Monthly Faves: Vibrations, Vibrato, & Varvatos

Woof. I had a lot of sex this month. Like, a lot. I have a new partner and he is an insatiable perv comme moi, so, y’know, lots and lots of fucking. I hope this trend continues all summer, because frankly, my vagina deserves it. Here are some of the things I enjoyed most in May…

Sex toys

• Full review coming soon: I am loooving my new-ish Swan Wand. Two rumbly motors in an ergonomically-shaped, hot pink beauty of a toy. Très bien!

• Like I told you on Monday, I’m really digging my Sportsheets under-the-bed restraints lately. Nothin’ quite like getting securely immobilized during sex at a moment’s notice. *swoon*

• My boyf rescued an old telephone table and we repurposed it as a spanking bench, obviously. I love the resourcefulness of kinksters.

Fantasy fodder

• Here’s some exciting news: it’s been almost two years since I first realized Daddy Dom/little girl dynamics turn me on, and now I’m dating someone who is into that dynamic too, and I am FEELING SOME WAYS about it. Let’s just say that the “fantasy fodder” column of my orgasm spreadsheet is even more rife with instances of “princess” and “little one” and “good girl” than usual lately.

• In exploring kink stuff with my new boyf, I’ve noticed that a lot of the kink activities I previously thought I didn’t like, I actually just didn’t like with previous partners. Many of the doms I’ve banged before have turned out to be assholes – or, in some cases, abusive assholes – which obviously colored my perception of the things we did together. With my new darlin’, there are some things I’ve always thought I’d hate forever, like being choked, facefucked, and slapped across the face, that actually feel fine (and even hot) because I’m doing them with someone I care about and trust. Kink is fascinating!

• As I’ve told you before, getting fisted is one of my major sexual goals. I’ve known for a long time that I wanted my First Fister to be a dominant person I feel emotionally connected to, who ideally has small hands, and I finally feel like that person has actually come along. This month, me and my beau went for coffee with my friend Taylor to talk fisting logistics (lofistics?!) since Taylor is a fisting expert of sorts. We learned a lot, and now I can’t stop thinking about my bossy boyfriend wearing a black nitrile glove, three knuckles deep inside me, telling me sternly to take a little more for him…

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I tried the teddy bear vibrator for Glamour (spoiler alert: I did not like it). I detailed the best and worst parts of being a sex toy reviewer for Daily Xtra. I wrote about realistic dildos, friendships with benefits, and iconic sex toys for Ignite, and powerful vibrators for Peepshow. I had some feelings about my favorite boy band and how they relate to pleasure under patriarchy. On our podcast, Bex and I discussed the porn festival, aftercaresexual astrology, and kissing, and we interviewed my mom.

• In May, I had 25 orgasms, an uncommonly high (for me) 64% of which were from a partner, with the other 36% being from masturbation. I wasn’t too keen on solo sex this month, in part because I’m so hyped on my new partner and in part because I’ve been intermittently depressed and have therefore lacked the libido and motivation to masturbate as often as I otherwise might.

Femme stuff

• I had so much sex this month that I didn’t spend much time wearing clothes, honestly. But MeUndies are still doin’ me right. They make a real good backdrop for spanking bruises.

• Gawd, I love Yo Sox. They have a brick-and-mortar shop here in Toronto the very sight of which fills me with glee. Ever wanted to adorn your feet with unicorns, hearts, or whales? I certainly fucking have. And now I can. Eee!

• I’ve been catching up on The Dry Down and, as always, it’s making me want to buy/try new perfume samples. Right now I’m really into dark, smoky, “masculine” scents with notes like sandalwood, balsam, and rum. (État Libre d’Orange’s “True Lust” and John Varvatos’ self-titled fragrance are two current faves.) I also like layering leather cologne over whatever I wear, for an extra kinky kick.

Little things

Nathan Stocker’s vibrato fingers and rock-star hair. The way my beau always smells like sandalwood and the scent lingers on my bed/hair/skin after he leaves. Taking friends lube-shopping. Being productivity-dommed. Cuddling with a chill-as-fuck cat. “Apparently I’m a genius!” Sunny park hangz with my darling. Talking about fisting while sipping mint tea in a crowded café. Snapbacks as a way of accessing my tomboy side. That time a barista gave me a spanking so thorough that he bruised his hand and told me he would think of me every time he tamped a shot of espresso until the bruise healed (hnnng). Receiving a “Still thinking about that BJ” text the morning after a hookup. Playing Scrabble with people who are better than me at Scrabble. Honey liqueur. Nutella donuts. Vegan mac and cheese. Tinder boys with good winks. “Dad Squad” jokes at the Victoria Day fireworks with Max. A punny dinner with porn pals. Vanilla cold brew. Good editors.

