Behind the Seams: Red Leather Jacket!!

Kate Sloan

April 8th, 2026

So I bought a red leather motorcycle jacket. Like so many of my best decisions, my wife had to talk me into it. An email showed up in my inbox declaring that a bunch of Danier Leather stuff was on sale, including their classic motorcycle jacket in “radiant red.” I already have a leather jacket that I love (incidentally also by Danier), but it’s black, so it doesn’t exactly stand out – and its shape is plain and boxy, lacking the effortless cool of a moto-style jacket. After some hemming and hawing, I pulled the trigger, and it arrived in my eager little hands a few days later.

This was the jacket’s maiden voyage – I wore it to attend an improv show at Comedy Bar. I felt nervous at first, like I wasn’t quite “pulling it off” – but pretty quickly, the jacket’s magic started to rub off on me, giving me some confident swagger I normally find hard to access. The intersection of clothing, gender, and confidence is so fuckin’ rad, dude. And funnily enough, none of my friends at the bar even commented on the jacket the first time I wore it, which I took to be a sign that it didn’t look out-of-place on me at all!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather (spoiler alert: you’re gonna see it a lot in this post! Like, in every outfit!)
  • Dark red tank top – gift from my mom
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Custom-color Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
  • Vintage red leather Coach Willis bag – Etsy
  • Prescription sunglasses – Zenni

April 10th, 2026

A fun solo date night! I love taking myself out for little adventures around the city. First I went to Comedy Bar (yep, again… it’s my home-away-from-home-away-from-home, okay?!) and drafted some song lyrics over a beer. Then I subwayed over to Casa Sushi for dinner, where I hadn’t been in ages, although it was one of my major haunts in my early twenties. Then I had some time to kill before an IMAX screening of Project Hail Mary (absolutely loved it), so I had a drink at the very swanky Stock Bar, journaling in between two couples on dates. Vaped a little weed before heading into the movie theatre; highly recommended for any space movie, as long as you’re not too prone to anxiety!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Hot pink sweater – Gap, gift from my mom
  • Blue skinny jeans – thrifted
  • Custom-color Nike Air Force 1s
  • Vintage red leather Coach Willis bag
  • “Ace” baseball hat – from the Ace Hotel shop; a gift from mb, picked out by pax; I love that it inadvertently advertises part of my sexual identity 😂
  • Prescription sunglasses – Zenni

April 14th, 2026

Hello, Chicago! After my wife gave a delightful and widely acclaimed keynote talk at Deep Dish Swift, the two of us met up with her friends Alex and Jillian for dinner at Monteverde, which was delicious. Fun night! I may have had a few too many Paper Planes…

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Blue tank top – thrifted
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Black leather Frye harness boots

April 15th, 2026

Another nice day in Chicago! We visited the Bean and a vintage camera shop, and later went out for dinner (+ excellent ice cream from Jeni’s) with mb’s friends Syd and Quinn. Then we zipped across town to the Annoyance Theatre to see their jury duty-themed improv show, which was a blast.

What I’m wearing:

  • White T-shirt with vintage Apple logo – gift from mb
  • Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Little red leather purse – came with a gift from Clarins
Photos by mb

April 16th, 2026

I’ve been highly enamored with Field Notes pocket notebooks lately, so I wanted to visit their HQ while we were in town. It’s only open to the public a few days of the week. Such a chill space, filled with notebooks and nerds thereof! I admittedly left with 7 more notebooks than I’d had when I walked in…

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Red tank top – Gap
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Red leather bag – Clarins
  • The key to my sub’s chastity cage worn on a necklace
  • Prescription glasses + sunglasses – both from Zenni

April 17th, 2026

I got back to Toronto in time to attend the monthly free karaoke night at Comedy Bar, where I was celebrating my early birthday with some friends (my actual birthday is the 23rd). Had a great time, laughed my ass off, sang some Sondheim, drank a lot of beers, etc.!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Red fit-and-flare dress – H&M
  • Black leggings – Gap
  • Custom-color Nike AF1s
  • Red leather vintage Coach Willis bag

How would you style a red leather jacket? Feel free to let me know in the comments…

P.S. Want more blog posts like this? Check the outfit tag!

