Can You Give Yourself a Fetish (On Purpose)?

Photo by mb. Hot sexy fetishizable boots by Frye.

Of all the unanswered questions in human sexuality, perhaps the one that puzzles me most is “Where do kinks and fetishes come from?” There are so many different explanations out there – several of which are scientifically supported – that it’s hard to come up with a unifying theory on the subject. Maybe our horny human minds are just too complex to be pinned down like that!

Part of the confusion stems from stigma – because, unfortunately, some people only ask “Where do kinks come from?” in an attempt to get rid of a fetish they’re ashamed of, or to gather psychological ammo for shaming a fetishist in their life. But with very few exceptions, those people can fuck right off.

Personally, I think the immense variety of kinks is worth celebrating, not suppressing – and so, when I’m wondering about the origins of kinks, it’s often in service of these two underlying questions: How can I lean into my partners’ kinks, and my own, in the most satisfying ways? And how can we gain even more new kinks to enjoy?

That last question has actually been addressed by science. Lemme tell you about it!

 

The rubber boots study

Fetish formation was studied way back in 1966 (yes, 60 years ago!!) by a researcher named S. Rachman at London’s Maudsley Hospital, who tried to induce a rubber boots fetish.

The study had just 3 participants, all “unmarried psychologists” and ostensibly cis straight men. They were shown images of “black, knee-length woman’s boots (a common fetishistic object)” in between slides of “attractive, naked girls,” with the idea being that sexual arousal from the nudes would be redirected onto the boots, creating a Pavlovian link between boots and pleasure. Arousal was tracked via a phallo-plethysmograph, a stretchy ring that goes around the penis and measures its bloodflow.

Rachman successfully induced a kink for boots in all three men, meaning that they got aroused from the boot pics even without a boob-based pre-show – although, interestingly, the study notes that all three participants experienced “spontaneous recovery” from the fetish just 4-7 days after gaining it, suggesting that kinks formed through deliberate association are probably weaker and more malleable than kinks that seem to arise spontaneously/without you doing anything to foster them.

This study was small and was conducted a long time ago, so it’s hard to extrapolate anything meaningful from it, but I think about it regularly nonetheless. I wonder if kinks formed in this Pavlovian way are like an initial spark when you’re trying to light a fire – they could grow into something blazingly bright and beautiful, but only if you keep ’em well-fuelled with firewood (erotic stimuli, fantasy, repetition) and protect them from the wind (shame, distraction, social and cultural pressures).

 

The penny jar study

Another study, published in the journal Behavior Modification in 1999 and conducted by Joseph J. Plaud and James R. Martini, used similar methods to the rubber boots experiment, in an attempt to induce a fetish for a jar of pennies. They arrived at the same outcome as the other study: there was “a significant increase in penile tumescence to a previously neutral stimulus that originally elicited no tumescence.”

Notably, the researchers tried different ways of ordering the stimuli – naked girls first and then pennies, and also the inverse – and found that this type of conditioning only works when you get horny and then encounter the thing you’re trying to fetishize. So if you’re looking to try this conditioning method in your own sex/kink life, think carefully about your order of operations when planning your sexy slideshow!

With its small sample size of just nine participants, this study doesn’t offer universal answers about how fetishes can be formed – in part because, as the authors themselves point out, “Only males have been studied in these experiments, which provides no data about patterns of sexual arousal in females” – but it’s interesting that both studies found we can pick up new kinks if we want to. What an inspiring fact for those of us who are always looking to expand our sexual horizons!

This study doesn’t comment on how long the participants’ fetishistic associations lasted, like the other one did, so it’s hard to say whether Pavlovian conditioning can actually create a long-term, enduring, capital-F Fetish in somebody. But at the very least, you could use these techniques to install a short-term arousal trigger, which might or might not linger after your scene is done. Could be a fun science experiment to try on your next date night… Let me know how it goes!

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Lovense Velvo rabbit vibrator w/ rotating beads

What is the Lovense Velvo?

