outfit

Lusting for Lovecore: Matching My Outfits to My Favorite Uberrime Dildo!

Kate Sloan

I love sex toys, I love fashion, and I especially love opportunities to blend those two interests together. So I’m sure you can understand why I was so excited when indie sex toy company Uberrime reached out recently to ask if I’d like to write a post about…

…how custom toys can feel like an expression/extension of self? You have such a consistent and memorable collection of go-to colors in both your business branding and personal fashion, I figured if anyone would want a toy to “match,” it might be you!

Needless to say, I replied with an enthusiastic YES!

I’m a massive fan of Uberrime’s Night King dildo (here’s my review from 2019 if you’d like to read it), because its length, shape, and coronal ridge make it an absolute powerhouse for A-spot stimulation. The brand sweetly offered me a brand-new, custom-made Night King, in the colors of my choice, to highlight the extreme customizability offered on Uberrime’s site. Color isn’t the only thing you get to customize, either: you can also select your preferred firmness for your new toy, and decide whether you want a port in the base for a bullet vibrator or a Vac-U-Lock device. Gotta love a bespoke dong!

Choosing dildo colors can be a challenge for an indecisive femme comme moi, but in this case, I knew exactly what I wanted: red and pink. In other words, I wanted a “lovecore” Night King. I love these colors, but perhaps even more importantly for this post, I have a lot of clothing in these colors!

I started putting together outfits in my head before my new Night King even arrived on my doorstep – and when it did, it was so stunning in-person that I was even more excited to style it up. Ready to see the dildo-inspired ensembles I came up with?

Lounging in bed

When my friend Billy and I interviewed the kink writer Tina Horn on our podcast back in June, she said,

Part of the reason that I know I’m not femme is that I’ve learned so much about what ‘femme’ is to femmes… One of the defining things that I hear over and over again from femmes is that they’re femme when no one’s watching, or their resting state is femme, or they put on lipstick for themselves… You can put on lipstick for yourself, not because you’re brainwashed by the patriarchy!

While there are many valid definitions of femmeness, this one (among others) resonates with me – because not only do I frequently wear lipstick while alone, but I also frequently put together little loungewear ‘outfits’ that serve the sole purpose of making me feel cute while staying comfy. It’s an important outlet for my femme inclinations, especially since – what with being a chronically ill freelancer – I spend way more time in and around my bed than I do in most other places!

This is exactly the type of outfit I’d wear for a leisurely masturbation session on a Saturday afternoon, or even for a toy testing session during the week. Comfort is paramount when I’m hoping to get turned on, and this look takes that into account. (I’ve paired the Night King with a pink We-Vibe Tango X, because I – like most people with my anatomy – find dildos most pleasurable and effective when there’s some clit stimulation going on.)

What I’m wearing:
• Dark red modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-print acrylic cardigan – Unique Vintage
• Bare feet

Party bimbo

Been a minute since I went to a kink conference or play party (’cause, y’know, pandemic + fibromyalgia), but I think this would be the ideal outfit to wear to something like a hypno munch or an intelligence-play workshop. Love a bimbo moment!

The lovecore Night King doesn’t exaaaactly fit inside my tiny heart-shaped purse, but that’s kind of part of the look, if you ask me…

What I’m wearing:
• Pink ribbed cropped tank top – Forever 21
• Pink and red heart-print velour trackpants – an Etsy shop that has since gone out of business
• Neon pink striped beanie – another Etsy shop that has since gone out of business!
• Raspberry pink leather heart earrings – Unicorn Collaborators
• Pink/red/orange custom Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade

Soft butch

One for the androgyny-enjoyers! (I count myself among your ranks…)

It’s been interesting observing the way that fluctuations in my chronic illness symptoms can influence my gender presentation. Sometimes a high-pain day will lead me to dress masc like this, because this type of outfit is more utilitarian and easier to throw together.

Occasionally my pain makes me feel so disconnected from my body that I only want to top, and not bottom, during sex – meaning that I want to do stuff to a partner, but don’t want to receive touch/pleasure directly myself, because keeping my awareness on my own body feels icky and depressing at those times. This is an outfit I might wear at a play party if I was in that type of mood, since it suggests the sex acts I am and am not up for, and gives me some soft-butch swagger that feels good when I’m in Top Mode.

What I’m wearing:
• Long-sleeved black shirt – gift from my mama
• High-waisted straight-leg jeans – Everlane
• Hot pink Doc Martens
• Aslan Leather Nicki Jaguar harness with Uberrime Night King dildo (read my review of this harness here – it’s been my fave for many years!)

Sex writer extraordinaire

Pre-pandemic, I used to write in cafés almost every day. I would tuck my laptop into a tote, throw on an energizing outfit, and then go hole up in the corner of a coffee shop to sip a latte and nibble a muffin while writing about dicks, dates, ‘n’ doms. I miss it! (I still do it once in a while, but definitely not as often.)

