September 15th, 2024
What does one even wear for an international journey lasting 12+ hours?! I’m an overanalytical femme, so I thought about this question for way too long while gearing up for my recent trip to Berlin. Is it gauche to wear what basically amounts to pajamas in a public place like an airport or airplane? And if so, do I even care?
In this case, I decided that comfort mattered more than respectability. Travel makes my fibro symptoms flare up like nothing else – plus, I had just received these delightfully soft lounge pants in the mail, so why not wear ’em, decorum be damned?!
I was a very very lucky girl and had a business-class ticket for the longest leg of the trip (first time I’ve ever flown not-economy, wheee!), so my seat could recline fully flat when I wanted to sleep. With the hood of my cashmere hoodie pulled up over my head, my trusty Nidra Deep Rest mask over my eyes, and the airline-provided blanket and pillow swaddling me, I got a better night’s sleep than I ever dreamed possible on a plane. I have probably been ruined for all future flights… 😅
What I’m wearing:
• Black cashmere hoodie – a gift from my spouse’s parents
• Pink T-shirt with a dominatrix on it – the gift shop at the Leather Archive in Chicago
• Black/pink/blue heart-print lounge pants – MeUndies (I think you get 40% off if you buy through that link, btw!)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade Perry satchel
• Apple Watch with navy leather Hermès band – both gifts from my spouse
September 17th, 2024 (day)
This was my first day attending the work event that I’d been flown to Berlin for, and I was really nervous to meet all these new people in a totally unfamiliar environment. Big “first day of school” vibes!! Accordingly, I intentionally chose an outfit that made me feel more confident, powerful, and outgoing – and it actually kinda worked! I made some cool new friends and felt more like myself than I normally do in anxiety-provoking situations. (The years of therapy probably helped, too…)
As with my recent trip to Portland, I’d decided to theme my entire Berlin wardrobe around a unified color scheme; this time, it was green, turquoisey-blue, and yellow. In these photos, you can see that I’m holding a yellow reporter’s notebook by Leuchtturm1917, a German brand, which I bought specifically for note-taking on this trip (nerd!), along with a limited-edition teal and yellow Lamy Safari pen. God, I love pretty-looking writing tools.
In the afternoon, we got to go on a walking tour of the history of sex in Berlin. Our tour guide, Jeff Mannes, is a wildly knowledgeable sex educator and social scientist; would highly recommend taking their tour if you’re ever in town! We learned so much, especially since Germany is largely considered the birthplace of sexology and has fascinating histories with regards to queerness and sex work.
What I’m wearing:
• Teal T-shirt – Torrid (it’s gonna become abundantly clear that I placed a big Torrid order right before this trip, haha!)
• Black/blue/green plaid leggings – Torrid (I love the way these look, and how comfy they are, but they ripped after a single wear, unfortunately)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather jacket (on my arm) – Danier Leather
• Yellow leather Kate Spade Perry satchel
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni
• Sex toy earrings – PleasurePunk (one of them is a Womanizer-style toy and the other is a rabbit vibe!)
• Apple Watch
• Name tag!
• …and a special shout-out to Paul Taylor for the fresh haircut
September 17th, 2024 (night)
I headed back to my hotel room to change, and caught up with my beautiful spouse mb, who was able to come spend the week in Berlin with me (yay!!). We got changed and went out for dinner with a big group at Knödelwirtschaft NORD, a place that specializes in traditional German dumplings called Knödel. They were delicious – pillowy, savory, comforting – and it was fun to share them with new pals while talking shop and gossiping about our lives.
Please observe, if you would, my new phone case (visible on the right side of the photo)! It’s by Bailey Hikawa and I am obsessed with it (thanks to May-Li Khoe for the recommendation!). I sometimes have issues with hand pain/weakness due to fibro, and have been known to get the dreaded “smartphone pinkie,” so I was intrigued by this phone case and how it helps you distribute the phone’s weight across multiple fingers more easily. It also functions as a stand, allowing the phone to be propped up at various different angles – perfect for watching videos in bed, setting the phone upright to face me while I’m working at my desk, etc. It’s also nearly the exact same shade of raspberry pink as the first gaming device I ever owned, a Game Boy Color my parents bought me when I was ~8, so this phone case feels sweetly nostalgic to me even though it’s new. (You can see mb’s new case from the same maker in these pictures as well – hers is the Nami and has a more flowy/rounded design.)
