outfit

August 7th, 2021

I wore this to the post office to ship a few copies of my book to various heroes of mine who’d agreed to blurb it (some of whom’s blurbs are on the book’s website now!). The whole reason I got dressed up ‘n’ dolled up was that I wanted to shoot some photos with the books before I sent them off. Being surrounded by copies of a book you wrote is a rush unlike any other!

As a side note, if those of you who buy my book would like to post some saucy selfies with it on Instagram using the hashtag #101KinkyThings, that would delight me beyond measure.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pink ribbed crop top – Forever 21
• Pink bralette – the Gap
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leather flats – J. Crew
• Tote bag – Her Highness
• Blue leather collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black KN95 mask
• Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush”

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August 11th, 2021

Rocking those rockabilly vibes. I wore this to record an episode of Question Box and then to go out for a solo meal at my local pub. Bandanas are ideal for days when I simply cannot be bothered to style my hair.

At the pub, I sat reading a book on my Kindle, as I almost always do when I go on a solo date anywhere. On this particular day I was re-reading Under the Dome, my favorite Stephen King novel and maybe my favorite novel, period. It’s so apocalyptic and chaotic a story that revisiting it took my mind off the chaos of our actual real-life world.

This was also the anniversary of one of my worst breakups, a day that makes me feel oddly sad every year even though it happened ages ago. Always good to combat feelings of dread, anxiety, and depression with a cute outfit!

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black and white gingham romper – MeUndies
• Red bandana – possibly the Black Market years ago
• Black leather flats – J. Crew
• Pink leather Coach Cashin Carry tote
• Rouge d’Armani matte lipstick in “Lucky Red”

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August 16th, 2021

Been feeling like a tomboy sometimes lately, or at least feeling more in touch with the gender-agnostic aspects of my queer femme style. Snapback hats make me feel like I’m embodying the androgyny of all the hot queers I had crushes on in high school!

I put on this semi-athletic outfit to record a podcast episode and then to walk down to the harbor and back (about a 30-minute walk each way), something I often do when I need to clear my head or just stretch my legs. When I got there, I sat on a bench by the water and read a book for a while, occasionally taking a break to people-watch or to text with friends. What a blissful afternoon!

 

What I’m wearing:

• Teal and purple “Think Positive” snapback hat – MaruHats on Etsy
• Red button-up tank top – the Gap
• Black leggings – American Eagle
• Turquoise/pink/purple Nike sneakers – a gift from my love
• Pink leather Coach Cashin Carry tote
• Apple Watch with rainbow band – inherited from my spouse
• Floral-print mask – an Etsy seller

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September 16th, 2021

Speaking of snapback hats… I ordered this absolutely perfect custom-stitched one, featuring the title of my book, from Printful.com. Originally I went on there hoping to order a mug with the title on it instead, or perhaps a face mask, but then I saw that they offered this type of hat and was instantly sold. It was probably the most expensive hat I’ve ever bought ($43.50 including tax and shipping), but it was so worth it – I feel cute as heck in it and wearing it makes me into a walking billboard for my own book!

I wore this to (once again) go for a solo meal at my local pub. (They are always so happy to see me there. I love being a regular!) I was reading Gala Darling’s book Hologram Heart, which is a thoughtful and dreamy analysis of the various ways in which our past patterns and traumas shape our behavior in relationships, and how we can break out of those old cycles in order to form healthier and more harmonious connections with people we actually like. Gala is, as ever, brilliant and inspiring!

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – Printful.com
• Blue T-shirt – American Apparel
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather Keith Haring Coach Rogue bag – gift from my love
• Black KN95 mask
• Revlon balmstain in “Sweetheart”

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September 17th, 2021

My mom invited me over to sip cocktails and hang out, and specifically told me to wear my new hat because she wanted to see it in-person, so I did. This was an ideal outfit for lounging around in her garden, martini in hand, while we caught up on each other’s lives.

Later that night, we watched a movie she wanted to show me, called Stalked by My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge. It was really goofy and broad, the way that Lifetime movies so often are, but it was entertaining in its own way, and (spoiler alert) had a surprisingly feminist subplot involving women conspiring together in order to bring down a problematic man.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – Printful.com
• Purple floral-print dress – H&M
• Turquoise bralette – Aerie
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Revlon balmstain in “Smitten”

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September 18th, 2021

One more outfit with this hat… for now, anyway…!

I wore this to go out to karaoke with my friends Dan and Sarah. Karaoke was one of the last activities the three of us did together before the world shut down in March 2020, so it was surprisingly emotional to return to it now that we’re all vaxxed. We were really excited to see our favorite karaoke hostess Elyse again – she brought the house down by beginning the evening with a mesmerizing rendition of “Wild Horses.”

