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Review: Sinloli Sex Machine Mini

Kate Sloan

“This fucking machine looks like a ukulele,” observed my boyfriend as he assembled it for me. And then, consulting the instructions: “Wait, it’s actually designed to look like a ukulele!!”

At that point, I truly wondered if I was dreaming, because anyone who knows me knows that I love sex toys and I love ukuleles. They are two of my favorite kinds of things to collect en masse, along with notebooks, lipsticks, and absurd sexual fantasies about unattainable crushes. So I was delighted that the sex machine company Sinloli had made a whimsically ukulele-shaped fucking machine – although I wondered who else, besides me, might be the target audience for such a thing. Musically-minded sluts, rise up!

(I must warn you, dear readers – all my testing notes for this review were in a notebook which I tragically misplaced on a flight to Toronto yesterday, having had to leave the machine itself back at home in Brooklyn – so I am writing this based solely on recollections and vibes. But perhaps that’s a good thing once in a while.)

Photo by pax

Unboxing & assembly

As you may know if you’re a connoisseur of such things (or even just a fan from afar), fucking machines are usually pretty large. They kind of have to be – for a mechanized object to be able to thrust a dildo hard and fast into somebody’s hole(s), it needs to be sturdy/heavy enough to stay in place and to deliver a solid ramming, which usually requires mass.

But, just as the five-foot-tall dom I dated in my twenties was way rougher with me [positive!] than some gentle giants I’ve been with, a fucking machine needn’t be huge to achieve its lascivious goals. Sinloli is the sister company of Hismith, whom you may know for their top-of-the-line sex machines – but while Hismith’s products are generally pretty bulky and can cost anywhere from $400 to upwards of $1,000, Sinloli’s offerings are more budget-friendly and petite.

This ukulele-shaped sex machine, for instance, only costs $320 USD (or $400 CAD), and it comes with everything you’ll need to get thoroughly railed: the machine itself, the tools you’ll need to assemble it, a remote control, three(!!) dildo attachments, an additional attachment that makes the machine compatible with any dildo that has a suction-cup base, and a storage bag to keep it all in. Genuinely a phenomenal deal, if you ask me.

I chatted separately with my wife and boyfriend about who wanted to assemble this product for me, since I am a delicate (read: physically weak) little princess with a chronic illness that affects muscle strength. My wife likes being a cuckold sometimes, so I considered “making” her assemble the machine while I audibly had sex with someone else in another room, or “forcing” her to watch me get fucked by the machine she’d just assembled while unable to fuck me herself… but ultimately, boyfriend seemed more enthused about sex toy assembly than wifey did, so I delegated the task to him instead. He put the machine together while the two of us watched Gail Daughtry & the Celebrity Sex Pass (great flick!).

He noted that the assembly was overall pretty straightforward, its process laid out clearly enough in the provided instructions. The one tricky bit was removing a dildo attachment once it’d been attached, something I still personally haven’t figured out how to do; I know there’s a button somewhere on the metal connector that detaches it but I think I just don’t have the hand strength to operate it!

Dicks galore – a.k.a. attachments

I was surprised that the Sinloli machine came with three different dildo attachments, all of which appear to be silicone and of decent quality. All three are lifelike/dick-like; two are in Caucasian-esque skin tones with charmingly realistic color gradients, while one is solid black.

The biggest one is quite large (7.4″ insertable length, 1.8″ diameter), larger than I’d want in 95% of cases, but I’m glad to have it in case of a size queen emergency. The other two are more to my taste, as they’re more in line with the sizes of flesh-and-blood cocks I’ve enjoyed having inside me. The all-black one (6.2″ by 1.4″) has an upward curve, making it better for G-spot and A-spot stimulation, while the skin-tone one (5.8″ by 1.5″) is straighter and thus provides an overall feeling of fullness/fucked-ness without targeting any spots in particular. All three can also be used as standalone/handheld dildos, if you’re ever not in the mood to get fucked by a machine.

My experience with the Sinloli Sex Machine Mini

When a human being is fucking me, I try to give instructions (if needed) to help them do it the way I like it – and generally, those instructions have to do with depth, speed, or angle. So it’s fantastic that all three of those variables are highly customizable when you’re using the Sinloli. The clamps at either end can be adjusted along the height of the toy’s metal legs in order to angle the toy’s stroke upward or downward, and there’s another clamp in the middle (right where the soundhole of an actual ukulele would be) that allows you to adjust the stroke depth/length. Both of these adjustments should ideally be made while the toy is off/unmoving; it’s difficult to make such changes while the machine is actively fucking, like trying to do the Cha Cha Slide on a moving treadmill.

