Monthly Faves: Dick Gifs & Donut Panties

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If I had had a lot of sex this past month, I’d nickname it Cocktober. But alas, that was not the case. My sex life was spooky in a seasonally appropriate way, at least in the sense that my vag remained so barren, it practically developed cobwebs. Zing! Anyway, a lack of partnered sex doesn’t have to mean a lack of sexual developments in one’s life. Here’s what I was into in October…

Sex toys

• My relationship with the Pure Wand is a volatile one. There will be long stretches of time when direct, intense G-spot stimulation just feels painful to me, and I retreat to my favorite A-spot toys for the sweeter pleasure they provide. But lately, my G-spot’s been more receptive to touch than usual, so I’ve been pounding the fuck out of it with my Pure Wand on the regs. To paraphrase Wallis Simpson, “When a Pure Wand is right, there is nothing else to use in its place.”

• My clit was in the mood for pinpoint stimulation this month: it wanted the Tango and Eroscillator far more often than the broad-headed Magic Wand. The whims of my clit are a mystery to me; I just do what it tells me to do.

Fantasy fodder

• I’m oddly entranced by this gif of an animated dick pounding a vag, ejaculating, and pulling out. It’s not so much the creampie fetishism that does it for me; more just the novelty of seeing a somewhat three-dimensional, dynamic illustration of fuckin’. Sigh… I miss getting banged real good.

• I’m fascinated by close-up videos of ladies getting their clits rubbed until they come. That particular view of vaginal contractions is so cool. This one is my original favorite, and I’ve also recently enjoyed this one and this one.

• In a matter of days, I devoured Katie Forsythe‘s epic Sherlock fanfiction novel, All the Best and Brightest Creatures. She writes Sherlock differently from story to story, but this particular Holmes is asexual and homoromantic. The way she writes sex scenes is so beautiful and poignant, and it’s been a useful reminder of how much my sexual responses are tied up in my emotional responses. Everything feels hotter and lovelier to me if it has an emotional context that lights me up (like, for example, Sherlock Holmes’ bottomless, tragic affection for John Watson).

Sexcetera

• By the time you read this, I will be in Malta! My mum and I are traveling across the ocean to attend my beautiful cousin Sacha‘s wedding. After hanging out there for a week, we’ll fly north to Italy and spend an additional five days in Rome. I’m so excited I can hardly think straight!! Supposedly our WiFi will be a bit spotty, so if you notice I’m tweeting and Instagramming less than usual, that’s why – but I’ve got blog content queued up, so even in my absence, I am present. Hi!

• I did a lot of writing this month that I’m super proud of! For Bitch Flicks’ bisexual representation theme week, I wrote about Alex Kelly from The O.C. and why she’s a precious angel who should be protected at all costs. The Establishment published a piece I wrote about how spanking helps my mental health. Herizons magazine published a slightly reworked version of an article I wrote last year about the “is squirting just pee?” debate. I wrote about using coconut oil as lube for Ignite. And if, after all that, you still want more of me (!), you can read this interview that fellow sex blogger Layla did with me; we talked about friendships, mistakes, and rainstorms, among other things.

Femme stuff

• I haven’t had sex in over two months, and I’ve been describing this period as a “dick detox,” because it genuinely does feel like I’m conquering an unhealthy addiction. Not that I pursue sex to the detriment of my health, my relationships, or my life (I don’t), but just that the presence of male romantic interests in my life tends to distort my self-perception somewhat (as I told you last week). So it’s been interesting to watch the ebb and flow of my gender presentation as I figuratively flush the dick from my system. I’m more okay dressing butch, skipping makeup, and wearing what I want to wear instead of trying to appease the Dick Gods. Hallelujah, I’m free! (At least, for now…)

• Aslan Leather makes my favorite kink accoutrements. After owning a pink and black Aslan collar for months, I bought a plain black one to round out my collection. It matches every outfit. I love it to death.