I sang “Bouncing Off the Ceiling” by the A-Teens, a dependable bop. The bar had put safety measures in place such as sanitizing everything between singers and requiring that we each used our own “mic condoms” (i.e. microphone covers) when we went up to sing. We were specifically told, “No dancing in the aisles! Only dance in your seats!” but, well, people were pretty excited to be at karaoke again, so that rule wasn’t followed too stringently…

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – Printful.com
• Green tank top with rainbow triangle – bought from Tegan and Sara’s merch table at Pride several years ago; if I’m not mistaken, this design is by Emy Storey, Sara Quin’s ex-wife and long-time collaborator
• Black skirt – ASOS (I really wish I had bought more of these, I wear this one so much)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Coach Rambler bag in “hibiscus”
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather

June 30, 2021

My beloved and I had plans for a long-distance date, i.e. I go to a bar/restaurant in Toronto and they go to one in New York, and we talk on the phone throughout. I was in a good mood that day, and felt like getting a li’l dressed up, with false lashes and all.

I went to my local British-style pub to sit on their patio. They’ve had a pineapple mezcal margarita on their menu lately and it is a divine drink to sip in summer while on an outdoor phone call with one’s far-away love. ❤️

A pro tip if you are intrigued by the idea of this type of long-distance date: I have found it helpful to wait until after I’ve ordered my food/drink to start the phone call, mostly so that I can explain to the server what I’m doing and let them know it’s 100% okay to interrupt me while I’m on the phone because it’s not, like, a business call or anything. Oftentimes they even think it’s cute once I fill them in!

What I’m wearing:
• Yellow dress – H&M
• Yellow/pink striped silk scarf – probably thrifted at Value Village
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Black leather ballet flats – J. Crew (surprisingly, they are holding up much better than my previous pair, the Carson style by Frye, of which I have destroyed TWO pairs just by going on lots of walks every summer)
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Apple Watch with rainbow striped band – a hand-me-down from my spouse
• Sugarpill “Saint” false lashes (the same style I wore on my wedding day!)

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July 10, 2021

I was recently asked to be an interviewee on a TV documentary that will be airing on the CBC called The Great Canadian Sex Survey. This was the day I went to their rented studio space, the Darling Mansion, to be interviewed on camera. They wanted to talk to me specifically about asexuality and the ace spectrum, but we also touched on a number of other topics during our ~2-hour interview, from masturbation to sexual shame to finding eroticism outside of sex.

I showed up with frizzy hair and a naked face, because I knew they had a hair and makeup artist on set. She introduced herself when I arrived – her name is Vanessa Baudner and she’s a delight – and we chatted away while she styled my hair and gave me, at my request, winged eyeliner and a bold lip. (The lip is not pictured because she hadn’t put it on yet when I took this selfie.) It had been years since anyone but me had done my makeup – what a relaxing treat!

I thought this red dress captured the “professional, but fun” vibe I hoped to convey in the documentary, but they had also asked me to bring some alternate wardrobe options in solid colors. As it turned out, we were filming in a room with red and gold wallpaper, so they thought a different color would pop better; I switched this one out for a blue dress I’d brought, which looked great with my red lip. I’d been worried about seeming socially awkward upon being thrust onto a film set with a crew of about 7-8 people, but it was actually a super fun day!

What I’m wearing:
• Red dress – bought from Winners many years ago to wear to a wedding rehearsal dinner; the brand is Monteau
• Black leggings – H&M (the sound tech guy was confused by these at first but the waistband ended up being a great place to attach the machinery needed to run my clip-on microphone)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Canvas tote bag packed with extra outfits and makeup – Her Highness
• Black KN95 mask

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July 13, 2021

This was my new cane‘s maiden voyage. Having never used a cane before (except for possibly as a prop in some high school drama scenes?!), I wanted to practice the coordinated motions involved in walking with one. Before researching it, I didn’t know, for example, that you’re generally supposed to use the cane on the side opposite your weak/sore/injured side. Thanks, random mobility-aid educators on YouTube!

I walked around my neighborhood for about 20 minutes, practicing syncing up each step with the cane and moving some of my weight over onto it to alleviate the pain in my left knee. I wore headphones because I was (perhaps slightly irrationally) worried people would loudly comment on my cane, ask me questions about it, etc., but I don’t think anyone did. By the end of my walk, using the cane felt much more natural than it had when I started. Yay!

What I’m wearing:
• Navy “making it happen” T-shirt – Forever 21
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier many years ago
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black KN95 mask
• Chrome-plated blue wooden cane – Fashionable Canes
• Bright blue Cowin E7 headphones – a gift from a fan of mine who is a headphones fetishist

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July 22, 2021

Unfortunately I didn’t think to take a full-body photo of this outfit, but this is what I wore to attend a movie theatre screening of Bo Burnham’s Inside with my friend Dan. It was my first time being in a cinema since before the pandemic – pretty weird!