As for thrust speed, that is controlled via either the toy’s included remote (which I found connected to the machine easily and instantly, no finagling required) or Sinloli’s phone app. That variable can be adjusted during use, either by the user themselves or by someone else who is controlling the toy.

I tested this machine with my wife. It’s far from the only time she’s controlled a toy of mine – in fact, she operated the remote of a Cowgirl vibe that the Museum of Sex invited me to come sit on, less than 2 months into dating me! – so I knew I could trust her to put the machine through its paces without totally wrecking my vag. She got me super turned on beforehand (via oral sex, if you must know), which I would recommend – getting rammed before you’re physically ready is usually an unpleasant experience, unless you’re into that. We primarily tested the all-black, slightly-curved dildo, since that’s the one that seemed like it would feel the best for me.

Indeed, it was a great time in both the positions we tested it in: I got on my knees on the floor and got fucked from behind with the machine for a while, and then flipped over onto my back for a more missionary-style fucking. The machine’s angle-adjustability allowed it to hit my spots easily. One downside of this toy’s small size (compared to standard-issue Hismiths, etc.) is that you’re more limited in terms of height, so I had to be pretty low to the ground for the dildo to line up with my hole, but that didn’t bug me too much.

Try as we might, we couldn’t figure out how to lock the dildo in place so that the curve would stay facing the right direction as the toy thrusted. This was minorly annoying when it would lose contact with my A-spot, but overall the experience was more about feeling filled up and thoroughly fucked than it was about stimulating specific spots. I held a vibe on my clit, and my wife kept a hand on my thigh for much of our testing time, feeling for the changes in muscle tension that tell her when to speed up and when to slow down. It was hot to feel her fucking me via the machine, the ways her personality and approach invariably came through, rather than feeling like the machine had put her at a cold remove from my body.

Using this toy was an interesting exercise in getting in touch with my own physical desires. Usually when a partner fucks me, they are reading my responses and making executive decisions moment-to-moment about how to optimize their technique – but since my wife had less sensory information to go off of when operating the machine, I had to be more verbally instructive than usual about what changes I wanted and when. I tend to want shorter, deeper, slightly faster strokes as I get closer to coming, which was completely achievable with the Sinloli. In fact, the machine (not to mention my wife’s operation of it) was so effective that I squirted all over the floor when I came.

One advantage that fucking machines have over humans is their ability to maintain a steady rhythm. Humans can certainly try, and some of them succeed some of the time (especially musicians, I have found!), but some combination of fatigue and arousal usually leads to deviations in rhythm. While understandable (human bodies are fallible), this can mess with my ability to build to an orgasm at times, so I appreciate that this tireless machine will keep on truckin’ as long as it remains plugged into the wall (or until you slow it down/turn it off). This not only feels great physically but also helps alleviate some guilt I sometimes feel about “taking too long” to come and thus tiring partners out. Naturally, my wife enjoyed the sights and sounds of getting me off via sex machine, too!

Included accessories + storage bag

Other cool stuff

The Sinloli Sex Machine Mini has a bunch of pre-programmed patterns, which are good for mixing things up. Personally I always prefer steady stroking, so I stuck with that, but I could see the patterns being fun for someone who likes surprises or wants to be teased.

This machine is much quieter than I was expecting. In my experience, if a sex toy has “machine” in its title, it’ll tend to loudly buzz or clank or groan when it’s on – but this one produces a totally unobjectionable low whirr that I actually found kind of… relaxing to listen to?!

Sinloli’s proprietary attachment system is called EzfunLok, and they sell various other dildos that utilize this system – but they also sell converters that make this machine usable with KlicLok (Hismith) and Vac-U-Lock (Doc Johnson) attachments, which adds a lot of versatility and possibility. The included suction-cup converter is cool too, as it allows you to use this machine with any dildo that has a decent suction-cup base – and I have soooo many of those! You don’t have to use it with dildos, either – some of the other attachment types available include strokers and anal beads.

Final thoughts

Friends, partners, and crushes alike will often ask me conversationally, “What reviews are you working on lately?” and it’s been so funny to tell them about this ukulele-shaped fucking machine. Some would crow “Oh my god! That’s perfect for you!” Some would get wide-eyed with wonderment and demand an explanation of what the hell a fucking machine even does (to me, the name is self-evident, but hey…!). Some were already verrrry familiar with such machines from porn, and would get palpably turned on from the very idea of me using one. It was an interesting mixed bag of reactions, much like how the Sinloli Sex Machine itself can pair with a mixed bag of attachments…!

