Sometime last year, I got the kind of email that sex bloggers hope for, pray for, live for. It was an email offering me an item that was not only free, but weird.
The company in question produces and sells adult dolls, and they were reaching out to offer me one of my own – no strings attached. Apparently they had made a surplus of dolls for a recent film shoot and now thought they might as well try to distribute them as promotional samples. Despite living in a tiny apartment already bursting with my possessions, I was elated. This felt like the pinnacle of my entire life as a sex writer. What’s cooler than being offered a free life size sex doll?
This act of generosity didn’t end up coming to pass – the company ghosted me, as so many do – but for those few hopeful days, I thought a lot about what I would actually do with a sex doll. I don’t have a dick to stick inside her, and the thought of fucking a silicone doll with a strap-on cock doesn’t exactly thrill me. But, when I managed to set aside the potential creepy factor, I still viscerally wanted that vapid blonde to be propped up on a chair in my room, peering at me, keeping me company. Why?
Here are a few fun things one could do with a sex doll other than fucking its orifices…
Play dress-up. I mean, this is the obvious one for a femme comme moi. I haven’t entirely grown out of my youthful, Barbie-influenced desires to put cute outfits on beautiful, inanimate human facsimiles. Just as you might swap out certain decor elements in your home to mix things up from time to time, I could put my doll in different outfits to suit my mood on any given day. She could be like a sartorial mascot of my bedroom, setting the tone for the day with her ensemble du jour.
Kinkspiration. As I’ve told you before, my Sir and I are entranced by the idea of using erotic hypnosis to make me think I’m a sex doll. Of course, you don’t need an actual doll to be present for this activity – that’s kind of the entire point – but I did request that my partner show me some photos of sex dolls before and during the trance induction to give me a mental image of what I’m aiming for. Having a sexy real sex doll right there in the room with us would be even better! I could observe her up close and get a more concrete sense for how she occupies space, thereby enabling me to be a better doll when the time came.
Exhibitionism. I’m sort of interested in being watched during sex in theory, but in practice I don’t seem to like it that much. It makes me too anxious and self-conscious, which I’m sure is common. For that reason, I think having a sex doll in the room could be a kind of happy medium – I could suspend my disbelief enough to imagine someone was peering at us from the shadows, without needing to actually contend with the anxiety this would produce if the voyeur was human. One step at a time, you know?
Pictures. Would I look cute kissing a sex doll? Or kneeling between her legs? Or sitting on her face? I don’t particularly think so, but my partner probably would. ‘Nuff said.
Practice. There are a lot of physical kink and sex skills one could practice on a sex doll – flogging, face-slapping, foot worship – but I am thinking mainly of more cerebral ones. For example, I want to work on my dirty talk, especially in a more dominant mode than I’m used to, and practicing by speaking aloud into my empty bedroom doesn’t always cut it. Gazing into the eyes of a doll – however vacant and constructed they might be – would at least approximate the oft terror-inducing experience of saying filthy words to someone’s face. And then maybe I could ramp up to addressing an actual person that way, someday.
What would you do with a sex doll, if you owned one, besides fuck it?
This post was sponsored by the folks at sexdollmarts.com, where you can buy premium sex dolls customized to your specifications (fun!). As always, all writing and opinions are my own.