silicone vibrator

Review: Bubblefunny Bubble Flower Beauty

Kate Sloan

As a big fan of receiving cunnilingus (what a great way to start a blog post), I have tried many an oral sex simulator in my time.

They have licked and flapped and sucked, some skilfully, some less so. But I never give up hope that the next one will be the one that really does feel like getting head from a talented and enthusiastic lover. It hasn’t happened yet, but hey, tomorrow is a new day.

That said, this latest addition to my collection of cunnilingus simulators – the Bubblefunny Bubble Flower Beauty – actually surprised me with how close it got to feeling like the real thing.

(There’s a coupon code at the end of this post incase you want to buy your own, FYI!)

 

What is the Bubble Flower Beauty and what does it do?

The whimsically-named Bubble Flower Beauty is a dual-stimulation toy: there’s a mechanized silicone tongue on one end, and a phallus on the other end that thrusts and vibrates; between the two is a flexible silicone cord.

Bubblefunny recommends various different uses for it, including slipping the thruster into your vag while the tongue teases your butthole, but I think the main usage the toy designers had in mind was probably having the tongue stimulate the user’s clit while the thruster pleasures their G-spot. (That’s the only way I chose to test this toy, anyway. I’ve got nothing against rimjobs, I just didn’t want one from a robot.)

 

Things I like about this toy:

  • Firstly and most importantly, I actually love the tongue. It’s made of soft silicone with just enough flexibility to feel comfortable and just enough firmness to feel impactful. (Cunnilinguists-in-training, take note.) I won’t say it feels like a real human’s tongue, both texturally and size-wise, but it is in that general neighborhood of sensations. It starts at a pretty fast speed – like, way faster than any partner of mine would ever start licking me – but it slows down slightly with pressure, which I found actually felt better for me.
  • The design of the toy allows you to move the tongue around your clit while you’re using it, so you can stimulate the tip, the sides, the hood, etc. as your whims dictate. I strongly prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, so I love being able to switch up the toy’s location, turn it upside-down, and so on, to get the type of stimulation I’m craving. In some ways, I think that more advanced cunnilingus simulators have failed by trying to replicate the dynamic motions of a human; being able to hit the exact right spots yourself, exactly when you need to, can be better than having a machine try to guess where they are.
  • The orgasms actually remind me a lot of the orgasms I have from real oral sex. There’s a similar slow build, and a similar sense of teetering on the precipice of coming for longer than usual before going over the edge. However, as with real cunnilingus, I find that this toy works best if I maximize my sensitivity before I use it, by taking a break from vibrators and/or orgasms for at least a day, shaving my pubes, holding my outer labia open, smoking weed, or some combination thereof. It’s not quite enough to get me off if I’ve had an orgasm recently or if I’ve used strong vibes in the past day or so.
  • Although there are only three steady speeds (more on that below), the tongue’s motions do get noticeably faster and harder when I click up to the next speed.
  • This toy is waterproof! Hooray!
  • It comes with a cute black velvet storage bag that doesn’t shed lint all over the toy, like cheap storage bags tend to do. Nice touch.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy:

