boots

Can You Give Yourself a Fetish (On Purpose)?

Kate Sloan
Photo by mb. Hot sexy fetishizable boots by Frye.

Of all the unanswered questions in human sexuality, perhaps the one that puzzles me most is “Where do kinks and fetishes come from?” There are so many different explanations out there – several of which are scientifically supported – that it’s hard to come up with a unifying theory on the subject. Maybe our horny human minds are just too complex to be pinned down like that!

Part of the confusion stems from stigma – because, unfortunately, some people only ask “Where do kinks come from?” in an attempt to get rid of a fetish they’re ashamed of, or to gather psychological ammo for shaming a fetishist in their life. But with very few exceptions, those people can fuck right off.

Personally, I think the immense variety of kinks is worth celebrating, not suppressing – and so, when I’m wondering about the origins of kinks, it’s often in service of these two underlying questions: How can I lean into my partners’ kinks, and my own, in the most satisfying ways? And how can we gain even more new kinks to enjoy?

That last question has actually been addressed by science. Lemme tell you about it!

 

The rubber boots study

Fetish formation was studied way back in 1966 (yes, 60 years ago!!) by a researcher named S. Rachman at London’s Maudsley Hospital, who tried to induce a rubber boots fetish.

The study had just 3 participants, all “unmarried psychologists” and ostensibly cis straight men. They were shown images of “black, knee-length woman’s boots (a common fetishistic object)” in between slides of “attractive, naked girls,” with the idea being that sexual arousal from the nudes would be redirected onto the boots, creating a Pavlovian link between boots and pleasure. Arousal was tracked via a phallo-plethysmograph, a stretchy ring that goes around the penis and measures its bloodflow.

Rachman successfully induced a kink for boots in all three men, meaning that they got aroused from the boot pics even without a boob-based pre-show – although, interestingly, the study notes that all three participants experienced “spontaneous recovery” from the fetish just 4-7 days after gaining it, suggesting that kinks formed through deliberate association are probably weaker and more malleable than kinks that seem to arise spontaneously/without you doing anything to foster them.

This study was small and was conducted a long time ago, so it’s hard to extrapolate anything meaningful from it, but I think about it regularly nonetheless. I wonder if kinks formed in this Pavlovian way are like an initial spark when you’re trying to light a fire – they could grow into something blazingly bright and beautiful, but only if you keep ’em well-fuelled with firewood (erotic stimuli, fantasy, repetition) and protect them from the wind (shame, distraction, social and cultural pressures).

 

The penny jar study

Another study, published in the journal Behavior Modification in 1999 and conducted by Joseph J. Plaud and James R. Martini, used similar methods to the rubber boots experiment, in an attempt to induce a fetish for a jar of pennies. They arrived at the same outcome as the other study: there was “a significant increase in penile tumescence to a previously neutral stimulus that originally elicited no tumescence.”

Notably, the researchers tried different ways of ordering the stimuli – naked girls first and then pennies, and also the inverse – and found that this type of conditioning only works when you get horny and then encounter the thing you’re trying to fetishize. So if you’re looking to try this conditioning method in your own sex/kink life, think carefully about your order of operations when planning your sexy slideshow!

With its small sample size of just nine participants, this study doesn’t offer universal answers about how fetishes can be formed – in part because, as the authors themselves point out, “Only males have been studied in these experiments, which provides no data about patterns of sexual arousal in females” – but it’s interesting that both studies found we can pick up new kinks if we want to. What an inspiring fact for those of us who are always looking to expand our sexual horizons!

This study doesn’t comment on how long the participants’ fetishistic associations lasted, like the other one did, so it’s hard to say whether Pavlovian conditioning can actually create a long-term, enduring, capital-F Fetish in somebody. But at the very least, you could use these techniques to install a short-term arousal trigger, which might or might not linger after your scene is done. Could be a fun science experiment to try on your next date night… Let me know how it goes!

