Feminist Porn Week Diary, Part 3: Fuck Dolls, Phoenixes, & Accountability

On Thursday April 16th I went to the Public.Provocative.Porn screening at the Bloor cinema. Good For Her hosts this event each year as an accompaniment to the Feminist Porn Awards: it’s an opportunity for attendees to see a broad sampling of the nominated porn films before the awards ceremony.

I crowded into the theatre with a tiny cup of wine and some peanut M&Ms from the Dollarama next door and settled in to watch the 14 (!) different porn shorts on the program. There was a lot to talk about in those clips but here are some personal highlights:

• Last year’s Heartthrob of the Year, Zahra Stardust (a.k.a. the world’s cutest Australian femme princess), screened her film “Fuck Dolls,” in which she and Lexi Laphor writhe around on the girliest bed of all time, fucking with Barbies. By which I mean both “making Barbies fuck each other” and “using Barbies as sex toys.” Zahra wears silver glittery thigh-high boots, there’s a pink sheath over her Hitachi, and the whole film is chock full of cute girly underwear. I turned to my friend and said, “This is the femmiest thing I’ve ever seen in my LIFE!” and she replied, “I know! This is my dream!!”
• Tobi Hill-Meyer’s film “Bound By Borders” is a “docu-porn” in which she and her long-distance partner intermittently have sex and discuss the injustice of their situation: immigration laws, marriage laws, discrimination against poly relationships, etc. We got only a brief taste of the film at the screening but it was enough to leave me and my friend crying quietly into our sleeves. I’d love to see more of this blend of real-world unsexy emotions with sex in the porn of the future.
• Skyler Braeden Fox made his film “Hello Titty” as a goodbye to his breasts before getting top surgery. What we saw was trippy as fuck and included my favorite on-screen domme, Sadie Lune, being delightfully weird and capping off the scene with a lactation money shot. Yes, you read that right.
• I was excited to finally get to see a clip from Shine Louise Houston’s side project Heavenly Spire, after hearing her mention it at the Feminist Porn Conference two years ago and being immediately intrigued. It’s a porn series that celebrates masculinity on all sorts of different bodies. The clip we saw was a kinky tryst between two cis guys, and it was hot as fuuuuck.

After the screening, there was a brief Q&A with some of the filmmakers and performers. It was cool to see so much local Toronto talent on that stage, including my buddies at Spit!

The next night, Friday April 17th, was the centrepiece of the whole week: the Feminist Porn Awards gala! I spent a couple hours getting thoroughly dolled up (outfit details in a minute) and then rode the subway to the Capitol Event Theatre. (Taking public transit while in full formalwear is always a laugh and a half, lemme tell ya.)

I arrived during the pre-show cocktail hour for VIPs and nominees (and media folks comme moi), so I spent some time milling around the bar sipping white wine and chatting with various porno folks. I am super awkward and the idea of approaching my favorite pornographers to compliment their work is utterly terror-inducing, but I managed it a couple times with the help of alcohol. Hallelujah!

As per usual, the event was emcee’d by Ryan G. Hinds and Lex Vaughn. Some of the presenters were folks I know, like Sophie Delancey and Sam Leigh from Tell Me Something Good, and fellow sex bloggers Lorax of Sex and Kara Sutra. The acoustics in the theatre unfortunately made it really hard to hear what people were saying, but, y’know… they looked fantastic.

CoCo La Creme did some burlesque for us, and was ravishing as always. Her act involved a gas can and a handful of baby oil. The crowd was flabbergasted in the best possible way.

Morgana Muses won the Heartthrob of the Year award, which, hell yeah. She got involved in porn after leaving her marriage in her mid-40s, and the film for which she was nominated this year showed her suspended in gorgeous rope bondage, dressed as a stunning phoenix, symbolizing her “rebirth from the ashes” of her old life. I watched the scene in awe and it is a perfect example of how so much eclectic, emotional, life-affirming stuff shows up under the umbrella of feminist porn. I’ve never walked away from a mainstream porn scene feeling profoundly affected or inspired to change my whole life around, but feminist porn has this effect on me regularly. Amazing.

I was also thrilled about Spit winning an honorable mention award. They’re still a very new company but are deadset on proving they earned this honor and having even better stuff to show off next year, and I totally believe they can do it!