• I was sent a Nudestix concealer pencil in a beauty subscription box, and I adore it. The pencil format makes it super portable and easy to apply, and the formula is decently blendable without sacrificing coverage. This sleepy little femme gives Nudestix two brightened under-eyes out of two!

• Still enamored with MeUndies. They are soooo comfy. And they recently introduced new pairs that are covered in PINK DONUTS. Yyyyyoink! (I also just learned that they sponsored a SlutWalk and created custom slut-positive underwear for participants to wear… Amazing!)

Little things

The utter deliciousness of making a structure chart for a piece of writing. Philosophizin’ about kink with friends. Edamame. My freshly redesigned portfolio. Regina Spektor’s new album. Jake Peralta’s frosted-tips Florida aesthetic. The “Lush Vibes” playlist on Spotify (best music to write to!). Spanakopita from Athens Pastries. Compliments from my therapist. Bex texting me, “I love you. Don’t forget.” My new ukulele case (a necessary purchase because I’m taking my uke overseas to play a song while my cousin walks down the aisle at her wedding!). Learning how to roll joints with flavored rolling papers – and the Seth Rogen tutorial video that taught me! Watching porn on a rooftop with Suz. Dancing my ass off with Steph and Holly at Comedy Bar’s ’90s dance party. Awkward attempts at flirting with improv crushes. Caramilk martinis and goofy selfies with Anais. My brand-new pink European plug adapter. #StonerFemme paraphernalia. Listening to Naive Thieves while high. Brent misremembering Bowtie‘s name as “Squimmy.” Posh British accents. Fictional universes so compelling and comforting, you don’t want to go back to real life. Warm scarves knit by people who love me.

Monthly Faves: Bruises, Tongues & Glitter

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November was possibly the most sexually active month of my year so far, so that’s pretty rad. Here are some of the things that made that possible…

 

Sex toys

• I had loaned out my Pure Wand to a friend, and when she returned it to me mid-month, I sure made up for lost time. I used it on myself during a threesome, and during many a solo sexytime session thereafter. It still provides a more intense sensation than I usually find pleasurable, but when I get into the right mood for it, nothing else will do.

• I bought a Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble this month. (Yes, feel free to “ooh” and “aah” here.) Mine is blue because it was the last remaining toy from the limited-edition “Dreamy Daze” batch Fucking Sculptures made in May. Swooooon. I will review it, eventually, when I can pry myself away from it for long enough to write a review…

• It’s hard to come up with a 3rd item for this list, because I honestly didn’t use a lot of toys this month. But I did have one particularly memorable session with the Tantus Uncut #1 that reminded me how lovely it is. Unf, dat foreskin.

 

Fantasy fodder

• I bought a Bright Desire subscription and I’m so very glad I did. Hot female-gaze-oriented porn filled with cuties. A database easily searchable by keyword. Behind-the-scenes director’s comments available for practically every clip, incase you’re a porn nerd (which I am). Too too too good.

• Please help me: I still have fantasies about a hot guy from my past who turned out to be a total asshole. He’s just… so… attractive. Do you ever struggle with this dilemma? Does it leave you feeling guilty and depleted after you come incredibly hard? ‘Scuse me, I’ll just be over here in the corner, hanging my head in shame.

• Remember that Danny Wylde/Dylan Ryan scene I’ve been obsessed with for literal years? Yep, still in love. I pulled it out a few times when I was having trouble reaching orgasm, and it always helped. How are these two SO HOT? How is that amount of sexual chemistry even legal?!

 

Sexcetera

• After feeling kind of “meh” about cunnilingus for the past year, I got some incredible head from two different guys this month, and remembered how much I love it. I still haven’t come from oral in about a year and a half, but I’m confident that it will happen one of these days…

• At various times this month, I had a bite mark on my neck, a bruise on my breast, and scratches up and down my torso. Only two out of those three were actually sex-related, but, damn, still pretty neat.

• I got spanked a lot this month. Hell yes. Isn’t it fantastic when you find someone who loves to do the things you love to have done to you (or vice versa)?!