This would have been a perfect ensemble to wear while writing a blog post in public – say, a review of my lovecore Night King! I would toss the dildo into my bag before leaving the house, incase I needed to check its measurements or firmness, etc. while writing – surreptitiously and out of view of other patrons, of course!

What I’m wearing:
• “Run the Fuck” T-shirt – the Museum of Sex gift shop (the quote is a Betty Dodson-ism)
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Pink leather satchel – Kate Spade (this was the first expensive/fancy bag I ever bought for myself, waaay back when I was like 22, and I still adore it)
• Red heart-shaped prescription glasses – Zenni
• Lovecore Night King + limited-edition “cherry blossom” Lamy Safari rollerball pen (gift from my spouse) + pink legal pad (gift from my brother)

Bonus outfit: Actual sex

I mean, it is a sex toy, after all…!

To tell you the truth, the Uberrime Night King has long been my spouse’s go-to dildo when she fucks me with a strap-on. As mentioned, it hits my A-spot with aplomb. You usually lose up to an inch of useable dildo length when you wear one in a harness, because of the thickness of the harness itself, but the Night King’s 8″ insertable length means it can still easily hit my A-spot even when strapped on. I chose the 12A/medium shore for this Night King, and I’m glad I did, because that firmness makes it feel incredible pounding into my spot again and again. (It helps a lot that my spouse’s strap game is top-notch, of course…)

The most recent time that my partner came to visit me, she had brought her harness, and we decided to try out my new Night King… and once she slid it into her harness and lubed it up, I was so struck by how hot it looked with her outfit that I asked if I could snap a photo for this post. Luckily for me (and for all of you!!), she obliged. And then, naturally, we had excellent strap-on sex 🤤

So, here is a very real-life example of how sex toy aesthetics can amp up excitement and arousal. Red is my spouse’s signature color, and one that looks exceptionally good on her, whether in the form of a lipstick, a mesh tank top, or (yes) a custom-made dildo – and I love that this dildo can easily be incorporated into both of our aesthetics, even though our styles are pretty different from each other!

What she’s wearing:
• Red mesh tank top – a fetishwear shop in Berlin called Schwarzer Reiter
• RodeoH briefs harness
• Uberrime Night King dildo, of course 😍

If this post has got you curious about matching your outfit to your dildo – or matching your dildo to your outfit! – then why not check out the Night King and the rest of Uberrime’s catalog, and pick the color(s) that make(s) your heart sing? Life’s too short for ugly toys in depressing shades; I want my toys to be bright and beautiful works of art, and Uberrime makes some of the prettiest silicone dildos I’ve ever seen. Pretty enough, even, to be a crucial component of some of my high-femme outfits. 💖

 

This post was sponsored by Uberrime, who I really, truly adore. As always, all writing and opinions (and outfits, except for my spouse’s!) are my own.

Behind the Seams: Babely in Berlin

Kate Sloan

September 15th, 2024

What does one even wear for an international journey lasting 12+ hours?! I’m an overanalytical femme, so I thought about this question for way too long while gearing up for my recent trip to Berlin. Is it gauche to wear what basically amounts to pajamas in a public place like an airport or airplane? And if so, do I even care?

In this case, I decided that comfort mattered more than respectability. Travel makes my fibro symptoms flare up like nothing else – plus, I had just received these delightfully soft lounge pants in the mail, so why not wear ’em, decorum be damned?!

I was a very very lucky girl and had a business-class ticket for the longest leg of the trip (first time I’ve ever flown not-economy, wheee!), so my seat could recline fully flat when I wanted to sleep. With the hood of my cashmere hoodie pulled up over my head, my trusty Nidra Deep Rest mask over my eyes, and the airline-provided blanket and pillow swaddling me, I got a better night’s sleep than I ever dreamed possible on a plane. I have probably been ruined for all future flights… 😅

What I’m wearing:

• Black cashmere hoodie – a gift from my spouse’s parents
• Pink T-shirt with a dominatrix on it – the gift shop at the Leather Archive in Chicago
• Black/pink/blue heart-print lounge pants – MeUndies (I think you get 40% off if you buy through that link, btw!)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade Perry satchel
• Apple Watch with navy leather Hermès band – both gifts from my spouse

September 17th, 2024 (day)

This was my first day attending the work event that I’d been flown to Berlin for, and I was really nervous to meet all these new people in a totally unfamiliar environment. Big “first day of school” vibes!! Accordingly, I intentionally chose an outfit that made me feel more confident, powerful, and outgoing – and it actually kinda worked! I made some cool new friends and felt more like myself than I normally do in anxiety-provoking situations. (The years of therapy probably helped, too…)

As with my recent trip to Portland, I’d decided to theme my entire Berlin wardrobe around a unified color scheme; this time, it was green, turquoisey-blue, and yellow. In these photos, you can see that I’m holding a yellow reporter’s notebook by Leuchtturm1917, a German brand, which I bought specifically for note-taking on this trip (nerd!), along with a limited-edition teal and yellow Lamy Safari pen. God, I love pretty-looking writing tools.