Monthly Faves: Tangerine Dream, Vanilla Reverie & Lemongrass Perfume

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Maaaan, it was a weird month in my sex life. I started on sertraline (generic Zoloft) and it gave me some extremely annoying and disheartening sexual side effects, which I’d been warned about but had decided to risk anyway. My libido, sensitivity, and orgasmic potential were out of whack for much of the month. But the meds couldn’t kill my sexual spirit entirely: I still got up to no good, as I usually do!

Sex toys

• My Ttamage glass dildo got a surprising amount of use this month, considering how long I’ve had it and how infrequently I dig it out. I had more G-spot cravings than I usually do, for some reason, and the Ttamage dildo is one of the most ergonomic G-spot dildos I own because there’s so much extra length to use as a handle. Nothin’ like pounding your spots with cold, hard glass that warms up inside your body… Mmm.

• I’ve had my Liberator Wedge for a few years, and while I like it, it’s so big that it’s not always convenient to use. I’ve been wanting a smaller positioning aid to use during masturbation and PIV sex. It was love at first sight when I fondled a Jaz Mini at a sex shop in Milwaukee. The Jaz is barely wider than my hips, so it’s easier to manoeuver into place than the Wedge, and it’ll be easier to schlep to partners’ houses if I ever do that.

• Okay, marijuana isn’t technically a sex toy. But a) I couldn’t think of another toy to put on this list, and b) weed helped so much with my libido troubles this month. Specifically, a strain called Tangerine Dream, which makes my skin feel all warm and tingly, a sensation that parlays easily into arousal. Unfortunately, the Toronto police just cracked down on dispensaries so my weed usage might have to be put on hold, at least until the federal government legalizes it…

Fantasy fodder

• My mid-masturbation Google searches are the most accurate representation of what really turns my crank. This month, for whatever reason, “she keeps going after he cums” is a thing I typed into Google a lot. I found videos like this one which turned me on to no end.

• I have an occasional play partner who’s super vanilla, but who often gives me verbal permission to fantasize about anything I want while he’s stimulating me if it’ll help me get off. I love that! It’s remarkably selfless to acknowledge that your partner’s mind might not always be on you and that’s okay. But in this case, I was thinking about him – just a kinkier, toppier version of him. This is what’s so cool about sexual fantasy as an arousal tool: you can imagine anyone you want, doing anything you want. My vanilla fuck-pal might never call me a “good girl” or spank me as hard as I like it, but I can experience that in my fantasies to my heart’s content… and maybe one of these days, I’ll get him to dom me IRL, too.

• Fisting drifts in and out my fantasy life a lot. I think I’m drawn to it more for reasons of emotional intimacy than physical satisfaction. Much like anal sex, I’d only want to engage in this taboo act with a highly trusted partner – and I’m sure it would be amazing if I was able to open myself up to it, figuratively and literally.

Sexcetera

• Holy hell, you guys. My threesome with Bex and our anonymous gentleman friend was so fantastic. No disrespect to my previous threesome compadres, but this one was easily my favorite of the three ménages I’ve been in. It was basically an amalgamation of all my favorite elements of sex: blowjobs, fingerbanging, sex toys, spanking, makeouts, and gigglin’ up a storm. When we were all fucked out, we ordered Mexican food, pigged out, and then crawled into bed for an all-night three-way cuddle pile. It was truly a perfect night. And – get this – we might be able to reprise it when all three of us are in the same city for a few days in July. (Shh… Bex and I haven’t pitched this plan to our dude-pal yet. But I have a feeling he’ll be down…)

• Mid-May brought Smut in the 6ix, an all-day porn extravaganza featuring panels, screenings and performances. It was so much fun! I got to meet fellow sex bloggers, listen to smarties talking about their smutty passions, giggle at great porn on the big screen, play music for a crowd, and dance my ass off. I love my community!

• I’ll probably blog about this in more detail at some point, but my sexuality has felt really non-genitally-focused lately. Or at least, not focused on my genitals. I’m sure it’s at least partly because of my sensitivity and libido issues this month, but I’m currently less interested in having my bits stimulated and more interested in doing stuff to other people with my mouth and hands. (“Stone” is a term sometimes used in queer communities to describe people who have sex in this way.) We shall see how this develops…

Femme stuff

• One morning in early May, I was at work and I got a text from my friend Tynan. One of the many things Tynan does professionally is aromatherapy, and she’d had a detailed dream about making an aromatherapeutic blend specifically for me. She described the dream-blend to me – lemongrass for repelling negativity, pink grapefruit for a deeper connection to my body, and rose for self-compassion – and I thought it sounded totally blissful, so she said she’d make it for me IRL. I’ve been wearing it every day, a drop on the collar of my shirt or dress, and I looooove it. It’s femme but feisty, just like me, and it makes me feel so calm and happy!