There are many times when I’m in the mood to get fucked but simply don’t have the strength (or can’t be bothered) to do it myself – and when I’m home alone in that kind of mood, a fucking machine like this one is the perfect solution. This Sinloli model is small enough that I can tuck it into my closet or under my bed without first disassembling it, which makes it a lot likelier that I’ll actually use it when the craving strikes. I’ve also found its operation to be quite straightforward and easy – no mid-fuck troubleshooting required.

At $320 USD (or $400 CAD), I think this is a remarkably well-priced entry-level fucking machine that would serve a lot of people well. It’s also conveniently sized for small living spaces: sans attachment, it tops out at 20″ long and 12.2″ tall. It weighs just 11 pounds, and would probably be able to fuck harder/even more effectively if it was heavier and thus sturdier, but it’s plenty sturdy for its size and I think its lack of heft will make it a lot easier for me to pull it out and use it when the mood arises. Thanks to Sinloli for sending me such a fantastic little fucking machine – and one shaped like my favorite musical instrument, no less!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: So Divine Strawgasm clitoral suction vibrator

Kate Sloan

What is the So Divine Strawgasm?

While making preliminary notes about the Strawgasm, I wrote, “What’s with all these fruity clit-suckers?” and then realized that phrase also describes my most beloved sexual partners of the past and present 😂

In seriousness though, fruit has been trending recently in the clit vibe category, for some reason. I reviewed a lemon-shaped clit sucker last year, and then an avocado-shaped one (sorry to be the bearer of weird news but yes, avocados are fruits). Have tariff-related grocery price hikes caused people to start fetishizing the yummy produce they can no longer afford?! Has the growing popularity of vore kink got more people thinking about the erotics of food? Or is it just that a cutesy aesthetic makes a sometimes-stigmatized product seem more approachable and fun?

Sex toy company So Divine, who also make an adorable heart-shaped vibe and a version of the now-classic rose toy, asked me to review their latest sweet treat of a clit stimulator, the Strawgasm. It’s a pressure-wave toy, so it uses pulses of air to touchlessly stimulate the clit. It is made of silicone, retails for £43.99 (which currently converts to about $59 USD or $83 CAD), and looks like a big, juicy strawberry. Hope I didn’t berry the lede on that one…

Things I like about the So Divine Strawgasm:

  • Rumbly: The Strawgasm’s pressure-waves feel low-pitched and impactful on my clit, similarly to rumbly vibration like the lowest speed of the Magic Wand Rechargeable. This creates a deeper feeling that stimulates not only my external clit but also the internal parts of it, to some extent. My wife, who is transfeminine, also found the Strawgasm pleasurable when she positioned it on her frenulum.
  • Good suction & seal: Pressure-wave toys don’t technically create suction, despite often being called “clit-suckers” – they rapidly, rhythmically alter the air pressure in the space between your skin and the toy, which can sometimes create mild suction when there’s a good enough seal. I found that the Strawgasm’s “mouth” worked really well for this, especially when lubed. Clitoral suction is not only pleasurable in and of itself, but also draws more blood to the area, making it more engorged and sensitive.
  • Mouth size: The internal diameter of the Strawgasm’s nozzle is about 1.4 centimeters, or 0.55 inches. It’s not as big as the mouth of my favorite pressure-wave toy, the Lelo Sila, the widest diameter of which is 0.8 inches – but unlike some other toys I’ve tried in this category, the Strawgasm is able to encase some of my clitoral shaft instead of just the ultra-sensitive tip, so it feels more satisfying to me than toys with smaller nozzles. As ever with sizing stuff like this, your mileage may vary depending on your anatomy; I think my clit is slightly on the larger side of average, if that helps.
  • Appearance: I go back and forth on whether I like sex toys with weird novelty shapes, but this one is pretty cute. It’s not “discreet,” per se, but certainly doesn’t look like a sex toy at first glance. From a practical perspective, I also found that the strawberry-esque texture helped me keep a better grip on the toy during use.
  • Waterproof: The Strawgasm is IPX7 waterproof, so you can wash it in the sink or use it in the shower or bath without fear of ruining it.