Lovense, makers of great long-distance sex toys, recently added the Velvo to their lineup. It’s a rabbit vibrator, a.k.a. a dual-stimulation vibrator, meaning that it targets two different erogenous zones at once – in this case, the clitoris and the G-spot. The external arm vibrates against your clit, while the internal arm massages your G-spot in an undulating motion with rotating rows of silicone-covered beads.

Like all Lovense toys, this one connects wirelessly to Lovense’s app on your phone, which you can use to control the toy yourself from a short distance, or to invite a far-away partner to control your toy with their phone. The Velvo is made of silicone and electroplated plastic, is IPX7 waterproof, and currently retails for $119.

Things I like about the Lovense Velvo:

  • Rotating beads: This feature is the thing that sets the Velvo apart from all Lovense’s other products, and it’s great. The beads’ rotation feels like someone is massaging my G-spot in a circular motion, which I happen to adore (the first time I ever squirted with a partner was actually achieved via this fingering method!). There are some mechanical issues with this feature, which I’ll discuss more below, but it works just fine most of the time, and feels fantastic in a highly unusual way. You can even hold down the rotation button for a few seconds to reverse the direction of the rotation when you want to mix things up.
  • Flexible clitoral arm: The bendiness of the Velvo’s external arm allows it to be positioned in various places on/around the clitoris, as per your preferences (e.g. on the clitoral hood, to the side of the clit, or directly on the tip). It also allows the arm to remain in contact with your clit even if you thrust the toy in and out a bit, which I sometimes like to do, especially when I’m getting close to coming. The arm’s flexibility also means it can almost certainly reach your clit no matter how big or small the distance may be between your clit and vaginal opening.
  • Good clit vibrations: I’ve come to expect Lovense’s vibrators to be strong and rumbly, and this one is no exception. The vibrations do get slightly buzzier as you turn up the power, but they never feel annoying or numbing. The clit arm is the most important part of a rabbit vibrator, for me and for many other users, so I’m delighted Lovense got this one so right.
  • Independently controllable arms: As should be standard for rabbit vibrators, this one allows you to control each arm separately from the other – either via Lovense’s app or via the buttons on the toy itself. So if your clit suddenly wants more stimulation than your G-spot (or vice-versa), you can make that happen.
  • App functionalities/Long-distance capabilities: As always with Lovense toys, I gotta shout out their app, which is overflowing with useful features for long-distance connection. Your partner can be thousands of miles away and can still control your vibe with their phone, as long as they have internet access. You can chat with them via text, voice, or video directly within the app. You can also sync up the vibrations to music/sound, create your own vibration patterns, and try other people’s custom patterns. And if your partner has a Lovense toy of their own, you can make your toys “talk to each other” in various ways – e.g. thrusting the Velvo faster/harder makes your partner’s Max 2 stroker vibrate more intensely. Highly recommend using Lovense toys during phone sex; I do it frequently and it’s always fun!
  • Dimensions: I found the Velvo’s dimensions to be satisfying and never overwhelming, unlike those of some other beaded rabbit vibes I tried back in the day. The Velvo’s shaft has an insertable length of 5.35″ – plenty long enough to reach just about anyone’s G-spot and massage the area around it, too – with a diameter of 1.42″.
  • Waterproof: Love that the Velvo is IPX7 waterproof, so I can use it in the shower or bath, and can easily wash it in the sink without fear of ruining it.

Things I don’t like about the Lovense Velvo:

