strap-on

People With Penises Can Wear Strap-Ons Too!

Kate Sloan
Photo by (and of) my lovely partner, modeling a RodeoH harness with a Godemiche Ambit dildo

Today I come to you with an important public service announcement: people with vulvas aren’t the only ones who can wear strap-ons. People with penises can wear ‘em, too!

You might be thinking, “Why would someone want to strap on a fake dick when they already have a real one?” There are actually many answers to this question; here are just a few of them:

 

Variety’s sake

Your dick’s shape and size are great, but there are other shapes and sizes that can also feel good. For instance, I used to ask a particular boyfriend to strap on a dildo that was smaller than his actual cock so we could have anal sex more easily. The dildo also had a deeper curve than his dick, so it could stimulate my G-spot (through the anal-vaginal wall) more intensely than he could without it.

Some toys also offer a texture and/or hardness that your dick just doesn’t, such as glass dildos (of which there are indeed some that are harness-compatible). Strap-ons are fantastic for broadening the array of sensations you’re able to provide for your partner.

 

Stamina

Being able to last “long enough” is one of the primary sexual concerns of a lot of penis-havers, and it becomes almost a non-issue when you’re strapping on. (I say “almost” because it is possible to reach orgasm from fucking someone with a strap-on – but naturally, it’s more difficult and less common than getting off from regular ol’ penile stimulation.) You can basically fuck your partner for as long as you want – or as long as they want – without worrying that you’ll come too soon.

This can give you peace of mind, but it may also give your partner peace of mind. I’ve often worried I was taking “too long” to come during PIV, especially if my partner was noticeably staving off their orgasm – often with difficulty – so I could reach mine. But when they’re wearing a strap-on, I can take my time a bit more, and still experience the super-intense orgasms I have from getting fucked while providing my own clitoral stimulation with my fingers or a vibrator. My partner can even fuck me with a strap-on after they’ve already come, something that’s tough to do if (like most people) you’ve got a refractory period.

 

Erectile difficulties

If you struggle with inconsistent or nonexistent erections, using a strap-on can make a world of difference in your sexual confidence and capability. Strap-on sex gives you a lot of the same intimacy, closeness, and thrusting leverage as you get during standard PIV or anal sex, but you get to use a store-bought boner instead of worrying about conjuring your own. (This may be especially relevant for you if you’re unable to use medications like Viagra due to having medical contraindications or a lack of financial access to them.)

 

Focus

One complaint I’ve occasionally heard from partners is that they’d like to be able to pay more attention to my pleasure faces and noises, etc. during sex, but get somewhat distracted by their own pleasure, making this hard to do.

When you’re wearing a strap-on, you can more readily focus on what’s going on for your partner, which many people find ultra-hot. It also means that when it’s “your turn” to receive pleasure (e.g. via a post-strap-on-sex BJ), you can focus fully on that, instead of also worrying about whether you’re pleasing your partner enough at the same time.

 

Kink

Sometimes wearing a strap-on is just fucking hot! Maybe your fantasy is to dominate your partner by ploughing them with a huge dildo, or maybe you want to satisfy them with a strap-on while your real cock’s locked away in a chastity cage… There are about a zillion different kinky scenarios that could benefit from incorporating a strap-on.

A lot of kink is about power, and wearing a formidable cock that never gets soft can be quite powerful… as can “forcing” someone to fuck you with a strap-on, verbally humiliating them about it, etc. There’s so much psychosexual territory to explore!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Fun Factory Bouncer (+ a giveaway!)

Kate Sloan

The Fun Factory Bouncer is the type of toy that’s like catnip for seasoned sex toy reviewers like me, because… it actually does something markedly different than other toys in its category. And since the category in this case is “dildo,” that’s even more impressive. When overhauling a vibrator, you can tweak the material, motor strength and quality, motor location, control panel, and shape/size/design… but with dildos, your options for originality are much more limited.