Things I don’t like about the So Divine Strawgasm:

  • Only one button/Patterns too easily activated: The Strawgasm has 5 steady speeds followed by 4 rhythmic patterns, for a total of 9 settings, which you can cycle through using the toy’s one button. In practice, this means I often forget which speed I’m on, and accidentally switch to a pattern, usually at a very inopportune moment, after which I have to scroll through the remaining patterns to get back to the beginning. I wish the patterns were activated by a separate button so those of us who never use them could, well, never use them.
  • Not much range of intensity: Although the Strawgasm has 5 intensity settings, the jump from each to the next is so tiny that even the top setting isn’t much stronger than the first one. I frequently found myself wanting more power as I got closer to coming (and then accidentally switching to a pattern instead, as mentioned above!!).
  • Too bulbous for some sex positions: I wouldn’t be able to use this during missionary-position PIV or strap-on sex (with me receiving, I mean), because it’s not petite enough to fit easily between bodies. Impracticality is frequently one of the trade-offs made when buying a toy in a silly shape like this.

Final thoughts

The fruity cutie Strawgasm feels almost as sweet as it looks! I think a lot of people would enjoy the sensation it provides, which feels like (as with other rumbly pressure-wave toys) a mix between thumping and sucking – rhythmic, unrelenting, and deep.

That being said, it didn’t have quite enough power to get me off, and I found its patterns to be more of a nuisance than a pleasure. But it got me plenty turned on, and felt good the whole time. So I say, if a strawberry-shaped toy seems up your alley, pick this one up and jam it on your clit – you might just have a berry good time 😉

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Magic Stick modular rabbit vibrator

Kate Sloan
Clockwise from top left: “rotating tongues” attachment, base unit/shaft, “kneading massage” attachment, “vibrating thumb” attachment, “vibrating rabbit ears” attachment

What is the Magic Stick?

I’ve reviewed over two dozen dual-stimulation vibrators – that is to say, vibrators that stimulate me clitorally and internally, at the same time – and there’s one problem that plagues almost all of them: They’re trying to be one-size-fits-all, when that’s simply not possible. There is too much variation in the distance between clit and vaginal opening, not to mention a wide range of other preferences in terms of stimulation type, thrustability, and ergonomics. Dual-stim vibes try to do everything, and as a result, they sometimes end up being good at nothing.

Enter the Magic Stick, which was designed specifically to address this problem. It’s a modular system consisting of a basic vibrating shaft, for vaginal penetration, and 4 different clitoral attachments which can be swapped out at will. The attachments work via wireless induction – when you position them within the clearly-marked induction zone on the shaft, they receive power from the base unit.

Crucially, the induction zone is a generous 3.5 inches long, and you can position the attachments anywhere along that stretch – which enables you to adjust how deeply the toy can be thrusted, and also makes it likelier that this toy will fit your anatomy regardless of your clit-to-vag measurement. Nifty as hell! I quickly said yes when I was offered the Magic Stick to review, because I’ve never seen a toy that works quite like this before.

Things I like about the Magic Stick:

  • Innovative design: As I said up top, I think this toy’s core concept is brilliant. Luckily, it’s not just smart in theory – it’s (mostly) well-executed! I love that the attachments can be swapped out so easily and quickly, especially in the heat of the moment; you just slide one off and slide the next one on. I also love that the design allows for adjustable insertion depth, because different people’s preferences differ widely on this, and even I – a devout enjoyer of deep penetration – sometimes prefer to stay shallower when I’m still in the process of getting turned on, or when my cervix is temperamental from impending menstruation.
  • Multiple attachments: It’s unusual for a toy to come with so many attachments! Makes this vibe a lot more versatile and customizable. I’ll talk about each of them in turn, using the names that the instruction manual calls them by:
    • Vibrating thumb: This one is indeed shaped like a particularly chunky thumb. The rounded shape and soft silicone feel nice on my clit, and I like that this attachment applies some clitoral pressure but not a ton. However, its vibrations are quite buzzy (more on that later).
    • Vibrating rabbit ears: Not quite your standard rabbit-vibe ears, these are thicker and thus less fluttery. They’re a good shape for people who enjoy pressure on the sides of their clit; I definitely include myself in that category! However, the vibrations on these are somehow even buzzier than those of the thumb. My clit therefore feels deadened and disinterested within seconds of being sandwiched between these rabbit ears. Bummer.
    • Kneading massage: This one definitely felt the best to me of all the attachments, especially when well-lubed. It’s a textured silicone wheel that spins against your clit and feels like a nubbly-yet-sexy massage. However, tragically, it slows down when moderate-to-intense pressure is applied, and it also spins itself off of my clit every single time unless I physically hold it in place.
    • Rotating tongues: “Oh, it’s just like a Sqweel,” said my boyfriend when he saw this attachment, and he is correct – it’s almost identical to the Sqweel Go, which was a mechanical wheel of silicone tongues that flap against your clit in a licking-esque manner. This can feel great as a gentle tease when the toy is well-lubed, but once I start getting turned on at all and accordingly applying more pressure, the tongues slow down and eventually stop altogether. Womp-womp.
  • Strong, rumbly shaft vibrations: The shaft/base unit of the Magic Stick produces impressively deep, powerful vibrations, which stimulate my vaginal walls pleasingly and usually add to the pleasure of whatever’s going on clitorally.
  • A-spotty curve: I was excited as soon as I saw the shape of this shaft, because it has all the qualities I tend to recommend for an A-spot toy: it’s long enough (up to 6″ insertable), and is mostly straight but with a little upward curve near the tip. I even enjoyed using the base unit as a standalone A-spot vibrator (always paired with a clitoral vibe) because it indeed feels really good on that area when I’m warmed up enough.
  • Price: Given this toy’s technologically advanced design and the sheer number of attachments you get with it, I’m surprised it retails for just $79 – I would expect a set like this to cost at least $150 in this day and age! You can actually get it for an even lower price of $63.20 if you use my coupon code, GIRLYJUICE, for 20% off at checkout.
  • Storage bag: When a toy has this many moving pieces (literally), I always appreciate the inclusion of a storage bag so you can keep them all together, whether while traveling or just when tossing it into your toy drawer.
From L to R: rabbit ears attachment, rotating tongues attachment