What I’m wearing:
• Red floral-print dress – H&M like 7 years ago
• White socks with rainbow hearts – gift from my mom I think?
• Black leather Chuck Taylor high-top sneakers
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – from the Zatchels Pride collection (this bag is really too small for my purposes, but damn is it ever cute!!)
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop on Etsy
• Apple Watch
September 18th, 2024 (day)
Primary colors ahoy! Day 2 of the work event had me feeling slightly less nervous, and yet, more nauseous… My fibro was flaring up harrrrd from travel stress, and I didn’t have access to my usual medicine over there (if ya know, ya know), so I was raw-dogging all the full-body pain and malaise. I tried to pick an outfit that would make me feel better mentally, without making me feel worse physically – hence the bralessness (bras of any kind are a total no-go for me during flare-ups) and the bright colors to lift my mood! Clearly they hadn’t kicked in yet when I took these dour-faced pictures, however…
I wore this to take notes on some informative presentations, and then to a Shibari workshop taught by KOR Berlin. It was a lovely, meditative experience, complete with a gorgeous live demo. I love kinksters so much.
What I’m wearing:
• Red tri-blend T-shirt with Lickability logo – gift from my spouse (it’s merch for their company!)
• Blue pleated tennis skirt with built-in shorts underneath (!!) – Zhanchtong
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Hitachi Magic Wand earrings – FUELifestyle on Etsy
September 18th, 2024 (night)
I changed into something more formal for the evening, because we were going to Tim Raue, which is ranked the 30th-best restaurant in the world and has 2 Michelin stars, so obviously I had to bring my A-game. (Uhh, have I mentioned that my spouse is a foodie?)
First, a group of us went to a local brewery called BRLO, where an experienced brewer taught us how beer is made. I had a glass of their Berliner Weisse and, damn – I’m not normally much of a beer gal, but that was one delicious sour!
And then was our fancy-ass dinner at Tim Raue. OMG. The menu incorporated a mix of Thai, Chinese, and Japanese flavors/ingredients/techniques, and was wildly good, a cavalcade of savory deliciousness. “A triumph,” as Starrina would say!
What I’m wearing:
• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop
• Apple Watch
September 19th, 2024 (day)
One of the places I really wanted to visit in Berlin was the Jewish Museum. My dad’s side of the family is Jewish, so I consider myself culturally Jewish if not religiously (I never had a bat mitzvah or anything), and I appreciate opportunities to feel more linked to that lineage. Knowing it would be an emotional experience, I skipped makeup entirely (it would just get cried off!), and I wore a scarf that my late Bubbie knitted for me. It was almost like having her there with me, holding my hand as I walked down hallowed halls of our ancestors’ histories.
Amazingly enough, there happened to be a sex exhibit on, which was all about Jewish views on sexuality, from queerness to gender-fuckery to menstrual sex to abortions. It was an extremely moving exhibit that left me with a lot to think about. The museum’s permanent collection is more focused on general Jewish history, including (of course) a lot of stuff about the Holocaust. The photos above were taken in the Garden of Exile, a work of architectural art unto itself, in which the ground is slanted, creating a sense of scary unsteadiness as you stumble between columns. It’s meant to evoke the feeling of uncertainty and disorientation that European Jews faced when they were driven from their homes during World War II.
Speaking of people being unjustly driven from their homes: I don’t know the museum’s official stance on Zionism, if it has one (there was a strange “Are you a Zionist?” flow-chart on one wall, which seemed to evade the question altogether of whether one should be a Zionist or not), so there were definitely times when it felt weird to read all these accounts of how the Nazis persecuted Jews, given how the Israeli government and military are now persecuting Palestinians to similar effect. If we’ve vowed to “never again” let anything like the Holocaust happen, then we must oppose genocide, in every instance – and seek to help those being targeted – even when we happen to share a religious or cultural background with the perpetrators. I wish (to say the least) that more of my fellow Jews understood this.
