roleplay

What My Objectification Kink Taught Me About Relationships

Kate Sloan

There are many forms of “objectification play” that I’ve experimented with, and the older I get, the more I seem to enjoy this kink.

There’s the version where I’m a literal object, usually a piece of furniture like a footstool or drink-holder, performing a functional service that may not appear outwardly sexual but can feel very sexual on the inside.

There’s the version where I pretend to be a doll – either a literal, porcelain doll, or a full-grown adult who’s been transformed via hypnosis or drugs into a “human sex doll” – and then get to be “used” by my “owner.”

There’s the form of objectification that most non-kinky people are familiar with, the kind that shows up in fashion magazines and in plenty of porn, wherein I’m viewed as a sexual object without agency or personhood, just a series of willing and fuckable holes.

And there are lots more ways this kink can play out that I haven’t even tried yet.

 

As with many kinks of mine, a lot of what appeals to me about objectification is the way it helps me reclaim and subvert shitty nonconsensual experiences I’ve had in the past. All the Tinder bros who text shit like “u up?” and “ready to be my fuk machine tonight?” All the hookups who cared more about getting off than giving pleasure. All the times I thought I meant something to my date on an emotional level – even one as simple as “I like her and like having conversations with her” – but it turns out that apparently I didn’t.

The sting of these mistreatments has eased a bit after several years, but I can still bring those feelings vibrantly to mind if I focus on those memories. Because I’ve paired that type of objectification with consent and pleasure in roleplays with trusted partners, the idea of being sexually objectified in this way is no longer quite as abhorrent to me – because I know it can be done in consensual ways.

Granted, none of the people with whom I’ve play-acted objectification actually saw me as objects; that was what allowed the play-acting to indeed feel like play and not like senseless cruelty.

 

As someone who writes about sex toys professionally (including, occasionally, sex dolls), I find it oddly gratifying to pretend to be a sex toy of sorts from time to time. There’s something subversive and relaxing to me about setting aside the sexual machines I’ve been writing about all day and then getting to morph into a sexual machine myself.

See, when I’m being objectified in a deeply consensual and intentional way, my mind gets to shut off. And I value that a lot, as someone whose mind is always racing with anxiety and deadlines.

But also, in my career as a sex scribe, I’ve encountered countless people who thought that my career choice was an invitation for harassment and nonconsensual sexualization. They thought that my creative interest in topics like sexual psychology and the history of the porn industry was reason enough to see me as a walking, talking sex doll who exists to spice up their boring lives.

I understand the desire to have your life overtaken by someone interesting and magical – it’s the reason “manic pixie dream girl” stories continue to get cranked out year after year. It’s also something I’ve felt myself, during long hours of swiping on Tinder late into the night, always hoping that the next swipe would conjure a life-altering force, someone so cute and charming and kind and loving that my entire daily existence would take on a different tenor just from having them around.

But as I’ve been learning in therapy, viewing other people as potential “redeemers” or “saviors” gives your power away. It strips you of the knowledge that you have the ability to make yourself happy more readily and more profoundly than any external person can. It makes you feel dependent on people you never actually needed and maybe never even really wanted.

 

So I’ve been on both sides of the objectification equation: I’ve been objectified (a lot), and in some ways I’ve objectified other people too, seen them as heroes or saviors or props in my life story.

This is no doubt why it feels so good to me now when I play with objectification, from either side of the D/s slash. Because it shows me the difference between the consensual and nonconsensual versions of these dynamics – and even equips me with the communication tools I need to say, “No. Stop. You’re putting me in a role I didn’t consent to, and I will not stand for that.”

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Hot Roleplays You Can Do At Home

Kate Sloan

Being at home all the time can get pretty monotonous, and that monotony can start to show up in your sex life too. I don’t know about you, but when I think about “shaking things up” sexually, my mind goes to two places: kink, and roleplay. And since I’ve already written a lot about kink on this blog (and in a whole book!), today let’s focus on roleplay.

If you and your partner are stuck at home due to the pandemic and feeling trapped in a sexual rut, I’m here to help. Here are 4 suggestions for roleplays you can do at home – no COVID risk required.