Things I don’t like about the Magic Stick:

  • Buzzy external vibrations: While the shaft’s vibrations are blissfully rumbly, the two vibrating attachments are both substantially buzzier – i.e. higher-pitched in timbre, and therefore less stimulating and more prone to causing temporary desensitization. Like most people with vaginas, clit stimulation is a requirement for me to reach orgasm, and it’s a hell of a lot harder to get there when my main sexual pleasure organ is half-numb. These buzzy external vibrations are drowned out even further by the rumbliness of the internal vibrations, to the point that I almost can’t feel them at all after a minute or two. Dear toy designers: if the clitoral portion of your dual-stim vibe falls flat, it’s time to go back to the drawing board, because that’s the most important part of the toy for the majority of users!
  • Issues with motion-based attachments: The “kneading massage” and “rotating tongues” attachments both stimulate the clit via motion rather than vibration – and while they both certainly felt more pleasurable to me than the buzzy clit vibes of the other two attachments, I had problems with both, as I touched on above. The tongues attachment, much like its apparent inspiration the Sqweel, slows down dramatically as you apply any pressure whatsoever – a major disappointment for those of us who appreciate a firm, decisive licking! The kneading attachment felt great when I got it on the right spot, but unfortunately that required physically holding it in place the entire time I used the toy, because otherwise it would spin itself off my clit and onto my outer labia, rendering itself useless.
  • Only 3 steady speeds: The base unit and the attachments all have 3 intensity levels each (and the base unit additionally has 7 vibration patterns). That’s simply not enough. I don’t know about you, but my own arousal cycle tends to require more gradation than that, and fewer jarring moments of being surprised by big jumps in intensity.
  • No G-spot stimulation: I’m sure there are mechanical reasons that the shaft of this toy needs to be so straight, but an unfortunate side effect is that my G-spot barely notices it. Even when I adjust the insertion length to be super short so that the toy’s tip ends in that area, it just doesn’t curve upwards enough to hit the spot.
  • Awkward button placement: Since this toy is expressly designed to be manually thrusted, it’s strange that the buttons were placed on the end of the shaft, exactly where your fingertips would tend to be when thrusting. I would prefer if they were slightly more out of the way but still within reach, like on the shaft, so that thrusting wouldn’t sometimes cause inadvertent button-presses.
  • Not submersible: The Magic Stick is only IPX6 water-resistant, so you can use it in the shower or wash it in the sink but shouldn’t use it in a bath or similar.

Final thoughts

I genuinely think that sex toy technology has been pushed forward with the Magic Stick. Being able to swap out attachments this easily, and have them just work, indeed feels magic! The wireless induction and extreme adjustability of the Magic Stick also make it suitable for a wider range of bodies than your standard dual-stim vibe; I love that the beautiful diversity of sexual anatomy is reflected in this design.

That being said, as so often happens with dual-stim toys, the clitoral vibration on this one feels somewhat like an afterthought, despite being (for me and many others) the most important quality of rabbit vibe. It’s frustrating that my vagina gets to enjoy such robustly rumbly vibrations, while my clit is left out in the cold (by which I mean, subjected to annoyingly buzzy vibrations that gradually make it feel numb)! It’s good that this toy is designed to be thrustable, because I would need to thrust to be able to get off with the Magic Stick. Its clit stim just doesn’t do it for me, so I’d need to provide some motion against my clit myself by thrusting the toy in and out.

