It’s that time of year again: FEMINIST PORN WEEK! And you know what that means: I am going to zillions of events.
Seriously. My schedule is so crowded this week that I had to make a spreadsheet to keep track of the time and location of each event, how to get from one to the next on public transit, and what I plan on wearing to each.
I promise I will have a full and juicy wrap-up for you next week, complete with outfit photos – but for now, I’m still meticulously working out my schedule and throwing ensembles together. In that spirit, here are some things I think every femme ought to have in her arsenal for times such as these…
A pair of gorgeous shoes you can dance in
Define “gorgeous” however you please. My favorite shoes in the world are my Frye harness boots: thick black leather, a slight heel, incredibly comfortable, and just sliiiightly sexual (the harness on the side looks like, well, a dildo harness). I happily wear them everywhere except the most formal of occasions, and they serve me very well.
I also recently found this pair of cherry-red Sofft T-strap pumps at a thrift store for $10.50 (CAN YOU BELIEVE?!?) and they are surprisingly danceable. I plan on wearing them to the Feminist Porn Awards gala on Friday.
If comfort and mobility are what you’re after (and they should be), I recommend a Mary Jane, T-strap or ankle strap style. The extra support will keep the shoe on your foot more securely, making it easier to walk, run, dance or whatever without too much pain. (To be real with you, though: I’ve never met a pair of heels that didn’t hurt at least a little. I consider them a worthwhile/necessary evil for how cute they make me feel, however.)
A long-lasting lipstick that makes you feel radiant
Few things can light up your face like a well-chosen lip color. For parties, make sure you go with a longwear formulation so you can drink and/or kiss to your heart’s content. (Depending on the formula, some color might end up on your glass or your date, but if you choose well, it’ll stay on your face nonetheless!)
For parties, I tend to go with either a classic red or a hot pink. Kat Von D’s “Outlaw” is a total vixen red and Bite lipstick in “Violet” is the creamiest shocking pink I’ve ever found. If you like something a little subtler (or cheaper), trot down to your drugstore and grab one of those Revlon “balmstains” that look like oversized crayons; their balm-like formula can be worn lightly or heavily for different effects, and they really do stay comfortable and colorful all night long. (I think “Smitten” is the prettiest shade.)
A convenient bag containing everything you’ll need
By “convenient,” here’s what I mean: it should be small and light enough that you won’t be annoyed or in need of a massage by the end of the night, but it should be big enough to carry your crucial stuff. It should have a strap (shoulder, crossbody, or wrist) so you will have full use of your hands all evening (FUCK CLUTCHES, am I right?!). And, convenience aside, it should go with your outfit – which is why most of my “party bags” are an easy-to-match color like black or silver.
Here’s what you should pack for a party: your phone, a couple pieces of ID, whatever you need for travel (Metropass, car keys, etc.), slightly more cash than you think you’ll need, debit/credit cards, a camera (if your phone’s camera doesn’t meet your photographic standards), your lipstick, any other cosmetics you might need to reapply, a small mirror, condoms (even if you don’t need one, someone else might), and any medication or other necessary objects you need to have with you for safety reasons. You can bring more than that, if you want, but it probably won’t get used, so you might as well leave it at home.
This is for two reasons. Firstly, you never know when someone attractive might see you in your skivvies. Secondly, you will feel more confident and adorable if you’re dressed well under your clothes. (Just ask Tori Amos if you don’t believe me.)
There are few things more delightful than having a new pair of kneesocks or thigh-high stockings to rock. Good legwear brings something extra to an outfit and is worth investing in, if you are femininely inclined.
American Apparel does my favorite stay-ups (which actually STAY UP, even on my chubby thighs! Hallelujah!) and I hear wonderful things about the socks and tights at Sock Dreams. I’m also ride-or-die for Hue opaque tights, which come in lots of fun colors and are just the best-quality hosiery I’ve ever found (I have pairs that I’ve owned for years without rips or runs!).
Fellow femmes: what clothes and makeup do you always have in hand in case of a Party Emergency?