outfit

Behind the Seams: Beautiful Bags & a Cat Costume

Kate Sloan

August 10th, 2023

After spending the whole day at home working on an article about eco-friendly sex toys, I decided to take myself out for dinner at a fave local pub. Sometimes a long work day can make me want to curl up alone in my bed, shutting off my brain with video games or YouTube videos for hours at a time, but sometimes it makes me want go out instead, as a sort of reward.

At the pub, I drank a grapefruit radler and a Manhattan, and read a good chunk of The Candy House by Jennifer Egan, a novel which I’ve since finished. It’s a really interesting story about a Facebook-esque company that develops technology for offloading your entire memory onto a hard drive and viewing other people’s memories; the novel follows the development and fallout of these technologies, and poses some fascinating ethical questions. Would recommend!

What I’m wearing:

• Pale blue T-shirt – a gift from my friend Sarah (this is suuuuper soft and comfy so I have been wearing it a lot)
• Black high-waisted A-line skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Chucks
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni (after getting a new prescription at the optometrist recently, I promptly bought an updated version of the exact same sunglasses I had before… I just love the shape of these!)
• Blue/black/grey Coach Willis bag
• Rainbow earrings – 3DelightfulShop on Etsy (these go with every outfit, it’s kind of amazing)
• Apple Watch with red leather band

August 22nd, 2023

I was wary of wearing pink and red together until somewhat recently. Doing research on the lovecore aesthetic has opened my eyes to how cute these colors can look together. Who says you’re only allowed to wear them on Valentine’s Day?!

This is what I wore on a jaunt across the city to pick up my new glasses from the aforementioned optometrist. I had just recently bought this vintage red Coach Willis bag from an Etsy seller and was eager to show it off, so I built an outfit around it. Isn’t it stunning?! I love the shape of the Willis bag (as evidenced by the fact that you’ve seen two different ones already in this post) and have been lusting over the red ones for years, but they’re pretty rare and usually quite expensive on eBay etc. so I was surprised to get such a good deal on this one. I’ve been wearing it a LOT!

What I’m wearing:

• Pale pink T-shirt with a dominatrix on it – the gift shop at the Leather Archive in Chicago
• Red polka-dotted midi skirt – Forever 21 years ago
• Custom-color Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
• Red leather Coach Willis bag – vintage via TransientCreatures on Etsy
• Apple Watch
• Prescription sunglasses

August 30th, 2023

I wore this for a fun date uptown – we talked for hours over drinks and dinner on the starlit patio of a bar, and then drunkenly stumbled down the street into another, worse bar when the first one closed. I got a truly terrible Jungle Bird – should’ve known better than to order a complex, classic tiki drink from a chain establishment, tbh! Ah well, live and learn.

After we settled up, we walked over to the subway station and ended up making out pretty intensely against a tree for a while, giggling in the darkness. It was cute.

What I’m wearing:

• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew (a findom gift from my love)
• Red tank top – the Gap
• Black A-line skirt – ASOS (I swear I wear this at least once in almost every Behind the Seams post; it’s just a really good, versatile item)
• Black leather Chucks
• Red leather Coach Willis bag
• Black beanie with a ghost stitched on it – bought at a Vaultboy show

September 22nd, 2023

On this day, I had to go see a doctor for a medical examination that was required as part of my U.S. immigration application. I don’t know exactly why this is required, nor do I know why there’s only one doctor in the entire city of Toronto who is approved to do these exams, but that’s where I had to go.

After that ordeal – which involved blood tests and a chest X-ray – I wanted to go on a nice solo date to shake off the stress of the day. My local steakhouse is always great, so I took my Kindle there and had a lovely night.

