I’ve been writing sex toy reviews for 13 and a half years (!!), and in that time, I have experimented a lot with form and genre. These days, you’ll mostly see me writing within a specific template, because it’s easiest to write, easiest to skim through, and does well on Google… but if I had my druthers (and my link juice), I would much rather write reviews that are a bit more creative! And I’m sure I will again, someday, when the right toys come along.
To hopefully help inspire other writers, here’s a list of 10 alternate formats that make for great sex toy reviews…
1. Erotica story
It’s a classic for a reason! Lots of people are turned on by sex toy reviews, and you can always lean into that, if you feel comfortable doing so. For instance, I’ll occasionally start a review with a flowery retelling of my first session with a toy, or of the first time I used it with a partner, etc. Some would say this’ll make readers more likely to click your affiliate links, too, since a horny shopper is an eager shopper…
2. Diary entry
As a lifelong diarist, I adore this method. One of my favorite examples is Girl on the Net’s review of the We-Vibe Nova, in which the vibrator becomes a jumping-off point from which to talk about her recent gut-wrenching breakup. Sex toys aren’t just mechanical objects – they can also trigger old memories and stir up emotions, from elation to loneliness to resentment to rage. There’s no use in keeping your toy review’s tone placid and peaceful if that wasn’t your experience of the toy!
3. Cultural commentary
Another fave of mine… Trends in the sex toy industry are often predicated on larger sociocultural trends, which are interesting to point out and commentate on. For example: Why are realistic dildos seen as more threatening than non-representational ones? What does the sometimes-racist marketing of strokers say about the past and present of racial politics? And what do clitoral suction toys say about gender?
4. Comedy of errors
Typically I don’t plan to write this type of review, but sometimes a testing session goes so thoroughly awry that I have to… like when a glass egg got stuck in my vagina, or when I tried to stick a shoe in my ass. Hey, nobody said a sex toy review couldn’t have plot, jokes, or the looming threat of danger!
5. Love letter
Some sex toys really are that good. You can write a Shakespearian soliloquy to your favorite one, or an erotic missive, or a heart-rendingly romantic screed – whatever comes pouring out of you, so to speak.
6. How-to
This works best for especially complex or unusual sex toys, the likes of which a reader may not have encountered before. How do you set up a Sybian? How can you work vibrating nipple clamps into a variety of kink scenes? What are the best practices for wielding a rubber flogger?
7. Lab report
I could see this format working well for a toy that makes a particular, falsifiable claim, such as “It’ll always bring you to orgasm in 60 seconds or less.” Test the hypothesis, quantify your results, and publish your findings! (See Danielle Bezalel’s Magic Wand experiment for a fantastic example.)
8. Fashion piece
I’ve done it before and I’m sure I’ll do it again. Some sex toys are just so cute-looking that they deserve to be coordinated with your outfit(s). This format works especially well for wearable items, like bondage harnesses.
9. Fiction vignettes
I used to sometimes write pieces about what toys I thought would be found in the nightstand drawers of specific fictional characters I adored, like Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl or Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Similarly, you could write about various different fictional people trying out the toy and what their experience of it might be. This is a fun way to show different facets of a toy’s capabilities.
10. Interview
No, I’m not suggesting you interview a sex toy… although you can certainly try! What I actually mean by this one is: you could use a toy with a partner (or multiple partners) and then interview them about the experience. Sometimes, people who aren’t in the sex toy industry at all will have surprisingly great insights about products’ shortcomings and upsides – and could there ever be a better testimonial than “I begrudgingly agreed to test this out for my partner and then it made me come harder than I could ever have predicted”?!
What are your favorite alternate formats for sex toy reviews, dear readers?
This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.