  • Weakened by pressure: Not to brag, but my vag muscles clamp down pretty tightly when I’m nearing orgasm (an FWB once said that fingering me is “like wrestling a little monster”), and I noticed that the Velvo’s beads slowed to almost a full halt when that started to happen. It doesn’t ruin my orgasm, per se, because the clit vibrations keep going and I can continue manually thrusting the toy through my orgasm – but it does limit how “blended” the orgasm can feel, since the G-spot stimulation eases up right when I want it to double down instead.
  • Occasionally glitchy: You’re supposed to hold down the rotation button for 3 seconds if you want to change the direction of the rotation, but I found that sometimes my Velvo would just randomly switch directions on its own, without me pressing anything. Sometimes that sudden change would distract from my pleasure, and I imagine it could quasi-ruin an orgasm if it happened during one, too.
  • Only 3 pre-programmed clit vibration speeds: When using Lovense toys by myself (as opposed to with a long-distance partner), I’ll often control them using just the buttons on the toy, since that’s easier/simpler/quicker – and when using the Velvo that way, I found that it only has 3 pre-programmed speeds of clitoral vibration, which is not enough. Typically I like a toy to have at least 5, ideally 8-10, so that I can escalate the intensity gradually throughout a session without any jarringly big jumps between speeds.
  • Straight shaft: To me it seems strange to make a G-spot toy with no curve at all. Sure, the rotating beads are the star of the show, but I think they’d feel even more impactful in a curved shape. The lack of a curve is probably why this toy hasn’t been able to make me squirt, despite how good the beads feel against my G-spot. I would’ve also loved if this toy could hit my A-spot when thrusted deep inside me, since the combo of G-spot + A-spot + clit stim usually leads to some amazing orgasms for me – but it’s lacking the curve it would need to achieve that.
  • Noisy: This is common for toys that rotate or do other motion-heavy mechanical functions, but the Velvo’s rotation feature makes a sound I described in my scribbly testing notes as “witchy shrieking.” 🧙‍♀️ It’s not wildly loud, but the sound is repetitive and has a high-pitched quality that some folks might find grating.
  • Can’t easily be used hands-free: Whether for multi-tasking reasons, disability reasons, or just laziness reasons, you might sometimes want to use a rabbit vibe hands-free, and this one doesn’t quite work for that purpose. Eventually the rotation motion always makes the toy slip out of me and/or makes the clitoral arm lose contact with my clit. Bracing the toy against a pillow between my legs helps somewhat.
  • Relatively short battery life: It’s normal for dual-stimulation vibes to run out of power quicker than toys with only one function, but the Velvo’s battery life is even shorter than that of Lovense’s other rabbits – you get up to 78 minutes of play time from a 110-minute charge.

Final thoughts

When it comes to the Lovense Velvo, I’m torn… On the one hand, it can easily get me off, and feels excellent when it does so. The rotating beads feel like a partner’s fingers massaging my G-spot, the clitoral arm’s rumbly vibrations are plenty powerful enough for me, and the toy works well whether I thrust it in and out or just hold it still inside me.

On the other hand, for the Velvo’s $119 price tag, I would hope that any mechanical issues would have been ironed out – but I experienced some glitching and stalling when I put this toy through its paces. It also drives me nuts that there are only 3 pre-programmed clit vibration speeds, meaning that I always need to either control the toy with my phone (which allows for more granular control over vibration strength) or resign myself to startlingly big jumps in intensity when I turn it up.

Overall, for my particular preferences and anatomy, I’m a bigger fan of Lovense’s other rabbits – the A-spot-stroking Nora and the G-spot-tapping Osci 3 – than I am of the Velvo. But I still think the Velvo is an impressive achievement on Lovense’s part, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything quite like those rotating beads before. If you want a G-spot-focused dual-stimulation toy to use solo or with a long-distance partner, the Velvo is well worth considering!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: BeMoreKinky BDSM app for couples

idk why this one made me laugh so hard but it did, and now it’s the lead image in my review, lmao

What is the BeMoreKinky app?

Available for both iOS and Android, the BeMoreKinky app is designed by and for kinky couples. It’s meant to be a hub for sexual communication between you and your partner, via features like BDSM quizzes, scene planners, end-to-end encrypted chat, guided intimacy exercises, a habit tracker, and a punishment wheel.

You can use it solo to gain self-knowledge about your kinks and desires, but it works best when used with a partner. You can invite them via a special link or code, and you’ll be able to interact through the app, see each other’s list of kink activities you’re open to, and more.