 

First meeting, first hookup

It can be fun to revisit “firsts” with an established partner through the magic of roleplay, especially if things are feeling a little rote lately. Normally I’d recommend you meet up at a bar or restaurant and pretend you’re on a first date, or that you happen to strike up a conversation with a sexy “stranger” at the next table – but since that’s obviously not the safest activity at the moment, you can do a different version at home.

Imagine the two of you have been corresponding on a dating app for weeks, that your chemistry via texting or phone calls has been undeniable, and that both of you are vaxxed, self-isolating, and have recently tested negative. Imagine, then, that the conditions are finally perfect for you to meet in person for the first time, but that you’ve chosen to do so at one of your homes because it’s more secluded. Will you cuddle up on the couch for some “Netflix & chill,” or will you get right to the sexytimes? Will you seduce each other with slow foreplay or will you be so touch-hungry that you jump each other’s bones? No way to know until you try…

 

Massage therapy & sexual healing

Stress has a demonstrable, physiological effect on your ability to get aroused, so it can be really helpful to incorporate relaxing activities into sex, like exploring erotic massage with your partner. Why not combine that with a roleplay to make it extra hot?

I love the fantasy of a massage therapist getting so turned on by my body during a massage that they have to make a move on me… or vice versa: me getting so visibly turned on by their touch that they choose to take the massage in an erotic direction.

Have some pre-warmed massage oil on hand (I like one with a scent for this type of roleplay because it helps recreate the sensual environment of an actual fancy massage parlor), lay down a towel or Liberator Throe before you start to catch any drips, and have at it!

 

Exes reconnecting

Picture this: you have a super hot ex, with whom things ended for reasons that were purely circumstantial (e.g. they had to move across the country for work, or one of you didn’t have the mental and emotional bandwidth for a serious relationship at the time). During the pandemic, that ex reached out, ready to meet up, hang out, and see where things go. And now you’re both vaxxed and recently tested, and they’re sitting on your sofa, looking fixedly at you just the way they did when they were in love with you. What would you do?

I recently did a similar roleplay with my partner and it really helped me connect to feelings of desirability and romantic longing, which are both aphrodisiac emotions for me. Oh, the drama of it all!

 

Marvelous medical play

At some point last year, a hired nurse came to my apartment to swab my nose for a COVID test because I was going to be interviewed for a TV show in-studio soon, and I was surprised by the intimacy of the interaction: inviting a stranger into your home during a pandemic, making stilted small-talk, and sitting with them on the couch while they do a medical procedure on you. I think this could be a great jumping-off point for an at-home medical-play scene if you’re into that.

Obviously, you can make it a bit sexier than a COVID test. Maybe a doctor needs to examine your genitals to make sure they haven’t been affected by the loneliness of the pandemic, and to revitalize them if they have been. Maybe a nurse wants to test how the pandemic has affected your hand-eye coordination… by seeing how well you can get them off with your hands. Maybe a medical professional has the only “vaccine” available for miles and you have to bargain for it with your body. The possibilities are endless!

 

Have you done any roleplays at home during the pandemic? What was your fave?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 3 Fave Encounters

Kate Sloan

Strap in, folks… We’re talking about some of the best sex I had all year!

Like I did last year, I’ve asked my partner Matt to contribute some thoughts on each of the scenes/sessions I picked, so you’ll get both of our perspectives in here. Enjoy this glorious horny overshare of a post!

 

An ex-cellent roleplay

Matt and I had been watching the Netflix show Sex/Life a lot, and it inspired a scene. If you haven’t seen it, the show is about a woman who starts to feel restless in her life as a suburban wife and mother, and finds herself longing for the spontaneity and sexual excitement she experienced with her super-hot (but avoidantly attached and emotionally immature) ex-boyfriend. It’s full of hot sex scenes, largely because the actors playing the woman and her ex were dating and presumably fucking IRL while it was being filmed. 🔥

This show reactivated a long-standing fantasy of mine about fucking an ex again. It’s not that there are specific exes of mine I’d like to fuck again (well, not very many of them, anyway!), but more the overall idea of reuniting with someone who knows your body and your mind inside and out. Traditionally I’ve been the type of person who would sometimes (naughtily) stay in bad relationships too long because the sex was so good; that isn’t the most emotionally healthy practice, obviously, so roleplaying a sex-with-an-ex scenario is a better way of exorcizing those feelings, IMO.