What I’m wearing:
• Yellow T-shirt – Torrid
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Green scarf – hand-knit by my late Bubbie
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Apple Watch
September 19th, 2024 (night)
What’s the best way to cheer yourself up after a day spent moping around the Jewish Museum? DESSERT FOR DINNER!!
…Okay, not exactly. On this night we went to Coda, a dessert-themed restaurant that has 2 Michelin stars and is currently ranked the 62nd best restaurant in the world. (Uhh, sorry for the many foodie brags in this post; I just think it’s amazing that my beloved takes me to so many ridiculously wonderful places, and I gotta yell about it sometimes!)
While they serve a full menu, including savory dinner options, Coda uses techniques and ingredients from the dessert world in all their dishes. Some of my favorites included a brioche donut stuffed with gouda and rutabaga, and a raclette-filled waffle dipped in kimchi powder and yogurt – but the real showstopper was an ice cream popsicle covered in caviar. I mean… what?! As a slut for all things salty-sweet, I was in heaven.
What I’m wearing:
• Navy skater dress – American Apparel
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Black leather Frye harness boots
September 20th, 2024
Living with fibromyalgia this past decade or so, I’ve come to value comfortable clothing more highly than ever before. So I was happy to find this dress at Torrid – it’s made of a super comfy cotton-spandex blend, has a 1950s-ish fit-and-flare silhouette without painfully constricting my midsection, and it even has pockets! I ended up wearing this same dress on my 8-hour return flight to Toronto a few days later, in fact, because it made me feel more presentable than the pajamas-esque flight outfit at the top of this post, but was every bit as comfortable.
I rocked this dress for many hours on this day as well. After a brief stop at the beautifully airy Concierge Coffee, we made our way over to the Schwules Museum – a.k.a. the Gay Museum. Yes, it’s a museum about gayness. Of COURSE we had to go!! Its current main exhibition is about sex work, and I loved it. We had already learned a bit about the history of sex work in Germany on our walking tour earlier in the week, but this exhibit was more focused on the present-day sex workers of Berlin, their struggles, and their joys. It was lovely to see.
After that, we set out to walk to Other Nature, a queer/feminist sex shop. Along the way, we happened to pass by the BRLO brewery again, and mb hadn’t been able to come with me on my previous visit there, so we stopped at their beer garden to have a drink in the sunshine – absolutely perfect. We also used their photobooth machine while we were there, because of course we did.
Then, at Other Nature, I was able to buy a German copy of my own book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do (a.k.a. Kinky Things, Prickelnde Spiele für 101 Nacht), which was surprisingly emotional for me! I knew that my publisher had printed the book in German, but had never really had a reason to own a German copy, but of course I wanted to buy one while I was in Germany – and it was cool to get it from the exact kind of shop that I most enjoy seeing my work carried at. 🥰 In the evening, we went to Rutz, the only restaurant in Berlin that has 3 Michelin stars, for a dinner that was – as you might imagine – transcendent.
What I’m wearing:
• Green A-line dress – Torrid
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch
September 21st, 2024
By our last full day in Berlin, I was feeling pretty worn down by all my fibro symptoms, and just wanted to dress for comfort… hence this braless-tee-tucked-into-jeans ensemble. After a great breakfast at Frühstück 3000 (I’m still thinking about their potato terrine), we went shopping for fetishwear at a store called Schwarzer Reiter, which translates directly to “Black Rider.” It very much reminded me of stateside fetish shops I’ve loved, like the Leather Man in New York and Northbound Leather in Toronto.
After that, we went to a museum called the Topography of Terror for their audiovisual guided tour, which told the story of Hitler’s rise to power, the horrors of the Holocaust, and its grim aftermath. Sounds bleak – and it was – but it was also thoughtfully curated and sensitively presented, and felt cleansing and cathartic for me to attend. And of course, I had my love there, holding my hand, during all the hardest parts.
What I’m wearing:
• Bright yellow Beatles T-shirt – Torrid
• Black high-waisted jeans – Madewell (a gift from mb a few years ago)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather (featuring several enamel pins, including one with the German and Canadian flags intertwined, because someone back home had told me that Germans might treat me less warmly if they mistook me for an American, lol!)
Have you ever been to Berlin? What places/activities would you recommend there? And what did you WEAR?!