Things I like about the BeMoreKinky app:

  • Conversation-starter: As someone who wrote an introductory book on kink that was meant to kickstart a dialogue between partners, I’ve heard from many readers about the value of an external kinky conversation-starter, especially early on in one’s sexual self-discovery. It can be hard to bring up the things you’re into, and playing with this app together is a low-stress way to raise these topics. You could narrate aloud while one of you does a quiz on your bondage preferences, for example, or discuss your favorite titles/honorifics as you fill out your profiles together – and then just see where the conversation takes you.
  • Lots of kink inspiration: Human sexuality is so vast that there’s always more to discover, and this app is crammed full of kinks, fetishes, and activities for you to peruse and discuss. If you feel like your sex life is in a rut, but you don’t know quite how to shake things up, this app could definitely inspire you in that regard. For instance, lately I’ve been pondering what femdom-y honorific I might like to be called by a new person I’m seeing, and it was interesting to scroll through BeMoreKinky’s list of suitable titles (mistress, goddess, empress, etc.) to see what struck me.
  • MojoUpgrade-style activity matching: Anyone else remember MojoUpgrade, the classic internet quiz that shows you only the activities that both you and your partner said you’d be up for? It’s a great communication tool, and one of the core features of BeMoreKinky is something similar – once you and your partner have both rated several kink activities (which admittedly can be a decent-sized time investment), the app shows you all the activities your partner rated highly, as well as the ones you both said you like. This is a helpful starting point for planning scenes together, particularly with newer partners whose sexuality you’re less familiar with and less comfortable directly asking about.
  • “In the mood” status indicator: In the app’s “profile” tab, there’s a slider where you can indicate to your partner whether you’re “in the mood” or not. This didn’t send me any kind of notification when my wife activated hers – I had to seek it out myself by looking at the “partner” tab – but still a potentially useful functionality for people who struggle with sexual communication.
  • Encrypted chat: The built-in chat feature is end-to-end encrypted, so you can rest assured that your kinky convos are safe and secure. Sure, the same may be true for whatever app(s) you currently use to text with your partner in everyday life, but some people may prefer having a separate digital space for sexy chats, especially if you’re doing some kind of roleplay that benefits from that type of digital compartmentalization. (Sexy tech-support agent roleplay, anyone?!)
  • Tracks habits & rewards: Lots of kinksters enjoy dynamics where one partner monitors the other’s progress in achieving certain goals, whether those are directly kinky (e.g. “shine Mistress’s leather boots once a month,” “edge yourself 3 times before coming”) or more quotidian in nature (e.g. “read a book per week,” “go for a walk every day”). BeMoreKinky has a feature that allows you to assign and track the completion of habitual tasks like these. There are other apps that can do this, sure, but how many of them are built right into the interface you’re already using for kink negotiation and sexy chat? It’s cool to be able to do it all in one place. This feature was admittedly somewhat buggy when I tested it out, but hopefully it’ll get ironed out in future releases.
  • Polyamory features (in beta): There’s a huge degree of overlap between the kink community and the consensual non-monogamy community, so I was glad to see that BeMoreKinky has a “multi-partner mode” in beta currently. You can switch between multiple partners (up to 5!) without any of them being able to see each other’s quiz answers. While this doesn’t cover every possible non-monogamy configuration, it nonetheless makes this app much more polyamory-friendly than most of the comparable apps/sites I’ve seen.
  • Sleek design: It’s a good-lookin’ app, I must say!