Matt suggested I lie down with a blindfold on, and then left the room and came back in again, to heighten the sense that this was indeed a different person. They whispered filthy things to me like “God, I’ve missed this cunt” and “I bet I still remember exactly how to make you come.” This was such a fun example of a simple roleplay that somehow turns fairly “normal” sex into something turbo-charged with hotness.

Matt says: I’ve had a few experiences fucking actual exes, but predictably none were as hot or good as this roleplay scene. Getting to flirt, corrupt, and cajole you into “letting” me fuck you one more time hit on a lot of our mutual kinks and let us dirty talk in new ways. Since I was very much in character (and in top space), I don’t remember much of anything I said, but I do remember how your moans were different – more excited and surprised, and how much it seemed like you wanted to impress me once I started fucking you. A+++. Would fuck you as an ex again, but let’s not actually break up in order to do it, because we clearly don’t have to.

 

Languorous cunnilingus from 500 miles away

There is nothing quite like oral sex from someone who knows your body… but oral via phone sex comes close for me.

I know, that sounds absurd. How can one replicate the unique and nuanced sensations of oral by oneself?! But I’m never really “by myself” during phone sex. I have my partner’s voice and words, painting a picture and telling me what to do. And I have lube, and toys, and drugs, and other accoutrements that help me create an atmosphere of sexy relaxation and a sensation that approaches “real” oral sex and sometimes even surpasses it.

Sometime in May, while my partner was locked up in chastity, they spent a good 30-40 minutes describing giving me head in extreme detail, while I replicated each movement they described on my own body with lubed fingers and then a vibe. We do this often, but not usually for that length of time, or with that purity of focus. Given the prevalence of people ignoring or downplaying clitoral pleasure in the world, it feels healing and uplifting to have entire sex sessions sometimes that focus solely on my clit and all its magnificent nerve endings, whether a partner is touching them or I’m doing it myself.

Matt says: When you and I have sex of any kind (IRL or on the phone), going down on you is nearly always on the menu. But this session and others like it are different because of how singular my focus is on that one act, elevating it from quotidian cunnilingus to true cunt worship. Being locked in a chastity cage certainly helps, but so does closing my eyes and focusing on the sensations, scents, and tastes I crave after missing you for weeks or months of being apart. I’ll mix detailed descriptions of my tongue and finger work with explicit instructions about you should touch those spots with your own hands and toys to best mimic my technique. While it can be initially hard to get into the headspace of going down on you and talking at the same time, once it clicks into place, it’s one of my favorite ways to fuck you through the phone. Why even add penetration when I can focus on licking, sucking, kissing, and stroking your eager clit for as long as it takes to feel you come in my mouth? *chef’s kiss*

 

I mean does my spouse look hot in a suit or WHAT

Ready and waiting

I was about 20 years old when I first had the sexual fantasy of “getting myself ready” for a partner before they arrived home, so they could fuck me immediately upon their arrival, using my warmed-up body for their pleasure. My partner at the time was pretty vanilla, and loved giving oral sex, so he told me that to do this would be to skip some of his favorite parts of sex. While this was an understandable perspective, I still found that fantasy hot to contemplate from time to time.

My partner now is decidedly not vanilla (obvi!), but because they also love giving oral (as evidenced above), they recently found a way to enact this fantasy of mine without skipping cunnilingus. On an evening when they’d been out of the house all day attending to work stuff, they texted me, “At 9:30, put on lingerie, get into bed, turn the lights down, put on sexy music and a blindfold, and think about my mouth while you lie on my bed. Touch yourself however and wherever feels right and fantasize about what I’m gonna do to you.” They added that I should do a couple hits of weed to amp up my sensitivity, and put an Njoy Pure Plug in. Of course, I was eager to comply.

