My hands hurt most days lately. It’s one of the many manifestations of my as-yet-undiagnosed chronic pain disorder, and a particularly annoying one, given that I type words for a living. Fun!
However, in better news, I have noticed that the sex toy industry is (slowly, slightly) starting to become more inclusive of folks with chronic pain and other disabilities. Here are some toys I think could be useful if you, like me, struggle with pain, inflexibility, and/or weakness in your hands…
The Fun Factory BeOne is a bullet-sized vibrator that fits comfortably between two fingers, so you don’t have to grip it with your sore hands. The tip curves comfortably into the clitoris without much effort or angling required. I wish the motor was rumblier, and that the button for changing speeds was placed more conveniently (I can’t hit it without temporarily changing my finger placement, which disrupts flow sometimes), but I’m glad vibes like this exist. Along similar lines, you could also try “finger vibes” like the Jopen Key.
I recently got my hands on a Tenga SVR, a small vibrator attached to a silicone loop. You can use this contraption as a cock ring that offers external stimulation for the clitoris or perineum during penetrative sex, or you can use the vibrator clitorally while the loop is wrapped around two or three of your fingers. This gives a little extra grip and stability, which I find useful when hand pain is flaring up. This vibe is also great for finger-banging, an idea I first found out about from Kevin Patterson: you can slip your fingers through the loop and then slide them inside your partner, and the vibrator portion of the toy will stimulate them externally. Neat! (The LoveLife Rev looks to be a similar type of vibe, though I can’t attest to how it holds up against the SVR’s motor, which is wonderfully rumbly and strong.)
The new We-Vibe Wand has a feature called SmartSilence that a lot of reviewers have hated, but that could be useful for folks with pain or strength issues in their hands. The feature causes the toy’s vibrations to “pause” when you remove the toy from your body, and resume once you bring it back into contact with your skin. While I can understand why some people find this aggravating, it might be useful for those moments when you need to re-lube a dildo, adjust the vibration speed, take a drink of water, answer a text, etc. but don’t want to expend precious hand function on pressing finicky buttons. Just lift the vibe away from your body and go do what you gotta do.
While I’m talking about We-Vibe… Hands-free vibrators like the We-Vibe Sync (read my full review here) are a godsend on bad pain days. I like this one in particular because you can adjust the two hinges so that the toy applies your ideal amount of pressure to both your clit and your G-spot. You can control the Bluetooth-enabled toy with an app on your phone, which I definitely find less physically taxing than pressing buttons.
Another new, potentially helpful product from this savvy company is the We-Vibe Chorus. It’s very similar to the Sync in shape and motor quality, but it uses a technology called AnkorLink that’s supposed to be more reliable than Bluetooth (so less tinkering required), and its accompanying remote optionally lets you control the vibrations by squeezing it: harder squeezes = stronger vibrations. Depending on how your hand pain manifests, this might be easier for you than pushing buttons or operating an app.
Pulsators, in general, are a lovely option for chronic-pain sufferers, because (as long as you brace yours against something like a pillow between your legs) you can get “fucked” without the exertion of manual thrusting. My current favorite is the Fun Factory Stronic G (read my review here), though if you’d like some rumbly clitoral or perineal vibration alongside your pulsation, the Bi Stronic Fusion is also terrific.
On bad pain days, I prefer vibrators with dials over those with buttons, as I find them easier to operate. The CalExotics Turbo Glider (read my review here) is a classic, and – while it lacks the bells and whistles of many other vibes I’ve mentioned here – it holds up, despite how long it’s been around. And it costs less than $20! If you don’t mind spending more to get more power, many BodyWand models also have dials instead of buttons.
If you have a prostate and like to have it stimulated, some of the best hands-free options for that are Aneros prostate massagers. They’re designed to rock back and forth against your spot when you squeeze and relax your muscles. Some people can even have orgasms from this alone!
As for penile stimulation, some kind of vibrator is probably your best bet if your hands hurt – it won’t require as much (or any) squeezing and stroking; you can just hold it on your shaft and/or against your frenulum and it’ll do the work for you. These toys even work without an erection in many cases. Two of the most popular and high-quality options on the market right now are the Fun Factory Cobra Libre II and the Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Lux. (The latter can even be controlled with a wristwatch-like remote, for added ease of use.)
Finally, I would be remiss not to mention the Liberator Jaz, a compact sexual positioning aid made of firm foam covered in soft, washable microsuede. (Read my full review here.) Sometimes my hand and arm pain is so bad that it hurts even to reach all the way down to my genitals unaided; the Jaz tilts my hips toward me, not a lot, but enough that it’s not so much of a strain to touch my own junk. I’ve had mine for years and I still adore it.
What sex toys do you turn to when your hands are achy?