So what did Fun Factory do? They took a fairly standard-looking silicone dildo and created 3 hollow spaces inside it, and in each of those spaces, they placed a weighted ball that rolls around as you move the toy – just like the kind you’d find if you cracked open a set of Kegel beads. Innnteresting!

The result is a dildo that looks unremarkable from the outside (albeit peppy and bright, as most Fun Factory designs do) but feels completely different in your hands – or your vagina or your ass – than any dildo you’ve ever felt before. Unlike Kegel balls, which tend to stay pretty stationary once inserted, a dildo is meant to be thrusted – so even if you’ve experienced this style of Kegel toy before, this dildo is likely to feel quite different. The weighted balls roll around in their little nooks with every thrust, creating a sensation that’s sort of like low-level motion-activated vibration. It also reminds me of that delicious feeling you get when a partner’s fucking you so hard that their balls slap against your vulva/butt/thighs – except in this case, that little extra “oomph” happens inside you instead. Neat!

The rumbling gets a bit muted when my vaginal muscles clamp down on the toy, and I have to admit I found this disappointing at first. The physics of it don’t even really make sense to me. But once I realized this was happening, it became almost like a fun sexual mindfulness game… If I noticed that the toy was feeling less impactful all of a sudden, it usually meant I was clenching my PC muscles, and could function as a nice reminder to relax, let go, and let the sensations wash over me instead of trying to eke out a speedy orgasm. (The late great masturbation expert Betty Dodson – rest in peace, you brilliant problematic fave – often recommended orgasming this way; she called it the “rock ‘n’ roll” method and insisted it produced bigger, better climaxes than most people’s go-to, the “tension” method. Something to think about!)

The Bouncer is well-designed for both solo play and partnered encounters, with its sturdy-but-squishy triangular base that you can grab between your fingers or gently punch with your fist (the internal balls roll around a lot more when you thrust hard and fast, so go wild!). There’s a strong suction cup on the bottom, though I think you’d barely reap the full benefits of the toy’s unique rumbles if you were bouncing up and down on this dildo while it was affixed to the floor or a wall. It can also easily be slipped into a harness for strap-on play, a notion that excited me and my partner from the jump.

While we both enjoyed the Bouncer a lot whether they were fucking me with it by hand or strapped into our RodeoH harness, my partner observed that in both situations, this dildo takes more energy, strength, and stamina to thrust for an entire session than a standard dildo would – at least, if you want to actually feel the signature rumbling it produces. Slower, more sensual thrusting tends to produce minimal – if any – ball-rolling inside the toy, so you really have to put some elbow grease into your thrusts if you want to experience the full range of sensations this toy has to offer. While this was perfectly doable in 10-to-20-minute bursts for my able-bodied partner, I think this might be a tricky toy for you to use to its full potential if you have chronic pain, muscle strength issues, fatigue, etc. This is the main reason I probably won’t reach for this toy very often during solo play, but will likely still hand to my partner once in a while for a thorough, resounding fuck.

It helps that the shape and size of this dildo are pretty perf for my body. It has 7″ of insertable length and a solid 1.57″ diameter – big enough to feel satisfyingly full but not so big as to require lots of warm-up. The gentle undulation of the shaft shape feels really good when thrusted in and out, swelling against my spots on every stroke. This dildo can target the G-spot and feels great that way, but that spot tends to crave a hard, fast pounding that’s difficult to achieve with a draggy silicone toy like this, even when it’s slathered in lots of lube – so I prefer to use it deeper, on my A-spot, where slower and more purposeful thrusts are appreciated. I do sometimes wish it were a little longer, particularly during strap-on play when it loses about an inch to the harness, but with careful angling, it can hit any spot inside me that a longer toy can.