What I’m wearing:

• Leopard-print skater dress – American Apparel
• Red cropped cardigan – Urban CoCo via Amazon
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red leather Coach Willis bag
• Red heart earrings of unknown origin
• Apple Watch

September 29th, 2023

My uncle was recently inducted into Canada’s Walk of Fame for his work in the 1970s rock band Rough Trade, which he co-founded along with the legendary Carole Pope. (I’d suggest starting with “High School Confidential” if you’ve never heard their music before; it’s their biggest hit and is a delightfully horny, gay rock song.)

The band had a show at a local music venue the day after getting inducted, and it felt like a celebration of their entire oeuvre. Kevan put me and a bunch of other family members on the guest list, and it was such a fun night out!

I put together this all-black ensemble because it seemed appropriate, and indeed, when I showed up, almost everyone in our group was also in all black. It’s just part of the Rough Trade aesthetic!

What I’m wearing:

• Black cropped tank top – Forever 21
• Black velvet skirt – probably also Forever 21
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black and rainbow leather satchel – from the Zatchels Pride collection

October 12th, 2023

Another all-black look… I went with my mom to a local screening of Hitchcock’s classic horror flick The Birds, and wanted to wear something gothy-looking that would also keep me cozy in the movie theatre. (They always crank up the AC so high, and cold is one of my fibro triggers!)

The black lip, incase you’re wondering, is a MAC liquid lipstick in the shade “Caviar.” I’ve only owned a few black lipsticks in my life but this is definitely the best one I’ve tried – it’s opaque in one swipe, lasts a decently long time, and makes me feel like a badass.

What I’m wearing:

• Black merino wool men’s sweater – was randomly included in an order I placed from the Gap years ago; they didn’t charge me for it and I was just like, guess this is mine now!
• Black modal slip (underneath) – Calvin Klein
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red leather Coach Willis bag

October 19th, 2023

Another date outfit (for a date with a different person this time)! We had drinks at a pub, laughed a lot, and then he walked me home and we fell into bed together for some shenanigans.

This bag gets compliments wherever I go. It’s really kind of perfect.

What I’m wearing:

• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• White men’s Hanes T-shirt (I bought a 4-pack of these recently and have been loving their androgynous flavor and how comfy they are)
• Black pleated skirt – Uniqlo
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
• Rainbow earrings – 3DelightfulShop

October 21st, 2023

A cozy look for cocktails and good conversation with a cutie who was visiting my city. We went to Civil Liberties, my absolute favorite. It was recently named the best bar in Canada by the 50 Best Bars list, and while I obviously haven’t been to every bar in Canada, I believe it!

I bought these high-heeled Blundstones recently after much deliberation. I’ve been wanting a black leather boot with a bit of a heel, for days when I feel like being a little fancier or more femme. I like the shape of these a lot and they’re decently comfortable; I wouldn’t want to wear them for a really long walk or anything, but they’re great for little jaunts around the city.

What I’m wearing:

• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew (I wear this soooo much, as evidenced by this post)
• Turquoise ribbed tank top – the Gap (I like that it lets you set your own cleavage level, lol)
• Black A-line skirt – ASOS
• Black tights
• Black high-heeled Blundstones
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
• Green knit beanie – Only
• Blue rhinestoned Tarina Tarantino heart necklace
• Apple Watch

October 28th, 2023

This was my “costume” (barely a costume) for my friend Samantha‘s Halloween party this past weekend. I went with my friends Dan and Sarah (pictured – aren’t their costumes adorable?!) and had a great time. Got to see some people I hadn’t seen in ages.

I was dressed, ostensibly, as a black cat. I’d been having a pretty rough fibro flare-up in the week leading up to Halloween and hadn’t had the brainspace to figure out a proper costume, but this worked just fine, and I felt pretty cute in it, so who cares.

What I’m wearing:

• Black velvet dress – H&M
• Black lace cat ears headband – Forever 21
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black vintage Coach Station bag – bought on eBay in 2012 and worn approximately one zillion times since then

 

What’s your favorite outfit you’ve worn recently?

West-Coast Cities & What I’d Wear

Kate Sloan

This morning, I received some great news in my inbox: my U.S. immigration interview has been scheduled for early November!