There was some controversy surrounding the FPAs this year, which unfortunately the hosts opted to make light of instead of addressing in any real way. Tobi Hill-Meyer’s acceptance speech on behalf of Courtney Trouble touched on these issues in a tactful and respectful manner; I’m glad someone said something about it (thank you, Tobi) and I sincerely hope the FPAs will address some of the community’s concerns by next year.

Before I sign off this series, some quick outfit pictures!

For the Thursday night screening, I kept things casual and wore a lilac tank top tucked into a black bandage skirt, with a black leather jacket and harness boots. My lips were also painted deep purple, because the feminist porn crowd is a community that can truly appreciate a gothy lip, methinks.

For the awards gala, I wore a strapless black tulle dress that I’d scored at Value Village for $10 (#blessed) with red T-strap heels and a little red bag, both also thrifted. I did a red lip with NARS Cruella and a L’Oreal glossy stain, and felt preeeeetty babely.

Well, that’s my whole Feminist Porn Week wrap-up! (Read the two previous parts here and here.) How did your week go?

My Favorite Sex Podcasts

I’ve been listening to podcasts for 10 years. GOOD LORD, I’M OLD.

Back during the infancy of the medium, I was 12 years old, and even then I was a sex geek. I remember walking between classes at middle school and listening to Kidder Kaper talking about anal sex, fisting, female ejaculation, and all sorts of other things (conveniently ignoring the warning at the top of every show that you had to be 18+ to listen to it). I felt like a spy; on the outside I looked like an innocent little girl, but my ears and brain were sharing a delicious repartee about wonderfully nasty things.

Contrary to what some folks would posit, consuming sex information at such a young age didn’t mess me up; in fact, I think it made me safer and more conscious about sexuality. And I still listen to sex podcasts to this day. Here are some of my favorites…

Sex is Fun is the first sex podcast I remember ever listening to. It’s not being made anymore, but it had a good run and I think I listened to every single episode. (You can still listen to the whole archive on the show’s website.)

Each episode focuses on a specific topic related to sexuality. In the earlier shows, they were often fairly basic topics, like masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex; later on, they progressed to more complex issues, and also did occasional interviews with sexpert superstars like Susie Bright and Deborah Sundahl.

Different hosts rotated in and out of the show at different times in its progression, but what they all had in common was that they were articulate, smart, knew a lot about sex, and held a completely non-judgmental attitude about everything sex-related (provided it was all safe, sane and consensual, of course). I may not remember the details of individual episodes anymore, but what I vividly remember is that all-accepting, sex-positive attitude. I sincerely think it shaped all the sexual attitudes and beliefs I formed as I grew up – for the better.

Try these episodes: The team talks to Deborah Sundahl about G-spots and female ejaculation. A controversial discussion on ecstatic/orgasmic birth. HIV 101 with HIV/AIDS educator Gay Rick.

Open Source Sex is/was (I’m not sure if she’s still making it?) a podcast created and hosted by Violet Blue, who, if you don’t know, is an amazingly prolific writer, editor, and media-maker in the realms of sex and digital security. In other words, she’s a sex geek and a tech geek. And she has an incredibly gorgeous, sexy voice that’s ultra-soothing to listen to.

She does all sorts of different things on her podcast: discusses sexual issues, interviews sex-world celebrities, and reads erotic and instructional excerpts from her own books and other people’s. It’s a smorgasbord of information and titillation that could bring value to the life of any sex nerd.

Try these episodes: An interview with Shine Louise Houston, creator of the Crash Pad Series. Genital flavors: why you taste the way you do, and how to make changes if you want to. Excerpts from The Castle, a BDSM novel.

Sex Out Loud is Tristan Taormino’s podcast. Tristan needs no introduction because everyone in the sex world knows about her, but incase you don’t: she directs hot-as-fuck porn, writes and edits books about sex and non-monogamy, gives lectures and workshops, co-founded the Feminist Porn Conference, and now hosts this podcast.

Each episode of Sex Out Loud is an in-depth interview with someone who is doing interesting things within their little pocket of sexuality subculture. I started by listening to interviews with people I already knew, and then delved into those with folks I’d never heard of – and I learned new and interesting things from each and every episode.

Try these episodes: A fascinating discussion with Christopher Ryan, co-author of Sex At Dawn. Tristan chats with S. Bear Bergman, author of Butch is a Noun and various other books that I love. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross on the politics of female masturbation.