How to Give a Ton of Pleasure with a Long-Distance Sex Toy

Kate Sloan
Screenshot

I have had a lot of phone sex in my life. Like, a lot. At this point it’s quite possible I’ve had phone sex more times than I’ve had in-person sex. Being in a long-distance relationship for over 7 years will do that to a person! (Or at least, to an aurally-inclined person like myself…)

In that time, I’ve learned a lot about how to make phone sex as hot as possible – and some of my favorite innovations in that regard are toys by Lovense. Many other brands have attempted to make toys that can be controlled from a distance, but none so successfully as Lovense, if you ask me. Their toys have more reliable connectivity than any others I’ve tried, their app is thoughtfully designed, and their catalogue offers tons of stimulation options for people of various anatomies, genders, and preferences.

The last time I made someone come using a Lovense toy, she gasped out afterward, “You should write an article about how you do that!” I’m sure that different people have different approaches, but my style of Lovense-topping has always been well-received (so to speak), and so I feel qualified to advise on this! Without further ado, for your enjoyment and edification, here are six quick tips for giving someone maximal pleasure with a Lovense toy…

 

1. Hop on an audio call

You could use a Lovense toy on somebody without being able to hear them, but in my view, that would be much harder and much less hot! As with IRL sex, someone’s noises can give you a lot of guidance about what’s working and what’s not, and are also just sexy as hell.

Lovense’s app has a built-in voice-call feature, but feel free to use whatever audio functionality you and your partner(s) prefer – I tend to do audio-only FaceTime calls, for instance. Most audio-call apps will sound a hell of a lot better than a regular ol’ phone call, which is often so low-quality that you can’t hear important subtleties like how fast somebody is breathing.

 

2. Set the toy to ‘float’ mode

By default, Lovense toys are set to automatically return to 0% power output if you take your finger off the touchscreen of your phone (or whatever other device you’re using the Lovense app on). This can be useful in certain situations, like for “tease & denial” play – but mostly I prefer to enable “float” mode, which keeps the vibration at the level you left it at, even if you put your device down to grab some lube, touch yourself, take a selfie, etc.

 

3. Start low & slow

Vibration is a wonderful thing, but it can be overwhelming, especially early on in the arousal process. If you crank up the vibration too quickly, you risk overstimulating your partner, which could cause discomfort, pain, or temporary numbness. That stuff is hot for people who are specifically into overstimulation (a.k.a. “orgasm torture”), but the rest of us will probably want to start with gentle vibration and work our way up gradually. That’ll preserve as much sensitivity as possible, allowing for greater heights of pleasure.

 

4. Create the illusion of motion

Okay, this might be the real secret to my success as a Lovense top… Throughout a session, I’ll usually wiggle my finger up and down on my phone’s touchscreen, rather than keeping the vibration fixed at one level. I’ll increase and decrease the overall intensity as needed over the course of the session, rarely holding my finger completely still for longer than a few seconds. This is because the body gets accustomed to vibration after a bit, and so a steady, unchanging vibration can start to feel less stimulating over time (especially with buzzy/high-pitched vibration, more often found on the high end of Lovense toys’ power range).

Because of this principle, slight undulations up and down tend to make the vibration feel more impactful and less numbing. They also create the tactile illusion of motion – the slight oscillation makes penile vibration feel more like someone is actually stroking/riding you, for instance, while rhythmic stimulation of the G-spot can feel almost like human fingers massaging that spot. (I’ve even squirted from having the Lush used on me in this way!)

You can experiment with different types of motion at different times – for example, I prefer to move up and down a larger distance as someone gets closer to orgasm, because it seems to more closely resemble the way you’ll often instinctively fuck someone harder as they’re about to come.

 

5. Talk dirty

Sure, you could do a Lovense scene in total silence, or just listen to your partner’s moans… but 91% of people are turned on by dirty talk, so it tends to make sex hotter, the way salt makes food taste better. Dirty talk is also useful in closing the gap when having phone sex – it helps you stay mentally connected to your partner, by sharing a mutual sexual fantasy through your words. Vibration can sometimes feel coldly mechanical on its own, but may feel a lot better when, through the magic of dirty talk, you’re thinking of the vibrator as your partner’s hand or tongue or cock.