I haven’t mentioned it much here (or possibly at all?), but my spouse and I have been working with immigration lawyers for quite some time, putting together my application to move to the U.S. You would think it would be a simpler process, since my partner is an American citizen and we got married nearly 3 years ago (!!), but it’s been a bureaucratic labyrinth. I’m very glad (and very, very lucky) that we have professionals helping us through it.

Anyway, because my application is still pending, I’m not currently supposed to enter the States – so, naturally, I have been daydreaming about a lot of American cities that I want to return to, or visit for the first time, as the case may be. *wistful sigh*

I’m an east-coast gal – born and raised in Toronto, trying to move to New York – and, while I generally gel better with east-coasters culturally, west-coast cities nonetheless intrigue me. Here are a few I’d like to visit when I’m allowed to again, and some dreamy outfits I’d wear…

Portland

Undoubtedly my favorite west-coast city, Portland is full of impassioned weirdos, cool bookstores, and great coffee. (Also, incidentally, one of the best-stocked sex shops I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting, Spartacus Leathers.)

You’d look right at home in Portland wearing a plaid flannel shirt, skinny jeans, and boots (god, remember that odd-looking collaboration collection Dr. Martens did with Pendleton?! How very Portlandia), but I usually want to dress more femme than that. In a patterned dress, colorful cashmere cardigan, lace tights, and a pair of ever-ubiquitous Docs, I’d feel comfy enough for an hours-long jaunt betwixt the shelves at Powell’s, but would still be dressed-up enough for a drinks date at the Multnomah Whiskey Library afterward.

Since Portland is famously the “city of roses,” naturally I would incorporate a rose motif into my ensemble: a red rose hair clip, and earrings to match. Add a cozy scarf, a cute little crossbody bag, and a poppin’ red lip, and I’m ready to stroll through the rose garden with my sweetheart, even if it gets chilly.

Los Angeles

L.A. culture and New York culture are often regarded as opposites, but I think people from both cities have a flair for the dramatic, just in different ways. And since I love a themed outfit (which is one of the ways I have a flair for the dramatic), I’d have to dress up in a caricature of Californian glamor if I went there.

Pink and blue feel like very Cali colors to me. A blue silky tank top tucked into a Barbie-pink high-waisted skirt would be the ideal foundation for my outfit. I’d pair that with pink lips, pink heart-shaped sunglasses (very Lolita), and a pink heart necklace from my favorite L.A.-based designer, Tarina Tarantino. Sunscreen is a must-have for sunny California days, natch, as is an adorable Instax camera that matches my outfit. I’d bring along a blue moto jacket incase it got colder at night.

I wonder if Los Angeles escorts and strippers would have the best recommendations for where to get sexy high heels locally. These blue ones are by Manolo Blahnik, and while I could likely handle wearing them for the duration of a cab ride, dinner, and an improv show at the Upright Citizens Brigade, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to traverse the whole Hollywood Walk of Fame in them!

San Francisco

My main reason for wanting to go to San Francisco is that it’s a major hub for queer folks, so of course I’d want to dress in a loudly gay manner there. If ever there was a good reason to buy rainbow boots…!

I’d make sure to wear bike shorts under this flowy yellow dress, so I wouldn’t flash anyone if the breeze picked up as I walked along the Golden Gate Bridge. A shiny red jacket would keep me cozy in the event of wind or rain. And of course, gotta have coquettish red sunglasses and a red lip to match.

My look would be rather different if I was attending the Folsom Street Fair – think black leather and dominatrix vibes – but I think this would be the ideal outfit for daytime touristy shenanigans in the “city by the bay.”

 

What are your favorite west-coast cities, and what do you regard as the best things to do there? (Asking for a friend… The friend is me, when I’m allowed back in the USA!)

