Month: November 2021

5 Sexual Fantasies I Have About Sex Work

Kate Sloan

1. As a special gift – perhaps for a birthday or an anniversary – my partner hires an escort who is trained in the fine art of cunnilingus. While I lay there blindfolded, my partner gives explicit verbal instructions to our guest for the evening, first on how to tease and arouse me, and later on how to lick and suck my clit until I’m an incoherent wet mess.

Later that night, after our new friend has left, we lie in bed together eating ice cream and debriefing. I feel safe, supported, and loved.

 

2. I’m at an upscale lingerie store, staring longingly at a deep red lacy bra and its matching panties and garter belt. The price tags, when I glance at them, set off a spike of adrenaline in my body due to their sheer lunacy: $440 for the bra, $250 for the panties. I don’t even want to look at the price of the garter belt.

“Excuse me, miss,” says a random man I hadn’t noticed skulking in the stockings section. He’s tall and handsome in a nondescript way, like a detective in a film noir. “If you don’t mind me saying so, those would look wonderful on you, and it would be my honor to pay for them.” He holds out a credit card, golden and heavy, nodding toward the cash register, where the bored-looking sales clerk seems to already know this man’s M.O.

I smile coolly, take the card and the garments to the front, and tell the clerk, “These are on him.” My smirk makes him visibly tremble as he signs the sales receipt.

 

3. I submit an application to join a house of elite London escorts and subsequently find myself invited in for an interview. As it turns out, the “interview” is really a rigorous test of sexual technique, aimed at ascertaining my skill level so as to figure out how to price my services, or indeed, whether to hire me at all.

The house has invited some beloved regulars to be our test subjects for the day. Surrounded by other brothel hopefuls, I suck cock after cock, showing off my blowjob skills, possibly my greatest asset in this hiring process. After a particularly satisfying orgasm, one of the men says to the madam of the house, “You should hire this one – her tongue is magic,” and I glow with pleasure at the vaguely dehumanizing praise.

 

4. A client flies me out to his city for a long weekend date. As I climb out of the Uber he sent to the airport and begin dragging my suitcase up the steps to the fancy hotel where we’ll be staying, I get a text from him. Sorry, darling – something came up at work. Can we raincheck until next month? Make yourself comfortable and get whatever you’d like from room service, on me.

I smile serenely in the elevator, let myself into the clean white room with a shiny keycard, and collapse happily on the enormous bed. Later, I take a sex toy or two into the massive bathtub that overlooks the city, and get myself off decadently like no client ever could.

 

5. I catch the attention of an influential congressperson so as to pitch them on the importance of rights and protections for sex workers, they subsequently make an impassioned speech on the house floor, and every politician in attendance wipes tears from their eyes as they vote to repeal SESTA/FOSTA and decriminalize sex work permanently at the federal level.

Okay, that one isn’t so much a sexual fantasy… but it’s definitely something I ponder ardently from time to time.

Write to your local politicians and make it clear to them that you care about sex workers’ rights. Sign petitions, donate to SWOP Behind Bars and Red Light Legal, and advocate for people to respect and decriminalize sex work. People in that industry may be hot as hell, but they’re also human, and they’ve suffered more than their fare share of discrimination and stigmatization. It has to stop.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Toys That Stimulate the Internal Clitoris

Kate Sloan

The clitoris has long been considered a mystery – particularly by male stand-up comedians in the 1990s, who seemed like they’d rather spend their time searching for sexist punchlines than for the clit – but, on the plus side, we know more about it now than we ever have.

We know, for example, that it is the anatomical pleasure equivalent of the penis – meaning that a person with a vulva having an orgasm without clitoral stimulation is about as uncommon and difficult as a person with a penis coming without penile stimulation (i.e. doable for some people under certain circumstances, but certainly not for everyone all the time). We know that many people prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, because the tip of the clit is extremely sensitive for many of us. We know that the clitoris is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, which swells with arousal. And we also know that the clit, like the penis, has both an external portion and an internal portion – but unlike the penis, the clitoris is essentially an iceberg. The part you can see is only a small part of the whole story.