It might take some practice to get used to operating the Lovense app while talking dirty – but the better that you get at each separate skill, the easier it’ll be to combine them, and even to get into a sweet sweet flow state while doing so!

 

6. Don’t forget aftercare!

Phone sex really isn’t that different from in-person sex. Both can involve intimacy, pleasure, orgasms, big releases of neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, and potentially complicated feelings. Just as I might feel empty and sad if someone rolled out of bed right after sex and left without a word, I similarly struggle when a partner unceremoniously ends a call (or falls asleep!) too soon after phone sex.

Aftercare is unique to each person/couple, so you should discuss aftercare preferences with your partner(s). For some, it may be as simple and quick as reminding each other to drink some water and then saying goodnight. Others may prefer some lovey-dovey pillow talk, or each whipping up a midnight snack together over the phone, or even “sleeping together” all night via speakerphone. Aww, cute!

 

Fellow users of long-distance toys, do you use these tips in your sessions? Anything else you’d recommend?

 

P.S. If you want to know more about specific Lovense toys, here are all the reviews I’ve written of them (and I’ll be publishing another one in the next few weeks, too!):

  • Exomoon (lipstick-shaped clitoral vibrator)
  • Spinel (self-thrusting sex machine)
  • Lush Mini, Lush 4, and Lush 3 (wearable G-spot vibrators)
  • Domi 2 (mini wand vibrator)
  • Ferri (magnetic clip-on panty vibrator)
  • Gush (penile vibrator; guest review by my wife)

 

This post was NOT sponsored, although I do get a little kickback (at no cost to you) when you buy products through my affiliate links, which helps support my writing so I can keep doing it!

Review: BeMoreKinky BDSM app for couples

Kate Sloan
idk why this one made me laugh so hard but it did, and now it’s the lead image in my review, lmao

What is the BeMoreKinky app?

Available for both iOS and Android, the BeMoreKinky app is designed by and for kinky couples. It’s meant to be a hub for sexual communication between you and your partner, via features like BDSM quizzes, scene planners, end-to-end encrypted chat, guided intimacy exercises, a habit tracker, and a punishment wheel.

You can use it solo to gain self-knowledge about your kinks and desires, but it works best when used with a partner. You can invite them via a special link or code, and you’ll be able to interact through the app, see each other’s list of kink activities you’re open to, and more.

Things I like about the BeMoreKinky app:

  • Conversation-starter: As someone who wrote an introductory book on kink that was meant to kickstart a dialogue between partners, I’ve heard from many readers about the value of an external kinky conversation-starter, especially early on in one’s sexual self-discovery. It can be hard to bring up the things you’re into, and playing with this app together is a low-stress way to raise these topics. You could narrate aloud while one of you does a quiz on your bondage preferences, for example, or discuss your favorite titles/honorifics as you fill out your profiles together – and then just see where the conversation takes you.
  • Lots of kink inspiration: Human sexuality is so vast that there’s always more to discover, and this app is crammed full of kinks, fetishes, and activities for you to peruse and discuss. If you feel like your sex life is in a rut, but you don’t know quite how to shake things up, this app could definitely inspire you in that regard. For instance, lately I’ve been pondering what femdom-y honorific I might like to be called by a new person I’m seeing, and it was interesting to scroll through BeMoreKinky’s list of suitable titles (mistress, goddess, empress, etc.) to see what struck me.
  • MojoUpgrade-style activity matching: Anyone else remember MojoUpgrade, the classic internet quiz that shows you only the activities that both you and your partner said you’d be up for? It’s a great communication tool, and one of the core features of BeMoreKinky is something similar – once you and your partner have both rated several kink activities (which admittedly can be a decent-sized time investment), the app shows you all the activities your partner rated highly, as well as the ones you both said you like. This is a helpful starting point for planning scenes together, particularly with newer partners whose sexuality you’re less familiar with and less comfortable directly asking about.
  • “In the mood” status indicator: In the app’s “profile” tab, there’s a slider where you can indicate to your partner whether you’re “in the mood” or not. This didn’t send me any kind of notification when my wife activated hers – I had to seek it out myself by looking at the “partner” tab – but still a potentially useful functionality for people who struggle with sexual communication.
  • Encrypted chat: The built-in chat feature is end-to-end encrypted, so you can rest assured that your kinky convos are safe and secure. Sure, the same may be true for whatever app(s) you currently use to text with your partner in everyday life, but some people may prefer having a separate digital space for sexy chats, especially if you’re doing some kind of roleplay that benefits from that type of digital compartmentalization. (Sexy tech-support agent roleplay, anyone?!)
  • Tracks habits & rewards: Lots of kinksters enjoy dynamics where one partner monitors the other’s progress in achieving certain goals, whether those are directly kinky (e.g. “shine Mistress’s leather boots once a month,” “edge yourself 3 times before coming”) or more quotidian in nature (e.g. “read a book per week,” “go for a walk every day”). BeMoreKinky has a feature that allows you to assign and track the completion of habitual tasks like these. There are other apps that can do this, sure, but how many of them are built right into the interface you’re already using for kink negotiation and sexy chat? It’s cool to be able to do it all in one place. This feature was admittedly somewhat buggy when I tested it out, but hopefully it’ll get ironed out in future releases.
  • Polyamory features (in beta): There’s a huge degree of overlap between the kink community and the consensual non-monogamy community, so I was glad to see that BeMoreKinky has a “multi-partner mode” in beta currently. You can switch between multiple partners (up to 5!) without any of them being able to see each other’s quiz answers. While this doesn’t cover every possible non-monogamy configuration, it nonetheless makes this app much more polyamory-friendly than most of the comparable apps/sites I’ve seen.
  • Sleek design: It’s a good-lookin’ app, I must say!