The Savage Lovecast is Dan Savage’s podcast. I recognize that lots of people in the sex-positive world take issue with Dan Savage for various reasons, and I agree with them on many of those points. But I can’t deny that I find Dan very entertaining and I think his contributions to LGBT rights advocacy have been overall positive.

Each episode of the Lovecast starts with a “rant” from Dan on some sexual or political (or both) topic that’s in the news. Then he plays calls from listeners and gives them advice. The questions can range from commonplace and vanilla (“How do I come out to my parents?” or “Why doesn’t my girlfriend get off during intercourse?”) to complex and unusual (“Should I have been nicer when I rejected that guy with an adult baby fetish?” or “I found my dad’s stash of ladies’ panties and he had a pair of mine in there; what should I do?”). Dan almost always takes a strong stance one way or the other, and even when I don’t agree with him, I find his responses amusing and thought-provoking.

Try these episodes: Uh, seriously, any of them. They’re all great. Pick one and press play.

Why Are People Into That? is the newest podcast out of all of these. I saw a flier for it when I was at the Feminist Porn Conference and literally gasped as I grabbed one, because the title of this show is the question that fascinates me most about sexuality. Why are people into that?

The show is hosted by Tina Horn, porn performer, sex worker, and writer. She’s smart as a whip, relentlessly thoughtful, and endlessly curious about sex. Each episode has a different guest with whom she discusses a particular fetish or kink, usually one that the person themselves is into.

The discussions are pretty free-form and meandering, like real-life conversations, only they’re a hell of a lot smarter and more interesting than many of the conversations I have in real life!

Try these episodes: Sinclair Sexsmith on power. James Darling on high heels. Siouxsie Q on age play.

Other sex podcasts I’ve heard are good, but haven’t personally gotten the chance to listen to yet:

The Whorecast

Sex With Emily

Sex Nerd Sandra

What are your favorite podcasts about sex?

Obscenity, Authenticity, and Coming Out: My Day at the The Feminist Porn Conference

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On Friday night, I attended the Feminist Porn Awards, an annual event held by my local sex shop Good For Her. I hadn’t planned on going, because I’ve been a little strapped for cash lately, but my friend happened to have an extra ticket and invited me along at the last minute. Obviously, I was thrilled.

The awards were really exciting and a lot of well-deserved films took home Crystal Delights butt plug trophies. I was especially pleased that Fifty Shades of Dylan Ryan (which I loved) received the prize for best kink film, and that so many oppressed groups were honored – for example, in Nica Noelle’s awesome trans-positive flick Forbidden Lovers, and Matthew Clark’s short film Krutch, which focuses on disability and sex.

Honestly, though, it was sort of hard to concentrate on the awards because I was surrounded by so many hot porn stars I could hardly breathe. Dylan Ryan was a few seats to my left, Wolf Hudson was to my right, and directly in front of me were James Darling and Jiz Lee. I have watched all of these people fuck, many times, and have gotten off doing it. I’ve met some of my favorite celebrities before, but seeing someone in person who’s actually induced an orgasm in you (however indirectly) is quite a different story. (And yes, I was way too shy to speak to any of them!)

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The next day, I got up bright and early for the Feminist Porn Conference, put together by Tristan Taormino to coincide with the recent release of the Feminist Porn Book (a great read which I highly recommend). My boyfriend, whose career and hobbies have nothing to do with sex, had nonetheless enthusiastically agreed to come with me, so we went together.

The first session we attended was Lesbo Retro: A Dyke Porn Retrospective, hosted by Shar Rednour and Nan Kinney, two totally captivating dykes associated with iconic lesbian porn companies like Fatale Media and On Our Backs. It was an hour of lezzie porn from the ‘60s up through the ’00s. A lot of it was silly and strange – voluminous hair (both on performers’ heads and in their pubic regions), stilted dialogue, “dyke drama” screaming matches – but I walked out of it with damp panties anyhow. (What can I say? I love a good cunnilingus scene.)

Shar and Nan recalled when they couldn’t ship media to certain zip codes because of the obscenity laws that existed there. Sexual acts like fisting and female ejaculation were considered too extreme to be legal. They would have been risking jail time by distributing those materials to some areas, mostly in the south. I said a little prayer of gratitude for the internet and its magical powers of distribution, as well as for the trailblazers (like Shar and Nan!) who ushered us into our more sex-positive time.