Things I don’t like about the BeMoreKinky app:

  • Buggy: I unfortunately encountered a lot of bugs while trying to use this app – chat messages would randomly vanish, new habits didn’t appear until I’d closed/restarted the app, sometimes the app would randomly switch to a different tab without me selecting that, etc. My wife is a software developer so I sympathize with the struggles involved in making an app like this, but these types of issues are particularly frustrating when you’re trying to get into a sexy/kinky mood and would rather focus on flirting than troubleshooting!
  • A.I. integration: There is A.I.-generated stuff all over this app – some of it disclosed, some seemingly not – and it’s characteristically mediocre. Granted, I’m biased ‘n’ bitter, as a human being who writes about kink professionally and has been (shoddily) replaced with A.I. by some of my past clients – but I still find it sad to see A.I. being used for things like kink scene planning. Half the fun of kink is communicating about it – the negotiation, the flirtation, the mutual discovery – and if you use an A.I. tool to do that stuff, you’re denying yourself and your partner the opportunity to get to know yourselves and each other better, and all the delicious intimacy and vulnerability involved in that process. Naturally, I’m also against the usage of A.I. for art/writing/etc. because it takes away work/pay from skilled human creators who could’ve done a better job.
  • Poorly written quizzes: Probably related to the above point, I found many of the quizzes in this app to be confusingly written, repetitive, at least partially inaccurate, and ultimately not all that illuminating. For example, a quiz titled “Are you a giver or receiver?” mostly asked about dominance and submission – a separate concept from giving vs. receiving, as most kink educators could tell you – while a different quiz on impact play essentially just told me that I’m into impact play, which I already knew, rather than offering any insight on how I might explore that further or what specifically draws me to impact.
  • Overwhelming/excessive at times: This app is packed full of so many features that I think it could easily scare off some nervous newbies. I know from working in sex shops that BDSM beginners often feel overwhelmed as-is, because they’ve already battled through layers of shame and stigma just to be able to admit they might be kinky. The sheer number of features in this app could make them feel out of their depth, instead of encouraging them to dip a toe into kinky waters. It also annoyed me that the app only saves the activities you rate if you rate an entire category of activities (e.g. the “strict femdom” category contains 40 activities), so if you have to stop midway through, none of the activities you’ve rated to that point will be saved. This makes the app even more intimidating, because you can’t “microdose” it by just rating a few activities here and there when you have time – you have to commit to going through a long list of them before they’ll save.
  • Not good for trans people: Upon downloading the app, my wife filled out her basic profile, including indicating that she only wanted to be referred to with feminine terms. Shortly thereafter, we tested out the A.I. scene planning feature, and it immediately misgendered her(!!) and made erroneous assumptions about our sexual anatomy. As-is, I would recommend that trans and nonbinary people avoid this app for the time being. I hope better guardrails are put into place in the future, because (needless to say) this type of unnecessary technological misstep could ruin someone’s scene/night.

Final thoughts

I think the BeMoreKinky app is an admirable effort to make kink more accessible to the masses – not everyone is as comfortable yapping about their deepest sexual desires as I am(!), and sometimes an external resource, like an app or a book, can be immensely useful in jumpstarting these conversations.

That being said, I worry about the perils of bringing A.I. into the bedroom with us. Even setting aside more extreme or existential concerns like A.I.-induced psychosis and environmental impact, outsourcing your scene-planning to a robot robs you of the opportunity to practice thinking (and kinking) for yourself. It distances you from your partner in an intimate arena that can otherwise feel soul-affirmingly connective. It introduces the possibility of boner-killing awkward errors, like misgendering your sweetheart or yourself due to a coding oversight. And in this case, it does all this without adding much value that couldn’t be equally gleaned by just having the guts to talk to your partner about sex.

I feel similarly about BeMoreKinky as I did about the Fifty Shades series, which is to say: I’m concerned about damage it may do and misconceptions it may propagate, but at the same time, I’m happy for the people it may help to discover themselves and their sexualities, and I deeply hope that the good ultimately outweighs the bad. Sometimes we have to make such trade-offs in our continuing efforts to, uh, be more kinky.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the app. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What Can (and Can’t) You Learn From Watching Porn?

