Because my first sexual relationship was with a friend and not a romantic partner, I’ve been asked plenty of times, “How do you separate love from sex like that?! I could never do that!”
This question used to make me nod thoughtfully and say things like, “Yeah, I can see why it could be difficult,” and “It’s a process, that’s for sure!”
Now, though, I just kinda… laugh. Because love and sex are soooo separate in my mind these days. Ever since my break-up last August, I feel an occasional pang of desire for emotional intimacy, cuddling, romantic dates, and declarations of adoration – but what I crave ceaselessly is sex. With or without love. Whatever. I just want it.
I have yet to have casual sex – my past dalliances with a friend-with-benefits were hardly “casual,” partly because we hung out all the damn time and partly because she was in love with me – but the idea of it glitters in my mind as the solution to countless sexual dilemmas. Here are some reasons why casual sex is a fucking terrific advent…
It’s fast. Truthfully, one of the reasons I ended my last relationship (aside from, y’know, just not feelin’ it anymore) was that I didn’t have the time or energy to invest in a romantic partner like I used to. Having a beau is a massive time commitment: dates, meandering conversations, ongoing negotiations, reassurances when needed, and so on. That stuff can be great when you’re able to put time into it, but when you’re not, casual sex is the better way to get your libidinal needs met.
It’s easy. At least, compared to wading through the sea of romantic options to find That One Person you click with on all the levels that matter in a relationship. Most people’s criteria for a casual sex partner are basically “Am I attracted to this person?” and “Can I stand to be around this person for short stretches of time?” Those requirements are pretty easy to meet. And the internet has made this process even simpler, by providing us with services like mysexhookups.com so we can get to the good stuff ASAP with minimal wasted time.
It’s shameless. Well… relatively. We all have some sexual shame to work through, because of our bullshit sex-negative culture. But I’d imagine it’s a lot easier to cop to your kinks when you know you’ll never see the person again. A long-term partner yucking your yum is a lot tougher to take; with a casual partner, if an incompatibility becomes clear, you can just say, “See ya! Onto the next.” And if they do share your kink? Then you’re probably in for some stellar sex.
Are you a casual sex devotee? Any tips for someone who’s new to this world (and kinda, maybe, extremely shy)?
This post was made possible by the folks at mysexhookups.com. Kisses!