In the afternoon, we got to go on a walking tour of the history of sex in Berlin. Our tour guide, Jeff Mannes, is a wildly knowledgeable sex educator and social scientist; would highly recommend taking their tour if you’re ever in town! We learned so much, especially since Germany is largely considered the birthplace of sexology and has fascinating histories with regards to queerness and sex work.

What I’m wearing:

• Teal T-shirt – Torrid (it’s gonna become abundantly clear that I placed a big Torrid order right before this trip, haha!)
• Black/blue/green plaid leggings – Torrid (I love the way these look, and how comfy they are, but they ripped after a single wear, unfortunately)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather jacket (on my arm) – Danier Leather
• Yellow leather Kate Spade Perry satchel
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni
• Sex toy earrings – PleasurePunk (one of them is a Womanizer-style toy and the other is a rabbit vibe!)
• Apple Watch
• Name tag!
• …and a special shout-out to Paul Taylor for the fresh haircut

September 17th, 2024 (night)

I headed back to my hotel room to change, and caught up with my beautiful spouse mb, who was able to come spend the week in Berlin with me (yay!!). We got changed and went out for dinner with a big group at Knödelwirtschaft NORD, a place that specializes in traditional German dumplings called Knödel. They were delicious – pillowy, savory, comforting – and it was fun to share them with new pals while talking shop and gossiping about our lives.

Please observe, if you would, my new phone case (visible on the right side of the photo)! It’s by Bailey Hikawa and I am obsessed with it (thanks to May-Li Khoe for the recommendation!). I sometimes have issues with hand pain/weakness due to fibro, and have been known to get the dreaded “smartphone pinkie,” so I was intrigued by this phone case and how it helps you distribute the phone’s weight across multiple fingers more easily. It also functions as a stand, allowing the phone to be propped up at various different angles – perfect for watching videos in bed, setting the phone upright to face me while I’m working at my desk, etc. It’s also nearly the exact same shade of raspberry pink as the first gaming device I ever owned, a Game Boy Color my parents bought me when I was ~8, so this phone case feels sweetly nostalgic to me even though it’s new. (You can see mb’s new case from the same maker in these pictures as well – hers is the Nami and has a more flowy/rounded design.)

What I’m wearing:

• Red floral-print dress – H&M like 7 years ago
• White socks with rainbow hearts – gift from my mom I think?
• Black leather Chuck Taylor high-top sneakers
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – from the Zatchels Pride collection (this bag is really too small for my purposes, but damn is it ever cute!!)
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop on Etsy
• Apple Watch

September 18th, 2024 (day)

Primary colors ahoy! Day 2 of the work event had me feeling slightly less nervous, and yet, more nauseous… My fibro was flaring up harrrrd from travel stress, and I didn’t have access to my usual medicine over there (if ya know, ya know), so I was raw-dogging all the full-body pain and malaise. I tried to pick an outfit that would make me feel better mentally, without making me feel worse physically – hence the bralessness (bras of any kind are a total no-go for me during flare-ups) and the bright colors to lift my mood! Clearly they hadn’t kicked in yet when I took these dour-faced pictures, however…

I wore this to take notes on some informative presentations, and then to a Shibari workshop taught by KOR Berlin. It was a lovely, meditative experience, complete with a gorgeous live demo. I love kinksters so much.

What I’m wearing:

• Red tri-blend T-shirt with Lickability logo – gift from my spouse (it’s merch for their company!)
• Blue pleated tennis skirt with built-in shorts underneath (!!) – Zhanchtong
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Hitachi Magic Wand earrings – FUELifestyle on Etsy

September 18th, 2024 (night)

I changed into something more formal for the evening, because we were going to Tim Raue, which is ranked the 30th-best restaurant in the world and has 2 Michelin stars, so obviously I had to bring my A-game. (Uhh, have I mentioned that my spouse is a foodie?)

First, a group of us went to a local brewery called BRLO, where an experienced brewer taught us how beer is made. I had a glass of their Berliner Weisse and, damn – I’m not normally much of a beer gal, but that was one delicious sour!