  • The tongue often doesn’t quite feel powerful enough to get me off, especially since it slows down when pressure is applied to it. I find that I always have to either thrust against the toy or rub it up and down or in circles against my clit, or I won’t be able to get off. That said, sometimes I thrust my hips during actual cunnilingus for the same reason, so maybe it’s just authentic like that.
  • Both the tongue and the thruster only have three steady speeds, followed by seven patterns. As someone who uses steady speeds almost exclusively, I find this disappointing. And sometimes orgasm-ruining, if I hit a button by accident while already on the third steady speed.
  • Speaking of buttons, there are only two of them. Two is better than one in this case, certainly, but it’d be really great if it had four: an “increase intensity” button and a “decrease intensity” button for each part of the toy. I hate having to cycle through all the patterns to get back to the speed I was using before.
  • My preferred way to use the tongue is upside-down, because that way it’s licking downward on my clitoral hood, rather than flicking upward against the hypersensitive head of my clit. However, when used this way, the buttons are on the opposite side of the toy from you, which makes it tricky to hit the right one in the heat of the moment.
  • The thruster tends to slip out of me during use, especially if things are especially lubed-up down there. I would actually recommend using less lube than you normally would, or perhaps even none at all, on the thruster part of the toy, to give it a better shot at staying inside you.
  • The cord is just slightly too short (for my anatomy, anyway), so I often find myself accidentally tugging the thruster out of my vag while I’m adjusting the tongue.
  • The vibration of the thruster is pretty damn buzzy. I actually think I’d like the thruster better if it was just thrusting and not vibrating, since the buzzy-as-fuck vibration kind of mutes the sensation of thrusting. But you can’t separate the two in this toy; they’re a package deal.
  • So far as I can tell, once you’ve activated either part of the toy, there’s no way to turn it off without turning off the whole toy, which takes a few seconds. So, for example, if you decided mid-session that you wanted to shut off the thruster and just focus on the tongue, there would be no quick and easy way to do that.
  • You have to put a fuckton of lube on your vulva before you use the tongue, or it’ll feel like receiving head from a Tinder boy who’s baffled by vulvas and has a dry mouth from smoking too much weed. (Can neither confirm nor deny that this has happened to me.) When testing this toy, I’ve mostly used a coconut oil-based lube I’ve been loving lately, and I actually think natural oil-based lubes (if you’re not too prone to getting infections from them) are the best pick for this type of toy, because they won’t react poorly with silicone toys like silicone-based lubes do, and they won’t dry up every few minutes like water-based lubes do.
  • The product page says that this toy sucks and licks, but there is no sucking to speak of. I tried pressing the toy firmly enough against my vulva that it would have created a seal if any suction was indeed happening, and all it did was slow down the tongue enormously.

 

Final thoughts:

I know I had a lot of critical things to say about the Bubblefunny Bubble Flower Beauty, but it actually is one of the better oral sex simulators I’ve tried. It gets me off (usually), and the orgasms feel, if not as good as those that happen in my partner’s mouth, at least somewhere in that direction.

I wish the thruster portion of the toy had been executed better – it feels like an afterthought, with its buzzy vibrations and tendency to shimmy out of my vagina – but the tongue part of this toy is really the star of the show anyway. I would happily use a version of this toy that was just the tongue. Sometimes you just need a little oral action, and head from a silicone gadget is better than no head at all.

 

Thanks to Bubblefunny for sending me this toy to review! You can use the code “GJ20” to get 20% off anything on their website. Maybe you want a wand vibrator shaped like a person? Or perhaps a clitoral stimulator that looks like a moon? This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: CalExotics Red Hot Flare

Kate Sloan

I am a big fan of clitoral pleasure, so I’m always thrilled when I see sex toy companies taking novel approaches to clitoral stimulation.

There are so many different ways toys can touch this long-underestimated organ: they can vibrate it, suck it, blow rhythmic airwaves at it, massage it with a rotating wheel of tongues, and so much more. It’s a part of the body that, as far as we know, exists only to make us feel good – so why not try out as many different avenues of pleasure as possible?

That’s why I like clitoral vibrators that have two “prongs” or “ears,” so as to surround the clit on both sides, the way a partner’s lips can. They just feel different from any other type of toy, and help me discover wonderful new sensations within my own body. The one I’m reviewing today is the Red Hot Flare vibrator from CalExotics, sent to me by my pals at Mindful. Let’s talk about it.

What is the Red Hot Flare?

The Red Hot Flare is a USB-rechargeable, silicone clitoral vibrator made by CalExotics. Formerly known as California Exotic Novelties, this company was once infamous among sex toy reviewers for pumping out toxic, low-quality toys for ultra-low prices – and, while they still do their fair share of that, they have significantly stepped things up over the past decade and now make many body-safe, decent-quality products.

As I mentioned, this vibe is unlike most clit vibes in that it has two little “bunny ears” that its vibration transmits into. I think there are a few main reasons someone might prefer a two-pronged vibe over a more traditional clitoral vibe:

  1. If you are transmasculine or have feelings in that direction and would like a clitoral toy that feels gender-affirming, this type of toy might be a good pick. You can stroke the ears up and down on either side of your shaft for a BJ- or HJ-esque feeling. (I will say, however, that this particular vibe may not work as well for someone who has experienced much bottom growth on testosterone, because the distance between the ears is pretty minimal. They’re flexible, so you could make it work, but I think this toy is better suited for people with small- to medium-sized clits.)
  2. If your clit is very sensitive and/or you just prefer indirect clitoral stimulation (like me!), you might enjoy the way these vibrators can stimulate your clitoral shaft through your inner labia and clitoral hood, rather than stimulating the tip of your clit directly, which can be painful for some people. These vibes also stimulate deeper parts of the internal clit than most toys do – most notably, the clitoral bulbs, which are located inside the body on either side of the vaginal opening.
  3. If you’re very sensitive and enjoy light, fluttery sensations on your clit, like very gentle tongue-flicking, you might like this type of vibe because the ears (especially if quite thin and flexible) may sort of flutter back and forth when they vibrate. You can position them wherever feels best: the tip of your clit, the side of the shaft, the top through the clitoral hood, etc.