After setting up the space as instructed, I put my blindfold on, grabbed the Zalo Kyro wand, and started moving it lightly around my vulva, avoiding my clit so it would be at its most sensitive for my partner to enjoy. They were audibly delighted to see me laid out like that when we arrived, and I got to feel like a good little submissive for doing everything that’d been asked of me. What a win-win!

Matt says: It had been a long time since I’d had to stay out late for a business dinner, and I’d forgotten how horny that makes me: silky suits, fancy food, being away from my sub all day. We hadn’t fucked in few nights, and I knew I wanted to use you as soon as I got home before you got too tired, but I wasn’t sure exactly how late that would be. So I did what any good dominant would do: started the foreplay while I was at dinner from my phone, so you’d be ready for me when I got there. Walking into my room with the lights already low, my good girl high, plugged, and writhing against a vibe on my bed, and sexy music on the stereo was the perfect start to a perfect scene. I undressed as soon as I got in and remember how quickly you were ready for a dildo in your cunt after I started sucking your clit. You came hard and fast on the toy, and so did I once I slipped my cock into your cunt and used you like I had been planning for hours.

How to Discover Your New Favorite Sexy Roleplay

Kate Sloan
Photo from my Wednesday Addams photoshoot with Cadence Lee back in 2017

Ah, roleplay. For something that is literally just grown-up playtime, it sure can cause a lot of stress and confusion. Many people wonder (sometimes in my inbox) how to get started with roleplay, what their favorite roleplays mean about them, and what scenarios they should explore through roleplay.

That last question is what I’m focusing on today. Once you know you want to try “sexy improv” (as I affectionately refer to roleplay), how do you know who you want to roleplay as?! Here are some suggestions to help you brainstorm…

 

1. Examine the media that turns you on.

Do you reliably feel a little randy when you watch Gerri and Roman verbally spar in the humiliation scenes of Succession? Does your erotic imagination continually wander back to the hypnokink antics in The Jungle Book? Do you fantasize about being wanted as fervently as Joe wants his stalking victims in You? (Am I just listing my own kinks here? Who can say…)

Media is often one of the first places we encounter dynamics we’d later like to embody and act out ourselves. It’s worth paying attention to which characters, relationships, situations, and power dynamics get your motor running, so you can translate their hottest elements into a sexy scene with a partner someday.

 

2. Ponder the words you love to call people, or to be called.

If you’ve noticed your knees get weak when you call a partner “boss,” or when an authority figure calls you “young lady,” for example, that’s useful information.

If you like, try making a list of all the titles and honorifics you can think of – sir, madam, doctor, your honor, your majesty, captain, and so on. Go through the list and take a moment to imagine what it would be like to call an attractive person each title on the list, or how it would feel if an attractive person were to call you these names. Circle the ones that make your heart beat faster and file that info away for future roleplays!

 

3. Take a quiz.

The Cheztoon ‘How Kinky Are You?’ quiz, for example, can help you narrow down the kinky archetypes you’re most drawn to. Take it with a partner, share your results with one another, and discuss!

I could also see it being useful to take a silly online quiz that tells you which character from your favorite media property you’re most similar to. For instance, I just took a “What Mean Girls character are you?” quiz on Buzzfeed and it told me that I’m Janis Ian. Extremely into the idea of a Janis-and-Regina-inspired roleplay!

 

4. Ask yourself how you want to feel.

Different people are drawn to kinky roleplay for different reasons, and it’s useful to figure out your own motivations when devising new roleplay scenarios. Do you want to feel submissive? Dominant? Innocent? Powerful? Slutty? Evil? Ravaged? Indulged? Punished? Adored?

Write down all the emotions you like to feel, whether in kink or just in life, and use that list to extrapolate some roleplay situations you might enjoy.

 

5. Consider costuming.

While costumes are absolutely not a requirement for roleplay, they can make scenes feel more authentic and grounded in reality. But also, you can consider which clothing items make you feel sexiest, and devise a roleplay based on those choices.