That being said, you might enjoy the Magic Stick if you like buzzy vibrations, or if you get off moreso from vaginal stimulation than clitoral, or if you prioritize a better fit over a better motor. I’m so glad that this toy got made, and I hope to see more like it in the future!

Oh yeah, and don’t forget – you can use my code GIRLYJUICE for 20% off your order at AvidLovePlay!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Review: Lovense Fizz clitoral stimulator

Kate Sloan

What is the Lovense Fizz?

While I love me a good dildo or G-spot vibrator, I’m a clit girl at heart. Like most people with my anatomy, I only get off when there’s clitoral stimulation involved. So I’m always intrigued to test innovative new clit toys, particularly ones engineered by companies I adore.

Naturally, then, I was delighted when Lovense asked me to try their new clit stimulator, the Fizz. It’s a dual-headed toy: one side offers a “tapping” sensation, akin to an actual fingertip tapping quickly on your clit, while the other side offers a more standard “suction”/pressure-wave sensation, meant to mimic oral sex.

As with Lovense’s other toys, the Fizz can be controlled remotely via the Lovense app for iOS/Android, including by long-distance partners.

“Tapping” side

Things I like about the Lovense Fizz:

  • Tapping & sucking: Both of this toy’s functions feel great (especially with a generous helping of water-based lube) and stimulate the clit differently from your standard clitoral vibrator.
    • The tapping side feels almost like a partner’s very speedy fingers, and oscillates visibly back and forth, creating a deep, firm rumble I can feel throughout my clit. It reminds me of my beloved Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen, only smaller/more pinpointed. I like that I can move it around as needed, stimulating the top, sides, or tip of my clit. I can get off with this side consistently and easily.
    • The suction side is a bit intense for me at times, but that’s true of pretty much all of these pressure-wave/air-pulse toys (Womanizers, Satisfyers, etc.) – they stimulate the tip of my clit in a way that can be overwhelming and sometimes makes me come faster than I mean to, resulting in a subpar orgasm. That being said, this toy’s air-pulse stimulation is the kind I like best, on the rare occasions when I crave it: rumbly/low-pitched, steady, and dispensed through a large, soft “mouth” (of which more later). I can consistently get off with this side; it just takes me a long time because of how overstimulating pressure-waves can feel to me.
  • Strong: Both sides of the Fizz have a wide range of intensities and get impressively strong when you turn ’em up. I never had any doubt that I’d be able to reach orgasm with this toy, and mostly stayed within the lower half of the toy’s range to do so. (For reference, I usually get off on the first or second speed of the Magic Wand Rechargeable.)
  • Good variety of speeds/modes: The Fizz has 8 vibration speeds + 4 vibration patterns, and that’s before you factor in the Lovense app, which gives you even more control (more on that later). I’m thrilled that Lovense decided to give this toy so many vibration speeds, as I’ve sometimes found the jumps between speeds to be too jarring in previous toys of theirs that only had 3-5 pre-programmed speeds.
  • Larger nozzle: I tend to prefer pressure-wave toys with a larger “mouth” than average, because my clit is pretty sensitive and prefers indirect stimulation. The bigger a toy’s nozzle is, the more of my clitoral shaft it can encompass, creating a fuller-bodied sensation by stimulating more than just the hyper-sensitive tip of my clit. The diameter of the Fizz’s mouth is about half an inch, and while it can’t engulf my entire clitoral shaft + hood the way the wide-mouthed Lelo Sila can, it covers enough of my clit to give me deep, satisfying orgasms. I don’t think the Fizz’s mouth is quite big enough to fit especially large clits, though, including those of transmasculine people with bottom growth – I’d still tend to recommend the Sila for those folks.
  • App-controllability: Lovense is known for their excellent smartphone app and how it pairs seamlessly with their toys, allowing you to control your own toy – or a far-away partner’s – using your phone. You can create your own patterns, sync the toy up to music/sound, or just freely control it via sensual touchscreen swiping. I’m particularly excited to try out this toy’s long-distance capabilities the next time I’m away from my partners, because they both go down on me a lot when we’re physically together but there aren’t many long-distance toy options for replicating cunnilingus. This toy’s suction functionality feels just close enough to a human mouth (particularly when its silky-soft silicone “lips” are warm and well-lubed) that I think we’d have a wonderful time using this during phone sex.
  • Great buttons: Buttons are an oft-underrated aspect of sex toy design, but they can make a huge difference in a toy’s usability, as anyone who’s ever used a vibrator under the covers in the dark can tell you! The Fizz has a “plus” button and a “minus” button, the former of which doubles as its power button (you hold down “+” for 3 seconds to turn the toy on or off). The two buttons are of a different enough size and shape that I can easily tell them apart without looking at them, even in the heat of the moment.
    • Afterglow: A small detail about this toy that makes a big difference: when you hold down the “minus” button to quickly lower the intensity (such as when you’re super sensitive immediately after an orgasm), it will go all the way down to the lowest setting, but it will not turn off – you would need to hold down the “plus” button to do that, since it doubles as the power button. In practice, this means that I’ll come, get sensitive, dial back the intensity, and be able to ride out the aftershocks for as long as they go on, rather than shutting the vibrator off completely in my hurry to turn it down. Ultimately this makes my orgasms with the Fizz longer-lasting and more satisfying than they would otherwise be.
  • Lightweight & ergonomic: The Fizz weighs just 125 grams, about a quarter of a pound, so holding it never causes me discomfort, even on a bad hand pain day. Its lightness also makes it much easier for me to flip back and forth between the two sides of the toy, which I’ll often do many times throughout a session, alternating between tapping and sucking.
  • Waterproof: I’m so glad that the Fizz is IPX7 waterproof, because I love using it in the bath. There’s something so relaxing about having my clit gently tapped and sucked while I lounge in warm water…