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The second session we attended was To Be Real: Authenticity in Queer & Feminist Porn. It featured Jiz Lee (swoon), Dylan Ryan (also swoon), Shar Rednour again, and Dr. Jill Bakehorn, a sociologist whose research has focused on feminist porn.

The discussion was lively and thought-provoking. Many questions were raised: what is authenticity? How do we know if something is authentic? How can something as performative as porn ever really be authentic? Are we using the word “authentic” when we really mean something else, like sincerity or relatability? And if it gets us off, does it really matter whether or not it’s authentic?

This conversation really hit home for me, because although I’ve often told myself and others that I like “authentic” porn best, sometimes I watch porn that’s probably as genuine as any but just doesn’t do a damn thing for me – like porn where a performer isn’t making any noise, or is making noise but in a way that’s gratingly repetitive and monotonous. Who am I to say that that’s not how those people genuinely react to sexual stimulation? It would be more accurate to say that I simply like porn that suits my tastes, regardless of how genuine it may or may not be.

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Next up was a panel called Being Out Now: How Performers Navigate Sexual Morality and Media Representation. It featured Tina Horn and James Darling (both favorites of mine, both pictured above) as well as Arabelle Raphael, Bianca Stone, Jiz Lee, and Quinn Cassidy.

This panel’s contributors were amazingly diverse in experience and identity. All of them do porn, all of them have at least dabbled in other kinds of sex work (most still do it), two identify as genderqueer, one as trans. All come from different sorts of families with different tolerance levels for what they do and who they are.

There was much discussion about whether one is obligated to come out, and how to remain true to oneself even in situations where one chooses not to come out (a choice usually made out of a desire to maintain safety for oneself and/or the people one is close to). For example, Arabelle suggested that sex workers who don’t want to come out can still vocally support sex workers’ rights when talking to people they’re not out to.

It was interesting to hear the perspective of a white cis male, Quinn Cassidy, in this feminist discourse. He pointed out that the parameters of a person’s “closet” can change depending on what environments that person exists in – meaning, for example, that he often has to “come out” as a cis male in queer communities that may assume he is genderqueer.

Moderator Tina Horn asked the audience to participate in an exercise: we were told to raise our hands if we are “out” about our involvement in the sex world, first to parents, then to siblings, extended family, the world at large, and our employers. It was interesting that so many people (including several of the panelists) said they are out to the internet and the world, but not to their aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

The panel concluded with a discussion on how to be a good ally to sex workers, which included advice like “Listen to them” and “Don’t call yourself a sex worker if you’ve only shot one queer porn scene” and “Start a chapter of SWOP in your area.”

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The last session we attended was a Q&A with Shine Louise Houston, the creator of Crash Pad Series, a huge presence in today’s feminist queer porn world. I’ve reviewed a few Crash Pad scenes before (here, here, and here) and I’m a huge fan of the site.

Shine screened a video she made in which she “interviews herself” via the magic of post-production. The interview was funny and honest, like Shine herself. One thing she mentioned which struck me as particularly interesting is that she almost never jerks off to her own porn, even though the whole Crash Pad Series is based around her personal fantasies of voyeurism. She also pointed out that porn is “about more than getting off” – when done well, it can be a medium for pushing boundaries, for exercising one’s right to free speech, and for normalizing certain sex acts so people feel they have permission to explore. Hear hear!

The Q&A session after the video ended up being mostly a discussion about coming out as a pornographer, after Shine confessed that she isn’t out to her kids and doesn’t plan on changing that in the foreseeable future. While I appreciated that some of the audience members felt strongly about coming out as a form of political activism (“being militantly out,” as Quinn Cassidy had phrased it earlier in the day), I didn’t like that some of them seemed to be shaming Shine for her choices. I think everyone gets to choose whether or not they want to come out, and to whom, and it isn’t helpful to shame someone for staying in the closet if that’s what they want to do.

It was also interesting to hear that people frequently complain to Shine about her site not being diverse enough, but that she also receives complaints when she puts a cis male on the site (some past examples include Ned Mayhem and Mickey Mod). How sad that the queer community, known for diversity and acceptance, would revolt against cis guys even if they’re having sex in deliciously transgressive ways.

Just before leaving, I bought a copy of Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Pegging (which had nabbed Tristan the Smutty Schoolteacher award the night before, yay!). Then I headed home, smiling and feeling wonderfully enlightened.

Photo credits: the Feminist Porn Awards, Wikipedia, Crash Pad Series, and Queer Porn Review.