No matter how you’re using this toy, make sure to use a good water-based lube with it. This is especially important if you’ll be stroking it up and down or otherwise moving it around in any way, but the fluttery motion of the ears feels better with lube even when I’m holding it totally still.

 

Things I like about this vibrator

  • It is surprisingly powerful and respectably rumbly. This, as I’ve ranted about before, is the most important quality of any vibrator: its motor. The strength and rumbliness of this toy are such that I can orgasm from it easily and hardly experience any desensitization with it. Good job, CalEx!!
  • There are a lot of different potential ways to use this toy. I love that it invites exploration and experimentation. For example, sometimes I will tease my clitoral shaft through my hood with the tips of the ears, massage each side of it through my inner labia, and then eventually switch to the position that generally makes me come: one ear on either side of my clit, with the top of my clit nestled into the crook between the two ears. Full surround-sound stimulation, baybee.
  • This toy stimulates the sides and base of my clitoral shaft in a way that almost no toys do (at least not without some creative positioning), which, for me, makes orgasms feel more intense and full-bodied, and less overstimulating. For my particular clitoral preferences, I’d much rather use a toy shaped like this than a standard bullet vibe on most occasions.
  • The ears are very flexible – way moreso than those of similar toys I’ve tried, like the Jimmyjane Form 2 and We-Vibe Gala – which makes it easy for me to position them on either side of my clit, even as it swells with arousal.
  • The toy is quite petite, which makes it great for travel/transport (especially since it has a travel lock function) and also means it would be useable during PIV in pretty much any position.

 

Things I don’t like about this vibrator

  • The main issue is the battery life. The instruction manual for this toy says that a fully charged battery will last up to 30 minutes on the highest speed; in my experience, that is a generous estimate. I use the toy at various different speeds throughout a session, not just the highest one, and I typically have to charge this one after every 30-40 minutes of use. There’s also no visible indicator that the battery is close to dying, which is why one day the toy unfortunately shut off when I was about 5 seconds away from orgasm. Sigh. (Don’t worry, I grabbed my Eroscillator to finish the job.)
  • This toy only has 3 steady speeds, followed by 7 patterns, and you have to scroll through each setting one at a time using its one button. Fortunately, if you just want to get back to the first steady speed, you can achieve that more quickly by turning the vibe off and then on again. As always with toys that work this way, I wish this one had more steady speeds, fewer patterns, and even just one more button to help me navigate to whatever setting I’m looking for more easily.
  • The space between the ears is so slim that I always end up having to manually reposition each “ear” on either side of my clit whenever I move the vibe or take a break. It would be way better if the ears would just spread open when I push my clit between them, but that would require more space between the ears to begin with. I feel like most toys of this type are made with the assumption that all clits are small and that none of them get larger when aroused, which is… not the case.
  • While the motor and bendiness of this toy feel better than those of the Jimmyjane Form 2, I miss the thickness and firmness of the Form 2’s ears, because of the way they stimulated the spots between my inner labia and outer labia. That’s one of the best/easiest ways to stimulate the clitoral bulbs, but it requires that the ears have a little more heft to them so you can press them into the flesh there, and this toy does not have that ability.
  • The silicone is highly prone to collecting lint/hairs/dust (as you can see in the photos in this post, sigh), and is also pretty draggy. Lube is imperative.

 

Final thoughts

The CalExotics Red Hot Flare is, in many ways, a fantastic vibrator. It stimulates my clit in a pretty unique manner, has a delightfully rumbly and powerful motor, and is discreet and travel-friendly enough for long-distance sexy adventures. It gives me intense orgasms with ease.

But it won’t work for everyone’s anatomy, and frankly, for $100, I expect better battery life than what this one offers. If CalExotics fixed that issue, this would become a top-drawer favorite of mine, but I’m just not willing to charge a vibrator after literally every use.