And then was our fancy-ass dinner at Tim Raue. OMG. The menu incorporated a mix of Thai, Chinese, and Japanese flavors/ingredients/techniques, and was wildly good, a cavalcade of savory deliciousness. “A triumph,” as Starrina would say!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop
• Apple Watch

September 19th, 2024 (day)

One of the places I really wanted to visit in Berlin was the Jewish Museum. My dad’s side of the family is Jewish, so I consider myself culturally Jewish if not religiously (I never had a bat mitzvah or anything), and I appreciate opportunities to feel more linked to that lineage. Knowing it would be an emotional experience, I skipped makeup entirely (it would just get cried off!), and I wore a scarf that my late Bubbie knitted for me. It was almost like having her there with me, holding my hand as I walked down hallowed halls of our ancestors’ histories.

Amazingly enough, there happened to be a sex exhibit on, which was all about Jewish views on sexuality, from queerness to gender-fuckery to menstrual sex to abortions. It was an extremely moving exhibit that left me with a lot to think about. The museum’s permanent collection is more focused on general Jewish history, including (of course) a lot of stuff about the Holocaust. The photos above were taken in the Garden of Exile, a work of architectural art unto itself, in which the ground is slanted, creating a sense of scary unsteadiness as you stumble between columns. It’s meant to evoke the feeling of uncertainty and disorientation that European Jews faced when they were driven from their homes during World War II.

Speaking of people being unjustly driven from their homes: I don’t know the museum’s official stance on Zionism, if it has one (there was a strange “Are you a Zionist?” flow-chart on one wall, which seemed to evade the question altogether of whether one should be a Zionist or not), so there were definitely times when it felt weird to read all these accounts of how the Nazis persecuted Jews, given how the Israeli government and military are now persecuting Palestinians to similar effect. If we’ve vowed to “never again” let anything like the Holocaust happen, then we must oppose genocide, in every instance – and seek to help those being targeted – even when we happen to share a religious or cultural background with the perpetrators. I wish (to say the least) that more of my fellow Jews understood this.

What I’m wearing:

• Yellow T-shirt – Torrid
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Green scarf – hand-knit by my late Bubbie
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Apple Watch

September 19th, 2024 (night)

What’s the best way to cheer yourself up after a day spent moping around the Jewish Museum? DESSERT FOR DINNER!!

…Okay, not exactly. On this night we went to Coda, a dessert-themed restaurant that has 2 Michelin stars and is currently ranked the 62nd best restaurant in the world. (Uhh, sorry for the many foodie brags in this post; I just think it’s amazing that my beloved takes me to so many ridiculously wonderful places, and I gotta yell about it sometimes!)

While they serve a full menu, including savory dinner options, Coda uses techniques and ingredients from the dessert world in all their dishes. Some of my favorites included a brioche donut stuffed with gouda and rutabaga, and a raclette-filled waffle dipped in kimchi powder and yogurt – but the real showstopper was an ice cream popsicle covered in caviar. I mean… what?! As a slut for all things salty-sweet, I was in heaven.

What I’m wearing:

• Navy skater dress – American Apparel
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Black leather Frye harness boots

September 20th, 2024

Living with fibromyalgia this past decade or so, I’ve come to value comfortable clothing more highly than ever before. So I was happy to find this dress at Torrid – it’s made of a super comfy cotton-spandex blend, has a 1950s-ish fit-and-flare silhouette without painfully constricting my midsection, and it even has pockets! I ended up wearing this same dress on my 8-hour return flight to Toronto a few days later, in fact, because it made me feel more presentable than the pajamas-esque flight outfit at the top of this post, but was every bit as comfortable.

I rocked this dress for many hours on this day as well. After a brief stop at the beautifully airy Concierge Coffee, we made our way over to the Schwules Museum – a.k.a. the Gay Museum. Yes, it’s a museum about gayness. Of COURSE we had to go!! Its current main exhibition is about sex work, and I loved it. We had already learned a bit about the history of sex work in Germany on our walking tour earlier in the week, but this exhibit was more focused on the present-day sex workers of Berlin, their struggles, and their joys. It was lovely to see.

After that, we set out to walk to Other Nature, a queer/feminist sex shop. Along the way, we happened to pass by the BRLO brewery again, and mb hadn’t been able to come with me on my previous visit there, so we stopped at their beer garden to have a drink in the sunshine – absolutely perfect. We also used their photobooth machine while we were there, because of course we did.

Then, at Other Nature, I was able to buy a German copy of my own book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do (a.k.a. Kinky Things, Prickelnde Spiele für 101 Nacht), which was surprisingly emotional for me! I knew that my publisher had printed the book in German, but had never really had a reason to own a German copy, but of course I wanted to buy one while I was in Germany – and it was cool to get it from the exact kind of shop that I most enjoy seeing my work carried at. 🥰 In the evening, we went to Rutz, the only restaurant in Berlin that has 3 Michelin stars, for a dinner that was – as you might imagine – transcendent.

