Clitoris, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You are a sensitive seductress, an orgasm-enabler, a prettily-hued part. You thrill and satisfy many a mouth, and you give purpose to vibrators that might otherwise remain unused. You are chronically ignored, epidemically mistreated, but still you rise to meet the pleasurable reputation which precedes you. You are, in short, a hero: responsible for great joys worldwide but fiercely unappreciated for all that you do.
Despite all my rhapsodizing, I still have beef with some of the discourse that exists around the clit. It is, to say the least, a widely misunderstood body part. Here are 5 common myths about the almighty clitoris…
It’s only for foreplay.
As artist Sophia Wallace points out in her Cliteracy project: “Mastered the Kama Sutra? If you are not cliterate, 70% of [people with vulvas] will still be unsatisfied.” These stats vary depending on who you ask, but I’ve seen estimates that anywhere from two-thirds to nine-tenths of vulva-possessing folks need clitoral stimulation in order to get off. These numbers are, presumably, similar to the proportion of folks with penises who need those penises touched if they’re going to reach orgasm… because – surprise, surprise – the penis and the clitoris are anatomically analogous.
I have cringed through many a porn scene or fanfic story where clitoral stimulation is treated as a cursory appetizer to the “main event.” And let’s be real: this attitude spreads to real life, even if clitorally oblivious pornographers and erotica authors claim they only create works of fantasy. Several of my cis male partners have demonstrably not understood how important my clit is to my sexual response – and then sometimes they would seem shocked or offended when their penetrative fumblings didn’t push me anywhere close to climax! Our culture needs to change the way it discusses and treats clits, if we have any hope of closing the orgasm gap.
It’s just the little bump you see on the outside.
The head of the clitoris – that is to say, the part that is most visible – is often mistaken as the clit in its totality. In reality, though, medical imaging has taught us that the clitoris extends into the body, just like the penis does. It has a shaft, long legs (“crura”), and bulbs, which can be indirectly stimulated with fingers or clit vibrators through the labia, mons pubis, and vagina. Some theorists even posit that all “G-spot” and “vaginal” orgasms are actually indirect clitoral orgasms in disguise.
Once you know this secret truth about the clit, it really opens up your options for stimulating this body part. For example, many folks (myself included!) find that the head of the clitoris is too sensitive to be touched directly, in which case, stimulating the sides and top of the clitoral shaft might be a better route to pleasure. Don’t be afraid to suck or stroke the shaft as if it were a tiny penis, either – because it basically is. And there’s nothing wrong with that. (Uh, maybe we could re-frame this to say that a penis is essentially an oversized clit?!)
Only women have them.
Fuck off with your cissexist bullshit. Trans men exist. Non-binary people exist. Intersex people exist. There are people all across the gender spectrum – and beyond – who have a clit. If you ever refer to “women” in your spoken or written clitoral discourse, ask yourself: why? Is it really, truly, actually necessary to phrase your ideas that way? Probably not.
On that note, the marketing for clit vibes is habitually feminine, and it’s disheartening to see. Sex toy companies need to get with the program already; it is 2019, and excluding trans people isn’t acceptable, nor was it ever.
It has more nerve endings than the entire penis.
An often-repeated factoid about the clitoris is that it contains 8,000 nerve endings, apparently twice as many as the entire penis. But that stat can be traced back to a 1976 book about cows and sheep – not even humans. Even if that estimate did apply to people, it would probably refer to the circumcised penis, because modern medicine estimates the foreskin alone contains about 20,000 nerve endings. Yeesh!
This isn’t exactly the moment for me to mount an intactivist spiel, maybe, but while I’m on the subject: no one should be circumcised as a baby unless it is literally medically necessary. Beyond affecting genital function and health, routine infant genital mutilation (whether of a penis or a clitoris) robs the patient of thousands upon thousands of nerve endings that would enrich their lives. If a person wants elective surgery on their genitals for whatever reason, it’s my opinion that they should do it when they’re old enough to make that weighty decision for themselves in an informed way, rather than having it thrust upon them by archaically-minded parents or doctors.
It’s hard to find.
This myth was a staple of 1990s stand-up comedians’ acts, I guess because it’s hilarious when men think their partners’ pleasure is unimportant or too much work?? What a weird world we live in.
It’s true that the clitoris is usually nested in layers of skin – a hood and two sets of labia – which, combined with its size, make it less visually obvious at first glance than, say, a penis. But once you’ve looked at a few vulvas, it’s hard to miss the clit. It’s the protrusion where the inner labia intersect, and you can usually feel it with your fingers, especially when it starts to harden with arousal. (A particularly memorable Vice cunnilingus guide said that the clitoris feels “like a tumor in a pile of earlobes,” which, while horrifying, effectively illustrates the textural differences between the clit and the skin that surrounds it.)
Frankly, if you regularly fuck people who have clits, and you’ve never taken the time to either find those clits yourselves or ask their owners to point them out, you are not even doing the bare minimum as a sexual partner. I get that it can be anxiety-inducing to do something you’ve never done before, but pleasing your partner is more important than your pride. Figure it out, if just because you’ll feel like more of a Casanova once you do.
What are your least favorite myths about the clit?
This post was sponsored. As always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.