If you love clitoral stimulation, particularly the kind that is indirect and focuses mostly on your clitoral shaft, you’d probably dig the Red Hot Flare. As long as you don’t mind keeping its charger by the bed forever.

 

Thanks to the folks at Mindful for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: SnailVibe

Kate Sloan

I was recently tasked with writing an article about the best rabbit vibrators on the market. As per my usual process for such articles, I dug deep into the annals of my own memory to find this information, as well as interviewing several experts in the field: sex toy reviewers, sex educators, and so on.

I did six interviews for this piece, and when asked what rabbit vibes they would recommend, almost every interviewee said some version of the same thing: “I know the We-Vibe Nova 2 is good. Can’t really think of too many others.” This was, unfortunately, the exact same opinion I myself had held before I began the research process for the piece.

My wonderful interviewees were able to give me useful recommendations, and I do think that that article covers the cream of the crop when it comes to rabbit vibes, a notoriously difficult category of toy to execute well. But it really is true: the We-Vibe Nova 2 is one of the best rabbit vibrators released in the last 5 years, if not more, for one major reason. It maintains firm contact with your clit even when you thrust with it.

There are other reasons too – it has a great motor, many settings, a travel-lock function, is rechargeable, is made by a reputable company, etc. But I think the main thing the Nova got right was its approach to clit contact, and the new-ish SnailVibe is astounding for exactly the same reason.

 

What is the SnailVibe & how do you use it?

The SnailVibe is a dual-stimulation vibrator, i.e. a vibrator that offers vaginal penetration and simultaneous clitoral stimulation. (One could also, theoretically, use it for anal penetration, with the external portion stimulating the perineum.)

What sets the SnailVibe apart from all other dual-stim vibes is its spiral-shaped external portion, which is designed to roll/furl and unfurl every time you thrust the internal portion in and out. The spiral offers enough resistance that it remains firmly in contact with the clit (or at least, my clit) for the entire thrust.

I cannot overstate how important clitoral pleasure is to many vulva-havers’ sexual response, and to my own. The clitoris is the anatomical pleasure equivalent of the penis, so for many of us, it is absolutely central, potentially much moreso than penetration. It always baffled me that so many toy companies seemed to put all their resources and inventiveness into bells and whistles on the penetrative parts of rabbit vibes – rotating beads, come-hither stroking, and so on – while assuming a pair of flimsy rabbit ears would be enough in the clitoral stimulation department. The SnailVibe seems, comparatively, much more focused on clit pleasure, and I appreciate it.

 

via GIPHY

How does it feel?

The SnailVibe has two motors and both of them are excellent. I don’t even have that much to say about them because they’re just… satisfyingly good, at the level one would hope and expect from a vibrator at this price point ($150 USD or about $200 CAD). I will say, there are some surprisingly huge jumps between vibration speeds, which are sometimes jarring, but mostly it doesn’t bother me that much.

The toy is designed such that the clitoral portion not only remains in contact with the clit during each thrust, but maintains pretty firm pressure on it. So if you’re not a fan of clitoral pressure, this might not be the toy for you – maybe the fluttery ears on standard rabbit vibes are more your speed.

Another sex toy reviewer, Felicity of Phallophile Reviews, disliked the SnailVibe intensely because its penetrative shaft is long, straight, and rigid. This is one of the key qualities that could make a user either love or hate this toy. If you want intense G-spot stimulation, it’s true that this is not the right toy for the job. But if you tend to enjoy thrusting for how it stimulates your vaginal walls more generally, and/or if you like deep, firm penetration that strokes your anterior fornix or posterior fornix, I think you’re likelier to appreciate this toy.

The shaft is also pretty long – 8 inches insertable – which could be off-putting for some folks, but I don’t think it has to be. You don’t have to use the full length of a sex toy in order to use it at all, and this vibe is designed such that you’ll get clitoral contact if you insert the vibe as shallowly as 2 inches inside you.

The buttons that control this toy are intuitively-placed, IMO, and thus great for finding and using in the heat of the moment. You can control the internal and external motor separately, and set each to any of several steady vibration modes and patterns at any time.

 

Drawbacks & things to keep in mind

YOU HAVE TO PUT LUBE ON THE EXTERNAL PART. If you found this review while idly googling the sex toy you just bought, I hope this is the main thing you take away from this review. PUT LUBE ON THE EXTERNAL PART.