Things I don’t like about the BeMoreKinky app:

  • Buggy: I unfortunately encountered a lot of bugs while trying to use this app – chat messages would randomly vanish, new habits didn’t appear until I’d closed/restarted the app, sometimes the app would randomly switch to a different tab without me selecting that, etc. My wife is a software developer so I sympathize with the struggles involved in making an app like this, but these types of issues are particularly frustrating when you’re trying to get into a sexy/kinky mood and would rather focus on flirting than troubleshooting!
  • A.I. integration: There is A.I.-generated stuff all over this app – some of it disclosed, some seemingly not – and it’s characteristically mediocre. Granted, I’m biased ‘n’ bitter, as a human being who writes about kink professionally and has been (shoddily) replaced with A.I. by some of my past clients – but I still find it sad to see A.I. being used for things like kink scene planning. Half the fun of kink is communicating about it – the negotiation, the flirtation, the mutual discovery – and if you use an A.I. tool to do that stuff, you’re denying yourself and your partner the opportunity to get to know yourselves and each other better, and all the delicious intimacy and vulnerability involved in that process. Naturally, I’m also against the usage of A.I. for art/writing/etc. because it takes away work/pay from skilled human creators who could’ve done a better job.
  • Poorly written quizzes: Probably related to the above point, I found many of the quizzes in this app to be confusingly written, repetitive, at least partially inaccurate, and ultimately not all that illuminating. For example, a quiz titled “Are you a giver or receiver?” mostly asked about dominance and submission – a separate concept from giving vs. receiving, as most kink educators could tell you – while a different quiz on impact play essentially just told me that I’m into impact play, which I already knew, rather than offering any insight on how I might explore that further or what specifically draws me to impact.
  • Overwhelming/excessive at times: This app is packed full of so many features that I think it could easily scare off some nervous newbies. I know from working in sex shops that BDSM beginners often feel overwhelmed as-is, because they’ve already battled through layers of shame and stigma just to be able to admit they might be kinky. The sheer number of features in this app could make them feel out of their depth, instead of encouraging them to dip a toe into kinky waters. It also annoyed me that the app only saves the activities you rate if you rate an entire category of activities (e.g. the “strict femdom” category contains 40 activities), so if you have to stop midway through, none of the activities you’ve rated to that point will be saved. This makes the app even more intimidating, because you can’t “microdose” it by just rating a few activities here and there when you have time – you have to commit to going through a long list of them before they’ll save.
  • Not good for trans people: Upon downloading the app, my wife filled out her basic profile, including indicating that she only wanted to be referred to with feminine terms. Shortly thereafter, we tested out the A.I. scene planning feature, and it immediately misgendered her(!!) and made erroneous assumptions about our sexual anatomy. As-is, I would recommend that trans and nonbinary people avoid this app for the time being. I hope better guardrails are put into place in the future, because (needless to say) this type of unnecessary technological misstep could ruin someone’s scene/night.