 

This post was sponsored by my pals at Slixa. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Solo Dinners, Writing Adventures, & Barbie

Kate Sloan

June 17, 2023

After recording my song video for the week, I changed into this for the rest of the day. (Not really sure why I almost always pick an outfit/”costume” for my weekly song videos; it’s just become part of the process for me at this point. That week’s song was a sardonic post-breakup anthem so I wore all black with a big red heart necklace.)

I wore this outfit to go to the park and write fanfiction while sitting on a bench. This has been one of my favorite pastimes these past few months – not just writing fanfic but specifically doing it while sitting outside, surrounded by people and birds and grass. The bustle of it seems to help with my creative flow, kind of like sitting in a café, only more summery. (Incase you’re wondering, the chapter I wrote on this day was a CBT-infused BJ scene.)

What I’m wearing:

• Dark green cropped T-shirt – Calvin Klein (it’s surprised me how often I’ve worn this since buying it – it’s just sooo comfy because it’s made of a modal blend)
• Dark blue plaid schoolgirl skirt – H&M; bought a size up from my usual size because I wanted it to sit at my hips and not my waist, so it wouldn’t be obscenely short on me (and honestly it’s still pretty obscenely short)
• Black leather Converse Chuck Taylor All-Star sneakers
• Tiffany & Co. dog collar
• Blue leather briefcase – Coach Outlet (it’s exactly the right size for me to slip my laptop, wallet, keys, phone, and headphones into it for jaunts to the park to write)

July 15, 2023

I wore this to go see a one-person show, starring and written by one of the kids who was on the high school improv team I coached in 2011-2012. I say “kid” but that was actually so long ago that they’re all adults now, doing amazing stuff out in the world.

I pretty much always have a great time when I go see theatre by myself. This particular theatre was enforcing a mask requirement so I didn’t feel too nervous about it COVID-wise. I laughed and cried and marvelled and it was a lovely night.

What I’m wearing:

• Hippo Campus T-shirt – a gift from my brother
• Navy A-line skirt – Old Navy like a decade ago
• Black leather Converse Chuck Taylor All-Star sneakers
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Custom-engraved “Daddy’s” heart-shaped lock from L’Amour-Propre worn on a chain

July 21, 2023

All the Barbie fever had me feeling hype about the color pink, so here’s what I wore a couple days before going to see the movie.

My partner and I have developed a protocol for my current ~secret project~ where, when I hit certain milestones, they pay for me to have a nice solo dinner out somewhere. So on this night I got dressed up and went for a luxuriant meal at my local fancy steakhouse. I was reading a long Sherlock fanfic on my Kindle, and sipped cocktails while eating scallops, steak, and mashed potatoes. Perfect self-date, if you ask me!

What I’m wearing:

• Black dress – Grace Karin (bought when I dressed up as Bettie Page for Halloween a couple years back)
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell, a findom gift from my love
• Pink and blue silk headscarf – a gift from my friend Sarah
• Tiffany & Co. dog collar
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni

July 23, 2023

My outfit to go see Barbie with some pals!

Dressing to a theme is so much fun. Some people on my Twitter timeline observed that we should all dress up for movies more often (those of us who like doing that, anyway) and I agree. Sometimes choosing a theme or goal aesthetic is the best way for me to motivate myself to get dressed and get out of the house, because I relish the femme challenge of it.

The movie was great! I only wished there was more Michael Cera, but, y’know. We can’t always get what we want.

What I’m wearing:

• Pink sequinned dress – Grace Karin
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Pink sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Pink KN95 mask – MaskC (I’m not wearing it in these photos but you can see it in my hand, and it was an important part of the overall look)

July 31, 2023

Another outfit for a cute solo date, this one a little more low-key – I went to my local British pub and had a delicious and indulgent meal while, again, reading Sherlock fic on my Kindle. I am a creature of habit.

The tote bag was a gift from the folks at Vibratex, the current makers and distributors of the legendary Magic Wand, and I love it. I’ve been putting various enamel pins on it, most of them Magic Wand-themed, to liven it up a little. I like that the message written on it is subtle enough that people don’t stare at me weirdly in public, but is a bit of a wink-wink-nudge-nudge to anyone who happens to know about the Magic Wand.