Things I don’t like about the Lovense Fizz:

  • Loud: The Fizz’s main flaw is that it’s quite noisy – and oddly, it’s even louder in-use than when you’re just holding it in your hand. The tapping function takes on a sonic quality that reminds me of an electric lawnmower (albeit not nearly as loud), while the sucking function sounds more like a purring jaguar in heat. I wouldn’t recommend this toy for anyone who needs to keep the noise level low when they jerk off for whatever reason.
  • Only one nozzle size: Some pressure-wave toys come with multiple nozzle sizes to fit different clit sizes, like genital AirPods. (I just Googled and no one has ever used that phrase before, lmao.) The Fizz only has the one size. It’s big enough to fit a decent range of clit sizes, but might not form a seal as well around particularly small clits, and (like I said above) likely wouldn’t work for large clits, including testosterone-enhanced ones. (I’d love to see Lovense make a super wide-mouthed pressure-wave toy like the Lelo Sila someday, and/or a remotely-controllable clit pump, if such a thing could be engineered to be safe!)
Lovense Fizz (hot pink) vs. Lovense Tenera (pale pink-to-blue gradient)

Lovense Fizz vs. Lovense Tenera 2

In trying the Fizz side-by-side against Lovense’s other pressure-wave toy, the Tenera 2, overall I prefer the Fizz. The Tenera’s mouth is wider but shallower, so it doesn’t encompass as much of my clit. Both toys have similarly rumbly pressure-waves that my clit really enjoys, but the Tenera weakens/slows down a bit under pressure, whereas the Fizz just keeps on truckin’. I also find the Tenera less ergonomic because its buttons are located toward the tip of the toy, rather than on the handle, so I have to reach farther whenever I want to change the setting.

Granted, the Tenera is much quieter than the Fizz, and I prefer its soft, friendly, ombré aesthetic over the Fizz’s more utilitarian design, which makes me think of ear thermometers. But with all the above benefits + the fact that the Fizz is cheaper (at $119 versus $129), I definitely prefer the Fizz.

Final thoughts

I’m glad that Lovense has added such an impressively versatile and effective clit stimulator to their lineup! I’ve really enjoyed testing the Fizz, even though I’m not always the biggest fan of pressure-wave sensations. It’s cool to have two different clitoral sensation options to choose from, and to be able to seamlessly switch between them at will.

While I wish it wasn’t quite so loud, that’s really the only major beef I have with the Fizz. Aside from that one thing, I love it, and am so excited to use it long-distance. This toy is yet another example of how Lovense puts tons of care and effort into designing their products, and I hope it makes a lot of clits happy!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Velora Crest wearable vibrating nipple clamps

Kate Sloan

What is the Velora Crest?

Velora’s Place sent me a product they call the Crest wearable vibrating nipple massagers. This pair of soft silicone toys can be affixed to your nipples and then controlled via the included remote. It’s a rechargeable toy, with a cute double-pronged charger so you can charge both clamps at once.

Interestingly, the company markets the Crest as a product you can wear out on the town, under a bra, for surreptitious public play. The wireless remote helps with that – it’s certainly a lot subtler than if you had to reach down your front every time you wanted to change the vibration setting!