I appreciate that Fun Factory knew this toy was already quirky AF inside and didn’t need to look quirky, too. They enclosed those show-stopping weighted balls inside a fairly basic, uncontroversial dildo that many people should be able to enjoy, which I think was the right call. As long as you can handle the size, this dildo will likely feel good-but-not-great in your vag or your butt (and yes, it is anal-safe!). Being mouth-fucked with it would also be an interesting sensation…

The Fun Factory Bouncer is a bit of a diva, in that it works best when you’re thrusting hard, relaxing your pelvic muscles, and maintaining rhythmic momentum – which is a lot to be aware of at once. But if you’re up for that amount of labor, by yourself or with a partner, I think this is a really fun and special toy that is truly unmatched on the current market. It has bounced, jiggled, rumbled, and rocked-‘n’-rolled its way right into my heart (and my vagina)!

 

Thanks to the good folks at SXY.co.uk for providing me with this toy and sponsoring this review! (As always, all writing and opinions are my own.) They have also offered up a Bouncer for one lucky reader in the UK or Ireland – here’s how to enter:

  1. Follow @sxy_uk on Instagram
  2. Follow me (@girly_juice) on Instagram
  3. Leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What would your dream dildo be like?” and tagging a friend

Please note that you must be 18+ and live in the UK or Ireland to win. I’ll pick a winner after one week. Good luck, babes!

Mini Reviews: BeOne, Carter, & Star Delight

Kate Sloan

Time for some short reviews to catch up on my sex toy queue! Here are some toys I’ve been testing recently…

The Fun Factory Be-One caught my attention immediately when I spotted it at ANME, because 1) a new Fun Factory toy! yay! and 2) it looked like it might work well for someone with chronic pain in their hands, like me. So I asked Fun Factory to send me one, and blessedly, they did. It’s a rechargeable vibrator designed such that you can grip it between two fingers without the need for a lot of muscle strength or flexibility. The silicone-covered tip of the toy curves downward, so it can make good contact with my clit even on days when my fingers or wrists aren’t cooperating.

That ease of use on bad pain days is, for me, the major selling point of this toy – but there are others, too. It’s waterproof. It’s small enough to fit between bodies easily during penetrative sex. It’s made of non-porous and hypoallergenic silicone and plastic. It comes with a cute, hard plastic storage case, shaped somewhat like a computer mouse, which (especially paired with the toy’s travel lock function) makes me feel much more confident it won’t thrum to life in my suitcase, if and when we’re ever allowed to fly again. Its one button, which you can use to cycle through the toy’s four steady speeds and one “flirty” pattern mode, protrudes and lights up so it’s easy to both see and feel in the heat of the moment (you would not believe how many vibrators get this very important thing wrong).

Crucially, the Be-One has two motors (TWO!) packed into its tiny body, so it’s more powerful than you would expect for a vibe of this size. The dual motor situation also makes the Be-One’s vibrations feel rumblier than Fun Factory’s previous clit vibe offerings; it’s almost like the vibrations are bouncing back and forth from one motor to another at a very high speed. This is no Tango, but I’d pick it over something buzzier like the Lelo Mia or Jimmyjane Form 2 any day. My picky clit can orgasm fairly easily with the Be-One, albeit with a bit of grinding/rubbing/circling added to the mix.

Fun Factory says that with the Be-One, “once it’s in place, you really don’t have to think about it anymore,” and unfortunately that isn’t really true because of where the control button is situated. It’s on top of the toy, a spot I can’t reach when the vibe is positioned between my fingers as advertised. When I want to change the vibration speed, I have to either pause what I’m doing to hit the button with my other hand, or reposition the toy in my hand so I can reach the button – which sort of negates the comfort of its design. However, this is a pretty minor issue (for my particular body, anyway), and overall I think Fun Factory did great with the Be-One. It’s a cute and compact vibrator with two lovely motors, and I think it’ll make a lot of people happy.

The New York Toy Collective Carter was an anniversary gift from my very thoughtful partner. Mine is turquoise and pink, because I love those colors, but it’s also available in various skin tones, a gorgeous teal, and some other shades.

I became interested in this dildo when I read my friend Epiphora’s review of it, in which she says that she squirts every time she uses the Carter. I mean… sounds pretty good to me! Sinclair Sexsmith once called the Carter their “desert-island dildo,” and they know their shit when it comes to strap-ons. I was also curious about this toy because, while the Godemiche Ambit has been my go-to pegging dildo for years, occasionally my partner wants something bigger. With its chunky 2″ diameter and comfortable dual-density silicone, the Carter certainly fits the bill.