 

Femme stuff

• I bought my metallic blue Doc Martens when I was 18. I don’t know when or why they fell out of my regular shoe rotation, but it’s a travesty that they did. I pulled them out again for Playground Prom and now I kinda wanna wear them every day. How can you ever be sad when your feet look like laser beams?

• I’ve been really into sequins lately. As above, this was also kickstarted by Playground Prom, where the theme was “glitter Candyland masquerade.” I went shopping for New Year’s Eve clothes with a femme friend and bought a gold sequinned tube top, because I am a 16-year-old girl from 1984, apparently.

• Very, very enamored with EmMeMa’s lingerie. Also, she’s a total sweetheart. You should buy pretty things from her!

 

What were your November favorites?

Sex Toys for Canadians

Sometimes it feels like, when you live outside of the USA, you get the short end of the stick in terms of being able to buy stuff. Imported American products are usually more expensive here in Canadaland, plus you have to pay shipping fees that are sometimes exorbitant. No thank you!

Fortunately, there are some great retailers who provide toys to us northern folk without ridiculously overcharging us or obligating us to pay staggering import duties. Here are some of my faves…

Sex Toys Canada was one of the very first retailers to send me stuff to review, so they hold a special place in my heart. (I’m also the main writer on their blog!) They’re based in Montreal, so if you live in the easterly part of Canada, orders will get to you especially fast.

They’re always having excellent sales and deals; check their homepage for any current discount codes. They also have a sale section that’s full of amazingly cheap stuff.

PinkCherry.ca is another one of my Canadian faves. They’re located in Mississauga (or thereabouts – I’m not actually sure) so if you live in Toronto or the GTA, you’ll get your order very quickly. Mine always arrive within 2 business days, which makes me really happy – (almost) instant gratification!

Check their homepage and/or subscribe to their mailing list for updates on current deals and sales. A word to the wise: they have some of the lowest prices in the biz on Njoy toys; you can get the legendary Pure Wand or my all-time favorite butt plug for lower prices than I’ve seen anywhere else. Put some steel in yo’ holes!

Sensual Intelligence is committed to only stocking toys that are body-safe and eco-friendly. Not many companies have that much integrity so I really respect them for making that choice.

They have many of the high-end, luxury sex toys that would be prohibitively expensive to ship from the U.S., like the Stronic Drei, Form 2, and Jopen Lust.

Fellow Canadians, where do you get your sex toys?

How to Wake Up Your G-Spot: A Beginner’s Guide

I have a lot of qualms with the emphasis our culture places on penis-in-vagina sex. I know it’s how babies are made, obviously, so it’s considered the quintessential straight sex act – but I think women really get the short end of the stick on that one.

Most of us can’t have orgasms from penetration alone. Many of us feel too embarrassed – either because of our own insecurities or because of things our partners have actually said – to stimulate our own clits during sex. And some of us, beyond being unable to orgasm during PIV sex, don’t even get any pleasure out of it at all.

I used to be a member of that last group, and it made me feel defective and disappointed. So I started doing some research and experimentation to figure out how to make my G-spot feel pleasure even without getting my clit involved. Here’s what I learned – it won’t work for everybody, but it’s worth a shot.

Get a good G-spot toy. Hang tight, don’t use it yet – we’re going to talk about that in a minute. Just get your hands on one. I often recommend this one because it’s not too expensive and it’s made of firm, G-spot-loving glass. However, if money’s no object, the Pure Wand and Comet Wand are widely considered some of the best G-spot toys on the market.

While you’re shopping, you’ll also want to pick up a good, long-lasting, vagina-safe lube. For a glass or steel toy, you can use a silicone-based lube like Sliquid Silver; if your toy is silicone, you should use a thick water-based lube like Sliquid Organics Gel.