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Objects I’m Loving Lately

Kate Sloan

Since packing up my entire life to move to a different country, I’ve been more aware than ever before of how important my possessions are to me. Sure, in theory it would be great to embrace a minimalistic, monastic lifestyle (and it’d sure save you a pretty penny on moving expenses!), but ultimately I just love stuff too much to ever give it up!

To that end, today I thought I’d tell you about a random assortment of objects that have been bringing me great joy lately, since I believe in sharing the love…

Nike Air Force 1 custom sneakers

I bought these back in 2022, customizing the color combo myself using Nike’s online design tools, because I was having a major lovecore phase. (Still am, frankly!) They are totally garish; I call them my femme clown shoes. But they’re also wonderfully comfortable and practical; I frequently wear them on long walks, and they were my go-to shoe for my recent run of musical improv shows. They’re looking a bit worse for wear and could use some leather care, but I love how loud they are; people are constantly complimenting them!

Leatherology large clamshell makeup bag

Gotta love a makeup bag that’s roomy enough to fit my ENTIRE daily makeup and skincare regimen! This one is made of gorgeously soft red leather and is perfectly sized for my needs. One bummer is that the zipper pulls are starting to fall off, just a year into owning this bag, but other than that, I love it.

eos Shea Better 24H Moisture body lotion in “Vanilla Cashmere”

Skincare brands are constantly sending me press releases, even though I only cover sex toys, because oftentimes all “wellness” products get grouped together in the journalism world. This brand still wanted to send me their lotion even after I explained that my beat is masturbation, not moisturizer… and I totally fell in love with the stuff! It’s super hydrating, not overly greasy, and makes my skin smell like I’ve been rolling around in vanilla cake batter. I love applying it right when I get out of the shower, while I’m getting ready for a date, or to spend time with a crush – it makes me feel effortlessly sexy and feminine.

Silver hoop earrings

There’s no brand on these, so I assume they were an impulsive purchase from some generic chain store at the mall years ago. I’ve recently gotten back into them in a big way. As a kid/teen, I always thought hoop earrings looked so cool and sexy, but I had an irrational(?) fear that something would get caught on them and cause some carnage… I guess I’m finally brave enough to run that risk these days 😅

Sigg 34-ounce recycled metal water bottle

I’ve loved Swiss brand Sigg’s super design-y metal water bottles for a long time, and upgraded to this massive one recently. I am chronically, shamefully dehydrated, which is really not good (“Hydrate or die-drate,” as my wife would say), but it helps to have a cute-looking water bottle on my desk at all times. This one is a stunning iridescent blue.

Epomaker TH40 mechanical keyboard

My “daily driver” (as the keyboard nerds say) is a larger keyboard, the Epomaker Galaxy80, which I adore – but at some point I decided I wanted a tiny keeb for when I travel, and this little 40% model fit the bill. I swapped out the switches for Akko Fairies on the alphanumerical keys and Akko Penguins on the modifiers; both are silent switches, so this thing is really quiet. I also put some new keycaps on there, and removed the keyboard’s built-in wrist strap so I could replace it with a sleeker-looking black pleather one. It’s a little tricky to get used to a 40% layout, but this article helped me a lot.

Gold/diamond/emerald panther ring

When my bubbie (grandmother) passed away many years ago, she specifically left this ring to me in her will. I have always wondered why she picked this piece for me in particular; my favorite color as a kid was green, so maybe it was as simple as she thought I would like the panther’s gleaming emerald eyes. But I also like to think that she saw some panther-like courage and tenacity in me that she wanted to celebrate, even after her death. I’ve rediscovered it lately and have been wearing it every day. 💚

Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” eau de parfum

The “nose” behind Euphorium Brooklyn is a man named Stephen Dirkes, who my partner once hired to make a custom perfume for me as a gift. I still love that scent (it’s called Aimanté), and have also become enamored with various other Euphorium scents over the years, like this one, Suédois. It’s deeply androgynous and sexy, featuring sensuous notes like leather, sandalwood, nutmeg, patchouli, and Bavarian cream. Just divine!