However, so far I haven’t used the Carter for pegging purposes, because, y’know, butts are fickle and you can’t rush this stuff. I have, however, gotten fucked with it numerous times, and it’s lovely. Its 7.5″ insertable length allows it to reach my A-spot, and its pronounced coronal ridge can also stroke my G-spot with every thrust. That said, if you’re looking for a dildo to target a specific spot, I don’t think this is the right one; it’s more of a blunt instrument, best for days when you really just wanna be filled up and fucked, rather than having particular internal spots satisfied with the exacting precision of something like a Pure Wand or a Seduction. The Carter, like many New York Toy Collective dildos, has a flexible core that allows you to bend the dildo into a curve that suits you, but I’ve found this feature more useful for visual purposes (e.g. posing for strap-on selfies) than for actual fucking, because my vag tends to straighten out the dildo in short order.

This isn’t the sort of dildo that leaves me breathless or weeping after an orgasm, like the Eleven or Double Trouble can. But it’s squishy enough to be comfortable for longer fucks (assuming you keep the lube flowin’), and it looks fantastic in a strap-on. New York Toy Collective is a fabulous, queer-owned company that makes gorgeous dicks and gender affirmation products; I’m happy to support them in any way I can, especially since doing so involves telling you that you absolutely deserve a stunning and satisfying dildo like the Carter.

I bought myself a Crystal Delights Star Delight dildo in late 2018 and have somehow never gotten around to reviewing it at length here. It’s gotta be one of the prettiest dildos in my collection: clear glass, with an aqua-colored gem set into the base. It can be easy to lose yourself in the quasi-hypnotic act of examining it from all angles.

This, I feel, is a good dildo for a lazy masturbator like me. The bumpy texture all along the shaft ensures you get plenty of stimulation with minimal movement and effort. The girth – 1.4″ at its widest – is slim enough that you may not need to warm up before inserting it, especially if you pair it with a good lube (and being made of glass, it pairs well with any type of lube). I can rest the heel of my hand against the base of the Star Delight and gently rock it against my A-spot without needing to think about it or work too hard. The base is unobtrusive enough that I can easily use a vibe with this dildo, and the firmness of the glass makes orgasms with it extra intense.

That low-profile base is also one of the reasons the Star Delight works so well for me during oral sex. It’s become a favorite for my partner to insert while they’re going down on me, because it allows them to stroke my A-spot with the delicious firmness I like, while also attending to my clit. Very few dildos can actually pull this off – most feel awkward for the giver, the receiver, or both – so I’m thrilled to have found one that works reliably well for this purpose. As my partner noted in an earlier blog post, the texture of the dildo is not only stimulating for me but also helps keep the toy anchored in place during oral sex, so they can focus more fully on what their mouth is doing.

My only issue with the Star Delight – aside from the $100+ price tag, about which I can only say, wait for a sale if you can – is that the bumps make it a bit tricky to clean. I usually have to scrub around each bump individually with an old toothbrush or somesuch. But overall this dildo is versatile, useful, and pleasurable – practically everything I want a dildo to be.

10 Things I Wish I’d Known About Pegging

Kate Sloan

The sex act known as pegging is most often written about, in my experience, by two groups of people: vanilla straight people advising other vanilla straight people on how to do it, and, uh, Dan Savage.

Needless to say, this means that a lot of pegging-related media doesn’t provide a full picture of what pegging actually entails and what can make it hot. So here I am, harnessing (ha!) all my queer, kinky experiences with this act to tell you some stuff I wish I’d known before I ever strapped a dick onto me and pushed it inside a butt. Gather round!

1. Lube, lube everywhere. This should be obvious to anyone who’s ever done any kind of anal play, but, you know, a lot of couples attempting pegging for the first time probably never have! You should drizzle a good, butt-friendly lube all over the dildo you’re using, as well as on the outside of the ass you’ll be penetrating. You really can’t overdo it with lube in this case. Go hard or go home!