Things I like about the Velora Crest vibrating nipple clamps:

  • Pleasantly painful: While marketed as nipple “massagers” rather than nipple clamps, I find that the Crest’s little pincers cling onto my nipples in a wonderfully painful way. It’s a relatively low-level pain, not overwhelming by any means, but I’m always aware of it while these are on, which is fun for a masochist like me. As with other nipple clamps, these are easiest to put on when my nipples are hard, and are often most painful in the moments right after removal, as the blood flows back in. (Obligatory safety tip, though: you generally shouldn’t leave nipple clamps on for longer than about 30 minutes at a time, to prevent complications from cutting off circulation to your nips.)
  • Discreet enough for public play: True to its marketing copy, the Crest can indeed be concealed effectively when worn under a bra + shirt, so you can do surreptitious nipple play at a bar, restaurant, or wherever the night takes you. (Wouldn’t recommend wearing these out while braless, both because they could fall off more easily and because they’d be much more visible that way.) The Crest is even relatively quiet, although weirdly the sound gets higher-pitched and a decibel or two louder (I measured!) when I’m wearing clothes versus when I’m naked.
  • Decent variety of vibration modes: The Crest has 4 steady speeds followed by 6 vibration patterns. Normally I’m not a fan of vibration patterns, but I think they work well for nipple play; dunno about you, but my nipples prefer the sensation of motion (e.g. being licked/sucked) over vibration, and patterns can feel more dynamically motion-esque than steady vibration.
  • Remote control pre-paired & stable: I had zero issues with connectivity while testing the Crest. Its remote was already paired to the toy by default, and the toy responded quickly to each button-press, even when I wore it under clothes.
  • Relatively secure: This’ll vary based on your particular nipples, but I found that the Crest stayed affixed to mine without any trouble, even when I swung my tits around experimentally. (Sex toy reviewing is a tough gig but somebody’s gotta do it!) Naturally, they stay in place even more securely when you wear them under a bra.
  • Cool aesthetic: I’ve never seen nipple clamps that look anything like this before! The design is inspired by angel wings, but it reminds me moreso of Sailor Moon’s wand. Love that these clamps are red, too, since it’s one of my favorite colors.
  • Fully waterproof: Yay! Try ’em in the shower, the bath, or a rainy-day alleyway makeout – hey, why not?
  • Price: $33 is a decent price for nipple clamps of any kind, let alone vibrating nipple clamps that can be controlled remotely! (For reference, Lovense’s Gemini vibrating nipple clamps cost $79.)

Things I don’t like about the Velora Crest vibrating nipple clamps:

  • Extremely buzzy: The Crest’s vibrations are very buzzy, i.e. high-pitched and surface-level. Ultimately this doesn’t bother me as much for nipple stimulation as it does for clit stimulation, largely because I’m not trying to have orgasms via nipple play so it doesn’t bug me if my nipples get a little desensitized from the buzziness – but it’s still not my preference, to say the least.
  • Not very strong: In addition to being surface-level, these vibrations also just aren’t very powerful, even at their top speed. However, that may not be an issue if you’re just looking to use the Crest as a fun tease while you’re out in public.
  • Not adjustable: Nipple size can vary a lot from person to person, so while the Crest fits my nipples fine, I can’t guarantee it’ll fit yours. It is made of pretty bendy silicone, though, so it should fit most nipples, I think. The lack of adjustability also means you can’t easily lessen or increase the pinchiness/pain level if you want to, the way you can with (for example) my beloved Weal & Breech nipple clamps.
  • Short battery life: You get about 50 minutes of use from a 40-minute charge, which is fine but not great.
  • Easy to lose pieces: The Crest doesn’t come with a storage bag, so it would be all too easy to misplace one of the clamps (since they’re not attached to each other) or the remote.

(Not safe for work warning: there is a photo of tits below!)

The Crest under a bra, under a bra + shirt, and sans clothes

Final thoughts

When I think of the Crest as a pair of nipple clamps that can be worn sneakily under clothing in public, I love ’em! They are elegantly designed, thrillingly painful (but not too painful), and are contoured in such a way that they lie relatively flat under a bra, so no strangers would suspect me of secret sexy shenanigans.

When I think of these toys as nipple vibrators, though, they fall short of my expectations: I wish the vibrations had a wider range of intensities and were much less high-pitched in timbre. It always sucks when the vibration is the worst part of a vibrator!

That being said, for $33, you could do a whole lot worse than the Crest clamps. Consider them for your sadomasochistic needs, especially if you think you’d prefer their silky-soft silicone over the hard plastics and metals that most other nipple clamps are made of. After all, when you’re craving nipple pain, why not have it administered by a pair of bright red angel wings?!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.