Pink heart-shaped sticky notes

I believe in making your life as beautiful as you can, in the ways that make you happiest – which is why I prefer heart-shaped sticky notes over the boring square yellow kind. They delight me whenever I look at them!

Dr. Martens 1490 boots in black smooth leather

I’ve owned far too many pairs of Doc Martens in my life, from the shiny black calf-height ones my friends bought me for my birthday in high school, to the blue metallic ones I rocked in college, to the rainbow glitter ones I got in my twenties. But my favorites at the moment are definitely these basic black leather 10-eye Docs. They’re stompy and punky and fun, and they instantly androgynize any femme-leaning outfit. Love ’em.

D’Addario Nexxus 360-degree rechargeable guitar tuner

This is the best instrument tuner I’ve ever owned! It was a gift from my brother, who is very smart. I love that it’s conveniently rechargeable via micro-USB, and that it helps me get my ukuleles perfectly in tune every time, even in loud environments where I can barely hear myself play.

Oliver Hibert tarot deck

I’m over the moon for Oliver Hibert’s art. I would have one of his paintings framed on every wall of my apartment if I could afford it! A few years ago I saved up and bought myself his tarot deck, and I’ve been so pleased with it ever since. It’s so visually striking that it evokes emotions in me easily, making it ideal for the kinds of things I like to use tarot for (self-reflection and songwriting inspiration, mainly). All hail the psychedelic brilliance of Oliver Hibert!

 

What objects are bringing you joy lately? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

December has begun, and so it’s time for my annual “12 Days of Girly Juice” series!

2021 was a weird year in similar ways to how 2020 was – full of unpredictable chaos, medical anxiety, and untold tribulations. But there were still things to enjoy this year, and this series will once again highlight some of them. To start us off, here are 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my life in 2021…

 

Pink metallic Jeffrey Campbell cowboy boots

These were a gift from my love and I adore them. They immediately elevate otherwise-boring outfits to flashy works of art. They get compliments everywhere I wear them. They’re like the brightest, shiniest parts of my personality, distilled into a pair of boots.

I’ve loved cowboy boots since I was a teen, when I would wear them with all sorts of wild outfits. They add a certain air of rough-and-tumble-ness to otherwise feminine ensembles, which has always felt right to me as a queer femme who grew up as a tomboy. These Jeffrey Campbell ones are just the next step in my ~cowboy boots journey~!

 

Tarina Tarantino red heart necklace

I’ve written about these necklaces before, but this year I acquired a new one for my collection in a shade of rich, bright red, and I love it. It’s wild how many outfits it goes with. It instantly jazzes up more casual ensembles, while bringing a sense of whimsy to my fancier looks.

Most memorably, I wore this necklace to my book launch party, knowing that it would make a lovely pendulum for our hypnokink demo – and it did! It felt like a magic trick, turning a piece of jewelry into a kink implement right before the audience’s eyes. I hope to add at least a couple more of these heart necklaces to my collection eventually!

 

Yokoo extra-large Warmer cowl in blueberry

Yokoo Gibraan makes some of the cutest, coziest knitwear on the planet. I saved up and bought myself a small red cowl from this shop when I was in university, but more recently I was able to get a larger one in a gorgeous shade of navy blue.

Having suffered from seasonal depression and poor circulation my entire life, winter is usually a dreadful, saddening time for me; too often I spend my days indoors with soup and a heating pad, even if I’d like to venture outside, because the cold is so depressing and uncomfortable. So it makes a big difference in my life if I can actually feel warm enough when I go out. Putting on this cowl over a coat or sweater brings some instant cozy cheer into my day, and for that, it was well worth the price.