This discovery, made by Australian urologist Helen O’Connell in 2005, utterly changed how the clitoris is thought about and discussed. There are even theories that the pleasure some people feel from their internal erogenous zones, like the G-spot and A-spot, is actually just the result of indirect internal clit stimulation. I don’t know enough to decide whether or not I agree with that, but I do know that it impresses me greatly when a date/beau/partner has a grasp of internal clitoral anatomy and can use it to their advantage in bed. Just like how most penis-possessing people probably prefer a partner touch their whole dick, not just the head, so too do many clitoris-owners prefer a holistic approach to their clitoral pleasure.

With that in mind, I’ve partnered with the folks at Mivaness to put together this list of sex toys that stimulate the internal clitoris. Try these out if you’re curious about the deeper pleasures of clitoral stimulation!

 

Image via Mivaness

We-Vibe Nova 2 (my full review here)

This sleek, sexy vibe has everything I want in a dual-stimulation toy. It’s elegant. It’s waterproof. You can control each component of it separately, so as to customize your perfect pleasure experience. It’s strong and rumbly as hell. And most notably, it sandwiches your entire clit – internal and external – between its two “arms,” creating the sensation of having your whole clit surrounded by delicious vibration.

I love the flexibility of the Nova 2 – in addition to its motor, it’s the major thing setting it apart from lesser rabbit vibes on the market. The internal arm is poseable, so you can angle it however feels best, and the external arm moves and flexes with your body, so you can thrust the toy in and out as needed without fear of ruining your own orgasm. This is overall a gorgeous vibe for connoisseurs of full-bodied clitoral pleasure.

 

Image via Mivaness

Dame Arc (my full review here)

I hear from a lot of people that they want to enjoy G-spot stimulation, but it just doesn’t feel as good as clitoral stimulation and/or it gives them a feeling of needing to pee. That impending-urination sensation is normal, especially if you’re unused to G-spot play or haven’t gotten yourself highly aroused before stimulating that area; if you empty your bladder beforehand and perhaps lay down a towel for some peace of mind, you should be totally fine.

But as for that first complaint – that G-spot stim doesn’t feel as good as clit stim – I think the Dame Arc is the exact type of vibe that could help shift your perspective on that. It’ll rumble against your internal clit while you do whatever you like to the external part: rub it, stroke it, use another vibrator on it, or whatever else works for you.

Over time, you might find that you come to associate your G-spot with pleasure even if you didn’t initially feel that way – and all because you tapped into the power of the internal clitoris!

 

Image via Mivaness

Lelo Sila (my full review here)

Many “pressure-wave” toys, like the Womanizer and Satisfyer, claim to stimulate the entire clitoris with their unconventional sensations. I can say, however, that the Lelo Sila does this better for me than any other pressure-wave product I’ve tried.

It has a bigger/wider/deeper “mouth,” so it can envelop the head and shaft of your external clit even as you get more aroused – and it also has those flat “lips” around its opening which indirectly stimulate the legs and bulbs of the internal clit during use. It creates a deeper, rumblier sensation than any other toy I’ve tried of this type, at least for my particular anatomy.

I think if you’re a diehard fan of clitoral stimulation but you want to branch out a little, something like the Sila might help you explore the profound pleasures of internal clit stim.

 

Image via Mivaness

Magic Wand Rechargeable (my full review here)

A classic, and for good reason! The extreme power and rumbliness of the Magic Wand makes it ideal for stimulating the deeply buried parts of the clitoris, even though you’re (probably) only using it externally.

When you hold a vibrator this rumbly against your clit – or even against the areas above, beside, or below it – you’re vibrating the tissue underneath as well, including some of the internal clitoris. This is likely one of the reasons some people need vibration to get off: for some people, surface-level stimulation just isn’t enough. And once you’ve seen a diagram of the whole clit, it’s easy to see why.

