E-mail: me [at] girlyjuice.net
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Disclosure notice: Many posts here contain affiliate links from which I make money if you buy the linked products. If a sex toy retailer is thanked at the end of the post, the toy in question was provided to me for free by that retailer in exchange for a fair and honest review.
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Sharing the Sexy #3
Hey babies! I’m currently sitting in the window of a Starbucks eyeing up some hot girls in plaid shirts… um, I mean, typing up this post. Here’s some sexy stuff I saw on the internet this week; what have you been up to?
• Mandy “can’t stop hate-masturbating to Paul Ryan.” This piece made me laugh and (to my chagrin) kind of turned me on. Yeah, Paul Ryan is physically attractive (sigh!). It’s kind of like how I find John Mayer insanely sexy, but he’s also kind of a dick. (Did I just compare Paul Ryan to John Mayer? I’m pretty sure that’s extremely insulting to both of them.)
• A woman on Sexxit is upset because of some things her high-functioning autistic husband said to her about their sexual relationship. I found this particularly fascinating because an ex-boyfriend of mine had Asperger’s and we had similar issues, though obviously not as severe (we only dated for a few weeks). Read the comments - there’s some gems, including an insightful reply from another person with Asperger’s. (If you find this stuff as interesting as I do, watch the movie Adam, stat!)
• Dodson and Ross talk about sexual communication and why you shouldn’t lie about what you like. This video makes me feel very lucky to have a boyfriend who listens to my sexual requests and makes ‘em happen.
• Have you ever wanted to see me modelling a silly pinup sailor costume? Well, now you can. (Backstory: Eden didn’t have any new toys I wanted to review this month, so I figured I’d use my monthly free assignment to get myself a Halloween costume. Except it ended up being pretty mediocre, so I might realize my dreams of Halloweening as Jane Lane after all.)
• Luke Young writes with disdain about ways to increase penis size. I have to agree with him that it isn’t worth the risk (and I prefer average-sized dicks anyway), but I’ve heard of several men who’ve had success with jelqing.
• Here’s a round-up of facts and chatter around that idiot Paul Akin and his comments on how, when rape leads to pregnancy, it wasn’t “legitimate rape.” Thanks, Republican upper-class white cis dude, for yet another opinion on my anatomy! I’m glad you feel so entitled to mansplain such things. *rolls eyes*
• Another piece on Akin: Cool Party You’ve Got There, Republicans. Melissa McEwan is my hero.
• A New Zealand TV commercial got away with using the words “vagina” and “discharge.” It saddens me that we live in a world so puritanical that this is considered somehow scandalous, but it’s still a step forward and I’m happy.
• This week on Sexxit, there was a thread about how to have civil conversations about circumcision and intactivism. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m somewhat tired of being expected to have “civil conversations” with people who make unnecessary, life-altering, sexually damaging decisions on behalf of their non-consenting children.
• Don’t know what porn to watch? Here’s a periodic table of feminist porn!
• Rachel Rabbit White writes about what happens when porn star Joanna Angel goes speed-dating.
• My boyfriend talks about what it’s like to date a sex toy reviewer. Apparently it’s pretty cool.
• This “dinner table debate” between Dan Savage (gay sex columnist) and Brian Brown (president of the National Organization for Marriage) is very interesting. Particularly hilarious: Brown’s assertion that “just because you believe something is wrong, it doesn’t mean that you make it illegal” (he was talking about divorce, and apparently didn’t see the irony in this argument) and his usage of the word “marginalize” to describe what same-sex marriage advocates are doing to the church. Ha ha, yeah, us queer folks are so big and strong and we’re always bullying the poor weak church. Right. You go on believing that fable if it makes you feel better about your bigotry.
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Useful Resources for Sexy, Sex-Positive Sexpots
I’m tempted to begin this post with an affectionate greeting I use with my friends: “Hey, queerz!” However, I recognize that many of you don’t identify as queer, so I won’t do that. (Can we come up with a noun that encompasses “sex-positive people” without offending or excluding anyone who falls into that group? Let me know, in the comments, if you think of anything.)