 

Coach Cashin Carry tote in pink

This was definitely one of my most-used bags of the year. I had mb buy it for me as a findom present while I was staying in NYC in early 2021, but we had it sent to my home in Toronto and my travel got repeatedly delayed, so I wasn’t actually united with this bag until I got back to Canada at the end of April – but as soon as I saw it in person, I was delighted that it was mine.

Surprisingly roomy for its petite size, this raspberry-pink structured leather tote is based on a 1969 design by Bonnie Cashin, Coach’s first lead designer. I love bags that look like they could have been made in the ’50s or ’60s, so this is right up my alley. I love that it can be carried by the handles or by its crossbody strap, and that it’s small enough to be unobtrusive but large enough to carry my notebook, wallet, glasses, phone, lipstick, hand sanitizer, pill box, and more.

 

“101 Kinky Things” custom-stitched hat from Printful

Shortly before my book launched, I decided I wanted to own some kind of “merch” featuring its cover text, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted. I experimented with mugs, tote bags, face masks, and other memorabilia on various custom-printing sites, but eventually I discovered that Printful.com will custom-stitch text or imagery onto the front of a snapback hat for you, and I was sold.

After working with me to finalize stitching color and placement, Printful sent me this beaut. I feel weirdly confident every time I wear it – and as a bonus, sporting it around town is basically free advertising for my book 😂

 

Kay Jewelers cultured pearl necklace

I wrote earlier this year about my love of pearl necklaces, and that love has endured. A simple string of pearls renders an outfit instantly classic and complete.

As someone who’s always loved “high-low” pairings, like wearing cowboy boots with a cocktail dress, I especially adore adding pearls to outfits that feel more 2021 than 1951. They feel like a link to my femme lineage, a timeless item that looks equally good on me as it would’ve on a mid-century housewife.

 

Black KN95 masks

Once again this year, face masks were an everyday necessity for many of us, and once again, I did my best to only wear ones that are comfortable, functional, and acceptably good-lookin’. They might not be the most glamorous item, but they were inescapably part of my “look” every time I went out this year, so I had to find ones I liked!

My everyday go-to masks this year were black KN95s, which my spouse introduced me to. They have a fantastic nose wire, are plain and relatively unobtrusive, and match every outfit. Sometimes, if I feel like wearing a more “fashion-y” mask that’s not as well-made, I’ll layer it over a KN95 to make sure I’m getting enough protection while still looking adorable. They’re an all-around great pick and I’m glad to have found them.

 

Calvin Klein modal slips

Calvin Klein makes some of my favorite sleepwear, and – as we’ve discussed – for me, there’s often a great deal of overlap between my sleepwear, loungewear, and casual outdoor outfits, so their stuff ends up playing a bigger role in my life than just being what I sleep in.

In particular, my short black modal slip and longer red modal slip from CK have gotten a ton of wear this year. I remember when I arrived at the hotel where I had to quarantine for 3 days alone after arriving home to Toronto in April, I felt so out of sorts from all the travel, COVID tests, etc., but as soon as I took a bath and slipped into my red CK clip, I felt so much better. It’s the type of clothing that makes life feel more beautiful and comfortable, and I really can’t ask for more than that.

 

Marissa Zappas “Paradise Edition” and Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” perfumes

I don’t really wear perfume often enough for these to warrant their own separate entries, but they were definitely the scents I wore most this year. The perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume to accompany a book of poetry written by Rachel Rabbit White, the poetess and former sex worker/sex journalist, who I’ve admired for many years. When I read that the scent was ’90s-inspired and contained breezy notes like jasmine and bergamot, my curiosity was piqued, so I ordered a sample… and I ended up loving it so much that I eventually ordered a full-size bottle! I’m glad I snapped it up; it was limited edition, and it’s so endlessly sexy, girly, and serene that I would’ve been sad to say goodbye to it when my sample ran dry.