Empty your bladder and lay down a thick folded towel or two. Many folks find that G-spot stimulation feels like the urge to pee, especially when they’re just starting out. This is normal, so don’t get freaked out if it happens to you. But do make sure to lay down some towels so you can relax into the sensation. Nothing kills a mood faster than the sudden belief that you are going to wet your bed.

Partly for this reason, I also think it’s best if you start out doing this stuff on your own, as opposed to with a partner. Even if you have the most open-minded, non-judgmental partner in the world, another set of eyes could still make you feel vulnerable and ashamed under certain circumstances. Try it alone first until you’re used to how it feels, and then you can invite your partner to join the party if you want to.

Get yourself very turned on. Do this in a way that’s reliable for you: trusty clit vibe, favorite porn, etc. Get close to orgasm but don’t quite bring yourself there yet.

Slowly add G-spot stimulation. Lube up the toy you chose before and slide it in, while continuing to stimulate your clit. Try to focus on the feelings in your clit so you won’t get too disoriented or sidetracked by the new, foreign sensations in your G-spot.

Place your focus on the G-spot stimulation. I don’t know about you, but I usually have to concentrate pretty hard on what my clit is feeling in order to get off… except for occasional sessions where my focus shifts to my G-spot. These orgasms are always more intense for me.

Just notice the sensations in your G-spot and any pleasure you might be feeling. If you find this distracting rather than arousing, don’t despair; you can try again a week or a month from now when your G-spot will likely be more sensitive.

Try to reach orgasm at this point (if orgasm is a normal part of your masturbation sessions, and if you want to, that is). That way you can move onto the next step…

Try post-orgasm G-spot stimulation. The G-spot swells up during arousal, so it may reach its peak sensitivity right before or right after orgasm, when you’re most physically aroused. Experiment with different kinds of thrusts – hard and fast, slow and smooth, rocking back and forth, jagging in and out – and see if anything feels good.

After going through this process several times over the course of a few weeks or more, you may find that your body has started to make connections between G-spot sensations and sexual pleasure. Some people have this connection right off the bat, but some don’t, so this process is a good option if you need help sensitizing your G-spot.

Don’t get discouraged if you still can’t reach orgasm from G-spot stimulation alone. Most women can’t. Pleasure is pleasure, so as long as you’re enjoying yourself, you’re golden. Orgasms can happen in all sorts of ways, so there’s no reason to bully yourself into making it happen in one specific way.

More experienced readers: how did you “wake up” your G-spot?

Review: Njoy Fun Wand

It’s been said before, but… the Njoy Fun Wand is no match for its older sister, the Pure Wand.

Don’t get me wrong. Njoy makes gorgeous, flawless, luxurious, top-tier toys that I would not hesitate to recommend to anyone. But unless you have very specific needs that the Pure Wand cannot meet, that’s the toy I would recommend over any other Njoy product.

The Fun Wand is a versatile piece of steel. One end has a 1″ tapered bulb which can massage the G-spot; the other end, consisting of 3 smaller graduated bulbs, can also be used for G-spotting but is most effective when you put it in your butt. There is no denying that the Fun Wand feels good anally, but it’s not “oh my god, how did I live without you” good – more like “hmm, that feels nice – what’s next?”

The G-spot end is lovely too, but likewise, I find it only satisfies me for the first little while of any masturbation session, after which point I crave something bigger and with a more extreme curve. The Fun Wand’s “S” shape is beautiful to look at, but it’s not enough for my G-spot and it’s also not very ergonomic; it curves away from the body when inserted, making it slightly uncomfortable to grasp and thrust with.

The one satisfying use I’ve found for the Fun Wand is for G-spot stimulation when my vagina is sore (I think I’m coming down with another case of BV, ugh). Because it’s thin and naturally cold, it strikes a balance between soothing and pleasurable when my vag can’t handle something girthier.

I’d only recommend the Fun Wand to you if you have an extremely tight vagina or if you’re looking for a very luxurious ripply anal toy. Otherwise, save yourself the disappointment and pick up a Pure Wand from the get-go – it truly is the Cadillac of penetrative toys.