Photo by mb. Just imagine I’m attending a porn screening in this picture, although it was actually an improv show…

There’s perpetually a firestorm of discourse about porn – whether it’s good or bad, realistic or unrealistic, helpful inspiration or misguided misinformation. Personally I think porn can teach us a lot, but people often take the wrong lessons from it. So what can you actually learn from porn, and what can’t you? Here are my thoughts on the matter; I’d love to hear yours in the comments…

 

Things you probably can’t learn from porn:

How to initiate sex

Porn scenes often dive right into the action, which is reasonable – if you’re surfing a porn website, you might very well have one hand down your pants already! But in real life, often you have to (or want to) ease into sex much more gradually, to ensure everyone’s ongoing comfort and consent. This is especially true if you and/or your partner have “responsive desire” (to borrow a term from sexologist Emily Nagoski), in which case initiation might involve slow-burn activities like flirting on a dinner date, making out on the couch, or cuddling naked in bed. If you’re not sure how your partner prefers sex to be initiated, talk it over with them!

Sexual techniques your partner(s) will like

While some porn purports to be educational (and some actually is!), often you’re just seeing techniques that are designed to be visually stimulating, which may or may not actually feel good to the people involved. For instance, when someone is going down on me, I prefer a suction-based technique where my clit is inside someone’s mouth for a lot of the time, but that doesn’t always translate well to porn because you can’t see exactly what they’re doing with their tongue in there! You can certainly look to porn for inspo, but it’s not an instruction manual – for details on how to please your specific partner, you’ll need to ask them yourself, and/or try things out and see what they respond to.

How to do aftercare

I’ve almost never seen aftercare represented in porn, which makes sense – for a lot of us, our post-porn-watching ‘aftercare’ is just closing our laptop and moving on with our day/night! But in real life, whether the sex you’re having is kinky or vanilla, most people appreciate a calming comedown of some sort. Cuddling is a common aftercare staple, for instance, as is pillow talk about the sex you just had. Don’t forget water and a little snack if you need one – sex can be quite a workout sometimes!

 

Things you actually can learn from porn:

Dirty talk skills

Porn stars are, quite literally, pro-level dirty-talkers. It’s a skill well worth learning, given that 91% of people are turned on by it! You don’t have to copy the exact phrases and cadence of your favorite porn stars, but you can use their style as inspiration when developing your own. Whether your roadblock to dirty talk is sexual shame, nervousness, or just not knowing what to say, it can help to listen to porn stars’ salacious parlance and maybe even practice repeating aloud the things they say, so you get used to the way filthy words feel in your mouth.

What high levels of arousal feel like for you

Not everyone struggles with this, but some people experience what’s called “arousal non-concordance”: a frustrating mismatch between your levels of physical and mental arousal. There are many reasons this can occur; for me, I know that I’m prone to dissociation from my body due to trauma, so I sometimes don’t even notice that I’ve gotten physically turned on – or, on the flipside, I might have a mental desire for sex while feeling frustratingly little physical arousal. Porn can be helpful in this regard, because it helps me reach high arousal levels both physically and mentally while alone in the privacy of my room – and the more familiar I become with how that arousal feels in my body and brain, the easier it is for me to recognize it and foster it with partners.

New stuff you might want to try

You can read about certain kinky proclivities all day long, but it may not give you a sense of whether you’d actually enjoy doing those things. Porn, on the other hand – especially the hyper-realism of VR porn (see all studios here for more on that) – can be more vivid and thus more illuminating. There are lots of kinky things I didn’t quite “get” until I saw them done in porn, at which point I wanted to try them out ASAP!

 

What have you learned from porn, dear readers? Feel free to let me know in the comments!

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What to Pack for a Sex Getaway

The weather outside is dull and grey, and it has me thinking about potential trips to far-flung locales – for lounging on the beach and sipping daiquiris over a good book, sure, but also for sexy adventures with beloved beaux. Sex in a hotel bed (or even on an Airbnb pull-out couch) just hits different, y’know?

I can’t tell you exactly what to bring with you on a horny holiday, since you know your own sexual needs best… but here’s a list of things I think most sexually active people would benefit from having in their suitcase on such a jaunt, whether you’re headed to a swingers’ resort in Cancún, a luxury escort agency in Vienna, or even just a hotel in your own hometown. Let me know in the comments if there’s anything crucial I missed!

