Are You Shitting Properly?

I will warn you right now that this post is only minimally related to sex. For some of you, your butt is integral to your sex life; for others of you, the two barely register as connected. So this post is, as you might expect, for people of the former category.

I was recently made aware that I’ve been shitting wrong. I watched a video on the Squatty Potty, a stool (like, the furniture type of stool – not the fecal type!) that helps you align your body correctly for optimal elimination. The video, as it turns out, isn’t just marketing mumbo-jumbo – it’s actually based in fact. The human body is not designed to shit in an upright sitting position; we’re meant to shit while squatting.

The design of modern Western toilets was purportedly slapped together by dudes who had no knowledge of physiology, which explains why this design just doesn’t gel with our bodies’ natural inclinations. Our poorly-designed toilets make pooping a challenge for us, which can lead to problems like anal fissures and bowel cancer.

So how do you rectify (ha – rectum, rectify) this issue? Apparently one of the easiest and best ways to shit better (other than switching to a hole in the ground for your defecatory needs) is to put some kind of stool or box in front of your toilet, so that when you sit down, your feet are just a little bit below ass level. This allows you to simulate the squatting position, so your inner workings are properly supported and your shit comes out more easily and cleanly.

I’ve tried this a few times – you know, for science – and it really works. I’ve never particularly been a “problem shitter,” but it definitely feels a lot easier and, yeah, more natural when I prop up my feet with something 8-10 inches tall.

And we all know that shitting well is a great thing, if just because it allows you to use awesome butt toys more often.