This blog is still new, so I’m still bouncing around ideas. A lot of blogs do a weekly “link round-up” that points to articles, websites, communities and projects that may be of interest. I’m not sure yet if I’m going to commit to doing something like that, but for now, here’s a list of some of my favorite sex-poz places on the internet. Hope you enjoy! (I know you will.)
Sexxit is a subdivision of the overwhelmingly male-dominated, often misogynist social discussion website Reddit. I’ve rage-quit Reddit a couple of times because of stupid shit like people who deny that there’s a rape culture and people who tell women to go make sandwiches, but I find that if I limit myself to only posting in and reading the Sex community, I don’t get as frustrated. The people there know what they’re talking about (for the most part) and can have actual, in-depth discussions about things like setting kink boundaries and making up for mismatched libidos.
To Be a Slut is a blog about reclaiming female sexuality, being okay with your body, and deconstructing shitty sexual cultural narratives. Its owner, Caitlin, runs Body Pride workshops and is a member of a collective called I’d Tap That which throws mixers for sex-poz people. Don’t you wish you lived where I live?!
If you are interested in consensual nonmonogamy, there are two blogs I can’t recommend highly enough: Taken But Available (run by a Canadian woman in a long-term open relationship) and We Sleep Together (sparsely updated these days, but written by a very clever fellow in an open marriage). When I was cobbling together ideas about what my own ideal relationship structure would look like, I checked in with these folks to learn about issues like jealousy, “new relationship energy,” and the power of dating websites.
Hey Epiphora is simply the best sex toy reviews blog I’ve come across. I also read Dangerous Lilly, Navigator, True Pleasures, and DIY Orgasms. And if you want a great place to find reviews on toys easily, written by people who know how to write, Sex Toy Society is pretty rad. They do a weekly round-up that will keep you on top of what’s going on in the reviewing world.
I love to listen to podcasts, especially when I’m walking to and from my volunteering gig or I’m working on a creative project of some sort. My favorite sex-related ones are Sex is Fun and the Savage Lovecast. Both are consistently entertaining and informative, even for someone like me who’s been obsessively researching sexuality online for years and years.
So, that’s what I’m consuming and participating in lately, as far as sex-poz materials go. Readers: What are your favorite sex-related online resources?
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You know you’re a sex nerd when…
…you use the words “cunnilingus” and “fellatio” all the time in regular conversation.
…you’re taken aback by any woman who’s upset she can’t climax from intercourse alone, and throw statistics at her.
…you spend a disproportionate amount of time idly surfing Lelo, Njoy, Liberator, and Jimmyjane’s websites.
…you go to a sex shop with a friend and spend the entire time doing mini-reviews of every toy you see, regardless of whether or not you yourself have used it.
…your friends know to ask you if they have a sexual problem or need a toy recommendation.
…you own both The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, have read both thoroughly, and lend them out as needed.
…you quote Violet Blue, Kidder Kaper, Dan Savage, and Tristan Taormino in everyday life.
…you periodically make a huge event out of putting your sex toys in boiling water to sterilize them.
…you react in utter horror to jelly toys.
…you explain to your partner, during sex, the benefits and drawbacks of the position you’re in, and suggest possible alternatives and alterations.
…you have a favorite kind of condom, and you order it in bulk online.
…you’ve repurposed your Lelo boxes into storage for lube and butt plugs.
…the slightest hesitance on your partner’s part causes you to ask them a series of questions to make sure you’re respecting their boundaries.
…you’ve done MojoUpgrade at least 5 times.
…you’ve taken one of your parents to a sex shop before, at their request.
…you know the layout of your local sex boutique so well that you’re thrown off when they change it at all.
…you know the nutritional information and caloric content of semen, menstrual blood, female ejaculatory fluid, and various kinds of flavored lube.
…you own several thick, dark, large towels.
…your first response to any plea for sexual advice is “Ask your partner what they think!”
…you know the efficacy rates of all the birth control methods off the top of your head.
…your masturbation sessions are more like lab experiments.