What I’m wearing:

• Green A-line dress – Torrid
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch

September 21st, 2024

By our last full day in Berlin, I was feeling pretty worn down by all my fibro symptoms, and just wanted to dress for comfort… hence this braless-tee-tucked-into-jeans ensemble. After a great breakfast at Frühstück 3000 (I’m still thinking about their potato terrine), we went shopping for fetishwear at a store called Schwarzer Reiter, which translates directly to “Black Rider.” It very much reminded me of stateside fetish shops I’ve loved, like the Leather Man in New York and Northbound Leather in Toronto.

After that, we went to a museum called the Topography of Terror for their audiovisual guided tour, which told the story of Hitler’s rise to power, the horrors of the Holocaust, and its grim aftermath. Sounds bleak – and it was – but it was also thoughtfully curated and sensitively presented, and felt cleansing and cathartic for me to attend. And of course, I had my love there, holding my hand, during all the hardest parts.

What I’m wearing:

• Bright yellow Beatles T-shirt – Torrid
• Black high-waisted jeans – Madewell (a gift from mb a few years ago)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather (featuring several enamel pins, including one with the German and Canadian flags intertwined, because someone back home had told me that Germans might treat me less warmly if they mistook me for an American, lol!)

 

Have you ever been to Berlin? What places/activities would you recommend there? And what did you WEAR?!

Behind the Seams: XOXO 2024

Kate Sloan

August 21st, 2024

I had to take two flights back-to-back, spending a grand total of 12 hours in airports and airplanes each way, to get to XOXO Fest 2024. But it was worth it.

I last went to XOXO in 2019, when my spouse, mb, introduced me to it. It’s “an experimental festival for independent artists who live and work online” – hey, that’s me! – and brings together writers, podcasters, designers, musicians, and filmmakers (among many others) from around the world. It involves social meetups, conference talks from smart people about the wisdom they’ve accrued on the internet, demos of cool games and art projects, and (famously) raucous karaoke parties.

The pandemic was not kind to the events industry, however, so there hasn’t been an XO for five years. This latest one, in 2024, was the final one, equal parts reunion and last hurrah. I knew I had to be there, and was really blessed that both mb and I were able to get tickets.

I wore this out for dinner at Canard (always good, highly recommend) after arriving in Portland late on Wednesday night. Lately when I travel, I’ve enjoyed packing clothes that all match each other and go together, for the maximum number of viable outfit combos – so you’ll see throughout this post that I’m decked out in blues and greens, which incidentally matched the decor of our hotel beautifully!

What I’m wearing:

• Green polka-dotted dress – thrifted in 2015
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag – vintage on eBay
• Rainbow earrings – an Etsy store called 3DelightfulShop

August 22nd, 2024

On this day, we got a delicious brunch with our pal DJ Pynchon from the hypnokink community, who is lovely. Then I spent a good portion of the afternoon soaking in a tub in our hotel room, letting my fibro-ridden body recover a bit after all that travel.

In the evening, we had dinner with my friend Epiphora, one of the people who initially inspired me to become a sex toy reviewer many years ago. She is, as ever, brilliant and funny.

Then we went to the XOXO opening party for a while, before I ducked out to go play some songs at an open mic at Haymaker Bar, thanks to my very talented and sweet friend Eric who had invited me. Definitely an unusually packed day for me, but such is the nature of travel sometimes!

What I’m wearing (you’ll have to ask mb yourself if you want to know the deets of her fabulous outfit here):

• Green tri-blend tank top – American Apparel
• Turquoise pleated skirt – Zhanchtong
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Navy knee-high socks – gift from my mom
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag
• Magic Wand earrings – an Etsy shop called FUELifestyle

August 23rd, 2024 (morning)

The first full day of XO started with a welcome address from “the Andys,” Andy Baio and Andy McMillan, who organize the conference. (All hail!)

After checking in with the delightful pen-and-paper nerds at the #stationery meetup, we attended a few sessions from the Indie Media Circus lineup, hearing from creators and founders about how they’ve built reader-supported projects that seem more sustainable than the current (dying) mainstream media apparatus.

My love had just gifted me this shirt, a souvenir from WWDC. I love the vintage Apple logo – and the rainbow, of course, which matched my earrings perfectly!

What I’m wearing:

• Apple T-shirt – gift from my spouse
• Black modal nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag
• Turquoise leather collar – Tiffany’s, a gift from my love
• The ever-stylish and ever-present XOXO badge/lanyard

August 23rd, 2024 (evening)

After the Indie Media Circus, I went back to the hotel for another bath, so I’d be refreshed for the rest of the day, which was mostly social meetups. I didn’t attend as many this year as I did in 2019, because I was trying to pace myself, energy-wise – but I caught up with mb at the #queer meetup, where we chatted with some cuties, and then we walked over to Rum Club for the #cocktails meetup, where we chatted with yet more cuties. (The piña colada I had was quite possibly my favorite drink of the whole trip.)