• I bought a teal skater dress at a Forever 21 in the Mall of America in Minnesota last month, and I’ve been absolutely thrashing it lately. Yay for clothes that are easy to just throw on and go, and still look kinda fancy!

Bex is such a huge influence on my brain and my life; why not my aesthetic, too? I admired the quirky/queer/kinky vibe of all the sex-positive pins grouped together on their leather jacket, so I adorned my own jacket in pins when I got home from Minneapolis. It looks preeeeeetty damn good.

What things made your month magical, my darlings?

Bigger, Braver, Younger, Older: My Sexual Goals for 2016

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The new year is upon us, my loves! Mmm, dat sweet-ass blank-slate feeling. I love it!

This is the time of year when I start new notebooks and calendars, make new income spreadsheets and checklists in Evernote and Google Drive, and deep-clean my desk. #dork

Along with all that, of course, comes one of my favorite activities: GOAL-SETTING! This year is gonna be a big one in lots of areas, including sex. Here are some of my big, delicious, exciting sexual goals for 2016…

 

1. Get fucked in the ass.

You know, I was gonna write “Have anal sex,” but somehow that phrasing didn’t feel jazzy enough. Plus I would never lean in close to a partner mid-bang and whisper, “Would you have anal sex with me, please?” Nah. It’s much more likely I’d brush my lips against their ear and softly coo, “Would you fuck me in the ass?”

I just got tingles up and down my arms while writing that, which is how I know this is a goal I should pursue.

I’ve done plenty of Butt Stuff over the years. Plugs, dildos, fingers and tongues have all broached my ass, often with ecstatic results. But I have yet to be fucked in the ass, with either a flesh-and-blood cock or a strap-on. And that seems increasingly like something I should do.

For a long time, I had a partner who got squicked out by “gross” sex things like butts and blood, so while I felt comfortable with him, I didn’t feel comfortable asking him to fuck my ass. After that, I had a series of short-term or one-off partners, and didn’t have enough time with any of them to build the trust I’d need for anal stuff to feel okay. But now I have a stable fuckbuddy who I trust enough to let him spank me and restrain me on a regular basis, so this seems like a good time to start planning anal adventures.

 

2. Get fisted.

Ambitious? Yes. Intimidating? Certainly. Attainable? You bet.

I have had an interest in fisting ever since I first heard what it was. Hell, I’m wearing my Fisting Day shirt right now, as I write this. But despite the erotic intrigue it held for me, I always thought my vag was too small to manage it. It seemed like something I could’ve attempted in another life, under different circumstances, like winning the World Series or performing on Broadway.

While I’m still tight as hell down there (as my bang-buddy seems to remind me every time he fucks me – hnnng, yes, this is a nice thing to hear), I’ve also gained some mastery over my vaginal muscles. They’ve grown more flexible and resilient. Just as you get more range of motion in your hamstrings with every downward-facing dog you do in yoga class, your vagina also gets more versatile the more that you cram giant-ass toys into it. I can take the large end of the Eleven with no lube or warm-up (?!?) so I’m probably ready to work toward being fisted.

The aforementioned fuckbuddy has relatively small hands for a dude. There are ways in which this is less than ideal (my A-spot is pretty deep in there), but it might make him my perfect first fister. We shall seeeee!

 

3. Bang someone 20 or younger, and 35 or older.

Relative to my own age, the oldest person I’ve boned was 8 years older than me, and the youngest was (wait for it) 4 days younger. My sexual partners have been, on average, a few years older than me – somewhere around 28 to my 23.

That’s fine and good. I like sleeping with people who have more experience than me; I think it appeals to my submissive streak, since they’re generally more confident in asking for what they want and having their way with me (consensually, of course). I’ve also always been mature for my age, so I tend to click with older partners emotionally and mentally as well. That’s why I want to push the envelope a bit and try sleeping with someone who is 12+ years older than me, to observe the differences and broaden my sexual palate.

But… I have a bit of a kink for teaching people how to get me off. Plus there’s something so viscerally hot about those early sexual experiences when everything feels new and fresh. So I want to sleep with someone a few years younger than me, too. I don’t necessarily want to be someone’s first – that seems like a lot of pressure – but maybe their second or third. Hmm…!

Of course, both of these goals require the caveat that I’m looking for compatibility and not just a particular age bracket. I won’t sleep with some random 18-year-old douchebro who I loathe, or some skeezy 40-year-old creep, just to put a checkmark on my to-do list. I want to connect with people who are at different life stages than me but who are nonetheless in sync with me in the ways that count: we should make each other laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and have plenty to talk about.

And if the sex isn’t good, well, at least it’ll be educational.

 

What are your sexual goals for 2016?