1-2 lubes

Lube is a must-have for pretty much everyone. No matter what type(s) of sex or masturbation you get into, lube is likely to make it feel a whole lot more pleasurable and comfortable.

On a typical trip, I tend to pack two lubes: a water-based option (ideally Sutil Rich or Sliquid Sassy), which I use with most sex toys and for most types of penetration, and a silicone-based option (ideally Uberlube), which is better suited for things like handjobs and clitoral masturbation. However, if I only had the space for one lube, I’d tend to go water-based, since it’s compatible with all types of sex toys and safer sex supplies. Speaking of which…

Safer sex supplies

I always bring condoms with me on my sexy travels; they’re my go-to contraceptive method, since hormonal birth control fucks with my mental health too bad, and they’re also just good to have around. If I was attending an orgy/gangbang or somesuch, I might bring a few different size options with me, because I’m cum-siderate like that! You might also consider packing dental dams, latex/nitrile gloves, and/or finger cots, depending on your needs/desires.

A small vibrator + a big vibrator

Suitcase space doesn’t always allow for this, but in an ideal world, I would always be able to pack both a Magic Wand Rechargeable and a smaller, more pinpointed vibe like the We-Vibe Tango X. Wands are super versatile; I love using them on partners of various genders/anatomies, as well as on myself, particularly when travel exhaustion has lowered my sensitivity. But it’s also nice to have a more petite vibrator on hand for when I’m craving that sensation instead.

Some vibrators have a travel lock function, which smartly ensures that the vibrations won’t turn on in transit, startling TSA agents and taxicab drivers alike. I try to bring at least one vibe that’s waterproof, because jerking off in a hotel bathtub is the height of luxury, if you ask me! Don’t forget to pack the charger(s) for your vibrator(s) as well, if they’re rechargeable, since a dead vibe sucks just as much in a beautiful destination as it does in your bed at home.

Something penetrative

If you or your partner(s) are into penetration, you’re probably gonna want to bring a dildo, butt plug, insertable vibrator, or some other type of penetrative toy with you. Think about which internal spot(s) you most often like to target, and pack accordingly. I’ll often bring one realistic silicone dildo that hits my A-spot and one firmer dildo that hits my G-spot, just to cover my bases. To be on the safe side, probably leave any glass toys at home (or do as I do and pack them wrapped in multiple layers of socks).

1-2 kinky sensory toys

If you are kinky comme moi, you may want to toss a couple of sensory-play items into your suitcase incase the mood strikes. I’ll often bring a small wooden bat or paddle for impact play, and maybe something like this dragon claw for light sadomasochism. That being said, your hands are great kink toys in and of themselves, capable of slapping, scratching, etc., so you may not need any extra equipment in this category!

A few kinky pervertibles

I bring an eye mask with me every time I travel, to help block out light so I can sleep better – but it also works a treat as a blindfold for kinky sex. Likewise, scarves and neckties can double as bondage gear, and a wooden hairbrush makes a killer impact implement. When suitcase space is at a premium, you might as well make the most of every item you bring!

Gum, mints, etc.

Self-explanatory! Sometimes I’ll also bring cough drops along, just incase. Trying to have an intimate date-y conversation in a bar or restaurant can be tricky when your throat is sore… as can giving head!

Hair elastics & bobby pins

Stray hairs in my mouth during oral sex are the bane of my existence. Fuck off and let me do what I do best!!

Headphones

Useful if you plan on watching porn and don’t want to risk disturbing the people in the next room… but also great if you, like me, sometimes have phone sex while staying in hotels. Headphones allow you to put your phone down, freeing up your hands for… other things.

Aftercare snacks

I usually pick these up at a duty-free shop once I’ve gone through airport security, but you can also get ’em at a hotel gift shop or pretty much anywhere. Chocolate, candy, chips, etc. are all great choices. It’s especially fun to get regional snacks that are only available wherever you’re staying!

 

What else do you think is important to bring on a sexy vacation?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.