Then we grabbed a quick dinner at Mucca Osteria before heading back to the beautiful Revolution Hall to catch the evening’s “Sideshow” programming, which was a series of live podcast recordings. I think my favorite was Never Post, although Depths of Wikipedia was hysterically funny as well.

What I’m wearing:

• Floral-print skater dress – American Apparel
• Apple Watch with Hermès watch band – both from my spouse
• Same cardigan, leggings, bag, boots, earrings, and badge as above

August 24th, 2024 (morning)

A slightly more subdued outfit for the final day of XOXO! This was the actual conference day, so there were a ton of fascinating talks given by total geniuses.

My favorite talks included Gita Jackson on worker-owned and subscriber-funded media, Erin Kissane on the COVID Tracking Project, Ed Yong on compassionate health & science coverage, and Cabel Sasser telling a wacky story about a mural on the wall of a McDonald’s that left me laughing, sobbing, and wanting to make more art. XOXO really is a magical place.

During our lunch break, mb and I went to Dimo’s Apizza for a wonderful pepperoni pie and a couple of Negronis in the sunshine. A perfect day.

What I’m wearing:

• Pale blue T-shirt – gift from my friend Sarah
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Navy high-waisted skirt – Old Navy
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag
• Magic Wand earrings – FUELifestyle

August 24th, 2024 (evening)

I managed to squeeze in one more quick bath before heading out to the XOXO closing party. It ended exactly how it should’ve ended: with the two Andys doing karaoke to the Ghostbusters theme. (In 2019, the music podcast Punch Up the Jam did a legendary live show at XOXO where they talked about the Ghostbusters theme for an hour and a half. In my admittedly marijuana-soaked memory, it is the funniest thing that has ever happened, so I was glad to see a callback to it all these years later.)

I danced. I giggled. I sang along. I felt grateful to have gotten to attend XOXO (twice!). I felt inspired to wear more weird outfits, make more weird friends, and post more weird art on the internet. Thank you for that, XO staff & community. 💖

What I’m wearing:

• Blue and green patterned dress – Winners, I think? The label says Maggy London
• Same cardigan, leggings, boots, bag, badge, collar, watch, and rainbow earrings as above

Behind the Seams: Magic Wands, Eggplants, & the Queen of Hearts

Kate Sloan

January 18, 2024

My old high school was putting on an Alice in Wonderland adaptation, so I decided to dress in Alice-y colors to go see it. Call it “Queen of Hearts chic”!

The show was great! My former improv teacher, Mr. Wei, was making his directorial debut, so I was really glad I got to see it. Alice is such a fun coming-of-age story; I studied it extensively in some classes I took at university about children’s literature, so it’s always really interesting to see adaptations of it. (I even considered getting an Alice tattoo at one point… Might still come to pass one day, who knows!)

What I’m wearing:

  • Navy cropped tank top (actually a longline bralette, but shhh, I’m wearing it as a shirt) – Aerie
  • Blue oversize cardigan – a gift from my mom a few years ago, I think?
  • Red skinny pants – Old Navy
  • Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
  • Black leather Frye harness boots

March 30, 2024

I didn’t actually leave the house in this, but hey, loungewear outfits are valid too (especially when you have a chronic illness and there’s a pandemic happening outside!!).

Earlier in the day, I had filmed a song video, after which I kept my makeup on but changed into this comfier ensemble for a relaxing night at home.

What I’m wearing:

  • Black ribbed cropped tank top – Forever 21
  • Black cashmere hoodie – a very sweet Christmas gift from my spouse’s parents (soooo cozy!!)
  • Purple eggplant-print lounge shorts – MeUndies
  • Purple leather heart earrings – Unicorn Collaborators
  • Plain grey socks

May 16, 2024

I wore this out to get my hair done (hence the hat covering the scraggly mess, pre-appointment). My hair’s super short these days, probably the shortest it’s been since I was a toddler, and I love how queer-femme it makes me feel, but it sure does take a lot more upkeep than when it was long!

I’ve been obsessed with romance novels lately, as I start to attempt writing my first one (!!), so during this appointment I was switching back and forth between re-reading my two faves at the moment, Romantic Comedy and The Pairing. Would strongly recommend, especially if you like witty flirting.

What I’m wearing:

May 20, 2024

Here’s what I wore to speak on a panel at the Museum of Sex about my podcast miniseries, Making Magic. (Wow, that’s a sentence that 15-year-old me would not believe if you went back and told her about it!) It was definitely a career highlight. I loved sharing the stage with such smart people, and getting to meet so many folks who came out to celebrate Magic Wand Day with us. And of course, my lovely spouse was at my side, supportive as ever.