There’s also Suédois by Euphorium Brooklyn, the same parfumerie that my partner collaborated with to make me a custom perfume for my birthday a few years back. I like Suédois because it’s a leather scent (very sexy) but not cold or harsh like some leather scents can be. It backs up the titular suede note with wildflower, sandalwood, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, which all combine to create a coziness seldom experienced in leathery fragrances. I’ve been wearing it a lot lately while lounging around the house and it makes me feel so good!

 

MeUndies rompers

Clothes from MeUndies have showed up on this list before, and for good reason: their modal fabric is some of the comfiest I’ve ever felt, and becomes more and more crucial to my life the more that chronic illness wracks my body.

Their rompers, in particular, were some of my fave items to wear around the house (and sometimes out of the house) this year. They’re so comfortable that I can barely feel them when they’re on (always a plus for someone who occasionally finds jeans and bras agonizing), and they have pockets! I wish I had one in every color.

 

Chrome-plated ash cane

My fibromyalgia symptoms were pretty rough this year, to the point that I decided to buy a cane for those days when my ankles and knees are screaming with pain. I wasn’t thrilled about having to get one, so I decided it had to be cute, so that I’d actually want to use it. I’m a femme; my accessories need to match my outfits!

I looked at lots of flashier ones, but eventually settled on this blue ash cane with a chrome T-shaped handle. It does what I hoped it would do in terms of helping me walk more easily, and its beauty makes me feel less depressed about being disabled, which is all I could really ask for.

 

Tiffany & Co. pet collar

When my now-spouse first collared me back in 2018, we knew that the collar itself was merely an object that symbolized something bigger and more abstract – our devotion to each other and to our D/s dynamic – and that, as such, we would likely need to upgrade to a new collar every once in a while. This is a normal thing in many long-term D/s dynamics, since most collars accumulate wear and tear over the years, or begin to feel less representative of the people who own it, so that an update may start to feel like the right choice.

At some point this year, I began seeing lots of targeted advertisements in my feeds for this Tiffany’s dog collar, because clearly the algorithms know me well. Tiffany’s made my engagement ring and our wedding rings, so mb and I thought it would be romantic and fun if this was our next collar. They gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary in November, and I love it! It’s definitely not as comfortable or flexible as a collar made for people, but I’m pretty sure that it will soften with use over time. The blue and silver color scheme is perfect, matches much of my wardrobe, and reminds me every time I see it of our marriage and our love. 💙

 

What fashion and beauty items made you happiest this year?

Behind the Seams: Pink Cowboy Boots!!

Kate Sloan

The past year has been an exercise in trying to find normalcy during a strikingly not-normal time. Some traditions can’t really be replicated when we all have to stay home as much as possible – but some can, and I’ve been doing my best to seize on all such opportunities.

One annual tradition of mine is taking my mom to see the Ross Petty pantomime at the Elgin Theatre. A handful of Toronto theatre geniuses put a different show together every year, usually telling a traditional story (e.g. Snow White, Robin Hood) through a modern lens. There are always flashy song-and-dance numbers, zany characters, and plenty of topical jokes. This past year, they obviously couldn’t do the show as per usual, so they livestreamed a highly produced holiday special loosely based on The Wizard of Oz. Naturally, I bought tickets for my mom and I as one of her Christmas gifts.

Her in Toronto and me in New York, we both got dressed up for the occasion, sat down in front of our respective TVs, and watched the show while texting each other the entire time. It was almost as good as crowding into front-row seats with her for the closing-day matinee like we always used to do.

What I’m wearing:

This was my outfit for mb’s 30th birthday livestream, during which we raised a bunch of money for the Trans Lifeline. Really simple ensemble, but sometimes those are the best ones!

Let’s talk about these boots, though… They are the Dagget style by Jeffrey Campbell, and I first saw them when the notoriously pink-adoring Gala Darling posted them to her Instagram story to ask her followers if we thought she should buy them. I don’t know if she ended up pulling the trigger or not, but I was immediately smitten and filed them away in my list of “things I would buy if I had unlimited cash.”