The external part doesn’t just sit there statically; it spins/rotates against your clit, so if it’s unlubed, it’ll just scrape over the area uncomfortably. This toy literally feels completely different when the external part is lubed. It’s non-negotiable as far as I’m concerned. (Don’t forget to add some additional moisture to reactivate your lube every so often if you’re using a water-based one.)

I find that thrusting with this toy is the only way I can get myself off with it. Its straight shaft and firm clit stimulator don’t quite do enough to get me there without additional motion. If you want a rabbit vibe you can use without needing to move it or hold it, I’d suggest a rabbit that thrusts or strokes the G-spot.

 

Final thoughts

I’m not generally a huge fan of dual-stimulation toys, but I have to say that the SnailVibe is in the top 3 I’ve ever tried in terms of sensation (the others being, I think, the We-Vibe Nova 2 and the CalEx silicone jack rabbit). It’s rumbly as hell, feels lovely when thrusted, and gets me off easily every time. It’s also entirely unique and hella cute-looking.

It won’t work for everyone – you gotta like (or be okay with) firm clitoral pressure, thrusting, and rigid penetration that targets spots deeper than the G-spot – but there is no vibrator that would work for everyone, and that’s like 10 times as true when it comes to rabbit vibes. I’m glad to have found another one that works for me, even though it looks like a damn snail.

 

Thanks to the folks at Lovers for sending me the SnailVibe to review!

Review: Treediride Adele 3-in-1 Thruster

Kate Sloan

Since the beginning of my career as a sex toy reviewer, I have gotten annoyed at internal vibrators and wished they could thrust in addition to (or instead of) vibrating. While I know there are plenty of people who enjoy internal vibration, anecdotal evidence (from talking to others about this and from my own experiences) leads me to believe that many people with vaginas prefer that those vaginas be stimulated with motion in addition to, or in lieu of, vibration. Maybe it has to do with the G-spot being buried in the vaginal wall and requiring more robust stimulation than other erogenous zones; maybe it speaks to the evolutionarily-honed desire to be fucked; maybe it just feels good and we don’t need to overthink why.

In any case, I got excited about reviewing the Treediride Adele 3-in-1 thrusting vibrator because it does 3 different things: it thrusts, it vibrates, and it sucks your clit. And I think that’s pretty great.

 

What is it?

The Treediride Adele (presumably not named after the singer, although who knows) consists of a pressure-wave stimulation toy for your clit, attached via a very flexible and floppy cord to a dildo-like object that can both vibrate and thrust.

Each of these 3 functions can be controlled separately, which is crucial for a toy like this. I don’t want to begin my masturbation session by bombarding my genitals immediately with suction, vibration, and thrusting – I want to build up gradually, as my arousal grows. I also don’t always want to change the intensity of stimulation on my clit when I change the intensity of internal sensations, or vice-versa; it’s far better to be able to control each sensation independently.

This functionality, combined with the flexibility of the toy’s connecting cord, also means that if you wanted to use only one component or function of the toy, you could. For example, I could insert the thruster part of this toy and use a different vibe on my clit, if I was in the mood to mix-and-match. I love when dual- or triple-stim toys are actually versatile, rather than pigeonholing you into using the toy in only one specific way!

 

How does it feel?

The clitoral stimulation of this toy is somewhat unique among pressure-wave toys, because it has a little “tongue” inside its “mouth” which stimulates the clit in addition to the air-pulse action also at play. I find that this makes it unusually suitable for using over my clitoral hood, which is usually how I prefer to use this type of toy because my clit is hella sensitive. Often, my hood mutes pressure-wave sensations, so that using a toy directly feels like way too much and using it over my hood feels like way too little – but the addition of that “tongue” seems to make the toy still feel great even when used indirectly. Cool!

The thrusting function is what I’d expect for a thruster at this low-to-middling price point: a bit too manically fast, and not super impactful (so not ideal for people who like getting fucked very hard), but certainly good enough to hit my erogenous zones in a satisfying way and contribute to wonderful orgasms. I think the shape of the internal portion makes a huge difference here: it’s semi-realistic, with a sculpted head and “coronal ridge” reminiscent of a flesh-and-blood dick, but with gentle hills and valleys along the length of the shaft to amp up the stimulation. The thruster component itself is only 5″ long but still manages to hit both my G-spot and my A-spot on every thrust if I nudge it into the right position before I begin.