Naturally, I’d put together a Magic Wand-themed outfit for the occasion…

What I’m wearing:

  • Blue tennis dress – Iffei (I mainly bought this because it’s cute and blue, but it also helped a lot that it’s moisture-wicking, because I get sweaty under stage lights!!)
  • Magic Wand earrings – FUELifestyle
  • Blue Tiffany’s collar
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Pale blue Coach Mercer satchel (visible on the floor behind me in the lower-left corner)
  • Big-ass false lashes, ’cause why not?!

May 25, 2024

I wore this out to have dinner at Harding’s, a fave New York spot, with my spouse. We’d had a pretty chill day before that, if I recall correctly. It takes me DAYS, if not WEEKS, to fully recover after a big event like the Magic Wand one, above – my fibro-ridden body and brain take time to get back to baseline. So it’s nice to have a partner who’s fine with me being low-energy a lot of the time, but who will nonetheless encourage me to go out, have fun, and eat nourishing food when possible.

What I’m wearing:

June 6, 2024

Same skirt, different day! This was the day when the Betty Dodson episode of Making Magic launched, so I wore this outfit in celebration of Betty, who was a legendary masturbation coach, sex educator, fine artist, and feminist icon.

I wore this out to run some errands, including going to the Hermès store, which I’m pretty sure I’d never been into in my life. My spouse had bought me an Hermès strap for my Apple Watch a few months back, and part of it broke recently, so I went in to get it repaired, but Hermès themselves refused to repair it, which I thought was pretty funny for how expensive their stuff is. I walked over to my local cobbler and they fixed it for $10.

What I’m wearing:

  • “Run the Fuck” T-shirt – Museum of Sex gift shop (the text refers to Betty’s philosophy that women should be more assertive during sex, in order to get our needs met)
  • Blue tennis skirt – Zhanchtong
  • Black leather Frye harness boots

Feel free to jump into the comments to let me know which of these outfits you liked best, and/or what you’ve been wearing and loving lately! (And P.S.: for more posts like this, check out the outfit tag.)

Behind the Seams: Beautiful Bags & a Cat Costume

Kate Sloan

August 10th, 2023

After spending the whole day at home working on an article about eco-friendly sex toys, I decided to take myself out for dinner at a fave local pub. Sometimes a long work day can make me want to curl up alone in my bed, shutting off my brain with video games or YouTube videos for hours at a time, but sometimes it makes me want go out instead, as a sort of reward.

At the pub, I drank a grapefruit radler and a Manhattan, and read a good chunk of The Candy House by Jennifer Egan, a novel which I’ve since finished. It’s a really interesting story about a Facebook-esque company that develops technology for offloading your entire memory onto a hard drive and viewing other people’s memories; the novel follows the development and fallout of these technologies, and poses some fascinating ethical questions. Would recommend!

What I’m wearing:

• Pale blue T-shirt – a gift from my friend Sarah (this is suuuuper soft and comfy so I have been wearing it a lot)
• Black high-waisted A-line skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Chucks
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni (after getting a new prescription at the optometrist recently, I promptly bought an updated version of the exact same sunglasses I had before… I just love the shape of these!)
• Blue/black/grey Coach Willis bag
• Rainbow earrings – 3DelightfulShop on Etsy (these go with every outfit, it’s kind of amazing)
• Apple Watch with red leather band

August 22nd, 2023

I was wary of wearing pink and red together until somewhat recently. Doing research on the lovecore aesthetic has opened my eyes to how cute these colors can look together. Who says you’re only allowed to wear them on Valentine’s Day?!

This is what I wore on a jaunt across the city to pick up my new glasses from the aforementioned optometrist. I had just recently bought this vintage red Coach Willis bag from an Etsy seller and was eager to show it off, so I built an outfit around it. Isn’t it stunning?! I love the shape of the Willis bag (as evidenced by the fact that you’ve seen two different ones already in this post) and have been lusting over the red ones for years, but they’re pretty rare and usually quite expensive on eBay etc. so I was surprised to get such a good deal on this one. I’ve been wearing it a LOT!

What I’m wearing:

• Pale pink T-shirt with a dominatrix on it – the gift shop at the Leather Archive in Chicago
• Red polka-dotted midi skirt – Forever 21 years ago
• Custom-color Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
• Red leather Coach Willis bag – vintage via TransientCreatures on Etsy
• Apple Watch
• Prescription sunglasses

August 30th, 2023

I wore this for a fun date uptown – we talked for hours over drinks and dinner on the starlit patio of a bar, and then drunkenly stumbled down the street into another, worse bar when the first one closed. I got a truly terrible Jungle Bird – should’ve known better than to order a complex, classic tiki drink from a chain establishment, tbh! Ah well, live and learn.

After we settled up, we walked over to the subway station and ended up making out pretty intensely against a tree for a while, giggling in the darkness. It was cute.