2. Positioning aids are your friends. Don’t be a hero: it’s okay to accept help with pegging, even if that help comes from a piece of foam meant to elevate the receptive partner’s ass. My Liberator Jaz is my favorite tool for this; slid underneath my partner’s hips before penetration, it makes insertion a whole lot easier and seems to improve contact between my dildo and their prostate. Plus the outer lining can be zipped off and laundered, always a plus for lube-heavy, potentially messy sex acts.

3. It’s okay to be particular about your cock. Why does queer and trans media know and accept that it’s okay to be picky about which strap-on dicks you’ll use, but so much cis-hetero media describes your choice of strap-on as a logistical consideration more than an important personal decision? Answer: because LGBTQ+ folks are typically more used to using “accessories” during sex, to make the experience both physically and emotionally better, so we have more opinions on said accessories. Anyway, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, if you’ll be wearing a strap-on, you deserve one that makes you feel great – gender-wise, aesthetics-wise, and otherwise-wise. My cock of choice is a glittery Godemiche Ambit and it makes me happy every time I strap it on.

4. Your choice of harness matters. Again: you are allowed to want to customize your setup; you don’t just have to grab the first velcro-strap harness kit you spot at the sex shop! Obviously there may be financial reasons you’d want to go with something simple, but that doesn’t mean you have to pick an ugly harness that you hate, in the name of practicality. You should feel hot in your harness! My Aslan Jaguar is easy to put on and take off, and it makes me feel (and look) gorgeous.

5. Try on your setup before the crucial moment. Much like I would never advise a teenage boy to try condoms for the first time right before having sex (YIKES), I would strongly suggest you get your harness and dildo properly configured long before you’ll be using them to fuck someone. “Show time” has the potential to be awkward enough already without you struggling to get your leg through the straps and your dildo right-side-up! Try getting into and out of your setup a few times so you know exactly how to do it, and maybe have your preferred dildo already in the harness for faster assembly. You and your partner will thank me!

6. Be careful and pay attention. If you’ve never done anal play before, then I wouldn’t blame you for not knowing this, but: a butt is far more delicate than a vag, so you have to fuck it a bit differently. Certainly don’t just ram it in there. Go slower than you think you need to, watch your partner’s face closely, and ask them a lot of questions for guidance. You might be able to thrust with wild abandon once they’re used to the sensation and you’ve got enough lube in the mix, but for the most part, assume you should slow your roll.

7. “Strap-on sex” is a more inclusive term. What even is “pegging,” anyway? Much like “guyliner,” it’s a term adopted by the cis-het community to soothe toxic concerns about the “unmanliness” of things traditionally understood to be for women and/or queer people. Besides which, the term “pegging” was coined to refer to a woman fucking a man with a strap-on, and that may be a limiting word if you or your partner don’t fit neatly into those gender categories. It’s okay to call it “strap-on sex” – and once you do, you might open yourself up to even more sexual possibilities. (There’s far more you can do with a strapped-on cock than just stick it in an ass!)

8. Non-physical types of pleasure are perfectly valid. Based on the influx of “couples’ vibes” and vibrating strap-on accoutrements, it seems like straight cis people are overly hung up on the idea of both partners receiving pleasure at the same time. Queer folks, by contrast, are often used to “taking turns” during sex, in my experience. While there are a whole lotta bells and whistles you could add to your strap-on setup to make it more pleasurable for the wearer (e.g. a bullet vibe tucked behind the dildo, or a ridged base that rubs against you with every thrust), sometimes it’s also fun to just embrace that a particular sex act won’t be directly pleasurable for you, and that’s okay. After all, your partner can get you off at a different point in the sex session, and taking the emphasis off your own junk will help you focus better on fucking your partner well. And that is its own type of pleasure.