What I’m wearing:

• Navy T-shirt – Wythe Hotel (worn about a zillion times since I acquired it shortly after having my very meaningful 3rd date with my partner at said hotel)
• Black ruffly skirt – thrifted in 2007-ish; it’s been a loyal fave for many years
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• “I make magic happen” tote bag – gift from Vibratex
• My sub’s chastity key on a chain

August 1, 2023

A little androgynous flavor for ya!

I wore this to go have drinks with an old friend/FWB who I met when we both worked at the same sex shop. We had a lively discussion over dinner and drinks, and then drunkenly made out in front of a subway station for a while. Ideal.

Then I wandered over to my parents’ house and hung out with my mama for a bit, catching up on what’s going on with her.

What I’m wearing:

• White V-neck men’s T-shirt – Hanes
• Black high-waisted straight-leg jeans – Madewell
• Black leather Converse Chuck Taylor All-Star sneakers
• Hair styled in a way I’ve been doing it a lot lately, which involves applying pomade when it’s wet, combing it all back so it dries perfectly straight/flat, and then flat-ironing it to give it some extra polish

Behind the Seams: Lovecore, Landscaping & #LubeLife

Kate Sloan

November 2, 2021

Been so long since I wrote one of these posts that these looks are from ages ago! Yeesh! Oh well – enjoy this assortment of outfits, mostly from seasons that have now passed us by.

During the pandemic, when I haven’t been wearing sweatpants and nightgowns, I’ve been vacillating wildly between dressing colorful and hyper-femme, and dressing in a way that is more subdued and androgynous-leaning. I liked that this look incorporated elements of both; it made me feel very cute and like my gender expression was in line with how I felt on the inside.

Pearls truly go with everything, if you ask me. This hat doesn’t, but I wish it did.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made by Printful
• Dark grey T-shirt – borrowed from Matt, I think?
• Black skirt – ASOS years ago
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pearl necklace – a gift from Matt

December 24, 2021

Quite possibly the ideal Christmas Eve ensemble. I love to dress for an occasion!

I wore this to go over to my parents’ house for our typical Christmas Eve festivities, which include watching It’s a Wonderful Life while eating my mom’s legendarily good macaroni and cheese. I wanted to wear something that’d be comfy enough for lounging around with my fam but was still a little fancy and Christmas-y.

The Four Seasons Total Landscaping shirt makes me smile every time I wear it because that whole debacle with Giuliani was definitely the thing that made me laugh the hardest during that whole election week. It was one comical bright spot in what felt like all hell breaking loose.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Dark green Four Seasons Total Landscaping T-shirt – bought from the landscapers themselves; I cut off the hem and neckline
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black sequinned Ugg boots (these are soooo warm and comfy)
• Green knit beanie – H&M
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino

March 5, 2022

Sometimes Matt and I like to wear themed outfits for our phone dates, because we’re both nerdy in that particular way. On this night, we were planning on watching Spencer, the movie in which Kristen Stewart plays Princess Diana, so I did some research on famous Diana looks to help me put my outfit together.

I drew inspiration from the iconic ’90s silhouettes she was best known for wearing, and some of the bolder colors she wore. I also attempted a Diana-inspired makeup look, which was all about brown eyeshadows and pinky-nude lipstick.

I had also just recently gotten these Nikes in the mail after waiting over a month for them, so I was excited to show them off!

 

What I’m wearing:

• Blue dress – Joe Fresh (I originally bought this to wear on an anniversary date but it turned out to be much more conservative-looking than I thought it was gonna be; I usually like to show a little more skin on romantic occasions)
• Pink ribbon tied around my waist as a belt (I think this came with some PR mailer I’d received)
• Red socks – Gap
• Nike Air Force 1 low-top sneakers, in custom colors

March 25, 2022

I wore this out to a solo dinner date, one of my most treasured traditions. I eat dinner by myself, sip a martini and read a book on my Kindle. It’s truly the best.