What I’m wearing:

• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew (a findom gift from my love)
• Red tank top – the Gap
• Black A-line skirt – ASOS (I swear I wear this at least once in almost every Behind the Seams post; it’s just a really good, versatile item)
• Black leather Chucks
• Red leather Coach Willis bag
• Black beanie with a ghost stitched on it – bought at a Vaultboy show

September 22nd, 2023

On this day, I had to go see a doctor for a medical examination that was required as part of my U.S. immigration application. I don’t know exactly why this is required, nor do I know why there’s only one doctor in the entire city of Toronto who is approved to do these exams, but that’s where I had to go.

After that ordeal – which involved blood tests and a chest X-ray – I wanted to go on a nice solo date to shake off the stress of the day. My local steakhouse is always great, so I took my Kindle there and had a lovely night.

What I’m wearing:

• Leopard-print skater dress – American Apparel
• Red cropped cardigan – Urban CoCo via Amazon
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red leather Coach Willis bag
• Red heart earrings of unknown origin
• Apple Watch

September 29th, 2023

My uncle was recently inducted into Canada’s Walk of Fame for his work in the 1970s rock band Rough Trade, which he co-founded along with the legendary Carole Pope. (I’d suggest starting with “High School Confidential” if you’ve never heard their music before; it’s their biggest hit and is a delightfully horny, gay rock song.)

The band had a show at a local music venue the day after getting inducted, and it felt like a celebration of their entire oeuvre. Kevan put me and a bunch of other family members on the guest list, and it was such a fun night out!

I put together this all-black ensemble because it seemed appropriate, and indeed, when I showed up, almost everyone in our group was also in all black. It’s just part of the Rough Trade aesthetic!

What I’m wearing:

• Black cropped tank top – Forever 21
• Black velvet skirt – probably also Forever 21
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black and rainbow leather satchel – from the Zatchels Pride collection

October 12th, 2023

Another all-black look… I went with my mom to a local screening of Hitchcock’s classic horror flick The Birds, and wanted to wear something gothy-looking that would also keep me cozy in the movie theatre. (They always crank up the AC so high, and cold is one of my fibro triggers!)

The black lip, incase you’re wondering, is a MAC liquid lipstick in the shade “Caviar.” I’ve only owned a few black lipsticks in my life but this is definitely the best one I’ve tried – it’s opaque in one swipe, lasts a decently long time, and makes me feel like a badass.

What I’m wearing:

• Black merino wool men’s sweater – was randomly included in an order I placed from the Gap years ago; they didn’t charge me for it and I was just like, guess this is mine now!
• Black modal slip (underneath) – Calvin Klein
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red leather Coach Willis bag

October 19th, 2023

Another date outfit (for a date with a different person this time)! We had drinks at a pub, laughed a lot, and then he walked me home and we fell into bed together for some shenanigans.

This bag gets compliments wherever I go. It’s really kind of perfect.

What I’m wearing:

• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• White men’s Hanes T-shirt (I bought a 4-pack of these recently and have been loving their androgynous flavor and how comfy they are)
• Black pleated skirt – Uniqlo
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
• Rainbow earrings – 3DelightfulShop

October 21st, 2023

A cozy look for cocktails and good conversation with a cutie who was visiting my city. We went to Civil Liberties, my absolute favorite. It was recently named the best bar in Canada by the 50 Best Bars list, and while I obviously haven’t been to every bar in Canada, I believe it!

I bought these high-heeled Blundstones recently after much deliberation. I’ve been wanting a black leather boot with a bit of a heel, for days when I feel like being a little fancier or more femme. I like the shape of these a lot and they’re decently comfortable; I wouldn’t want to wear them for a really long walk or anything, but they’re great for little jaunts around the city.

What I’m wearing:

• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew (I wear this soooo much, as evidenced by this post)
• Turquoise ribbed tank top – the Gap (I like that it lets you set your own cleavage level, lol)
• Black A-line skirt – ASOS
• Black tights
• Black high-heeled Blundstones
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
• Green knit beanie – Only
• Blue rhinestoned Tarina Tarantino heart necklace
• Apple Watch

October 28th, 2023

This was my “costume” (barely a costume) for my friend Samantha‘s Halloween party this past weekend. I went with my friends Dan and Sarah (pictured – aren’t their costumes adorable?!) and had a great time. Got to see some people I hadn’t seen in ages.

I was dressed, ostensibly, as a black cat. I’d been having a pretty rough fibro flare-up in the week leading up to Halloween and hadn’t had the brainspace to figure out a proper costume, but this worked just fine, and I felt pretty cute in it, so who cares.

What I’m wearing:

• Black velvet dress – H&M
• Black lace cat ears headband – Forever 21
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black vintage Coach Station bag – bought on eBay in 2012 and worn approximately one zillion times since then

 

What’s your favorite outfit you’ve worn recently?