Review: California Exotics Ultra Douche

Can we just take a moment to collectively appreciate how hilarious it is that this product is called the “Ultra Douche”? That’s a name I might hurl at somebody like Todd Akin, but I’d never think to use such a phrase for a sex toy.

I think they should have gone with the word “enema.” Not only is it more accurate (last I checked, douches are for your vagina, not your ass), but it has less cultural baggage. Although I will admit that I think it would be pretty funny to start using “enema” as an insult.

Anyway. This is my first enema product, and so I wasn’t sure what to expect. This one is a basic bulb syringe model, consisting of three parts: the bulb, which holds a respectable amount of water; the nozzle, a long, smooth, red thing with a slight curve; and a skirt-like bit that acts as a “flared base” for the nozzle. The construction is pretty solid and the toy doesn’t fall apart when I use it, which is always a plus.

So, first, the good stuff: this is, I think, a great choice for someone who (like me) is curious about enemas and just wants a basic, inexpensive bulb syringe that will get the job done. This thing isn’t fancy at all, but I was able to figure out how to use it in under a minute, which I wasn’t expecting to be able to do.

The bulb is pretty sensitive to pressure, so I have to be careful about the way I hold it while I’m maneuvering the nozzle into my ass – but when the time is right, it’s easy to push out all the water with a firm squeeze. The nozzle is about an inch in diameter, so people with utterly virginal asses should partake in some warm-up beforehand and drizzle on the lube, but my ass is somewhat experienced so I didn’t need either.

The shitty (har har) thing about this enema is that it’s made of phthalate-free PVC and polypropylene. (I had to look that one up. I’d never even heard of it before.) I don’t know whether polypropylene is porous, and the internet has been no help, but PVC definitely is. Either way, the whole toy smells mildly of gross plasticky materials, which makes me think that it’s not optimum for inserting into one’s body.

Surely there are nonporous enema options on the market, but they’re probably pretty pricey. An enema isn’t like a dildo; you’re not going to be using this thing on a daily or weekly basis. For that reason, maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world if you choose to go with a cheap PVC bulb syringe. I dunno, man.

Either way, I’m pleased with this Ultra Douche because it does exactly what I ask of it. I guess it’s not that douchey after all.

Merci comme toujours, Sex Toys Canada!