Final thoughts

I think the BeMoreKinky app is an admirable effort to make kink more accessible to the masses – not everyone is as comfortable yapping about their deepest sexual desires as I am(!), and sometimes an external resource, like an app or a book, can be immensely useful in jumpstarting these conversations.

That being said, I worry about the perils of bringing A.I. into the bedroom with us. Even setting aside more extreme or existential concerns like A.I.-induced psychosis and environmental impact, outsourcing your scene-planning to a robot robs you of the opportunity to practice thinking (and kinking) for yourself. It distances you from your partner in an intimate arena that can otherwise feel soul-affirmingly connective. It introduces the possibility of boner-killing awkward errors, like misgendering your sweetheart or yourself due to a coding oversight. And in this case, it does all this without adding much value that couldn’t be equally gleaned by just having the guts to talk to your partner about sex.

I feel similarly about BeMoreKinky as I did about the Fifty Shades series, which is to say: I’m concerned about damage it may do and misconceptions it may propagate, but at the same time, I’m happy for the people it may help to discover themselves and their sexualities, and I deeply hope that the good ultimately outweighs the bad. Sometimes we have to make such trade-offs in our continuing efforts to, uh, be more kinky.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the app. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: SoleHole foot fetish toy

Kate Sloan
It comes in a little plastic jar. What’s not to love?

Dear foot fetishists: It is so rare that I get to address you directly, because the sex toy industry so rarely acknowledges your existence. Sure, they’ll throw you a bone every once in a while, in the form of a foot-shaped dildo or stroker – but if you’re anything like the foot fetishists in my dating history, you prefer real human feet and all the beautiful complexity they bring to the table: smells, tastes, textures, the whole shebang. And who can blame you? (Not me, certainly! This is a fetish-positive blog!)

However, today I come to you with news worth rejoicing about: There is a new foot fetish toy on the market which could very well give your sex life the upgrade you’ve been craving. It’s called the SoleHole, and I screeched when I got the email offering me one to review, because I’ve genuinely never seen a toy like this before.

Helpful diagram via SoleHole

What is the SoleHole?

Picture, if you will, the humble footjob. Typically, if you wanna jerk off someone’s cock between the soles of your feet (as so many foot fetishists enjoy), you have to contort yourself into an uncomfortable position, legs butterflied apart. You have to possess the hip/leg flexibility to be able to stroke your feet up and down your partner’s shaft, for however long it may take them to feel satisfied. Or, if you have mobility limitations like me, you or your partner might prefer to manually hold your feet together and slide them up and down using your hands, which can be tiresome in its own ways.

The patent-pending SoleHole is designed to make footjobs dramatically easier, more comfortable, and more pleasurable. It’s a soft, stretchy silicone sling that goes around your feet, holding them together to create a fuckable orifice of sorts between your soles.

That would’ve been a cool enough design on its own, but the SoleHole’s creators also added some nubby texture on the inside of the sling, to make it even more stimulating. The product retails for $49.

Probably the only uncensored foot pic you’ll ever see on this blog! Click here if you’re thirsting for more of my feet…

My experience with the SoleHole

My wife and I have attempted footjobs a few times before, because she’s into feet and thinks mine are cute (🥰), but it hasn’t always gone great for me – my hips are so inflexible/painful due to my chronic illness that I usually end up sore and exhausted by the time we’re done. I’ve enjoyed these encounters on a psychological level, though, since it’s hot to see my partner experiencing so much pleasure from my body – so I was excited to try an assistive product that might make footjobs comfier for me.

Getting the SoleHole onto my feet took under a minute the first time, and will take even less time in subsequent sessions, because the process is easy once you’ve gotten the hang of it: you slip the sling onto your feet and then wrap the long silicone strap under, around, and over the top of your feet (SoleHole’s diagram, above, explains it better than I can!).