After weighing numerous outfit options relevant to the film – including wishing I owned white overalls and trying to decide whether cosplaying as the “Welcome to the Internet” guy would be feasible – I ultimately settled on an ensemble inspired by one Bo wears in his song “White Woman’s Instagram.” True, it’s not quite as striking as seeing a 6’5″ male comedian wearing nothing but a plaid flannel shirt shrugged off one shoulder, but it’s something!

The audience at the screening was much more subdued than I had expected. No singalongs or hands waving in the air. It was still a fun time though!

What I’m wearing:
• Green/blue plaid flannel shirt – the Gap last fall; I think this was the first time I’d ever actually worn it?!
• Black modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear (I love that this nightgown is outdoors-appropriate and layers seamlessly under anything)
• Blue lacy bralette – Aerie
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre

March 20th, 2021

Matt’s building has a cute little open-air courtyard that is open to residents, and on this day, we sat there in the chilly early-spring sunshine for a while, writing poems and reading ebooks (me) and reading about sleight-of-hand and practicing magic tricks (Matt). It was a lovely afternoon. I always feel so much better when there starts to be more sun in my life.

As with many of my favorite outfits, this one could just as easily be rocked by an ’80s teen queen or an 8-year-old girl. Fuck “dressing age-appropriately,” tbh. You don’t have to if you don’t want to! (I mean, if you have a job with a strict dress code, then maybe you do have to… but only when you’re at that job!)

 

What I’m wearing:
• Black modal slip – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Hot pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Rainbow prescription cat-eye sunglasses – Zenni

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March 21st, 2021

Wore this on an outdoor walk. Sometimes on bad pain days, I gravitate toward dark colors because they’re easy to match and tend not to get me noticed or looked at much in public; often I respond to overwhelming health symptoms by wanting to be invisible in some sense, to deal with my symptoms unobserved and in peace.

This hat is from the Wythe Hotel, the Brooklyn spot where Matt and I stayed on our 3rd date. We had recently gone back there for a brief staycation to celebrate our anniversary, and had a lovely time. Normally you can buy these toques from their shop but they left two of them for us in our room free of charge, with a nice note thanking us for supporting them after the extremely rough time the hotel industry’s had during the pandemic. Aww.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Navy blue Wythe Hotel beanie
• Navy blue lacy tank top – the Gap’s sleepwear section
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag

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March 23rd, 2021

Was feelin’ casual, I guess! I’m really not much of a Jeans Person but occasionally they’re called for.

Sometimes when Matt and I go out together while they’re in chastity, I’ll wear this necklace, which has their key on it. It jingles and jangles a lot while I’m walking around and serves as a perpetual, cute, kinky reminder for both of us that they’re locked up and that I’m the one who controls when they’ll be unlocked again. Isn’t kink fun?!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Heathered black Lickability logo T-shirt
• High-waisted skinny jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Lock & key necklace
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”
• “Abortion is a Right” pin from the ACLU

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March 27th, 2021

This is what I wore to do a livestreamed concert celebrating my 9-year bloggiversary. I was surprised and delighted that 30+ people showed up to watch me play and sing!

Usually I like to buy a new dress to wear on my birthday, and while my bloggiversary isn’t quite the same as a birthday, this year the tone of the celebration was pretty similar! (I used to play a birthday concert at a rented venue every year when I was in high school, because I was a messy bitch who lived for attention, I guess.) I settled on this dress after looking at way too many other ones, and it was actually one of the least expensive ones I considered, at around $35.

Thanks so much to everyone who came out to watch the stream – it was so much fun, and might become an annual tradition!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue/green patterned Maggy London wrap dress – Nordstrom Rack
• Black leggings – H&M
• Elaborate eye makeup involving (among other things) Sugarpill eyeshadow in “Polar” and a huge pair of Sugarpill false lashes to top it all off
• I was also wearing an Agent Provocateur bra underneath, because this dress really kind of requires one, as much as I hate wearing bras of any kind these days!

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April 8th, 2021

The temperature dropped again but we wanted to go sit outside for a bit, so I bundled up.

Still loving this Yokoo cowl. I wish I’d had more opportunities to wear it during the winter but 1) I just didn’t go out that much, and 2) it tends to exacerbate the classic fogged-up-glasses problem that occurs when you are a specs-wearing person who also has to wear a mask because you’re living through a global pandemic. (Sigh.)

I feel like this color palette is much more “grown-up” than how I normally dress… except most adult businessladies don’t have a Nintendo Switch in their handbag. Or so I would assume.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Navy knit cowl – Yokoo on Etsy
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Red lipstick

What have you been wearing lately, friends?