill similar cravings, though they are a fair bit firmer, so sometimes my sore menstrual cervix can’t quite handle ‘em when I’m bleeding.

Lately I’ve been trying to make up my mind about whether to buy myself a VixSkin Maverick – essentially a bigger, juicier version of the Mustang I love so much. Last night I finally went ahead and did it. It’s probably way too huge for my relatively small vag, but it’ll be something to work toward, I guess!

What kinds of sex toys do you sometimes crave? Does your hormonal cycle have anything to do with it?

Sharing the Sexy #15

Kate Sloan

• Here’s a tirade in favor of menstrual sex. Can’t say I’m on board with the penis-shaming therein, but she makes some good points.

• While we’re on the topic… This slam poet loves him some period sex!

• Porn star Madison Young taught a hands-on female ejaculation workshop. I love this part: When a female audience member came up to her after class and explained that she’d never had an orgasm, Young responded, “Hold on, I’ve got an extra 10 minutes — get on up there!”

• S. Bear Bergman writes about teaching a two-year-old to respect consent.

• What can self-proclaimed “Nice Guys” teach us about “the very real problem of male sexual entitlement”?

• Interesting fetish of the week: sexualized tampon use. Edward Cullen, anyone?

Silly Search Terms

Kate Sloan

When I installed a stat counter on my website, it was only because certain toy retailers wanted to know how many hits my blog gets. I had no idea that it would result in endless amusement for me.

You might say, “But GJ, statistics aren’t funny!” And you’d be right. But you know what are funny? The phrases people type into Google that lead them to stumble upon my site.

I’m not at all intending to make fun of these people – I think it’s awesome that they’re being pro-active and trying to find whatever it is they want. I just thought I’d share some of my favorite search terms with you, and perhaps speculate as to their meanings. I’m not going to edit any spelling or grammar, because often it’s better that way.

1. why are boys so obsessed with cullingus
Setting aside the word “cullingus,” which sounds like either an inconvenient disease or a bland cauliflower dish – I want to know this girl. I want to know what events in her life have led her to this conclusion. Is she constantly being begged by boyfriends to let them go down on her? Has she encountered exclusively cunnilingus porn and gotten the idea that it’s the main kind? Does she just have really awesome selective perception? I’m intrigued.

2. why is my penis smaller when im tired
Is this a thing? I just asked my boyfriend if his gets smaller when he’s tired, and he said, “Um… I’ve never particularly noticed that.” Have you guys heard of this?

3. rubbing own clitoris during sex
This is actually a really common one. I guess either a lot of women are trying to figure out if it’s normal/okay for them to do this, or a lot of men are worried about whether their girlfriends’ pleasure-seeking means their penises are defective. For all you folks out there who might be inclined to Google something like this: it’s okay to incorporate clit stimulation into intercourse! In fact, most women need it to reach orgasm.

4. quietest tenga egg
I laughed. Tenga Eggs are fuckin’ loud. My boyfriend describes it as a “squitching” noise (not squishing, but squitching). FYI, anonymous searcher, the VerSpanken is practically silent, so go nuts.

5. pad porn
I’m not sure if this person was searching for Crash Pad Series clips or if they actually just want to see porn involving menstrual pads. Either way, I applaud them.

6. my boyfriend makes me wear a harness
Dude, that doesn’t sound consensual. Communication is important, and consent is crucial! Not cool.

7. is it easy for a beginner to rub their clit
It’s pretty self-explanatory, yeah.

8. I a man and I want a cock vibrater
I love this guy’s assertion and self-assuredness. No beating around the bush here!

9. how to make a bisexual raver girl like me?
If you ever find out, bro, make sure you let me know.

10. he likes to caress his uncut cock
The usage of the word “caress” is what makes this great, especially when you consider that the definitions of “caress” all involve the idea of showing affection to whatever you’re caressing. This dude really loves his uncut cock. Fantastic.

11. handjob empty completely balls
Is it just me, or does this sound like a porn parody of Yoda?

12. cute awkward girl porn
Is this a new porn genre, in the era of “cute awkward girls” like Zooey Deschanel and Alison Pill? Do we have a collective cultural desire to see dorky girls get ploughed? I’d be down for that.

13. control my boyfriend with handjobs
Is this consensual? ‘Cause if so, it sounds hot.

Sharing the Sexy #7

Kate Sloan

• Here’s the 7 dumbest myths about gay sex.

• Modern Family actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson is launching a company that sells stylish bowties to benefit pro-gay rights organizations. I don’t know about you, but I love being able to buy cute things and support my favorite causes at the same time!