The Magic Wand can also be kitted out with insertable attachments that enable you to stimulate your G-spot with its intense vibrations. I encourage you to experiment and figure out what feels best for your body!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Extra-Long Jam-Packed Edition

Kate Sloan

September 28, 2021

My mom’s birthday was just days after my book’s release day, and I had to travel to New York to do the launch event, so I wanted to take her out for a special one-on-one meal before I left to make it up to her.

We went to Mezes, a fabulous restaurant in Toronto’s Greektown area. My family and I lived in Greektown for about 25 years, so Greek food was a big part of my childhood and always feels nostalgic to me. Chicken souvlaki skewers with tzatziki, a Greek salad heaped high with feta, and some roasted potatoes = possibly the ideal meal. (I’m clutching my leftovers in a to-go box in one of these photos – can’t let any of it go to waste!)

My mom has a fun, girly sense of style so I usually like to dress cute when I hang out with her. She looked cute as hell too!

What I’m wearing:

• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black T-shirt underneath (unseen)
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask (these have become my absolute faves for my everyday pandemic needs; a good nose wire is crucial for someone with a formidable schnoz like mine)

October 3, 2021

mb picked this outfit for me for a date night involving incredible omakase sushi followed by a stand-up comedy show at the Beauty Bar. A friend-of-a-friend was performing and we wanted to support them.

It’s a really wild venue – like a dive bar decorated by rockabilly drag queens. But the bartenders were friendly, the atmosphere was good, and the show was delightful.

mb and I were wearing matching outfits, and we sat in the front row as we often do, so pretty much every comedian on the bill made a joke or two about our matchy-matchy vibes. The hazards of sitting in the front row, am I right?! (I’m kidding – it was all in good fun.)

What I’m wearing:

• Orange skater dress – American Apparel, vintage via eBay
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach

October 12, 2021

This was what I wore on my book‘s release day! I spent most of the day frantically posting things about it on social media, answering questions about it, etc. and also recorded an episode of the Bed Post podcast with the inimitable Erin Pim.

The actual book launch party wasn’t until the following day, so I had RSVPed “yes” to a party being thrown by the sex toy brand Womanizer at the Jimmy, a beautiful rooftop bar. The company was celebrating its seventh birthday by inviting a bunch of sex media VIPs to mingle over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. I get invited to this type of event semi-regularly but often have to decline because of geography (i.e. not always being in NYC or LA) or health (i.e. being chronically ill and sleepy as fuck), so it was fun to actually get to go to one!

At the party, mb and I sipped martinis and chatted with several New York media people. I had a copy of my book in my bag and mb kept finding excuses to show it to people and brag about me 🥰

The brand very generously sent us home with (among other things) an Arcwave Ion, which mb had been dying to try. If you’re curious and want a preview of what my eventual review will say, listen to the latest Dildorks Patreon bonus episode!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay many moons ago

October 13, 2021

In pondering what I might want to wear to my book launch party, I scoured online stores for dresses in the colors of the book cover, black and gold… but eventually I remembered that I already had a dress in those colors! This beaut was a gift from my cousin and his girlfriend a couple Christmases ago and it was perfect for the occasion: classy, sparkly, and pretty.

The launch itself was soooo much fun! I will eventually write a whole post about it once I get the photos back from our photographer that evening, Ashe. I read some passages aloud from the book, did some kinky demos with mb and Bex, and sold + signed copies afterward. There were tons of fascinating, lovely people there, all of whom I was so honored had come to my little event. Thanks so much to mb, Bex, Ashe, and the KGB Bar for helping me put the whole thing together!

Also, doesn’t mb look stunning?! Navy velvet is so perf on them.

What I’m wearing:

• Black & gold dress – gift
• Black tights – Hue
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (at one point during the evening this was removed from my neck so mb could use it as a pendulum for our hypnosis demo – it’s a multi-use item!)