I used to feel weird about doing this, but then I started to view it seriously as an important element of how I express self-love (in addition to, y’know, masturbation, the bread and butter of this blog). It’s a time when I can be totally alone – though surrounded by strangers – and just focus on relaxing and recharging. I especially like to do it at the end of a long work week, or when I’ve just hit an important deadline and want to celebrate. But also, it can be nice to do it for no real reason at all.

Later that night I had a terrible shrooms trip, but at least before that, I was well-fed…

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pastel tie-dye KN95 mask – a gift from my roommate Sarah
• Royal blue fit-and-flare dress – H&M
• Light blue cashmere cardigan – Autumn Cashmere, vintage via TheRealReal (I wore it to my wedding)
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Sparkly blue heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Raspberry leather crossbody bag – Coach

April 20, 2022

This cardigan is just perfect. I bought it at the height of my obsession with “lovecore” fashion, and have worn it countless times since then. It’s cozy as hell.

One of the most memorable times I wore it was during my first solo shrooms trip. I knew I might be freaked out during the trip, so I wrapped myself up in love – or at least, that’s how I knew my shroomy brain would interpret this cardigan. I think it did keep me safe on some level, because that was one of the most euphoric trips I’ve had.

This wasn’t that day, though. This was an outfit I wore on a date with a guy I’m occasionally seeing. We sat and had drinks together in his fancy loft apartment and then did some sexy stuff and then he sent me home in an Uber. Living my best life.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pink and red heart-print cardigan – Unique Vintage
• Black modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Black leggings – H&M
• Custom-color Nikes
• Raspberry leather crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask

May 5, 2022

I wore this on a date with that same guy. I bundled up because it was chilly and we’d previously had a date where we sat talking on a bar patio until my teeth were chattering from the cold. (That’s how you know the conversation is good – that you can be freezing and not care!) So this time I wanted to be prepared.

Black and red is a powerful color combo. I felt very confident in this ensemble.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Cranberry-red KN95 mask – MaskC
• Red knit cowl – an Etsy shop called Keely Devine that has since closed
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black “Honest Dead’s” tank top – Pineapple Pinup
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots

May 12, 2022

This is the kind of outfit that I really admire on other people but struggle to wear myself. I think I read too many fashion magazines as a teen and really absorbed the message that folks with pear-shaped bodies, like me, should always emphasize their waist with clothes. But fuck that. This is what I felt like wearing, because my body was hurting and comfort was my priority, and it looked cute!

Incidentally, the sweatshirt is from my alma mater, which had recently changed its name from Ryerson University to Toronto Metropolitan University because of its namesake’s ties to the genocidal residential schools system in Canada. (You can check out the Indian Residential School Survivors Society website to learn more about that, and to make a donation to help folks who’ve survived that horror.)

 

What I’m wearing:

• Ryerson School of Journalism sweatshirt
• Long red modal nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Black leggings – H&M
• Custom-color Nikes

June 26, 2022

This isn’t an ad, but: The lube brand #LubeLife recently launched a limited-edition birthday cake-flavored lube, and as part of their promotion for it, they sent out PR mailers to journalists which included the lube, an entire Milkbar birthday cake (I was so surprised!!) and this shirt, which I instantly loved.

The day before, Matt and I had gone out shopping together. I’d thought I was gonna buy a new pair of jeans and hopefully a black modal jumpsuit, but neither plan panned out. However, I did see this black pleated skirt at Uniqlo and immediately knew I needed it. I don’t care that I’m 30 now; I can still dress like a schoolgirl if I want to!!

