5 Sex Toys I Covet For Their Weirdness

My sex toy wishlists are an eclectic amalgamation of awesome, good, and questionable. (You can click over to them using the links in my sidebar, if you want to take a look or even buy me something.) There are all sorts of materials (everything except jelly!), shapes, sizes, functions, intensities, volumes, companies, and levels of attractiveness. I thought I’d do a post to profile some of the weirder items on my wishlists, and the reasons I want them.

At first glance, the Vibratex Pixie Plus looks like any gross sex toy you could pull off a shelf at a low-end “novelty” sex shop – cheap, nubby, vaguely jelly-esque (don’t worry, it’s elastomer). But if you could turn it on, you’d see that the internal portion of the Pixie doesn’t vibrate – its tip strokes back and forth, like the famous “come hither” motion. Since most G-spots respond better to stroking than they do to vibration, I am all for dual-stimulation vibes with internal parts that do something interesting.

The Lelo Olga wins the award for most ridiculously luxe toy, because it’s just Ella made of stainless steel and given a price increase of approximately 700%. Despite what a silly purchase it’d be, I want it, because Ella’s neck was too bendy and couldn’t put enough pressure on my G-spot. Plus, you could use Olga to do your daily bicep curls.

Love To Love’s Oh Oui! is a hot pink vibrating banana. It makes me wonder if there is a fruit fetishist market within the sex toy industry. But I gotta say, it looks like it’d reach my G-spot efficiently, which is more than I can say for many toys.

I will one day have a Clone-a-Willy Kit. It turns out that my boyfriend’s cock is literally the perfect size for me – long enough to fill me up without hitting my cervix, wide enough to hit the right spots without stretching me apart – and I want a replica that I can use when I’m alone. For now, I’m lusting after the Mark O2 because it seems to have similar dimensions… but one day, I will want a real copy, and that is where Clone-a-Willy comes in.

There’s been much talk about the Sqweel, an oral sex simulator with ten fast-flapping tongues. Many reviewers say it’s messy, not stimulating enough, has seams you can feel, and gets in the way of any penetrative toys you might want to use in tandem with it. Still, something about it makes me want it. I’m a cunnilingus enthusiast 4 lyfe, and that is why I need a Sqweel, no matter how bad it is.