The vibration is just okay. It’s strong, but buzzy. Paired with the thrusting motion, it feels fantastic, seeming to amplify the pleasure of each thrust without adding too much numbness – but it’s definitely not the type of vibe I like to use on my clit, so if you want anything resembling a clitoral vibrator, you should look elsewhere because this toy ain’t it.

That said, this toy’s combo of thrusting + vibration + clitoral suction (or even just thrusting + clitoral suction) gets me off remarkably quickly and intensely. The orgasms feel so easy they almost sneak up on me. I think the fast tapping against my G-spot and A-spot simultaneously is the biggest factor in my response to this toy. That and the fact that I can move the clitoral portion to different parts of my clit – the tip, the hood, the side – as needed to prevent overstimulation of any one area.

That’s one major benefit of this toy’s components being connected by a bendable cord, rather than being locked in place as they are on many rabbit vibes: you can move the clit portion however you see fit. Not only does this mean you can stimulate whatever spot on your clit feels best at any given moment – it also means, crucially, that you can move the clitoral stimulation slightly aside during/after orgasm, to mitigate the sensitivity overload that can happen at the point of climax. This contributes massively to the quality of my orgasms with this toy, because for me, an orgasm interrupted by an onslaught of direct stimulation during my most sensitive moments is almost as bad as a ruined orgasm.

Is there anything you don’t like about it?

The thrusting starts at a fairly high speed and doesn’t slow down, so if you’re looking for firm, steady thrusts at a reasonable human speed, you’re not gonna find that here. But that’s been true of pretty much every thruster I’ve tried, including high-end ones like those in the Fun Factory Stronic line.

The flexibility of the cord between the toy’s two components leads me to wonder if their electrical connection could be severed by overzealous bending or pulling of the cord. I wouldn’t tend to yank it around much during a masturbation session, but things do happen in storage sometimes (which is how, for example, I damaged my last pair of wired Apple earbuds and had to get new ones) – so I’d recommend being careful about how you store this toy and how roughly you pull on its two parts.

It is a little odd that this toy has 10 sucking modes, 5 vibration modes, and 9 thrusting modes. Typically I’d expect each of a toy’s functions to have the same number of modes/speeds/patterns. But it’s not a huge deal, because I tend to only use the first mode of thrusting and vibration while varying the suction mode as I get closer to orgasm.

For folks with strength/mobility issues, or folks who are lazy masturbators, this toy is a mixed bag. The thrusting motion is more self-sufficient than that of any thruster I’ve tried, not requiring much repositioning or holding in place in order to keep hitting those internal spots, perhaps because the ridges on the shaft allow it to maintain its purchase against my vaginal walls. But the clitoral stimulator basically has to be held in place by hand while you’re using it (at least, on my anatomy), or else it falls right off. You win some, you lose some.

 

Final thoughts

At $45.99, I think the Treediride Adele is very well-priced for what it is: a well-designed triple-function toy that feels really fucking good. It’s made of silky-soft silicone. It’s magnetically rechargeable and holds a charge well. It seems to be waterproof (or at least, mine hasn’t broken when I’ve washed it in the sink), though I can’t find official confirmation of this on Treediride’s website. It has, in short, many of the qualities I expect from great toys – including the ability to give me super intense orgasms.

If you like the feeling of internal thrusting, and you like pressure-wave sensations on your clit (or think you might), I think this toy would certainly be worth the $46 for you. I was surprised by how good it felt; maybe you will be too.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2

Kate Sloan

I’ve always been pretty ambivalent about doing Kegel exercises. I know they’re good for my sexual and urinary health, but so are all the orgasms I have. I know you can do them anywhere – waiting in line, riding on a bus, etc. – but that’s also true of playing Scrabble on my phone. Like other types of exercise, Kegels are a “virtuous” activity that I mostly just find boring and annoying, even though I know I ought to do ’em more often.

Enter the Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2, a toy that actually makes Kegel exercises more fun and interesting to do. Whaaaat?!

 

What is the Doctor Whale 2?

Monster Pub sent me their original version of the Doctor Whale about four years ago. It’s a C-shaped vibrator meant to stimulate your clit and G-spot simultaneously, like the We-Vibe or the Lelo Noa, but is designed to look like a cute li’l whale. The toy is connectable to the MonsterPub app (available on iOS and Android), through which you can control its vibrations and do guided Kegel workouts.