However, during one of my beloved spouse’s recent stints in chastity, we were both craving some financial domination, so I pulled up my list… and after going back and forth between the boots, a few different bags, and a cashmere sweater, we eventually decided the boots were the right call. I promised I would (lightly) trample mb with these fuchsia stunners once they arrived, and that certainly motivated them to hit “Add to Cart”! (I was true to my word, if you’re wondering…)

Speaking of “making” people buy me things for kinky reasons… I have an Instagram acquaintance from Germany who has a headphones fetish, and we recently got into a semi-flirty convo about headphones which culminated in him buying me this dreamy pair of Cowin E7s. I was mostly interested in them for aesthetic reasons (I mean, just look at them!) but they’ve actually turned out to be fantastic headphones for my purposes. You can use them wirelessly or wired, they have noise-cancelling functionality, they’re super comfy, and their battery life is epic (as of this writing, I haven’t had to charge them since their first charge about 5 weeks ago, despite near-daily use). Lovely!

What I’m wearing:

  • Pink fit-and-flare dress – H&M
  • Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
  • Metallic pink cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
  • Bright blue Cowin E7 headphones
  • Sparkly blue eyeshadow – Polar by Sugarpill (as with many glittery shadows, I think the best way to apply this one if you want extreme color payoff is to spray your eyeshadow brush with MAC Fix+ or another setting spray, and then dip it into the eyeshadow and apply it)

Sometimes it just feels good to dress up! I bought this dress to wear to a wedding a few years ago, and tossed it into my suitcase on a whim when I was packing for this extended stay in New York. It’s ended up getting more wear than I would have predicted, mostly because it feels definitively fancy and out-of-the-ordinary for me. When you’ve been bumming around in sweatpants and T-shirts all week, feeling increasingly depressed about the world, it can feel nice to throw on something pretty.

What I’m wearing:

I love to go out with mb, even if just for masked walks around the city. We always have fun together!

This whole post is basically an exercise in re-styling. Since I’ve been living out of two suitcases for the past few months, I’ve had far fewer options available fashion-wise than I normally do – but sometimes creativity comes from limitations. I’ve enjoyed finding different ways to wear just about every piece I brought with me, to make sure I get the most out of them and don’t get bored of my temporarily limited wardrobe. It helps enormously if your wardrobe has an overarching color palette – I have a lot of black, pink, and blue in my wardrobe, for example, so it’s very easy to match things!

mb’s adorable Mickey Mouse bag is from the Coach x Disney collection, which contains some of the cutest Coach bags I’ve ever seen. mb is a huge Disney nerd, and bought this one for themself when I pointed it out to them. I like that it’s also nearly the same shade of red as their company‘s logo!

What I’m wearing:

 

Fellow fashion fans, what have you been wearing lately?

P.S. Want more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!

Monthly Faves: Pillows, Podcasts, & Powerful Memoirs

Kate Sloan

Hope your COVID summer has been as stress-free as can reasonably be expected, loves. Here are some things I loved in August…

 

Media

• After devouring all three episodes of Netflix’s longform improv special series Middleditch & Schwartz when it came out, my partner and I started watching some similarly-structured specials performed by TJ & Dave. Longform improv is truly one of my passions and makes me feel so happy and hopeful even when the world sucks.

• The brilliant sex writer Girl on the Net went through a breakup recently and I really feel for her, especially since she writes such beautiful things about her feelings, in addition to the blisteringly hot erotica she’s best known for. I decided it was the right time for me to finally read her book, Girl on the Net: How a Bad Girl Fell in Love. It’s full of sexy and romantic stories, along with incisive commentary about what it’s like to be – and to date – a sex blogger. Needless to say, I loved it!

• Next I dove into Glennon Doyle‘s memoir Untamed, which is about how this “Christian mommy blogger” (god, I hate that so many people’s voices drip with misogyny when they use that term, but it is the most widely-used term for the type of blogging she’s known for) fell in love with a famous lesbian soccer player and then made the decision to uproot her entire life: leave her husband, restructure her family, and marry her new love. It’s a beautiful book containing a lot of wise insights about love, parenthood, and systemic sexism.