I got my partner’s cock hard by sucking it for a while, and then came time to lube up the SoleHole. I’d suggest a thick water-based lube for this – we used Sutil Rich, my all-time fave – because silicone-based lubes could damage the toy; however, something like coconut oil could also work, as long as you don’t plan to progress to vaginal sex and/or sex with a condom after your footjob adventure (oils break down latex and aren’t great for vaginas). I applied lube to the soles of my feet and to the textured internal parts of the SoleHole, while my partner applied some to her dick as well, for maximum glide.

After some debate about positions, we settled on her standing by the edge of the bed while I laid down on the bed, my legs stretched out toward her. She slid her cock into the toy, between my soles, and we both moaned: it really did look and feel like my feet had been temporarily turned into an orifice for her to fuck. From my angle, I could see the head of her dick pushing back and forth between my soles with each stroke; it turned me on much more than I was expecting, because it reminded me of videos I’ve jerked off to before wherein a cock is filmed head-on (so to speak) thrusting into an open-ended stroker. The view was super sexy, almost like getting an X-ray view of what dicks must look like when they’re thrusting inside my cunt – except it was my feet!

It actually kind of felt like it was my cunt in some ways, especially as my partner got more turned on and started thrusting more decisively. I felt the impact of each thrust throughout my body, and had to grip the sheets to keep myself anchored, just like when my pussy gets fucked. It got me thinking about how the SoleHole could be great for people who want to have penetrative sex but can’t for some reason, whether that be vaginismus, pregnancy concerns, or whatever else; using the SoleHole is a form of outercourse that can feel surprisingly like intercourse!

Relatedly, my wife pointed out that plenty of transfeminine bottoms would enjoy getting fucked this way, whether or not they also bottom for penetrative sex; it could be affirming to see/feel someone thrusting into a “hole” that’s located between your legs, in line with your genitals, even though your feet are a little further away than your junk. (On that front, I love that the company went with a relatively gender-neutral purple for this toy, although my partner said she would’ve preferred a sleek-looking all-black one.)

Because the SoleHole was holding my feet together for me, I didn’t have to concentrate so hard on keeping my legs spread properly, which freed up some mental space and muscle strength that I was able to expend on my feet instead, gripping and stroking a little as my wife continued fucking me there. The position still hurt my inflexible hips, but nowhere near as much as it usually does, and I probably could’ve sidestepped that difficulty entirely by doing a gentle warm-up beforehand. (What can I say; I get impatient to try innovative sex toys!)

I was surprised by how quickly my wife came – under five minutes, I think! – but I guess I shouldn’t have been: she does love feet, after all, and this was a highly novel experience for us both! The SoleHole allowed me to watch her orgasm happen – both her facial reaction and her clit twitching – which was wildly hot, and I say that as someone who normally isn’t even all that turned on by visuals.

As we lay there in the sweaty afterglow – my still-SoleHole-clad feet draped over her spent body – we discussed what the toy had felt like. My wife loves that the SoleHole‘s design allows her to feel my actual feet, and not just the silicone of the toy – for that reason, she said, it’s clear that this product was made by people who actually fetishize feet, not just people who are trying to fill a hole in the market (so to speak)! She observed that the texture on the inside of the toy increases pleasure/stimulation without obscuring the sensation of the feet themselves. The tightness was good for her, too – I imagine the toy might feel different depending on the wearer’s foot size, but I’m a women’s size 8 and, for both of us, the SoleHole felt comfortably secure: not too loose and not too tight.

At the end of the session, my wife gently removed the SoleHole from my feet and went to go wash it in the bathroom sink. I wiped the leftover lube off my soles and settled back into bed, sighing serenely at the pleasure of having been fucked in a (w)hole new way.

The SoleHole’s internal texture (photo by mb)

Final thoughts

Normally when reviewing a toy, I mention any drawbacks or concerns I might have about it – but I really can’t think of anything to complain about when it comes to the SoleHole! It has one job, and it does that job very well. Foot fetishists and their open-minded partners will adore this product; I foresee it gaining cult status quite quickly, because I’ve never seen anything like it, in all my 14+ years of reviewing sex toys!

I think $49 is a fair price for this toy, given that it’s made of body-safe silicone and probably took a decent amount of research & development to perfect. My partner loved it so much that she immediately ordered another one to use with one of her other partners, which almost never happens!