• This dildo is apparently spiritually charged. Would you buy one?

• This theory of attraction purports to explain why we get into certain kinds of relationships with certain kinds of people.

• This headline is so ridiculous, it requires no commentary: Man Tries to Rape Raccoon, Gets His Penis Bitten Off.

• Got a vaginal infection you want to cure naturally? (I am so amused by the suggestion to put garlic in your vagina. I’ll definitely try this next time I get an infection…!)

• This guy’s penis inhaled a condom…?! “Basically you know when the tip goes inside out and inside your penis? That’s it.” Uh, no, I don’t know if I’ve seen that one before.

• I made a list of examples of how our society actively encourages women to suppress our sexuality. Can you think of any more?

• The Pervocracy writes about that age-old battle: vibrator vs. penis. My thoughts, as someone who owns a zillion vibrators and has a wonderful boyfriend with a wonderful cock? Both are satisfying. Both are immensely pleasurable. And both have their time and place in my life, absolutely.

• Feeling generous? A Steampunk’s Guide to Sex is taking Kickstarter donations.

• In sex-positive circles, we spend a lot of time discussing all the kinky and out-there things we’d like to try… but what don’t you want to do in bed? My list: scat (but I’d give watersports a shot), armpit-licking, group sex with four or more people, ass-to-mouth, and getting fucked with anything over 8 inches long (sorry, huge dudes!).

• This man cut off, cooked, and served his own penis. I’m speechless.

• In honor of Bi Visibility Day, Carrie wrote about being an out-and-proud bisexual. Hell yeah!

• Rush Limbaugh is seriously blaming small penises on feminists. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

In Praise of the Uncut Cock

Kate Sloan

I have this very vivid memory from when my boyfriend and I had only recently started dating. I hadn’t seen or touched his penis yet, and I was nervous about it. We were sharing a plate of greasy food at a bowling alley and I told him about how my female friend had given me a “penis lesson,” a little lecture on what to do with a dick when I finally encountered one. I told him that her advice had included the foreskin, since her boyfriend had one – and my man said to me, “Well, I’m uncut too. Just so you know.” And I suddenly felt ten times more nervous than I had before.

I went home that night and started researching intact cocks. Everything I’d learned from scouring the internet, everything I’d picked up from porn, all of it was in reference to dicks sans foreskin – I had to start fresh.

In the process of trying to understand how foreskins fit into handjobs or blowjobs, I learned plenty about the politics of intactivism – like how circumcision is largely based on archaic religious or moral beliefs, and how medically unnecessary circumcisions on babies are ethically wrong because the child doesn’t get a chance to consent. Having grown up in a Jewish home (albeit a very secular one), I didn’t know much about foreskins and certainly had never seen one in person – but the more I learned, the more the idea appealed to me.

After the month or two it took for me to acclimatize to dealing with dick, I knew for sure that I love ‘em uncut. My boyfriend’s foreskin is perfect. It’s soft to the touch, like the way his lips feel when I run my finger across them. I don’t need to use lube when I’m jerking him off, because his foreskin makes it smooth regardless. His glans is kept safe all day so it remains pink and moist, as it should.

I think what I like most about his being uncut is that it makes his dick act like my clit. We’re both way too sensitive to be touched without the barrier of the foreskin or clitoral hood in the way. We both get off on indirect stimulation. This similarity made it much easier for me to learn how to please him. And in return, I think his sensitivity has given him a better understanding of how my junk works.

I recently got into a debate with my friend, who’s dating a Jewish guy, about routine infant circumcision. She argued that some guys are grateful that their parents circumcised them at birth. Okay, yeah, I’m sure that’s true. But the bottom line is, I cannot fathom making an irreparable change to someone’s body when they’re unable to consent, unless it’s strictly medically necessary to do so. And in the vast majority of cases, it’s not. So if I ever have a baby boy, there’s no question in my mind that I’ll leave him intact – for his health, for his sexual enjoyment, and for the pure moral standpoint that what he does with his body is up to him, not me.

Bonus reading: Check out the blog Uncutting, which is rife with information about intactivism, foreskin restoration, and the cruel pointlessness of routine infant circumcision.

Note: No pro-circumcision tirades in the comment section, please. I’ve heard it all before and I still disagree. Also, keep in mind that this post is intended as a celebration of underappreciated intact penises and not an admonishment of cut ones, so don’t take this as an attack on your cut cock – it’s not!