• I’ve been introducing my partner to The O.C., a show that I found very influential when I was 12-13. We’re watching (or re-watching, in my case) season 2, in which the stunning Olivia Wilde plays bisexual icon and punk bartender Alex Kelly, a characterization that I credit with making me realize I was bi all those years ago. It’s every bit as good as I remember it being – all the smarts of a nerdy primetime drama, crammed into the format of a syrupy soap opera.

• It’d been a few years since I played The Sims, but this month another wave of quarantine boredom hit me (what else is new, right?) so I bought The Sims 4 and a few expansion packs/add-ons. Been enjoying building elaborate houses and watching virtual lives play out on my computer in this weird era when our own actual lives can’t play out as planned.

 

Products

• After dealing with recurrent neck pain for a few weeks that seemed to be the fault of my flat-ass old pillows, I decided to splurge on Wirecutter’s most highly-recommended pillow, the Nest Easy Breather. It was absurdly expensive for what it is, especially when you factor in the currency conversion and import duties, but I figure there are few things more worth spending money on than the object I lay my head on each night. Anyway, it’s blissfully comfortable, as you would expect. Maybe one day I’ll be able to afford a whole set…

• These black sequinned Ugg boots were on sale recently and I’ve wanted Uggs for years – my old winter boots are falling apart – so I bought a pair. Since it’s still summer I’ve just been wearing them around the house like slippers, but OMG, they are so cozy and comfy. I think me buying Uggs is a good sign re: divesting myself of toxic fashion-industry norms.

• Is it weird to put cornstarch on this list?! I recently learned that rolling around your (pressed, cubed) tofu in a blend of cornstarch and spices before pan-frying causes it to crisp up real good. I feel like a culinary genius whenever I cook it this way, even though it’s actually pretty easy.

• My partner gifted me their old Apple Watch a while ago when they got a newer one, and I’ve been enjoying using it primarily as a step tracker during the coronavirus debacle. When I’m not getting nearly enough exercise, and I know exercise is good for my mood and my chronic pain, it helps to have some kind of external motivation imposed on me to get my steps in, even if that’s just seeing my step tracker tick upwards on a watch screen.

 

Work & Appearances

• Bex and I celebrated reaching the 200th episode of the Dildorks by telling silly stories of our various sexual milestones! We also interviewed the delightful Aryn about sexual astrology, chatted with two whip-smart researchers about their new book on sex and social media, and discussed subspace and topspace.

• In my weekly newsletter, I wrote about having romantic/sexy dreams about people you know IRL, three kinky fantasies my partner asked me to expand upon, the room where me and mb first kissed (and which we were definitely not supposed to kiss in), and our first financial domination scene, which involved luxe lingerie and a lot of negotiation.

• My brother is a fantastic guitar player, and we teamed up to cover the Hippo Campus song “Vines” when I visited my family recently. Always a pleasure playing music with Max!

• A lot of my work projects this month were things I’m not able to talk about in detail: another potential book project on the horizon, a game I might be developing for a publisher, and some ghostwriting for a pro domme client. Exciting stuff! I’ll tell you more when I can.

 

Good Causes

• The death of Chadwick Boseman from colon cancer this month was a shock to many. Donating to organizations that support Black people facing medical difficulties, like the Black Health Alliance or the Sisters Network, would be a lovely way to commemorate him and help other folks who are struggling like he was.

• J.K. Rowling is unfortunately still being a transphobic monster, so why not donate to an organization that supports trans people, such as the Black Trans Femmes in the Arts collective, the Trevor Project, or the Homeless Black Trans Women Fund?

• The Glad Day Lit Emergency Survival Fund is still raising cash to help support queer and trans artists impacted financially by COVID.