For example, I’ve always felt super cute in short pleated skirts and kneesocks, so a schoolgirl/teacher roleplay is a natural fit for me. I’ve had partners who felt most “themselves” in an elegant suit, suggesting they might enjoy playing a powerful entrepreneur in a boss/secretary roleplay or somesuch. If a black latex catsuit sounds like the hottest possible thing you could wear, maybe you’re jonesing for a Catwoman/Batman roleplay. You get the idea!

 

What methods have you used to brainstorm future roleplay scenes?

 

This post was sponsored by Cheztoon Take the Kink Quiz. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 3 Fave Encounters

Kate Sloan

I had a lot of good sex this year (quit braggin’!), but these encounters stick out in my mind as some of the best and most memorable. Read on for R-rated descriptions of my various perversions and their manifestations!

Bimbo Hypno (Content note: bimboification, ableist language, forced feminization, hypnosis, age play / daddy / DD/lg)

All these years that I’ve been writing 12 Days of Girly Juice posts, I’ve never highlighted a phone-sex encounter as one of my favorite sexual experiences of the year – but phone sex feels to me more and more like real and legitimate sex, and so it would be strange not to include some, especially since it makes up about 55% of my sex life at this point! (Uhh, more dorky statistics like that to come in my year-end Sextistics post. Just you wait!)

My Sir and I had been thinking a lot about “intelligence play”/bimboification/forced feminization, and the intersections therein, when we decided to do a scene incorporating all of these. After extensive negotiation, here’s what we settled on: I laid out a full face’s worth of makeup on my desk and set up my computer there. Sir called me on the phone, put me into trance, and suggested to me that with every item of makeup I applied, I could let go of a little more of my intelligence. I could sink into the bliss of ignorance, set aside my overanalytical adult tendencies, and just be a pretty, childlike little doll. When they woke me up and called me on FaceTime video, I was already feeling spacey, and that just developed further as I began to put my face on, piece by piece.

By the end of the scene, I was slurring slightly on super simple sentences. I looked very cute but could barely formulate a thought. I was deeper in “little space” than I’d ever been before, feeling genuinely like that little girl I so often roleplay as. My daddy took me to bed (by which I mean, we each separately retired to our beds) and fucked me over the phone the way they do almost every night – but this time felt different, because my brain felt dimmed. As someone who’s too often wracked with anxiety and intrusive thoughts during sex, it was magic to be able to just… turn that off. I was always a very bright little girl when I was a kid, but sometimes being a little less astute for a while can be amazingly relaxing.

Matt says: This was definitely one of the most memorable scenes we did this year, even though we weren’t in the same room. I remember watching you on FaceTime video putting on the makeup and getting dumber, and getting more and more turned on as you got dumber, and I was struggling to figure out when I should fuck you! I wanted to fuck you from the beginning, but also I wanted to make you as dumb as possible and let you finish your makeup, obviously… so it was a struggle against my own arousal! I was also thinking a lot about what questions I could ask you to confirm and convince you of your dumbness. I asked you about process, like about why you were doing certain things with your makeup, and you had kind of a hard time figuring that out. The hypnosis, I remember a lot; the makeup, I remember a lot; the resulting phone sex, I don’t remember as much. It was like, sex with you-but-dumber, which was great, but it didn’t stick with me as much as watching you get dumber. But I do remember I came really hard, so…

Unprecedented PIV in Portland (Content note: alcohol)

I don’t know why, but I never assume roleplay scenes will lead to particularly good sex. I mean, for me, that’s not the point of them: they’re more about playful exploration, closer to an improv show than a porn shoot. But sometimes, the sex therein can be incredible.

When Matt and I spent a week in Portland, it seemed like a good opportunity for a roleplay we’d been wanting to do for a while: we would go to a bar and pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time. We decided on Barlow, a swanky cocktail bar around the corner from our hotel. I went over there, ordered a daiquiri, and sat reading How to Date Men When You Hate Men, the loud title of which further contributed to what we already knew: the beginning of the scene would be tricky for Matt. They would have to woo me – a shy, defensive introvert, perpetually wary of strangers’ approaches – into wanting to talk to them. Wanting to talk to them so much, in fact, that I would put my book down to do so. This is no small feat!