Monster Pub seems to have made a few changes to the Doctor Whale in this latest iteration. The whale’s “tail” has been widened, so it can (theoretically) hit your clit while also stimulating your labia a bit. The Bluetooth connectivity between the toy and the app seems much-improved. I’m not sure if any other changes have been made, but those two alone make a big difference.

 

What are the Kegel workouts like?

Once the toy is inside you and connected to the app – a process that happens fairly easily and quickly by holding down the vibe’s power button for 2 seconds and pairing it through the app – you can navigate to the “Health” section of the app and begin a workout.

You will then be guided through cycles of squeezing your Kegel muscles for a few seconds and relaxing for a few seconds. The “narrator” of the workout also helps you sync up your breathing to your squeezing, so the process can become meditative and grounding, like a yoga class. There’s even a short “cooldown” at the end that reminds me of the savasana many yoga practitioners end every session with. I always feel both accomplished and chilled out when I finish a Monster Pub workout, much like I do after a great yoga sesh.

Most interestingly to me, there is a pressure sensor inside the toy that conveys live feedback to the app, showing you at any given moment how tightly you’re squeezing the toy on a scale from 0 to 199. I find this highly motivating to watch during my workouts, as I try to beat my previous record. You can view patterns in your sessions to see your muscles getting stronger over time (hey Apple, you should integrate these stats into your Health app!). The app informs me that I apparently have stronger Kegel muscles than 95% of its users, which will be a great thing to brag about if I ever go to a party again.

As I’ve noted before, there’s still a substantial language barrier problem with this app; many of the functions are hard to find because of how poorly labeled everything is, and the person doing voiceover for the guided workouts (who seems to speak English fluently) nonetheless sounds awkward speaking the badly-translated script they’ve been given. I do think the app has been slightly improved in this regard since the last time I reviewed it, but Monster Pub would benefit a lot from hiring an English-speaking translator/copywriter to make sure all the text makes sense and is comprehensible to English-speaking users.

 

But is the toy… pleasurable?

The motor of the Doctor Whale 2 is decent: not quite as strong or as rumbly as I’d prefer, but certainly moreso than the majority of vibes out there. I didn’t notice any numbness, itchiness, or irritation, the likes of which I often feel from overly-buzzy vibrations on my G-spot. The Kegel workouts are interspersed with vibration, as if to reward you with pleasure in between squeezes, and it functions well for that purpose.

That said, the clitoral arm remains an issue. Because of its width, it mostly just sits on the outside of my labia, rather than being able to make full contact with my clit. I can spread my outer labia as wide as they go and tuck the toy between them, and that’s slightly better, but I still have to physically press the arm against my clit in order to feel much of anything.

I do like the social functions of the app. You can have a partner control the vibrations of your toy from afar, or you can connect with random strangers for play via what the app calls “hit-on messages,” which can be disabled if you don’t want to get flirted with by randos. You can create your own vibration patterns, or try other people’s creations (I particularly enjoyed the inventive stylings of a user named DaddysLilSlut).

Supposedly this vibrator has a warming function, but this is the 3rd Monster Pub toy I’ve tried that has boasted that feature and I’ve never once figured out how to enable it. (You can seemingly only control the toy via the app, which is, as I’ve mentioned, pretty overloaded and at times incomprehensible.)

 

Final thoughts?

I don’t think this vibe could get me off on its own – it’s not strong enough, rumbly enough, or capable of providing enough clitoral stimulation for that – but it works a treat as a Kegel exerciser. I actually get excited about doing workouts with this toy, although often I’m turned on enough by the end of a session that I need to switch to different toys to finish the job.

At $169 for the premium version of the toy (which is the version with Kegel exercise functionality), this toy is pretty pricey for what it does. You can get the standard version for $119 but I’m not sure why you would – the Kegel capability is easily the best thing about this product. But if you want/need to do Kegels more often, and you (like me) find it difficult to motivate yourself to do so, then $169 might be worth it for you. The app can even be set up to send you daily reminders to do your exercises – thoughtfully skipping your period, should you choose to track your cycle in the MonsterPub app – so it’s like having your own Kegels-focused personal trainer, keeping you in line and cheering you on.

Get the Monster Pub Doctor Whale 2 if you need help doing your Kegels and think some pleasure and guidance would do the trick. But if that’s not your situation, there are other vibes that would be better for your purposes. They may not have a medical degree like Doctor Whale, but hey, can’t win ’em all.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.