October 16, 2021

October is “Locktober” in the chastity community – many chastity kinksters get locked up for the entire month (with breaks as needed for hygiene and maintenance etc.), often also blogging/posting about their experiences. This year was mb and I’s second time doing it. It wasn’t always easy, particularly since dominance requires more energy from me than I generally have these days, and I was dealing with work stress (i.e. my book launch) on top of some health issues, so I wasn’t able to be as responsible and focused a dominant as I would have liked. But it was still a fun opportunity to try new things, gain confidence in domination, and assign cute tasks to my partner that make us both happy.

Some of those tasks were related to financial domination, i.e. consensually “forcing” them to buy me things. One night, when they had given me the green light for findom, I gave them a slow, teasing handjob to almost the point of orgasm and then informed them that they’d have to buy me this bag if they wanted to be allowed to come. (I’d had my eye on it for quite a while…) Naturally, they succumbed, so now, the bag is mine! *maniacal domme laughter*

I wore this out to Rocco’s Steakhouse for dinner. Their service is always impeccable and their food is A+. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:

• Red dress – Winners years ago
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Pink chevron-stitched Coach Rogue bag – vintage via eBay, a gift from my love (the all-black version is also gorg)

October 17, 2021

My partner and I have had many, many, many conversations about gender – which makes sense, given that they’re nonbinary, we’re both bisexual, and I write about sex/kink/love/gender issues for a living. We were recently discussing our gender expressions and whether we feel like they fully reflect our gender identities, and I said that I’m comfy presenting as a mega-femme like 95% of the time but there is another 5% of the time when I crave dressing like a dirtbag teenage boy, basically. mb told me that they would still find me attractive AF if I leaned more into that side of my style, and while I knew that, it was still good to hear.

This was my first time wearing a new pair of jeans I’d just bought at Madewell. It was an experiment in boyishness for an outing to a casual local omakase place. I think the experiment was very successful!

What I’m wearing:

• Dark blue T-shirt – Forever 21
• Tapered vintage-wash high-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made on Printful.com

October 24, 2021

Every so often, when I’m in New York, I like to check out the Museum of Sex to see what they’re up to. They were recently running a Betty Dodson exhibit, and Betty is a legend in the realm of sex-positive feminism, so I knew I had to check it out.

mb and I went together and spent a few hours perusing the entire exhibit as well as the others on offer. We saw so many things: vulva paintings, robots fucking, up-close masturbation videos, cunnilingus sketches, a Whack-a-Mole-esque game involving jerking off dildos in a fake bathroom stall, and lots more. Should you ever find yourself in New York, I would recommend putting the Museum of Sex on your itinerary, if just because the sex shop in their lobby is as well-curated as the museum itself!

What I’m wearing:

• Purple “The Morning After” T-shirt – Threadless (I am normally somewhat squicked by both vomit and clowns but for some reason this shirt fills me with glee)
• High-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• Apple Watch on a rainbow striped band

October 29, 2021

I was feeling truly uninspired when trying to come up with a Halloween costume (I mean, I’m in my late 20s during a pandemic, so maybe that’s par for the course). But I had recently re-watched The Notorious Bettie Page, a perennially inspiring biopic of the late great pinup model, and had felt (as I always do when I watch that movie) a pang of desire to cut my hair into her signature style. I just don’t have the energy to iron my bangs pin-straight on a daily basis, though, so I figured it made more sense to dress as her for Halloween.

Bettie doesn’t really have a signature outfit, per se – her most famous photos show her in everything from lingerie to bikinis to fetishwear to leopard-print bodysuits. So I decided to keep it classic and wear the type of sexy black dress she would’ve worn, paired with some period-appropriate heels and, of course, this terrific wig. I don’t know if anyone really knew who I was at the house party we went to, but whatever, I felt and looked cute as hell!

What I’m wearing:

• Bettie Page wig – a brand called Difei on Amazon (it came with a wig cap and a pair of false lashes!)
• Black wiggle dress – Grace Karin (the same brand that made my wedding dress, incidentally)
• Black mary-jane pumps – J. Adams (surprisingly comfortable)