 

What I’m wearing:

• White #LubeLife-branded muscle shirt
• Black pleated skirt – Uniqlo
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with red leather band from an Etsy shop called Jewlz4less
• Pale blue Coach Mercer satchel

Behind the Seams: Extra-Long Jam-Packed Edition

Kate Sloan

September 28, 2021

My mom’s birthday was just days after my book’s release day, and I had to travel to New York to do the launch event, so I wanted to take her out for a special one-on-one meal before I left to make it up to her.

We went to Mezes, a fabulous restaurant in Toronto’s Greektown area. My family and I lived in Greektown for about 25 years, so Greek food was a big part of my childhood and always feels nostalgic to me. Chicken souvlaki skewers with tzatziki, a Greek salad heaped high with feta, and some roasted potatoes = possibly the ideal meal. (I’m clutching my leftovers in a to-go box in one of these photos – can’t let any of it go to waste!)

My mom has a fun, girly sense of style so I usually like to dress cute when I hang out with her. She looked cute as hell too!

What I’m wearing:

• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black T-shirt underneath (unseen)
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask (these have become my absolute faves for my everyday pandemic needs; a good nose wire is crucial for someone with a formidable schnoz like mine)

October 3, 2021

Matt picked this outfit for me for a date night involving incredible omakase sushi followed by a stand-up comedy show at the Beauty Bar. A friend-of-a-friend was performing and we wanted to support them.

It’s a really wild venue – like a dive bar decorated by rockabilly drag queens. But the bartenders were friendly, the atmosphere was good, and the show was delightful.

Matt and I were wearing matching outfits, and we sat in the front row as we often do, so pretty much every comedian on the bill made a joke or two about our matchy-matchy vibes. The hazards of sitting in the front row, am I right?! (I’m kidding – it was all in good fun.)

What I’m wearing:

• Orange skater dress – American Apparel, vintage via eBay
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach

October 12, 2021

This was what I wore on my book‘s release day! I spent most of the day frantically posting things about it on social media, answering questions about it, etc. and also recorded an episode of the Bed Post podcast with the inimitable Erin Pim.

The actual book launch party wasn’t until the following day, so I had RSVPed “yes” to a party being thrown by the sex toy brand Womanizer at the Jimmy, a beautiful rooftop bar. The company was celebrating its seventh birthday by inviting a bunch of sex media VIPs to mingle over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. I get invited to this type of event semi-regularly but often have to decline because of geography (i.e. not always being in NYC or LA) or health (i.e. being chronically ill and sleepy as fuck), so it was fun to actually get to go to one!

At the party, Matt and I sipped martinis and chatted with several New York media people. I had a copy of my book in my bag and Matt kept finding excuses to show it to people and brag about me 🥰

The brand very generously sent us home with (among other things) an Arcwave Ion, which Matt had been dying to try. If you’re curious and want a preview of what my eventual review will say, listen to the latest Dildorks Patreon bonus episode!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay many moons ago

October 13, 2021

In pondering what I might want to wear to my book launch party, I scoured online stores for dresses in the colors of the book cover, black and gold… but eventually I remembered that I already had a dress in those colors! This beaut was a gift from my cousin and his girlfriend a couple Christmases ago and it was perfect for the occasion: classy, sparkly, and pretty.

The launch itself was soooo much fun! I will eventually write a whole post about it once I get the photos back from our photographer that evening, Ashe. I read some passages aloud from the book, did some kinky demos with Matt and Bex, and sold + signed copies afterward. There were tons of fascinating, lovely people there, all of whom I was so honored had come to my little event. Thanks so much to Matt, Bex, Ashe, and the KGB Bar for helping me put the whole thing together!

Also, doesn’t Matt look stunning?! Navy velvet is so perf on them.

What I’m wearing:

• Black & gold dress – gift
• Black tights – Hue
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (at one point during the evening this was removed from my neck so Matt could use it as a pendulum for our hypnosis demo – it’s a multi-use item!)