Matt came in a few minutes after me and ordered a daiquiri as well, which ended up being the catalyst for our conversation (they were damn good daiquiris!). We small-talked about drinks, books, and the conference we were both attending, and then, inevitably, discussing my line of work led us to disclose (some of) our kinks and (some of) our attraction to each other. I agreed to let them come up to my hotel room, saying “Maybe we could just make out” (which is indeed what I would say if I actually met a hot stranger at a bar in broad daylight in a city with which I was unfamiliar). We paid our check, made our way to the hotel, and giggled nervously in the elevator.

I honestly don’t remember much about the sex that ensued, mostly because its conclusion was so bafflingly intense that it probably blew all the other memories out of my brain. We were having good old-fashioned dick-in-vag sex, and I had the Eroscillator on my clit, and before I even fully realized what was happening, their dick felt so good that I came – way sooner and more easily than I normally would from this activity – and felt them coming at the exact same time. A simultaneous PIV orgasm is one of those sexual goals that I’ve never really understood or fetishized, but it felt so perfect in that roleplay – I had the sense that even though we were “strangers,” we knew each other’s bodies and minds deeply, and were instantly, fiercely connected to each other. That’s pretty much how it felt when we actually met for the first time, so it was romantic to revisit that sensation – albeit while having an orgasm so hard and fast that it surprised me and left me breathless.

Matt says: What sticks out to me about this scene was how difficult it was for me, because I am not used to “picking up people” in this way. Even though I knew you’re my partner and we were gonna end up at home together, I felt really high-stakes about picking you up. So, from the moment I walked into the bar, I was really nervous about what I would say to you, when I would say it, where I would sit – everything about the whole interaction. I was very calculating about it, even down to our interactions with the bartenders, because they didn’t assume we were together, and then when I tried to pay for us together, that was a whole problem I had to solve… It was this, like, choreographed dance in the bar, and once we were back in “your” hotel room, it was much easier to relax into fucking you. I felt like I had “scored” you, which is a feeling I don’t often get, and I really wanted to impress you with my oral skills and PIV skills and stuff. I felt like the way we came together was beautiful and perfect, and if my character had walked off into the night and gone back to their Airbnb or whatever, it would’ve been this beautiful perfect moment, but then we got to spend the rest of the day together and it was even better.

Cryin’ & Goodbyin’ (Content note: hypnosis, alcohol)

I was only supposed to spend a week in New York in August, but as my flight time neared, Matt wrapped their arms around me tight, silently Feeling Some Feelings, and then observed, “I’m not doin’ too good.” I wasn’t doin’ too good either. We rearranged our plans to give me three extra days in New York, which wasn’t very much but seemed like enough. We just weren’t ready to say goodbye yet.

On the night before our actual goodbye, we attended a workshop on hypnosis and sadomasochism, stopped off for some late-night Mexican food, and then came back home. Matt wanted to do some trance stuff (naturally) and asked me what I wanted to feel; I was so flooded with love already that my answer came easily: “I want to feel romantic.” They put me into a deep, slightly drunken trance (margaritas are delicious!!) and then talked me through amping up my pre-existing romantic feelings. With my hazy eyes fluttering, I clutched at them and began to cry. Big, hot tears soaked my beloved’s pillow as they talked me through it, murmuring in my ear about love and trust and togetherness.

When they woke me up, they went down on me lovingly and fucked me with the Eleven lovingly and made me squirt lovingly. It all looked very rough from the outside but was actually maybe the most romantic sex I had all year. Kinksters are redefining “lovemaking” and I’m very glad.

Matt says: I was so sad that you were leaving, even though we had extended your stay. I was just wrecked. I was so fucked up about it. Watching you spill your tears all over my blue pillowcase in this beautiful, long pattern made me feel better about it, and then I was like, “I want more of that.” So I did this trance scene, and I got more tears out of you, and then I fucked you and got you to squirt all over my sheets, and my sheets were just covered in your wetness and your essence… I felt like I had gotten everything out of you that I possibly could before you left, and that made me feel more okay about saying goodbye. I laid on those sheets for days after you left, like, “She’s still here, in a way.” Fuck. It was the perfect ending to that trip.

What were your most memorable encounters of the year?