As far as I’m concerned, the SoleHole is up there with toys like the Balldo and blowjob mirror in terms of innovation. Foot fetishists have long been overlooked by the sex toy industry, but no longer: the SoleHole is here, and it’s amazing. That’s one small step for the sex toy industry, one giant leap for foot-lovers worldwide!

 

This post was not sponsored, though SoleHole did send me their product for free so I could try it out! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What Can (and Can’t) You Learn From Watching Porn?

Kate Sloan
Photo by mb. Just imagine I’m attending a porn screening in this picture, although it was actually an improv show…

There’s perpetually a firestorm of discourse about porn – whether it’s good or bad, realistic or unrealistic, helpful inspiration or misguided misinformation. Personally I think porn can teach us a lot, but people often take the wrong lessons from it. So what can you actually learn from porn, and what can’t you? Here are my thoughts on the matter; I’d love to hear yours in the comments…

 

Things you probably can’t learn from porn:

How to initiate sex

Porn scenes often dive right into the action, which is reasonable – if you’re surfing a porn website, you might very well have one hand down your pants already! But in real life, often you have to (or want to) ease into sex much more gradually, to ensure everyone’s ongoing comfort and consent. This is especially true if you and/or your partner have “responsive desire” (to borrow a term from sexologist Emily Nagoski), in which case initiation might involve slow-burn activities like flirting on a dinner date, making out on the couch, or cuddling naked in bed. If you’re not sure how your partner prefers sex to be initiated, talk it over with them!

Sexual techniques your partner(s) will like

While some porn purports to be educational (and some actually is!), often you’re just seeing techniques that are designed to be visually stimulating, which may or may not actually feel good to the people involved. For instance, when someone is going down on me, I prefer a suction-based technique where my clit is inside someone’s mouth for a lot of the time, but that doesn’t always translate well to porn because you can’t see exactly what they’re doing with their tongue in there! You can certainly look to porn for inspo, but it’s not an instruction manual – for details on how to please your specific partner, you’ll need to ask them yourself, and/or try things out and see what they respond to.

How to do aftercare

I’ve almost never seen aftercare represented in porn, which makes sense – for a lot of us, our post-porn-watching ‘aftercare’ is just closing our laptop and moving on with our day/night! But in real life, whether the sex you’re having is kinky or vanilla, most people appreciate a calming comedown of some sort. Cuddling is a common aftercare staple, for instance, as is pillow talk about the sex you just had. Don’t forget water and a little snack if you need one – sex can be quite a workout sometimes!

 

Things you actually can learn from porn:

Dirty talk skills

Porn stars are, quite literally, pro-level dirty-talkers. It’s a skill well worth learning, given that 91% of people are turned on by it! You don’t have to copy the exact phrases and cadence of your favorite porn stars, but you can use their style as inspiration when developing your own. Whether your roadblock to dirty talk is sexual shame, nervousness, or just not knowing what to say, it can help to listen to porn stars’ salacious parlance and maybe even practice repeating aloud the things they say, so you get used to the way filthy words feel in your mouth.

What high levels of arousal feel like for you

Not everyone struggles with this, but some people experience what’s called “arousal non-concordance”: a frustrating mismatch between your levels of physical and mental arousal. There are many reasons this can occur; for me, I know that I’m prone to dissociation from my body due to trauma, so I sometimes don’t even notice that I’ve gotten physically turned on – or, on the flipside, I might have a mental desire for sex while feeling frustratingly little physical arousal. Porn can be helpful in this regard, because it helps me reach high arousal levels both physically and mentally while alone in the privacy of my room – and the more familiar I become with how that arousal feels in my body and brain, the easier it is for me to recognize it and foster it with partners.

New stuff you might want to try

You can read about certain kinky proclivities all day long, but it may not give you a sense of whether you’d actually enjoy doing those things. Porn, on the other hand – especially the hyper-realism of VR porn (see all studios here for more on that) – can be more vivid and thus more illuminating. There are lots of kinky things I didn’t quite “get” until I saw them done in porn, at which point I wanted to try them out ASAP!

 

What have you learned from porn, dear readers? Feel free to let me know in the comments!

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.