October 16, 2021

October is “Locktober” in the chastity community – many chastity kinksters get locked up for the entire month (with breaks as needed for hygiene and maintenance etc.), often also blogging/posting about their experiences. This year was Matt and I’s second time doing it. It wasn’t always easy, particularly since dominance requires more energy from me than I generally have these days, and I was dealing with work stress (i.e. my book launch) on top of some health issues, so I wasn’t able to be as responsible and focused a dominant as I would have liked. But it was still a fun opportunity to try new things, gain confidence in domination, and assign cute tasks to my partner that make us both happy.

Some of those tasks were related to financial domination, i.e. consensually “forcing” them to buy me things. One night, when they had given me the green light for findom, I gave them a slow, teasing handjob to almost the point of orgasm and then informed them that they’d have to buy me this bag if they wanted to be allowed to come. (I’d had my eye on it for quite a while…) Naturally, they succumbed, so now, the bag is mine! *maniacal domme laughter*

I wore this out to Rocco’s Steakhouse for dinner. Their service is always impeccable and their food is A+. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:

• Red dress – Winners years ago
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Pink chevron-stitched Coach Rogue bag – vintage via eBay, a gift from my love (the all-black version is also gorg)

October 17, 2021

My partner and I have had many, many, many conversations about gender – which makes sense, given that they’re nonbinary, we’re both bisexual, and I write about sex/kink/love/gender issues for a living. We were recently discussing our gender expressions and whether we feel like they fully reflect our gender identities, and I said that I’m comfy presenting as a mega-femme like 95% of the time but there is another 5% of the time when I crave dressing like a dirtbag teenage boy, basically. Matt told me that they would still find me attractive AF if I leaned more into that side of my style, and while I knew that, it was still good to hear.

This was my first time wearing a new pair of jeans I’d just bought at Madewell. It was an experiment in boyishness for an outing to a casual local omakase place. I think the experiment was very successful!

What I’m wearing:

• Dark blue T-shirt – Forever 21
• Tapered vintage-wash high-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made on Printful.com

October 24, 2021

Every so often, when I’m in New York, I like to check out the Museum of Sex to see what they’re up to. They were recently running a Betty Dodson exhibit, and Betty is a legend in the realm of sex-positive feminism, so I knew I had to check it out.

Matt and I went together and spent a few hours perusing the entire exhibit as well as the others on offer. We saw so many things: vulva paintings, robots fucking, up-close masturbation videos, cunnilingus sketches, a Whack-a-Mole-esque game involving jerking off dildos in a fake bathroom stall, and lots more. Should you ever find yourself in New York, I would recommend putting the Museum of Sex on your itinerary, if just because the sex shop in their lobby is as well-curated as the museum itself!

What I’m wearing:

• Purple “The Morning After” T-shirt – Threadless (I am normally somewhat squicked by both vomit and clowns but for some reason this shirt fills me with glee)
• High-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Apple Watch on a rainbow striped band

October 29, 2021

I was feeling truly uninspired when trying to come up with a Halloween costume (I mean, I’m in my late 20s during a pandemic, so maybe that’s par for the course). But I had recently re-watched The Notorious Bettie Page, a perennially inspiring biopic of the late great pinup model, and had felt (as I always do when I watch that movie) a pang of desire to cut my hair into her signature style. I just don’t have the energy to iron my bangs pin-straight on a daily basis, though, so I figured it made more sense to dress as her for Halloween.

Bettie doesn’t really have a signature outfit, per se – her most famous photos show her in everything from lingerie to bikinis to fetishwear to leopard-print bodysuits. So I decided to keep it classic and wear the type of sexy black dress she would’ve worn, paired with some period-appropriate heels and, of course, this terrific wig. I don’t know if anyone really knew who I was at the house party we went to, but whatever, I felt and looked cute as hell!

What I’m wearing:

• Bettie Page wig – a brand called Difei on Amazon (it came with a wig cap and a pair of false lashes!)
• Black wiggle dress – Grace Karin (the same brand that made my wedding dress, incidentally)
• Black mary-jane pumps – J. Adams (surprisingly comfortable)