9. It’s not humiliating (unless you want it to be). Pegging is too often depicted (especially in straight porn) as a man submitting to a woman’s will by “letting” her fuck him. It’s often presented as humiliating, emasculating, and painful. Now, I’m extremely perverted and am certainly not going to deny you your kinky dynamic if that makes sex more fun for you, but I want you to know that power play doesn’t have to be a part of your pegging sesh. Things can be totally vanilla and equitable between the two of you – or the receptive partner can even be the dominant one in the scene, as I’ve learned when dommy partners have tugged on my leash to force me to fuck them harder. That said, if “submissive bottom” and “dominant top” is truly your dynamic of choice when it comes to pegging, go right ahead and make that happen!

10. It can be super romantic. I’ve honestly found few sex acts as intimate and connective as pegging. Needing to focus that closely on my partner really points out to me how cute and hot they are, and the trust they put in me by letting me fuck them is an incredible compliment. Though some people wax poetic about “lovemaking” in more traditional forms like penis-in-vagina sex, I’ve felt that gooey emotional closeness more often during pegging than during PIV!

What do you wish someone had told you about pegging before you did it?

5 Ways Hollow Strap-Ons Can Transform Your Sex Life

Kate Sloan

When the subject of my past in sex toy retail comes up in conversation, one question I’m often asked is, “What products did you sell the most of?”

Beginner vibrators, anal douches, and We-Vibes all rank highly on that list – but so does, surprisingly, the humble hollow strap-on. Customers – usually older-looking married men – would wander into the store seeking something to supplement their sex life, and sometimes their line of inquiry would lead them straight to the strap-on section. It gave me great satisfaction to see happy folks leaving the store with new treats to excite their partners and themselves.

Here are 5 ways this underrated and oft-misunderstood product can give your sex life a boost…

Erectile dysfunction. Whether you’ve tried E.D. meds and found that they don’t work (or just don’t work as well or as reliably as you’d hoped), or you’ve never tried them and don’t want to, a hollow strap on can stand in for your god-given dick if you and/or your partner are missing the joys of penetration in the wake of erectile difficulties. This is, by far, the most common reason my customers ended up going home with a hollow strap-on, and I think it’s a great solution! (Remember: soft or semi-soft dicks can still be pleasured in lots of non-penetrative ways, before or after your strap-on sesh. Erection, ejaculation, and orgasm are 3 separate phenomena that don’t all need to be present every time.)

Premature ejaculation. If you can’t last long enough to give your partner the poundin’ they (or you!) desire, slip your dick into a hollow strap-on – either before or after your own orgasm – and you’ll be able to fuck your sweetheart for as long as your muscles hold out. This is also great if your partner (like me) loves coming during penetrative sex but takes a while to get there.

Gender affirmation. We hear a lot about people with vaginas (e.g. pre-op/non-op trans men or assigned-female non-binary folks) using strap-ons as a way to access gender euphoria, but there’s less discourse about people with penises doing the same. Why, you might be wondering, would someone with a flesh-and-blood dick feel good and gender-affirmed when they strap a silicone one on over top? Well, some trans and non-binary folks find it distressing or even triggering to use their genitals in the “traditional” ways prescribed by hetero- and cis-normative culture. Using a strap-on can help some people express and experience their gender more pleasurably during sex, and that’s a wonderful thing.

Chastity kink. This is my #1 fantasy involving hollow strap-ons: a submissive partner isn’t permitted their own pleasure until they fully please their dominant, and so they slide their dick into a strap-on so having it touched isn’t even an option. In this way, the strap-on can serve the dual function of a chastity belt for the sub and a dildo they can fuck their dom with. Hot!

Mindfulness. This one is a bit more abstract, so bear with me… Sometimes, when you’re having sex, it’s easy to get so distracted by your own pleasure that you forget to focus on everything else that’s going on: your partner’s pleasure, their sounds, how cute they look when they bite their lip, how good their skin feels against yours, and so on. If you temporarily take your own genital sensations out of the equation, these other lovely details immediately come into sharper focus. Does this mean strap-ons are kind of… zen?!

What are your favorite potential uses for hollow strap-ons?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.